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xxsexSpot the difference

Written by Funmi Akingbade - Nigeria

 Funmi Akingbade
One of the biggest mistakes couples find themselves struggling with is the mistake of libidoral identity. This is simply the inability to spot physical, emotional and sensual differences in partners that enhance sexual enjoyment. All things being equal; ideally a typical enlightened, well educated and happy couple should at least have sex 200 times in a year or close to such, which means on the average, couples should have sex four times in a week or thereabout. But ironically, the national opinion research centre reports that average couples have sex just 66 times in a year. Even married couples under age 30 say they have sex on an average of 109 times in a year as compared to 368 times that it should be. The average number drops to 90 times per year for 40-something years and 72 times a year for people in their 50s. One of the major reasons for this is the inability to spot or discover these difference and explore or deploy them.

Wives, do you know that most men are more influenced by the attitudes of their peer group in decisions about sex? Husband, do you know that a wife's willingness to perform various sexual practices is more likely to change over time especially under the atmosphere of acceptance, love and pampering? Only few percentage of husbands reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, many still want to enter fully into their wives; even after you have given them blow job. They still love the feel of ejaculating into their wives' virgina and feel that physical contact. This contact produces love, bond feeling that can never be traded for anything. While more percentage of wives reported that they reach orgasm more when their husbands take time to get them aroused in the region of their breast nipples, clitoris, 'G' spots and the first segment of their vagina; men are more likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse. But women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include vaginal intercourse or oral sex and sucking of their nipples and clitoris.

Wives, do you know that more of techniques and less of complaints help husbands to ejaculate at your wishes. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the average duration from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 10.8 minutes, but when and if he is in an environment of assistance, he can go up to 20-30 minutes. One of the major reasons husbands develop penis shrinkage is as a result of stress and anger. A man's flaccid penis varies in size considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Unhealthy eating habit, smoking and high alcohol intake are perhaps the best known causes of this "shrinkage" phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing and more. Uncontrolled, unnecessary, constant frequent anger can make the blood rush to the face, but not to the one place men need it most when they want to have sex or not. It's not easy to feel romantic when you're raging, whether your anger is directed at your partner or not. Unexpressed anger or improperly expressed anger can contribute to performance problems in the bedroom.

One of the things couples could spot out is the act of masturbation; it is neither safe nor healthy and it can destroy sexual functionality and relationships. The controlling effect is that it makes either of the partners to become a compulsive masturbator to the point of interfering with personal and marital relationships, because of its obsessive behaviour hold. Finally, masturbation can, in fact, cause injury; frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, and men who masturbate face-down can injure their urethras.

Couples should know that it is only a very few percentage of wives that may not have orgasm at all, while 29 per cent of wives report that they always have an orgasm regardless but this does not define their enjoyment when it comes to sex. As a matter of research, most wives can have an orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris. Although most wives require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm; but husband should treat the wife's clitoris like a raw egg, tender and can be injured. For wives who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating frequent clitoral stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. So orgasm or not, wives still enjoy sex when the atmosphere is right and when foreplay is well programmed. But among husbands, 82 per cent report that they always have an orgasm. The G-spot is a sexually sensitive part of a woman's anatomy found in the anterior vaginal wall.

The 'G' spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation. Couples should note that even when a wife has undergone any degree of female genital mutilation, locating the spot will revive any frigid, timid, un-cooperating or novice wife because all women have this anatomical location in their pelvic area. All the husband needs to do is calmly relax his wife, take her unawares and after the escapade, ask her opinion. The general response from even the most frigid of all is that they would appreciate a repeat of the action. Locating and gently stimulating the 'G' spot takes any category of wife from an ordinary sex bed mate to a volcano trigger-responder. It's worth trying out. This is one of the sites that it's best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman's reproductive organs for childbirth. Older women are more likely to surprise their husbands by their response and reaction because of the novelty of a new arousing experience.

Even in cases of high blood pressure and cases of heart attack or stroke experienced by either of the spouses, if and when such partners have been treated and under watch, they can still have good sexual relationship. One because it is a type of exercise, two, it has its healing effect and three, the heart can always repair itself under good medical supervision. Even when all the nerves to your heart are cut, it would keep beating if separated from your body. That's because the heart has its own electrical system. It just needs oxygen to keep beating. Research has found that the heart and other organs keep making new cells, at least in limited amounts. They could replace damaged ones caused by, for example, a heart attack.

The only devastating effect that may warrant couples with heart conditions not to have sex is when there are cases of extreme stressful condition and a break-up announcement from either of the married partners. A stressful event, like a break-up or sudden loss can bring on sudden chest pains that feel like a heart attack. Those pains are triggered by a rush of stress hormones.

Couples should note that any activity that gets the heart beating faster like brisk walking, playful running around the house, can boost blood flow to the whole body, including the sexual regions. That's a plus for stronger erections for men and greater arousal for women. Researchers found that male and female swimmers in their 60s had sex lives similar to people 20 years younger. Swimming builds endurance, boosts blood flow, improves flexibility and strength and slashes stress. It also burns some serious calories, a plus for anyone who's overweight (extra pounds lower libido), especially obese men with erectile dysfunction.

Harsh lubricant can strip the natural moisturising oils in the wife's vagina. This can cause dryness, irritation, inflammation and pain during thrusting in and out. Petroleum oil-free lotions that are free of fragrance, chemicals, or alcohol work on the vulva better, because they're made of milder ingredients that don't deplete vagina's oils. When the wife has dryness of the vagina, couples can consider a gentle lubricant with added moisturisers. Her vagina and vulva should feel soft and smooth for sexual action at all times. Sometimes, many wives may have undergone episiotomy either single or bilateral and the surface of the vulva in appearance looks so rough, unattractive and coarse. There are available softener-lubricants that remove all the coarseness, rough and uneven edges. For such, kindly give me a call. Above all, wives should always remember to shower and bathe the vagina area twice daily; this adds moisture to the area.

