Written by Funmi Akingbade -PUNCH, Nigeria
One of the major bones of contention between married lovers is the timing for sex. It appears there is never a bad time to have sex, be it in the morning, afternoon or night, and being one of the most pleasurable activities in marriage, the truth is sex has no definite time or venue before it can be enjoyed. Why is it that men want sex and are ready to go for it first thing in the morning while women often want to get in the mood late in the evening? However findings by some scientists have shown that men want it more in the morning, while women want it at night. The researchers attributed men's early morning desire to two things, their hormones and because sex could make their day better.
It is no news that normal sexually functional man usually wakes in the morning with an erection, (if by the age of 12 upwards, you do not experience morning erection, you need to call in for immediate natural cure) feeling passionate, which is occasioned by the testosterone hormone in their body, and since a hard-on is also instrumental to sex, that pleasurable act may just most times be lurking in their thoughts.
The study noted that a man's level of sex hormones is at the highest when he wakes up while a woman's is at the lowest. Notably, higher testosterone levels equal higher sex drive. Even though both men and women have testosterone, it is more present in men, known as the sex drive or male sex hormone. Even before a man opens his eyes in the morning, his level of testosterone is at its peak - between 25 per cent and 50 per cent, more than at any other time of the day. The pituitary gland in a man's brain which governs the production of the male sex hormone, has been switched on in the night and its levels have been rising steadily until dawn.
Hence, low testosterone levels among many other reasons can be linked to bad stress and a lack of sleep because good sleep boosts the level of the testosterone hormone in a man's body, which can often cause an erection and a tendency to make men more aggressive in pursuing sex. Women also make testosterone, but produce a fraction of the amount and it rises by only a tiny bit overnight, and it is also kept in balance by oestrogen and progesterone. Men only need a normal amount of testosterone to feel like having sex, and the raised levels in the morning means most men will wake with erections, which informs part of the reasons they want sex in the morning. Studies found that the longer, sweeter and deeper a man has slept, the higher his testosterone levels and getting more than five hours' sleep can raise the hormone levels by an extra 15 per cent. The male and female testosterone levels are at their highest at opposite ends of the day, so they are out of synch. While the hormones secreted during men's sleep at night trigger their sex-in-the-morning disposition, it takes more than hormones for women to be in the mood for sex, rather a woman's testosterone levels are likely to increase on the anticipation of sex with her husband.
Having this understanding, I think the best way to handle this contention is to adjust to one another. Marriage union is not necessarily a union of two great compatible lovers but rather adaptable and adjustable lover. So change your mind-set, change has been said to be the only thing that does not change when an individual wants to get a better result on any life issue. Married lovers must continually be creative and give room for change in order to enjoy an outstanding sex life, be it in the morning or any time.
In such moment of adjustment, be careful what you say when a wife says, "Is it in yet?" What the husband hears is, 'my penis size is so small she cannot even feel it. Am I not a man enough to satisfy her?' Instead, use your hands and put his penis deep inside your well-shaved vagina and whisper this to his ears, 'honey, although I am still feeling sleepy, get deep inside me, I am all yours. When a wife says 'is that how far you can go after waking me up?' what her husband hears is 'you are not good enough.' Instead, whisper lovingly to his ears and say 'job well done, now to the main meal. I cannot wait to feel how your hands will do wonders and justice to my clitoris and breasts this time around.'
While morning sexual intercourse might not be an Olympic display, your husband should at least earn an approving look and encouragement, knowing he is under the influence of testosterone and he will appreciate if you do not bruise his self-esteem. Change what you wear to sleep; what the eyes feed on is what the mind translates. If your husband's eyes constantly feed on 'old craggy house wear,' his mind will translate you into an 'old grandma in the village. Sex with grandma may not be the best even with raised testosterone. Change your look; men are attracted to sexy looks. Even at sixty, you can still look sexy. What looks does to his early morning erection is it kills it and when this goes on, over the time, he starts experiencing weak erection.
For the best of morning sex you desire, men should transform the way they make love to their wives. Many a times, a typical wife loves to satisfy her man with all sexual luxury, indulgence, delight, and treats available but she is neither under the influence of any hormones in the morning nor is sex in her thoughts. The following is how to prepare your wife's mind for incredible morning sex. If you do this right even halfway, her mind will prepare her body for an unforgettable morning. What do I mean? Change your words and actions positively to affect her mood. Her mood will affect her body. Once you get her going in the right direction, it gets easier as the morning goes on. So where do you start?
Start with waking her up early enough with some romantic gesture, don't just slap her legs to wake her up the way you are forcing an unyielding child out of bed romance. The secret to being romantic is to bathe a woman's mind with thoughtfulness, fun, tenderness and security, without smothering her or acting needy. All women have different personalities and expectations, so it is up to you to find out what your wife desires and what combination of romance works best with her. One woman may find it romantic for her husband to just stay awake a little before sex starts and listen to all her deepest fears while another may love you to help calm the baby before action. Don't just say 'go and give the baby to the maid and come here.'
