Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch, Nigeria. Saturday, March 12, 2016
Mistakenly, many couples blame sexual dis-satisfaction on many things but the real thing. One thing is certain; when the purpose of a thing is not known or discovered, abuse is inevitable. Many married couples mix libidoral challenge with sexual and emotional challenges. We will do our best to help find solutions to these. Firstly, I need every couple out there to know that faulty gender libidoral expression, sexual health challenge such as premature ejaculation, weak erection, erectile dysfunction, frigidity in both husband and wife and animalistic expressions of sexual desires and needs are all interwoven; so therefore we can actually use almost same method to cure them all. So relax and read attentively.
To prevent many mistakes, bear it in mind that sexual satisfactions should not be soulishly directed at an individual alone in the relationship; you first satisfy your spouse before thinking of your own satisfaction. This means you have to be really present during the act; you have to pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips and hers. The best love happens when the world falls away, and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you'll be one being, delighting in each other's bodies, minds, and souls.
This should not be the moment when the wife will remember the food on her gas cooker or the cry of the baby or the downpour of rain while her clothes are on the cloth line. Monotony of these actions and attitude over the years kill libido and accelerate premature ejaculation.
Mistakes also come when couples do not deliberately find a good place for sex, passion has its place.
A place that's clean and uncluttered. Not the mattress filled with the urine of the baby or room cluttered with the head ties, dresses and make-up bags of the wife. The sheets are fresh; do not reserve new bedspread for visitors only; pamper yourself and spouse with the luxury of the new bed spread. The pillows are plump. The laundry is out of sight. The music is pleasant. Or spicy. Or slow. Or hot. There are fresh flowers or well-tended plants that can spice your room. Sex can take place in your bedroom, where the door is locked, so your hearts can open. But don't limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Erotic sexual passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the pent house, the grazing land, the beach–wherever you and your lover connect and privacy is guaranteed.
Many couples [especially some husbands] believe that it is when they do some out of this space actions that they can rectify their libidoral mistakes or sexual health blunders. But do you know that novelty and newness is actually an aphrodisiac? Yes, passion ignites when the mind is curious. The excitement of the new has been proven from ages to always challenge the old and leads to new pathways of ecstasy. When your sexual script gets tired and desire fades, trying new ways to delight each other can amplify your appetite and your spouse's.
Simple changes can be stimulating, too. Try a new room, a new fragrance, a new technique. Or try a new touch, a new kiss, a new endearment, or a new dirty talk such as the use of local language to describe the sexual organ of your spouse while having foreplay. But oddly, this is the time and moment many married men start having extra marital affair, thinking their wives were actually the cause of either their premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, inability to go for many rounds, erectile dysfunction, lack of libido and even impotency. The truth of the matter is familiarity actually breeds contempt. When and if you are so conversant, acquainted, accustomed and familiar with the same woman, sexually displays libidoral expression, sexual and erotic fantasies over some period of years, the possibility of you being able to easily interpret, decipher and decode all her sexual moves and even surprises is very high. And simply because of this, many husbands start off with extramarital escapades but if you give such new sexual relationship also some few years, you also experience the same sexual dissatisfaction you had with the first woman. In other words, extra marital affairs mistakes do not enhance good sexual performance nor keep good libido.
Another mistake couples make is using sickly tool to want to run a marathon. Many of our vaginas are sick, high percentage of the penis is quarter to pack up, while the prostrate is clamouring for survival to experience best of sex. You must be healthy. Strength, stamina, and flexibility all enhance the passionate experience. Steadily work towards boosting each.
You'd be amazed what simply losing five per cent of your body weight will do for all of these. If you also take conscious effort to alkalinize your body system and take less of acidified and synthetic meals, you'll have more energy for lovemaking. And if a wife takes time out to firm her vagina and works on her clitoris and the same time use good natural supplement, you'll feel better about your body. Many prostrate problem from inflammation of the prostrate to cancer of the prostrate can really be handled by simply eating raw tomatoes and beetroot fruit on a daily basis. It is very important to recognise that there is a connection between diet and sex. Make eating fresh, healthy foods a passion, and discover new depths to your enjoyment. And also bear it in mind that food eaten by people who love healthy sex must be 80 per cent raw and 20 per cent cooked.