Sleeping pattern and lifestyle is another area couples should spot the difference. Some spouses go to bed too late or rise too early, some have sleep problem like trouble falling or staying asleep, or a condition such as sleep apnea. Many times, couples fail to realise that anything that disturbs a good night's rest can mess up good sex. Even when you have high ragging libido, fatigue saps sexy feelings. Work on your sleep habits, make sure it is not a hindrance to sex.


What can I do about this 20th century problem?

I have a problem with premature ejaculation. I cannot last more than five or 10 minutes during intercourse. My wife is kind about it, but I feel disappointed, embarrassed and full of anxiety. I am good looking but honestly speaking, when it comes to premature ejaculation, I am not worth the value. It is so terrible I literarily run away from sex, how can I last longer before my wife becomes someone else's actual wife while I remain the official one?

Mr. Cutisio Jude

Now that we are familiar with the sexual potential of women, there is far greater pressure for husbands to bring their wives to climax. This creates dramatic anxiety to perform, which has triggered an endemic of premature ejaculation. Anxiety during sex is, however, not the only factor. Sometimes, a man has a history of hurried experiences, either from the environmental norms or from rushing sex for fear of being caught in premarital relationship. Some genetic theorists explain that early ejaculations often have a better success rate for impregnation (in other words: not as much satisfaction, but great for conceiving children). Nevertheless, there is no question that premature ejaculation or performance anxiety undoubtedly turns up the speed or is the best in marriage, and there is no doubt that the male response time is inherently different from the female. Your experience is typical: Five or 10 minutes of direct stimulation will usually be adequate for ejaculation.

Therefore, the issue really gets down to mutual marital satisfaction. The definition used clinically for premature ejaculation rests on the percentage of times the wife is left disappointed (65 per cent being the arbitrary number). Rather than perceiving the speed of a man's response as a biological deficiency, it is preferable for couples to see their teamwork in pleasurable sex as a delightful challenge. It helps to remember that simultaneous orgasm is not the only satisfactory conclusion to sexual play. In addition, foreplay can speed up a wife's response to become more in harmony with her husband's, and a husband's stimulus time before ejaculation can be lengthened. You and your spouse can de-condition your quick response by using the effective 'squeeze technique' described in my book on sex. A woman stimulates her husband to the point just before ejaculation, and then applies firm symmetrical pressure to the shaft of the penis just below the glans (the head of the penis). The pressure of this 'squeeze' is maintained for several seconds until the feeling of ejaculatory inevitability goes away. After a pause, stimulation is resumed until an orgasm is imminent again; then the squeeze is re-applied. This technique can be practised for several minutes at each setting, ending with intercourse or ejaculation by manual stimulation. These adjustments take time and practice, but over a period of months, you should develop a noticeable increase in stimulus time before ejaculation. Besides, you can request from the natural herbs from Seychelles. Remember working through this kind of problem can be great for your marriage. It is encouraging to know that your wife is kind, so let your mind be at rest, because this is an essential ingredient in marriage. As you focus on giving your wife pleasure and meeting her needs, your premature ejaculation may not matter so much anymore. Tension aggravates the problem.

After our first child, my husband has lost appetite for sex

My husband and I have a one-year-old son, and for months, my husband has had no interest in sex. I am always the initiator, and he turns me down with excuses about being tired or having financial worries. I wonder what it would be like to be married to someone who made me feel wanted and beautiful. What do you suggest?

Mrs. Ruth Magromo

Humm, there are many reasons a husband might lose interest in sex. Fatigue and financial worries are legitimate causes for many men. You also seem to connect his disinterest with the birth of your baby. Pregnancy and delivery of a baby cause more than just abdominal stretch marks and post-partum depression for the mother. New dads get their own set of psychological stretch marks that can make sex less appealing. A father often reacts to the invasion of his space by a competitor. Suddenly he does not have you all to himself. Here is this other little male getting time at your breast. The baby puts new time constraints on both of you. Your focus of attention and affection may have shifted toward your son. In addition, your husband knows that, as a father, he is not supposed to feel jealous of his own baby. Nonetheless, subtle resentment can develop.

Another factor can be a husband's unconscious compartmentalisation of 'mothers 'versus 'sexual playmates.' As a mother, you have moved onto a somewhat sacred, revered pedestal outside the category of women who are sexually stimulating. You may have encouraged this attitude if you wanted a break from sexual play after childbirth.

Remember how you felt about the changes in your body during pregnancy? Your husband may have had some strong reactions, too. Men can be easily offended about stuff like labour and delivery, episiotomies and lactation. The idea of getting you pregnant again may have cooled him on intercourse.

Talking these things through is best, but if he refuses, there are other things you can do. First, try to decrease his life pressures and financial demands, since these are the excuses most men give. Then, try to find out if he has emotional needs that have been left unmet since the baby came. Again, work toward regaining your figure and your playful, romantic and sensual availability. In addition, you can make baby-sitting arrangements; kidnap him to some romantic spot and seduce him, big time. Finally, let him know he is still your sex hero. However, if you are wondering what it would be like to be married to someone "who made you feel wanted and beautiful," you could be vulnerable to an affair. Please, please be careful! Do not make the mistake of thinking you can listen to someone say how beautiful you are and not be lured into trouble. Make a firm decision ahead of time that you will not let your vulnerability trap you into a compromising situation.

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