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My wife sleeps around

I am in my early 40s and got married to a woman in her mid 30s about eight years ago. We have three children. After our marriage, we lived apart for a year. This was because I was in the North due to my job, while she had her youth service in Lagos. I never had any affair throughout this period because I had made a vow not to be involved in such after marriage; rather, I visited her regularly. But I discovered that she had been cheating on me from the early days of our marriage. She dated my former classmate, who was a driver in her office. Already, the paternity of our first child is in doubt. Now, I work in Abuja, she is in Lagos, but I have decided not to risk visiting home regularly since that would not change anything- She still sleeps with other men and keeps denying whenever I asked her and this led me to also sleep with other women. Really, I am not happy because I never wanted to live this kind of life as a Christian. She complained that I have stopped being a good Christian. My love for her had reduced so as to avoid hypertension. Moreover, I discovered that my wife is sexually insatiable. Could she be a nymphomaniac? I am confused on what could have caused her infidelity.

Adultery robs both partners of certain marital blessings and both suffer the risk of crashing the marriage. I understand your feeling of betrayal but you should not have reciprocated by being unfaithful too. I think the first step in solving this issue is having a heart-to-heart talk with your wife. Let her know your discoveries including the doubtful paternity of your first son. You need not quarrel; let her know you are ready to forgive as long as she is ready to change. Meanwhile, you should not have kept quiet for so long without consulting your parents-in-law. They would have cautioned her before she went this far. But why can't the whole family live and work together in Abuja? Living apart is not too good for you, your wife or your children. You can also work on that aspect to ensure more family bonding. As a Christian family, know that God's intention is for you to be happily married and you can enforce it by prayers.

I've aborted five times, now he no longer calls me

I am 22 years and I am dating a guy, who I love. I have aborted five pregnancies for him in the last four years and I almost lost my life when I had the last one. Now, he has changed and no longer calls; even whenever I call, he is always cold. What do I do because I love him and would not want to lose him?

Don't you think he is tired of you? Or you think he is not seeing another girl, who could also be willing to abort as many pregnancies for him like you? He knows you are desperately in love with him and had shown you the way out of his life but you keep calling him. Leave him; preserve your womb and your life. His mission is to use and dump you. Stop foetal abortions and learn preventive measures, if possible, abstain from sex till you have found a responsible partner.

She still desires my husband

I am married with two children but my husband had a child (a boy) before we got married and I was not aware of it. Meanwhile, my parents love him as their son but they don't know about this love-child. Though he is not married to the mother of the boy, she is always present at every family get-together, especially at my husband's family house. What do I do?
Ikeja, Lagos

My concern is the other woman. Why should she attend family functions which she knew you would attend? Moreover, if your husband claimed not to be married to her, why the closeness to his family? He could take care of his son without this strange closeness. I don't trust those in-laws of yours. It could be a ploy to bring her back to his life. Be careful and inform your family members on this issue. Don't keep quiet over this.

She is after my money

I am 26, in love with a 23-year-old lady, who I am not sure of her love. I call her at least five times a day but she never does except she needs money. She even gave my phone number to her ex-boyfriend and she always talks about him, even to the extent of begging me to get him a job.

I think the girl sees you as her treasure-pot, where she can dip her hands and get whatever she wants. There is no need doubting her love for you because it never existed. She needs the money and needs your help to get a job for her lover, who she refers to as her ex, after which she would dump you. I advise you take the wise option of calling off the affair.

This cannot be love

I met a guy three years ago and he is in his late 20s. He doesn't have a good mode of dressing; he is dirty, talks carelessly, secretive but believes I'm too inquisitive, whenever I ask questions. He takes money from my bag without telling me and there are days he would even ask me to buy things for him and his friends. He could drive into a fuel station, buy and ask that I pay. Though his friends and siblings like me, I feel he is taking me for granted because I am generous. We have not had sex but I get irritated with him and sometimes scared of a future with him. He says he loves me but I cannot show anything he gave me except N100 recharge card. In fact, I call him always but he does not, except he needs something from me.

Obviously, this guy is a crook and I think you should walk out of the affair before it consumes you. A guy who does not respect your opinions and who is always after your money is shameless. He could disgrace you anywhere, even when his friends and family are present. Leave him.

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