|Written by Bosede Ola-Samuel - Nigeria|
It's been suggested that one in every four women will have problems reaching orgasm at some stage in their life, and 25-35 per cent may never have experienced orgasm before. It is not uncommon for women to have difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse. In fact, an estimated 70 per cent of women don't ever have penetrative orgasms.
For many women, the problem is inability to reach orgasm during penetration but not with other forms of stimulation. Such women may find that changing their sexual position will help. The common man-on-top position rarely provides adequate clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm, but some women find that if they are on top, then orgasm is easier. However, for some couples, the way their bodies fit together means that it won't ever be possible without some extra stimulation from a finger.
To the woman
If you can't reach orgasm during any form of stimulation, particularly if you have never achieved orgasm, then the first thing you need to do is work out what's causing the problem.
There are very few medical reasons why a woman can't reach orgasm but if you have a diagnosed neurological, vascular or hormone problem, then check with your doctor. The problem could be a side effect of medication and very occasionally, pelvic surgery can cause nerve damage and loss of sensation.
The most common physical cause is a lack of adequate stimulation. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. The second most common factor is tiredness or general illness. Our bodies need to be in general good health in order to enjoy sex.
Many women experience a range of psychological problems that make orgasm elusive. The most common is known as "spectatoring." When an orgasm seems to be taking for ever, many women detach from what's happening and become orgasm watchers. Anxiety increases and rather than enjoying the moment, they're getting increasingly impatient with themselves.
Another thing that affects female orgasm is stress. If she is stressed and thinks of problems, sex will not work. Relationship problems are also a major contributor to sexual dissatisfaction. If there is unresolved tension with your partner, then your physical relationship will inevitably suffer.
Sexual make-up of women
Not understanding the sexual make-up of women can also be a hinderance in female orgasm. Men need to know that women are not as they are. Men are immediately stimulated by sight but women are not. They need more time. They need the right atmosphere, some romance; sometimes soft music can help.To get her to desire you and want to have sex, you have to court her, so that she feels like an attractive woman, and not like a service provider. Men can often make up a quarrel by making love, but women need to feel that the relationship is good first, in order to feel the desire. She needs to get in the right mood. Her man can be helpful and give her a lot of care and appreciation.
Some women find they are easily distracted from what's going on, worrying about things to be done or worrying about how their body looks to their partner. Negative sexual messages from the past can leave a woman feeling uncomfortable about being sexually aroused or fearful of losing control.
The truth is, most women will not achieve orgasm through an ordinary genital sexual intercourse. And men often are tired after their orgasm. Because of this, it may be best to ensure that the woman has an orgasm before the man. She will still be excited afterwards, and will enjoy his orgasm.
A word to men
Making love is a slow process for a woman and you may have to start many hours in advance, by fondness, and attention from the man she loves. Women need a much longer foreplay than men. Start by whispering sweet words in her ear and fondling her all over her body, but not in the genital area. Be sensitive, all the time, to what she likes and what she wants to hear.
Do not fondle the genital area until she is ready (use lubricating gel, which you can buy in a drug store). You need to have patience. She may not get an orgasm until after 20 minutes or more. And sometimes it will not work, even if you do everything right. You need to love her anyway.
When orgasm is not Fothcoming
Women can enjoy sex even if they do not get an orgasm. They enjoy the nearness and intimacy, the fondling and the feeling of love and desire. A request from the man that she must have an orgasm can be a problem for the woman. In spite of this, her husband should try to learn to satisfy her. A woman who has never had an orgasm may be able to learn this by practice. Her chances of succeeding are higher if she has a partner who is responsive to her needs.
In response to my readers' request, I have packaged some of my previous articles into a book with the title: ENJOYING GREAT SEX LIFE. You can call me on 08112658560 for the book.