Written by Funmi Akingbade - Punch, Nigeria.
There are two types of people who typically fail to reach their full sexual potential in marriage relationship; the category of people that think that they are already so fantastic in bed that there is no room for further improvements and the category of people that think they will never be fantastic in sexual matters and so do not bother trying to improve on anything anymore. But I can assure you that if only you can be smart enough to know that great sex between couples requires a good deal of knowledge and skill and the more you learn the more you become a better sex partner either as a fantastic lover or a boring, unexciting, and uninterested one. Either way, both categories can start the year with hot passionate sexual appeal and charm for the other partner. So, let’s get started by taking a realistic approach with these understated rules:
Rule No 1; couples should note that the best sex usually occurs when married couples care about and trust each other enough to get creative, hot and relax. When married couples are not expressing themselves sexually, they are not living their marital life to the fullest. Sex stimulates couples physically and mentally. It makes them healthier, it’s terrific exercise, it relieves stress and it enhances deep non-medicinal sleep. It creates feelings of intimacy. In short, with your spouse, sex is just delicious, good, clean and perfect.
Rule No 2, don’t wait to be turned on, turn on yourself by taking the lead and spicing things up. This is done by seeking and giving pleasure to your spouse. The more you think about sex the more ragging it becomes when you give it, the more the demand and the sexier you become and the cycle is unending.
Rule No 3; never see kissing and caressing as only a part of foreplay or love play, NO! Kissing and erotic caressing should be part of every sexual activity; from the outset of foreplay to minutes after orgasm; ragging sexual encounter should not have any kind of fixed but bombshell schedule and experience. Spouses should not assume that wives never enjoy hysterical and hyperactive, high-energy sex or that husbands never like the slow romantic kind of sex. It may surprise you to know that the 20th century wife enjoys sex because it feels good and also helps to get her emotionally connected to her husband, while many husbands enjoy sex as much for the intimacy and for the physical pleasure.
Rule 4; in ragging sexual positions, one partner should not be in control, interchangeably the wife can control the thrusting in and out of the penis as much as the husband. So, when you deliberately make sex a team work, you can imagine what you have in stock for each other for the rest of the year. In other words the sexual techniques and position a couple will choose at the beginning of the year have everything to do with the kind of sex they will be enjoying for the rest of the year. Couples’ sexual encounter is not the right place for the husband to claim he is the head of the family, that he must always take the lead, control the lead, dictate in the lead. NO! If you adamantly do this, you have successfully destroyed the beautiful gift of sex between you and your wife and turned the wife to a rigid, frigid, uncooperative legally raped partner under the law of marriage.
Rule 5; make sure the sexual process is igniting in variation and in duration. You can start off by flirting with each other [even if you are 20 years old in marriage]. Flirting turns on partners and helps to communicate that fact to your spouse in a way that will get him or her fired up as you are. Then progress on to whispering into your spouse’s ear that you want to desperately get him or her naked and follow it up by planting a tasty French kiss [make sure you brush] on his or her lip in the corner of the kitchen, on to either pulling her panties aside and sliding the penis in or hastily taking off her panties completely in one quick move with your penis securely, tightly, strongly stationed into her vagina and scooping her breasts up by pulling the cups below the nipples to make them stand for attention [one of the advantages of this is it helps to push a sagged, wilted and dropped breast up and firm as if it is naturally compacted] and then hurriedly go for one fast round while busy sucking the erected nipple at the same time standing up against the refrigerator for a good support; then for variation you can gradually start moving leisurely from room to room giving a good hand-job and beautiful fingering techniques that will make either of you see stars. One of the tricks of sudden sexual exposés on your spouse in unusual places [though secure from the third party] is that it usually helps to instantly end a sexual crack and friction in relationship. Ragging, passionate sex helps married couples to make the most of their intimate surroundings. The sweetest of this all is, having sex standing up; with the husband entering from behind and the wife bent over a solid piece of furniture, and because this position allows for deep penetration, it is an advantage to husbands with small penis. Because the woman is in a bent position already which will help shorten the length of her vagina, the husband must try as much as possible to stimulate the clitoris for mutual climaxing. The only disadvantage of this beautiful experience is when husband can’t boast of good erection and ejaculation…
Rule 6: Let the value, worth and benefit of sex be the top reasons for each encounter with your partner, because your value system affects your overall thinking pattern. When the validity of sex is well embraced by married couple, it will be very easy for each partner to give a passionate sex to the other knowing fully that the giver is the principal benefactor.
