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When is sex ideal in pregnancy?

Written by Funmi Akingbade - Punch, Nigeria

 Funmi Akingbade
Pregnant women and their husbands often wonder if it's safe to have sex during pregnancy. Will it result in miscarriage? Will it harm the unborn baby? Are there sex positions to avoid? These and many more questions are going on in the hearts of many couples most especially those that have waited so long for pregnancy. It may surprise you to know that when a woman's pregnancy is normal, sex is a natural, normal part of pregnancy. Deep penis penetration won't harm the baby, who is protected by the woman's abdomen and the uterus' muscular walls. As a matter of fact, the baby is also cushioned by the amniotic sac's fluid.
More also, the contractions of orgasm some women experience while they climax are not the same as labour contractions. Although as a general safety precaution, it may be advisable for some women to avoid sex in the final weeks of pregnancy, because some hormones in the semen of the man called prostaglandins can stimulate contractions. One exception may be for women who are overdue and want to induce labour. This is because some doctors believe that prostaglandins in the man's semen actually induce labour in a full-term or past-due pregnancy, since the gel used to "ripen" the cervix and induce labour also contains prostaglandins. But other doctors believe this semen/labour connection is only theoretical and that having sex doesn't trigger labour.

However, it is safer not to have sex if the woman is susceptible to high-risk pregnancy or has a history of past miscarriages. There should be caution too when she is at risk of preterm labour, this is a contraction before 37 weeks of pregnancy. The woman should be careful too if she has vaginal bleeding, discharge, or cramping without a known cause, or when she notices that her amniotic sac is leaking fluid. When scan reveals that the woman is expecting twins, triplets, or other "multiples," she should exercise restraints.
Keep in mind, if your doctor says "no sex," that may include anything that involves orgasm or sexual arousal, not just intercourse.

Women have different experiences when they are pregnant, including how they feel about sex. For some, desire fades during pregnancy. Other women feel more deeply connected to their sexuality and more aroused when they're pregnant.

During pregnancy, it's normal for sexual desire to come and go as the pregnant woman's body changes. She may feel self-conscious, happy and in high spirit as her belly grows. Some women actually look and may feel sexier with larger, fuller pointed breasts. And many just want sex from the beginning of the pregnancy till the end. Desire differs absolutely, therefore it is expedient for wives to tell their husbands what they are feeling, what they want and what will work for them. Many times, there may be need for both partners to plan out comfortable, stimulating and arousal positions, especially later in pregnancy.
I usually tell expectant mothers to avoid lying flat on their backs in the "missionary position" for sex after the fourth month of pregnancy. That way, she can avoid the weight of the growing baby constricting major blood vessels; this is very important. One of the best ways to make sex more comfortable is to try lying sideways together or the wife might try positioning herself upright or sitting on top of her husband's laps facing him, or sitting on his tummy backing him.

The next question is how about sex after delivery; when, how soon and how long? Actually, the first six weeks after delivery are called the postpartum period. Sex during this time may be the last thing on the mind of the new mother. As a matter of fact, the sexual desire of many new mothers may decrease because of the healing from an episiotomy, the incision or cutting received during normal vaginal delivery, or healing from abdominal incisions after caesarean birth. Some couples stay off sex just because of the normal postpartum bleeding four to six weeks after birth. Many couples even stay off sex for as long as one year. Many new mothers are too tired for sex because of the fatigue after pregnancy and the birthing process coupled with the demands of the new-born.

The changing hormone levels is also a major sex piss off. Sex is a no no for some mothers because of the sore breasts from breastfeeding, or simple emotional issues, such as postpartum blues, anxiety over parenting, or relationship issues in the marriage. Whatever the case maybe, sexual relationship/intercourse is generally safe after incisions have fully healed. This healing usually takes several weeks.

I also advise couples to consult their personal or family doctors for their opinion and recommendations. Most doctors will ask new mothers to wait for at least six weeks after delivery before intercourse, while some will tell you to start having sex two weeks after delivery, adding that sex itself does a lot of healing to episiotomy or caesarean section. But it is equally very important for the mother to be emotionally ready, physically fit and heartily comfortable, and wholesomely relaxed given the realities and stress of early parenthood. It is also essential for couples to be very patient with each other. In many homes, it can take up to a year for couples to resume normal sex life just because of the new arrival.

