Written by Funmi Akingbade - Nigeria
Whenever a typical man calls in or sends an email or visits my office, one major question is constant in their enquiries and that is how to protect their erection. How to maintain better ejaculation despite any prevailing challenge; how to make the woman in their lives prefer their sexual prowess to all others? Whatever the level of success a man may have achieved, one of the most happy moments is when his sexual prowess is celebrated. This shows that a man's manhood is what defines him. It's what makes man feel like a man.
And whenever sexual performance is questionable, it makes him feel less like a man. From a very young age, boys have grown up dreaming of superb sex. And when they get married and start having sex, there's a lot of pressure to be great in bed. Typically, men want their wives to love them for their sexual prowess. And every time a wife tells them that they are the best in bed, it makes them proud and even brings about an instant hard on. For most men, making a wife to reach orgasm is a huge relief; it's like a test where men need to constantly prove themselves.
And at some point in time, a man may not really be ready for sex, maybe because of tiredness, or if he is under a lot of stress or ill-health. And when he does have sex under any of these conditions, he may do so with poor erection. And once that happens, the failure or inability to perform well lingers on in his mind for so long. This is not only scary, but confusing. No matter what a man does, every time he gets naked, the thought of a weak or inactive penis comes back into his head. And that leads to performance anxiety.
This is a psychological issue that scares lots of men who have not been having wonderful sex even though they may be medically fit. Just because of a few failing attempts, these men try anxiously to overcome another episode of loss of erection, but the harder they try to get a hard erection back, the worse they feel about themselves. This performance anxiety could be so overwhelming that during sex, such men even frequently take their penis in and out just to make sure all is well and penetrating again. But ironically, this leads to losing erection altogether. This is frightening especially if it's a regular occurrence.
When this happens, many men mostly think the worse has come but sometimes losing an erection may be all just in the head. When a man loses an erection a few times while having sex, but still manages to get a raging hard on, he may not be suffering from any erectile issues. In all probability, it's all in his head. When this happens, I tell wives to try and find ways to get their husbands to stop thinking negatively. Wives can also help to take their husbands' minds from thinking about their weak penis. This helps them to get back in no time.
While fear of many things can make a man lose an erection at times, overexcitement can have the same effect too. Wives, do you know that the very though that you're so sexy and more sexually experienced can drive your husband so crazy? Chances are, he may end up losing his erection while his heart starts racing when he's looking at you in bed. It's a tough world for men, especially when they have to live up to the glorious expectations of women in the world. When a man loses an erection in bed, there are just two emotions he experiences: anger and fear. He's angry with everything around him because he couldn't keep it up. And he's afraid it may happen again. And when this happens frequently, he starts to fill his head with other thoughts. He'll secretly wonder if he's not sexually attracted to his wife anymore. He feels like a failure because to him, he's failed to please you sexually. It shatters him and depresses him. He knows you haven't had an orgasm, which secretly makes him feel even more like a failure.
He's embarrassed. Losing an erection is like losing a game you're very good at. It's embarrassing and humiliating. And it's even more so if it happens often.
He's angry with himself. And he'll stay angry for a long time, perhaps even days. When a man's penis fails him, it's something he can't understand. He can't justify any reason for it and that makes him angrier. He then sometimes avoids sex. This is the most common route that most husbands take; he may want to avoid sex because he's afraid of repeating his failures. Gaining back an erection is not only the work of the husband, the wife can help immensely. Sometimes, the behaviour of the wife in bed after the man goes flaccid midway can have a huge impact on him. So wives, reassure your man and make him feel like his weak erection didn't really bother you. Don't make a big deal about it or talk about it for a long time. Just tell him you're completely fine with what happened and both of you can do it some other time. Talk about something else to take his mind off his loss and he'll feel grateful to you. Prolong foreplay, having sex as soon as he gets erect may seem like the best option, but it's not always the right thing to do. Instead, prolong the foreplay and let him just relax and enjoy his erection. Indulge in foreplay without giving any attention to his penis or 'hard-ons.' Let him play with your breast and clitoris for at least 15 minutes before he penetrates you. It'll help him last longer. It may be necessary if you can fake an orgasm and pretend like you just climax, it may give your man more confidence about his sexual prowess. Don't do this too often though, or you may end up hating sex too! Talk about anything that can distract his thoughts from worrying about his weak penis. Lie down next to him and talk about his fantasies. It'll almost always help him get a raging hard-on back again.
However, remember that whatever you do, don't get stressed worrying about your virility. Sometimes, banning sex may actually help your man feel better about himself. Even if both of you make out, he doesn't have to get stressed over penetrating you. Over time, he may start to experience better erections and his confidence may grow too. One of the many ways a man can also protect his erection is to try and make sure he does not harm his testes. Testes can be harmed when men sit for too long a time in one position. This way, there is no adequate circulation to the testes and many times, the oxygen supply is not enough and before long, the testes dry off like a dead leaf. Besides, it is wise when men avoid anabolic steroids drugs. These are the categories of drugs that some men use to help with erection build-up. The set of steroids can shrink the testicles and sap the testes their ability to also make testosterone.
Lastly, do all you can to avoid anxiety of performance. Psychologically, this boosts level of the hormone adrenaline, which makes blood vessels contract. And this can be very bad for an erection. Anything a man can do to ease anxiety of performance and tension and feel better emotionally is likely to give his sex life a big boost and protect his erection.