Written by Funmi Akingbade
For many months now, questions have rolled in from various couples asking for what to do to enjoy maximum sex. So today, we shall be studying the technicality for maximum sexual enjoyment. Sexual technicality is simply the act of treating your spouse in a very special way during sex to enhance his or passion for sex. In other words, sexual technicality is following a sexual and sensual pattern.
First, there must be a proper preparation if sex must be enjoyed. Careful groundwork is essential; preparation begins long before bedtime as sex starts by breakfast and not by bedtime. The first homework is to settle any known or foreseen quarrel as soon as possible. Get ready for sex with a positive mind-set. Many times, couples find it difficult to have good sex because of life challenges but I have observed that if couples always wait for a perfect life situation for sex, they might not find one. So a positive mind-set for any sexual eventuality is very important.
At any given time, filth, lack of neatness, unclearness and poor sense of orderliness have ruined many anticipated sexual thoughts. You must be neat and clean, and at the same time be seductively attractive and sexually appealing. Oral, armpit, vulva and penis hygiene should be well observed, especially when the penis is uncircumcised. The pubic hair should be well shaved to avoid sharp coarse ends that will cause irritation on the skin of your spouse. As simple as this appears, it has ruined good, passionate sex and made some men to develop quick ejaculation while some wives have to apply hot water for healing. Complete sensitive neatness is one of the guiding rules for successful lovemaking. Much good sex has turned out to be a nightmare just because of some offensive odour from the genitals. Since sometimes sex might be unpredictable, it is important to brush the mouth twice daily especially while retiring at night. This is very important because if there is a need to use your tongue on each other, the mouth must be brushed to prevent infection. Many couples contact some form of toilet disease just from unwashed mouth, because the same bacteria responsible for toilet disease are mostly also found in the mouth.
The bed should be laid with clean or new bed spread. Old, stinking bed spreads are turn off. Get enough privacy; make sure doors are well locked as this prevents the mind from roaming on and off to the door side. At no given time should spouses disapprovingly take off each other’s clothes in an offensive, rough manner. It is important that both husband and wife slowly undress each other. This is an exciting part of the technique and the moment this is well in place, the best part of good groundwork has been achieved. As a matter of fact, these particular habits mostly usher in the love play.
Couples should lay themselves bare to one another by letting their partners know their sensitive areas and point of triggers. For majority of ladies, it is the clitoris, the breast, especially the nipples and let him know that it takes time before your sexual organs respond, especially the clitoris. Make him kiss and use his tongue to caress your breast, your nipples, neck, gently and lovingly, then later your genitals. As this goes on, the nipples get erect and the clitoris increases in size. Caressing should not be done in a hurried way. Take enough time to fully enjoy each other! It is important to understand the timing in lovemaking. There should be a gradual building up and intensifying of emotions and sensations. Do not stop or let up the stimulation once it begins, but continue in an ever-increasing manner of arousal.
Basically, the whole body of a loving couple is an erotic zone. For the man, the nape of the neck, the back of the ear, the breast, the armpit, the navel, the inner parts of the thigh, the groin, the pubic hair, the shaft of the penis and the eye of the penis are their most sensitive areas. All these should be kissed tenderly or caressed gently with the hand and tongue of the wife. If the man’s skin is too dry, you can get a bottle of baby lotion and seductively rub both bodies; it will send sexual signals to the whole body. The female erotic zone include the base of the neck, the base of the hair, the lips, the armpit, the breasts especially the nipples, the tummy, the navel, the inner parts of the thigh, the pubic hair, the clitoris, the lips of the vagina and the inner parts of the vagina.
All these could be tenderly touched and caressed with the man’s hands or the tongue. Caressing various areas of your partner’s body shows an interest in the whole person.
In foreplay, the husband and the wife should talk freely with themselves. They should tell each other what they want. While caressing one another without a rush, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs apart so that the man will be able to gently play with her genitals. As her husband caresses her, she in turn plays with his nipple, the shaft of his penis, the eye of the penis, the scrotum (some men like it when their scrotum is fondled with).