Questions and Answers

My husband's big penis makes me bleed from anus

I notice that each time we make love, I always bleed and itch from my anus when I stand up or visit the toilet immediately. This started when I gave birth to my last child two years ago at the age of 48. I have applied local and orthodox medicine all to no avail. What can I do? Although my husband's penis is quite big, we mostly practise missionary position sex and nothing else. Is this as a result of his large penis? I need a way out.

Mariam Funsho
Your case may be that of hemorrhoids that you are not aware of. Because of your last pregnancy, you may have over-strained the pelvic area during your labour time, or you may have had a big baby or because you are close to 50 years now. The large penis of your husband may not be the cause, although at erection, it will definitely be larger but rather the pressure during deep thrusting in and out may stimulate increase blood flow to that area leading to breaking of some of the blood veins or arteries. Every individual has clumps of veins in and around the anus and the lower rectum can stretch and swell with pressure. When these veins get swollen or bulge, they are called hemorrhoids. They can be inside or just on the outside. They're usually not serious, but can sometimes hurt, itch, or bleed. One of the most common signs of hemorrhoids is painless bleeding — usually when you go to the bathroom. You might notice a little blood on the toilet paper or in the bowl. You may also have itching, pain, or tiny bulges around your anus.
Because there can be many reasons for these symptoms, see your doctor as soon as you notice any of them. That way, you can rule out other problem. The exact cause of hemorrhoids is not known but you could have them if you get constipated or have diarrhoea often, or strain to lift heavy objects or if you spend a lot of time in the toilet. Hemorrhoids are also more common as you get older and if you are overweight when pregnant or if your parents had them, you may get them, too.
Veins inside your rectum can grow large or swell. Even if they bleed, internal hemorrhoids usually don't hurt. Sometimes they can swell and stick out just outside your body. This is called a prolapsed hemorrhoid and can be painful or itch. Hemorrhoids can form just underneath the skin near your anus. These can also itch and hurt. They might bleed. What you eat can help prevent hemorrhoids or at least ease symptoms, such as high-fibre foods to soften your stool. Try to get more leafy vegetables, fresh fruits, beans, and whole-grain cereals; then make sure you drink lots of water to help prevent constipation and to make it easier to go to the toilet. Try the special "sitz baths" technique; this can be placed directly in your toilet seat. Hemorrhoids aren't a rare, strange condition. Men and women alike have them. It's only when they swell and cause problems that you realise they are there. About half of the people bleed, have pain, or other symptoms by the time they turn 50. Women may have them during pregnancy.

Can I suck the penis of a cancer patient?

My husband is undergoing chemotherapy treatment for prostate gland cancer. He is at the same time insisting I use my mouth on his penis but I feel it is not safe. What if I accidentally taste the cancer drug or cancer cell in his semen?

Cecilia Appiah
Even though the drugs that are used during chemotherapy are not excreted in semen, that could be dangerous. It is not safe to use your mouth on his penis while he is undergoing chemotherapy but using a condom on his penis might bail you out if he is insisting.

What is male multiple orgasm without ejaculation?

Most of my friends boast of multiple ejaculations without orgasm, what is this, can you explain?

Kurume Rendufu
Male multiple orgasms without ejaculation may be difficult to verify and may depend on the man's state of orgasm while orgasm is a state of sexual arousal. Male multiple orgasms without ejaculation occur when the valve on the prostate that switches on and off before urination and ejaculation is being controlled by the PC muscles. The PC muscle stops this valve from opening, allowing an orgasm without ejaculation. Men who report multiple orgasms without ejaculation are able to achieve orgasm- states before they hit the point of ejaculatory no-return. And such men report that strengthening the PC muscles through Kegel exercises allows them to get closer to this "point of inevitability" without cresting the mountaintop of ejaculation and descending into the gentle valley of the flaccid and the "refractory" period, where the penis is temporarily unresponsive to sexual stimulation.

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