Then put her in 'the mood.' This may not be a daily thing but in some mornings, this can be heavenly. So before some of your morning sex, you have to put your woman in the mood. This involves setting up the right kind of environment that will enhance her pleasure.
To put her in the mood, you should focus on creating an atmosphere that emphasises acceptance of her person, preference and sensitivity. In addition, please do not skip foreplay; it is one of the most important things to learn. Love play is all about how to make love to a woman. Well-designed foreplay is the best way to transit from a conversation to having sex. Typically, foreplay involves kissing, "heavy petting" and sensual massages. The rule of the game is to really focus on her pleasure and start building up its intensity. What arousal climaxing and ejaculation is to a man is what foreplay is to a woman. Foreplay is actually the sex women crave for more than the deep penetration. Once you have brought her to the pinnacle of pleasure from foreplay, you should start to have sex. Now, most husbands will just start rushing sex without any thought. This is a mistake! Next morning might not be feasible.
Instead of going right for sex, you should start to tease your wife. What you should do is go slowly and start to have sex, then stop. Keep doing this until she goes crazy and practically pulls you inside her. Now once you have started the thrusting in and out, it is important to change pace (and positions). Many wives moan from pain and not pleasure because they are kept on one position for long. Again, your focus as the husband is to concentrate on her pleasure and make sure she is really enjoying herself. What really works is to build up speed, then pull back to a slow and sensual pace. Keep doing this pattern until both of you cannot take it anymore.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
How can a husband help his wife ejaculate?
My wife says it has been a long time desire.
The feelings that accompany female ejaculation are not different from those that follow male ejaculation. It is characterised by the convulsive, rhythmic and pleasure giving release that follows male ejaculation. It is the way a woman's body reacts to the highest form of sexual pleasure. There are many ways a husband gets his wife to ejaculate. A particularly good way to get your spouse to be in this position is to get her to turn her hips a quarter of the way, with a pillow under her and her legs over your shoulders. This is what is described in some quarters as 'pillow tongue.' This is a clever way of ensuring that the clitoris is not subjected to constant, predictable pressure, which could make it retreat inside its hook. In using the tongue, couples must always remember that the underside of the human tongue does not have the moisture that the top has. Therefore, it is always better to alternate with the two. At times, too much familiarity, advancing age, work pressures, the challenges of raising a family, and household responsibilities may all conspire against female regular ejaculation. When couples make sex more playful, they will regain more sexual electricity and experience frequent female ejaculation.
My husband good but I still keep two other men
I am married. My husband is doing his best to satisfy me sexually but I must confess that in spite of his effort, I still keep two other men for sex. I have tried many times to stop it but the more I try the more I am drawn to them. They are not giving me financial favour but until I have sex with either of them in a week, I am not myself. Sometimes I even cry, but I still go back to them. They both are my ex before I married my husband. If I confess to my husband, I am not sure of his reaction. Can you explain my state?
Each time a man connects with a woman sexually and releases his sperm into her, he is actually releasing a part of himself into her, and he is actually leaving a part of his (DNA) in her. Even when she cleaned herself after the act, the truth is that a fragment of him remains in her inside. This imprint can often create a feel of sexual addiction to such individual.
When someone decides to have multiple partners, it can sometimes send mixed emotional signals within the body and soul of that fellow. Married couples must be careful of different energies or spiritual forces polluting their bodies through casual sex here and there. Sexual intercourse is actually an internal course that unites man and woman, spirit with spirit, soul with soul and body with body. This is something that a condom can't protect you against.
There is no such thing as "casual sex." Sex is an intimate activity that intricately links the soul of two people together. Sex creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved. These connections, imprints and debris are left on the minds, souls and spirits of the participants for a very long time even after the deed is done. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the reinforcement and the interaction of the bond will become, and all the more difficult it is for them to untangle and leave. In this case, your will is not very strong, I strongly believe you need a higher spiritual intervention; get a spiritual help.
Is this selfishness or what?
My husband and I have been through many things just to get a child of our own for the past 18 years. Finally I am pregnant and due for delivery in four months' time. The challenge we have now is that my husband is finding it sincerely difficult to stay off sex for the rest of the pregnancy period. Although we have never stayed a week apart without sex, since the inception of the pregnancy, I have ignored him. Few days ago, I caught him helplessly masturbating. Please, what position should we use while I am pregnant?
Were you under any medical reason not to have sex during the early period of pregnancy? If yes, he has to bear for the few remaining months and try and stop masturbating. If not, there are two suggestions you may apply. The rear entry style, where you lay on your sides with your buttocks against his stomach; then he can enter your vagina gently. This is good position during pregnancy because he will not have to press on your tummy. The only problem in this type of position is that his penis will not touch your clitoris. And if you want him to really enjoy himself and you also want to relish the act, make sure that while his penis is moving in your vagina, he should continually fondle your clitoris with his fingers until both of you have a happy ending. The sitting style is where he sits on a chair and you sit with one of your legs on each side of his body. Here, his penis does not actually have to enter your vagina deeply so as not to cause any harm, especially in the 8th and the 9th month. Listen, you have to show love to your husband; have sex often and make it exciting. That is how love grows in a relationship.