Sex is one of the natural ways of lowering high blood pressure and overall stress reduction both in man and woman. In particular, it reduces the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men. Couples that have regular trilling sex have a better response to stress than those who engage in abstinence.
In summary, sex improves cardiovascular health. As a matter of fact, diastolic blood pressure regulates more immediately after a good orgasm, than mere compulsory obligatory sex. Women in particular enjoy a double effect of good heart condition when they receive seductive hugs after good sex. Having sex once or twice in a week boosts immunity and thirty minutes of ‘pant down’ erotic sex burns excessive calories.
It is certain that having sex and orgasm increases levels of love hormones called oxytocin. But startlingly enough, sex that ends with lots of hugs for pre-menopausal women with their husbands does not only increase the level of oxytocin, it also helps to increase bond between couple. It builds trust and boosts the self-esteem of these premenopausal wives.
Researchers have proofs that when men in their late 20s have frequent ejaculation via sexual intercourse, they have better chances of reduction in prostate cancer. For many people who find it difficult to sleep, a trial of having sex immediately before bed-time has helped many to sleep peacefully better because the oxytocin released during orgasm is a sleep promoter.
Rule 7: You must become a scholar of your partner’s sexual zones. Do you know that there are seven erogenous zones that are hot at any given time? At pregnancy, breastfeeding time, extreme stressed period and even at full-blown erectile dysfunction cases. They are the nipples of both spouses, the breast of your spouse, the earlobes of both spouses, the groin of both spouses, the penis and scrotum of the man, the vulva of the woman, the clitoris of the woman, the not-open-to-discussion ‘G spot’ of the woman. Even if no other places responded to your touches, these ones are ever-ready-to-stimulation-sure-spots.
Don’t forget to talk softly, slowly and don’t forget to ask sweetly: “how does this feel? Does it make you want more? What would make you feel I should do this again and again. What if I caress less or more?”
Remember, it is very rewarding when you know, admit, and value sexual peaks.
Rule 8: You should openly discuss your sexual peaks. It enhances ragging sex, most men reach their sexual peak in their late teens or early twenties. Most women reach theirs a decade or more later. Often when a woman is in her thirties and forties, her sexual desire becomes stronger, sometimes insatiable. Moreover, as a man ages, his emotional side increases. Through each stage, couples grow and learn more about each other and become more patient and sensitive to each other’s needs. This is God’s blessing to us, because it allows a couple’s sex life greater longevity and duration.
Rule 9: It is very important to recognise the different kinds of sex. So often, couples feel the pressure to have “perfect” sex – complete with earthquake, fireworks, and multiple orgasms. It is not every time you have sex that there will be a “bell ringer” and that is okay, because you are both connecting. Sometimes, sex will be a quickie to meet the need of the moment. Sometimes, it could be functional sex or just sex. Sometimes, when you are not in the mood, you could have it simply because your spouse needs you at that moment. Sometimes, it may be comfort sex. When life has brought devastation, the only comfort and security you find is in the arms of your spouse as a lover. You will be ahead when you understand that the different kinds of sex points to the ultimate reason for sex: the relationship. The goal is not whether you end with a climax. The goal is that you are connecting as a couple.
Rule 10: Don’t forget to communicate what type of sex you need at a particular time. It takes the couples off from being just friends but very close friends. If you think you are going to have a quickie and your spouse is expecting a long, passionate encounter, both of you will probably end up frustrated. Clarify your expectations. Women need to prepare mentally for sex. If a wife knows she is headed for quickie sex, she can mentally prepare for that, including the realisation that she may not climax. Most of the time, a woman will still enjoy sex, even if she does not have the same outcome as her husband.
Rule 11: Have your spouse’s sexual triggers on your fingertips; we often joke about his-and-hers triggers. Usually, we say that men have one sexual trigger: everything. Women are a bit more complex. Though, seriously, because men are more visually stimulated, a man can become aroused by seeing his wife naked, undressing, or wearing something provocative. Typically, women are not that way. Therefore, a husband needs to discover what his wife’s sexual triggers are.
