Written by CHRISTY ANYANWU - Nigeria.
|Rev (Mrs.) Funke Felix-Adejumo|
Renowned international speaker and female empowerment coach, Rev (Mrs.) Funke Felix-Adejumo, spoke on the challenges of womanhood and her experience as a wife for over 30 years.
You have been married to one man for over 30 years. What has kept you going?
My husband and I have actually been married for 31years. Our marriage will be 32 on September 8. The major and greatest force in our marriage is God. And that's not to sound religious. It is what God keeps that is kept. John 3:27 is my favorite Scripture: "A man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven."
God did not create a world in which He will not be needed. He instituted marriage in the first instance. So He is the greatest marriage expert and consultant.
Both of us are born again Christians so we don't joke with our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. This reflects in the way we love and honour each other. It reflects in the way we handle misunderstandings. It reflects in everything we do.
In 31 years, my husband and I pray together everyday! When we are not together, we pray on the phone. Remember we did not start traveling separately until a few years ago. That was before technology came into the picture.
Also, we agreed on transparency and honesty. We agreed that this will be the trade mark of our relationship. There's nothing we don't discuss. And I mean absolutely nothing, including the minutest details of life.
We tell ourselves absolute truth. What nobody on earth can tell us. We confront our selves. And our bedroom has remained our 'court room' for years.
Also, we are committed to making the marriage work. Divorce is not an option for us. That has been our cliché from the beginning. No matter how threatened our relationship is, we agreed that divorce will never be an option. We believe in ourselves and we collaborate on everything.
Then, my husband is my only and bestfriend and I am his. I always encourage singles to marry their friends. Don't marry someone you don't like or you struggle to like. It won't last.
A true friend is somebody that knows where you stink but still remains faithful and loyal. "Besties" unconditional love is the secret. I love you for who you are not what you have. This is the love my precious husband and I share.
Many working women complain family commitments slow them down in their career pursuits. What was your experience like and how did you cope?
God has blessed me with one of the most responsible family men on earth. When our marriage was young and we were raising our kids, my husband was involved committedly. We raised the kids together. He is a family man par excellence. He helped with school runs and works.
He put the children and me before church work and ministry. His principle is: God first, family next, God's work/career third! This disposition simplified my life extensively. There were times when my husband will tell me to rest while he rocked the baby to sleep. I'm grateful to the Lord and to him for this. It helped a great deal in the pursuit of my career and ministry
For women who have issues with their husbands, what is the best way to get results?
The greatest need of a man is not sex; he can get that from a prostitute if he's not born again and of course contract veneral diseases! It's not food; he can get that from any good restaurant. A man's greatest need is respect particularly public respect from his wife.
Some women disrespect their husbands. It's a man you treat like a king that will treat you like a queen. Give your husband the highest level of respect and honour in your culture and watch him bloom in his love for you.
There's no honour I will give to any human being on earth including my spiritual mentors anybody at that if I have not given it to my husband. After the Lord Jesus Christ, Felix Remi Adejumo is the only king in my kingdom and the only emperor in my empire!
You speak to thousands of women globally. What are their greatest fears?
It is the same with women everywhere and the greatest concern is security. Women worry a lot about the future. We are all bothered with what does it hold for them and children? We are concerned with whether our children will turn out well. Will their husbands remain faithful?
Conflict resolution is a major marital issue for women. Do you have thoughts of how best to get it done?
I will say it all boils down to the tongue and temper. If these two are properly managed by husband and wife, there will be less stress in marriage. Some men don't treat their wives well. To them, a woman is a necessary evil, a baby-manufacturing machine and a glorified slave. This mentality is absolutely wrong. Your wife is an integral part of your life and should be treated with dignity.
Also the wife should honour her husband. Don't prove to your husband that you are in competition with him. Just compliment him.
Even when you are hurting or angry, don't be rude. Relate well with your in-laws. Don't be mean to people. Anybody can become great. No one knows tomorrow.
What is your concept of total submission as it relates to modern women?
Biblically speaking, submission is neither subjugation nor slavery. Only insecure men oppress their wives!!! And I say that with every sense of responsibility. When you see a man that does not allow his wife to shine or give expression to God's grace on her life, he is a coward!
He may look bold and loud but he's definitely struggling with serious complex issues!
Ephesians 5:21 says: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. People quote from verse 22 but the instruction actually starts from verse 21!
In my opinion, submission is "strenght put under control."
God expects the woman to equally prosper and be blessed.
Genesis 1:26-28 says God blessed them not him only! But once you are in the institution of marriage you don't flaunt your blessing in such a way that you disrespect your spouse.
Anything that has more than one head is a monster. As a woman, you allow your husband to be the leader and you prayerfully and graciously assist him.
Do you believe in the concept of full housewife?
Yes and No.Yes because there may be a season when a woman needs to be a full time housewife for the sake of her children but it should not be the norm. Full time house wife is full time suffering PLC! (Laughter).
Many men have agonised they cannot seem to understand their women. What really do women want from their men?
Women want men they can look up to. We want affirmation, validation, someone who will speak highly of us in the public. We want a role model to her children, a friend not a boss; a decent man not a flirt, someone who speak our love language who is responsible enough to take good care of our financial and emotional needs.
We want god-fearing men who can defend and stand up to defend us.