Mistakenly, couples do not prioritise hygiene; be lean. Never be too lazy to get up and brush your teeth. Shave, shower, use fragrance sparingly, watch for little sharp things like fingernails. Be smooth. Be touchable. On the other hand, don't become obsessed with your appearance; that's generally unattractive. Just notice anything that might distract someone from enjoying your body, and take care of it. Don't let the trap of culture seal your lips; be flirtatious, say sexy, funny little things. Like so many things that give rise to passion, that will make your husband get instant erection and your wife's vagina starts vibrating for a penis to enter fully. These gestures make erotic lovemaking starts long before you end up in the bedroom.
Saying something that only your partner would understand, placing your hand in an unexpected spot on your partner's body, you can go as far as carefully dipping your clean hands on his penis and start caressing it, or you the husband can dip your fingers inside the panties of your wife, place one of the fingers on the clitoris while the two or three others inside the tip of the vagina and start thrusting in and out with the fingers while looking into her eyes with fire that can easily signal your desire such as 'I am hot'. Everyone loves to be wanted. Flirting lets your spouse know just how much.
Many wives are guilty of always wanting their husbands to run after them for sex, they rather stay without sex for decades. No, if you want to receive best of affection from your husband, be willing to give him the best of beyond this world sex. The power of passion arises from sharing. The give and take in any relationship is the basis for its sweetness. If there is a way you want to be touched, let your husband know. Then be sure to touch your husband in the way he wants to be touched, or kissed, or licked. If you're not sure, ask, be active. If there is something your husband craves, try to satisfy his needs, blow job is desired by 90 per cent of husbands; they only keep their mouth shut because their wives refuse them. Give him one right now and watch a literally transformed man you never knew existed. He will be more willing, then, to satisfy yours.
Deliberate lack of interest is a costly mistake. Many couples, both husband and wife, are not really interested in sex with their married lovers. You just have to be. Interesting passion goes beyond what happens in the bedroom. It starts with what goes on between your ears. Husband, please be a good conversationalist and wife, kindly be a better listener. Read. Listen to the news. See current movies. Go to new restaurants. Develop a fascinating hobby or try a new sport. Or get more involved in one of your partner's passions. Having nothing to talk about, or worse, talking about the same tired topic over and over again is a passion killer. If you have something valuable to say, your partner will want to be with you, close enough to hear it. Be open to new experiences.
Sometimes sexual scripts grow stale; so, you too sometimes should change for the sake of change is good. Being open shows that you are attentive, trusting, and curious.
Couples mistakenly don't like to leave their familiar territory, go ahead give yourself permission to experiment. You might surprise yourself. This is one way to explore your sexuality, your own special knowledge of what turns you on. You won't know unless you try. Of course, you have the liberty to willing say No if you are sincere.
There are all kinds of reasons to say no; don't be afraid to utter this word.
Sometimes you need to say no in a firm way and mean it. If you don't, you'll eventually regret it when the truth needs to come out. Passion is based on honesty and truth. Whether it's no to bad animalistic sex, where your hands and legs are tied to the poles of the bed and you are beaten before sex, or your hair is overly pulled to help someone gain everlasting hard erection, or no to sex when you aren't feeling romantic, don't be afraid to utter this word. Say NO! without mincing words or else you may be dead before you are found out.
Mistakenly, married couples make communication scarce. Passion requires an ability to talk to your partner about sex. Stating what you want or need in a direct way can be sexy-if you work on good timing and know how to phrase it and be romantic about it, it's better to say, "It feels so good when you touch me there," in the morning than it is to protest and shout, "Don't touch me there!" when you're in the throes of lovemaking. Rather give a compliment, then feedback, then a compliment. "You're a gorgeous lover. Really. Could I ask you something? When you kiss me, go a little softer, my upper lip is raw from your beard. Hmmmm, you are so amazing. "I love it when you give me heavy clitoral stimulation and romance; I feel out of this planet, can you do it once more but this time make sure you gently spread my legs apart to prevent pain and also interchange your hands with your tongue. As a matter of fact, your tongue does the job better ..... Please don't stop.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Alcohol and erection
I see many people drink alcohol and they are still fine sexually. I really don't want to buy that crap and lies that alcohol is the reason for my poor erection. Although I have been having issues with my ejaculation for three years now, a friend talked me into taking alcohol, insisting that it would help me to perform sexually. Initially it helped. I could go for five rounds and still wanting more but now, the reverse is the case; I can barely sustain erection. The point is, I try to reduce my alcohol consumption. Please, do you think it is the alcohol that is disturbing my erection? Honest reply please.
