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Q & A: She lured me into sex

Written by Kemi Ashefon - Punch, Nigeria

I am 32 and I met a girl when she came for training in my office. I never had any feeling for her during the three months. Suddenly, a mysterious affair just started and she lured me into having sex with her anywhere and even forcefully on my office chair! She stopped coming to the office for training but I continued with her like a drunk. I must have been under an influence but I came to my senses, fought with her and called off the affair after two months and two weeks. I thought she was out of my life but she sent her sister's husband to beg me and a month later, she told me that she was pregnant. I never denied paternity. That was six months ago. Honestly, I don't love her and she is not my taste in everything. In fact, I hate her but they are trying to force her on me. She is like a stigma in my life. Help! What do I do?

We all have to pay for our actions. You slept with her and even agreed the pregnancy is yours, so where are you running to? I think you should make your point known to this lady and her family- you can have the baby when it's born but let them have the lady. Mind you, you have to take care of her and her baby by sending money and other items. On the other hand, you could have a second thought and marry her but with this feeling of yours, she won't be happy. Never marry out of pity. It is a pointer to a divorce in future.

See how money ruined our love

I am 26 and dating a 23-year-old girl. We both loved ourselves dearly and her parents liked me. There was a time she fell ill and had a surgery. Then, I was not financially stable to pay and had to pay 20 per cent of the bill. Her parents could not afford it either and her sister lured her to collect money from a man she never loved. This lady jilted me and had a baby for the man who gave her money for the surgery. But he jilted her and she is trying to come back to me. What do I do?

Don't accept her again. If she could not stay put with you because you were not comfortable enough to pay her bills, then she doesn't deserve you. You cannot erase the fact that she has a baby for that man and even if you accept her again, that episode will always crop up on your mind. Her sister is a negative influence and nothing stops your former girlfriend from dancing to her sister's tune in future. Please seek another girl elsewhere.

He is too short!

I am dating a 30-year-old man, who loves me and wants to marry me. I am afraid of marriage due to bad memories and I don't want him because he is short. What do I do?

That he is shorter than you are is no problem but you are bothered by what people will say. On the other hand, bad memories abound everywhere and if we all think about it, there would be no relationships/friendships. If at 25, there is a man who loves and cares for you, why not go for him? This is better than waiting endlessly for Mr. Right, who is tall, handsome but not willing to marry any girl who does not have a job. No single girl should toy with serious marriage proposals. If you love him and feel you can be comfortable with him as your husband, go for him, get married and ignore what friends will say. But again, if you are truly not attracted to him, let him go.

I love prostitutes

I am 29 and can't explain what is happening to me. In two years, I have slept with over 1,000 prostitutes. I cannot just help this and the irony is that I just tested negative to HIV/AIDS. I have fasted and prayed about this but no avail. This affects my finances and relationship with other girls. I need help, what do I do?

Though there is the need for divine help, which you have already sought by fasting and praying, I think there is also the need for psychiatric help. You are lucky not to have contracted HIV/AIDS. Why not be disciplined and employ self-will in your sexual adventures? You can make up your mind not to sleep with prostitutes again. When coupled with your fasting and prayers, you will not succumb even when you are pressured and I am sure you will get result.

This girl wants to kill me!

I'm 30 years old and employed. My girlfriend is 25, employed and lives in Lagos. We met last year during a trip and we have been very intimate and promised to marry each other. In May, I lost my job in my attempt to spend some time with her because she lamented her ex-boyfriend never had time for her. I did everything to please her, even washing her underwear! By August, I observed she had changed and later learnt that she was seeing another man. She later confessed to have slept with three rich guys, and apologised. I did and we forged ahead. This affected my health because I have sleepless nights and though I've forgiven her, I have not forgotten. I still love her dearly and to call it quits is too difficult for me. She is trying everything possible to mend the ugly past. My mother likes her but I've not told anybody what happened. I have stopped being crazy about her though I still love her but I can stop if my life is the only exchange for her love.

Why would you allow a cheating partner to rob you of a good sleep and good health? Maybe you have not realised only the living has the opportunity to be in a relationship. Dead men don't know if anyone cheated on them. Don't die because of anyone. It is not worth it. Learn how to forgive, forget and move on with life. Purge your heart of all these and choose to live long. You should always leave room for imperfection in every man. That she had confessed and begged you could mean that she has repented. This could have a soothing effect on your failing health. Lastly, don't be stupid when in love. Why try to please a woman and lose your job? You could have shown her love in reasonable ways and not running away from the office. Please grow up.

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