A wife may be a “touch me” girl: she likes hugs and caresses. She may be a “tell me” girl: she likes affirmation and verbal foreplay. She may be “listen to me and share with me” girl: she opens up after connecting with her husband through conversation. She may be a “doing” girl: she appreciates it when he picks up messes and helps with house work. She may be a “spiritual food” girl: she becomes open to sex after connecting with him through prayer, reading scripture, and discussing spiritual matters.
Rule 12: Never ignore the fine art of admiration, there is a part of each of us that likes it when our mate is happy with our performance, insight, or advice. We long to hear, “You did a good job,” or “You’ve worked so hard this week; I want to take you out for dinner, so you don’t have to cook.”
Sincere verbal appreciation motivates us. Overwhelm your spouse with appreciation, and watch ragging sexual desire increase.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Does masturbation have the same health benefits as sex?
I am married to a very beautiful lady but I am a frequent traveller. I travel most of the time without her because she has to take care of our little kids and make sure that their education is not interrupted. I find out that in most of my trips, I am sexually tempted, harassed and pressured but because I love my wife and we do have good sex, I resort into masturbation to ease myself while away from her. But recently, I discovered that I now prefer to masturbate rather than have sex with her. This is becoming so embarrassing and I shared with a friend who assured me that it is not a big deal. He said masturbation has same health benefits as sex, I want your opinion.
No, it does not! Study has shown that sex has all sorts of benefits for men ranging from regulating the blood pressure to stabilising the heart beat, enhancing prostate health, to reducing body pain, and more. But masturbation does the opposite; it destroys all that.
Sexual ejaculation is more heart-warming, emotion-bonding than ejaculation during masturbation. Even the semen composition released during sex has better motility, healthier appearance than the one released during masturbation. While sex boosts the health of the prostate, masturbation destroys it. Frequent, addictive and rough masturbation destroys the tiny arteries and veins of the penis, numbs the nerves ending of the penis and usually leads to forcefully bending of a normal erect penis [this abnormal bending of the penis always creates pain for the woman during thrusting in and out in sexual acts] and does rupture the chambers of the penis tissues leading to weak erection and premature ejaculation. Most masturbators gravitate towards becoming gay.
A woman’s satisfaction
I think a woman’s sexual satisfaction should depend upon her husband’s ability to bring her to orgasm.
No, not at all. Lots of studies have shown that many wives do not mention orgasm when asked about their most satisfying sexual experiences. Instead, they talk about feeling loved, passionate, happy, aroused, erotic and connected to their husbands.
How long do men typically take to reach orgasm?
My husband does not reach orgasm on time and this has caused quarrels upon quarrels between us. Sometimes, I even sleep off while waiting for him to come or climax. It takes ages and even when he finally climaxes, he would have drained all my energy for a second round of sex and cause me some pepperish pain all over my vagina. Is this normal? How long do men typically take to reach orgasm?
Mrs. Comfort Okopo
Between seven to 10 minutes on the average, but this also depends on if he is just starting off having sex or how he has trained himself over the years. Also, the level of his expertise, his know-how, his skill, his proficiency and capability and the type of sex he is involved in at a particular time. The climaxing or orgasm in the first round of sex differs from the second round’s and the third round and so on. But you must bear it in mind that as men age, they may need more stimulation to reach orgasm.
Reasons for this can be because of lower levels of testosterone, side effects from some drugs, and health problems. However, he may also be suffering from abnormal or delayed ejaculation which will need a sex therapist or neurologist attention. Still there is no age limit on having a satisfying sex life.
Which type of coffee increases the woman’s libido?
Funmi, which type of coffee increases the woman’s libido? Is it the black caffeinated one or the decaffeinated? Should it be just black or mixed with milk? My wife has no libido at all and efforts made to make her have it have failed.
Actually, coffee is one of the world’s most popular pick-me-ups, and it works- at least in the short-term. This is because caffeine steps up the body’s metabolism temporarily, improving mental focus and energy and makes people hyperactive. With or without milk, caffeinated or not, it works for some people and does not work for others. A trial will do no harm but not frequently.
If I have low libido, is it the same as erectile dysfunction?
No, not at all. Low libido isn’t the same as erectile dysfunction.