A wife should lovingly participate actively in caressing, kissing and fondling with her husband’s body. While doing this, she in turn becomes excited and produces fluid that helps lubricate her vagina and makes entry of the penis easy. If the wife has a dry vagina, she may either use artificial lubricant or use her tongue to lubricate the tip of her husband’s penis before the husband enters her. This makes thrusting in and out very easy and painless. Alternatively, she may lovingly tell her husband to use his own tongue to lubricate her vagina since the mouth is always wet with saliva. However, this must be done under very high mouth hygiene.
Husbands, most wives love the inner part of their vagina to be caressed with their husband’s finger. Wives are advised to tell their husbands their sexual preferences and not be shy about it. But care must be taken by the husbands not to get the wives infected with dirty and un-kept fingernails. While the husband is ‘fingering’ his wife, the wife should give him loving direction on how she would love to be caressed. The ‘fingering’ should be directed towards the location of the clitoris to get it stimulated and excited. Husbands should note that the clitoris should not be rubbed too hard; vigorous rubbing always turns the woman off. Wives should tell their spouses exactly what they want without fright or guilt.
I tell husbands that most African men do not know where the clitoris of their wives are located and when they invariably discover it, they caress it as if they are removing coal from the back of a stained cooking pot.
As love play continues, your excitement will grow. Both of you will begin to breathe rapidly and your whole body will become warm. The wife’s vagina will increase in size and the husband’s penis will become harder, stronger and enlarged; and if this continues, without any interruption, the couple will reach the point where the vagina will be ready to welcome the penis for any form of thrusting in and out. Whichever way couple want it at this time, the vagina is over-prepared to receive any form of jacking, thrusting and hitting. This is because the vagina is not only lubricated enough, it has also developed capacity against any shocking hitting. It has reinforced itself and ready for any eventuality, so to say.
The three most important things to note during love play is to remember to talk freely, not to be in a hurry and be sensitive to what turns your spouse on and to avoid what turns them off. Then shortly after this, lengthy thrusting in and out either of the spouse or one after the other or both at the same time will enter into a readiness state. This is when the excitement level of either or both partners is very high and near eruptive expression otherwise called orgasm.
Man’s speed in reaching orgasm is very fast; it ranges between 15-20 seconds while that of the woman is really slow between 20- 30 minutes or thereabout. This is so because the female arousal involves a longer psychological build up. And they are more likely to be distracted than men. For instance, a lady can be distracted during lovemaking by the cry of a baby or the smell of a burnt food, or the sound of downpour of rain or the fear of another baby or the thought of a sick mother. These distractions make it difficult for most wives to keep their minds on track and reach orgasm on time. With this understanding, it is preferable that love play should begin well over time with the woman. Wives should boldly and gently tell their husbands to take the lead by kissing, fondling and caressing them long before his own arousal; may be 20-25 minutes before the husband comes in. Nevertheless, the wife too, must learn to be focused sexually and master her arousal and response; she can then easily reach orgasm on time. But due to circumcision, it may be difficult for some wives to experience orgasm.
The husband can know if his wife is about to experience orgasm because there will be an increase in the size of the vaginal lips, there will be an increased wetness in the lips of the vagina. She may or may not express some unusual sound of pleasure or movements of the body. The husband can increase the speed of his thrusting as he is aware that he too will soon ejaculate. One of the most pleasurable sexual feelings for wives apart from the final orgasm is to feel her husband thrusting in and out in her well-lubricated vagina.
Orgasm is the wonderful feeling of the highest excitement. When couples reach this level of excitement, they feel a tremendous, incredible, fantastic, terrific, pleasure surging through their whole body for about 10 seconds. For the wives, this pleasurable feeling begins in her clitoris and spreads to her entire body. During this time, she breathes rapidly, makes some sounds that show her extreme pleasure and contentment. This expression is not compulsory but this exhibited feeling by wives gives their husbands a sense of triumph. The same feeling goes on in the body of the husband for about 10 seconds after which he ejaculates with serial jerking.
When some men want to forcefully continue thrusting in and out, they usually experience pain. It is always advisable to wait for about 15 to 20 minutes or thereabout before another stimulation and erection before another round.
Although some unsatisfied women get turned off by this waiting, the best remedy for this section is for the husband to either leave his penis inside the wife’s vagina or immediately, start ‘fingering’ his wife, caressing the clitoris until the wife reaches her orgasm while the penis is still taking its time.