Mr. Michela Olokolale
I would emphatically say yes. I think you got deceived because you think everybody is alike. NO! Our gene defers and that is why your friend's issues with alcohol and erection had not gone bad. But I can assure you that it will be sooner or later. But alcohol has only one assignment; destruction of our system. Alcohol never makes you sober; you can't be sober minded if you are not sober. It is a depressant; anything that depresses should be avoided at all cost. It will leave you worst, not better. What you do in moderation, your children will do it in excess. Show me a family where alcohol has made a positive difference in their lives and health, you will not find one. Alcohol does not allow you to have self-control. It is a mind altering legal drug and the simplest drug is a silent poison.
Alcohol is addictive. It is a numbing agent for pain and sorrow that only God can heal. Many regrets are associated with alcohol. Have you ever had any one say; if only I had taken a drink, things would not have got out of control. Alcohol makes us to act in ways we normally would not have. Alcohol kills the brain cells, destroys the nerves and tissue of the penis. It is provided for false peace. It is a money, time and destiny waster. It leads to all bad behaviours. Alcohol makes you behave stupidly and it has ruined many marriages. If you do not want your teenager to start drinking, do not show them how. Alcohol lowers the ability to resist evil. Some say 'I don't get drunk, I only had one or two bottles, well if it actually does not have effect on you, you should have just water or healthy drinks. Alcohol fills our mind with impure thoughts. Instead, drink water or water melon fruits with egg every night; it will restore your potency. Drinking two glasses of water in the morning helps activate the internal organs. Drinking one glass of water before a meal helps in digestion and weight loss. Drinking one glass of water before bed time helps prevent stroke or heart attacks. Or make a natural home drink, apple, carrot, garlic, cucumber, spinach garbage, tomatoes, and ginger.
No climaxing in spite of high libido
I have never experienced orgasm; I am not circumcised. I love sex, I demand it from my husband more regularly than he, I cannot stay two days without it but I have never experienced orgasm but I like missionary position better. Help.
Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax.
But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the coital alignment technique, or CAT. Have your husband move his entire body up about two inches. Your husband's pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm. Besides, let him concentrate more on your clitoris to the extent that you start breathing fast and panting, this is the starting point of orgasm. Although when it comes to sexual behaviour, no two people are always alike. Some women can reach orgasm with any position. A woman who thinks about sex has more orgasm than those who do not. When you notice, as a wife, that you are feeling stressed out, go for more orgasm. Orgasm causes a surge in the hormone oxytocin, which alleviates stress.
I need more fact about penis and its functionality
I am a new bride-to-be, can you tell me some facts and figures about penis/vagina and their functionality?
On the lower part of the penis is a v-shape tissue that is very sensitive to stimulation. Bigger testicles produce more sperm but not necessarily better quality. On average, the heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute. It takes 17 muscles to smile and over 100 muscles to have an orgasm. On average, couples spend two weeks of their lives kissing, the record for the longest kiss is 29 hours. In a one-minute kiss, you actually burn 26 calories, 80 per cent of husbands are turned on when wives wear sexy lingerie and expose their nipples and clitoris. In the US, the average time for sex is 10; 34pm, but Nigeria has no viable data. A woman's sex drive is at its peak just before her period. During sex, the testicles retract into the body to protect them from getting knocked around especially during vigorous thrusting in and out and some clumsy movement. Married couples have sex 52 times a year, that is once a week; men experience an average of seven erections in a day, five of them when he is asleep, men's nipples have the same level of pleasure receptors as women's nipples, orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite, so sex helps you lose weight.
The average speed of an ejaculation is 20 mph, husbands find it incredibly sexy when women take the initiative and swing their breast and buttocks. Cold shower can increase the production of sex hormone in men and women, the head of the penis has a higher concentration of nerves endings than the shaft. A teenager's erection can last for an hour while for eight minutes when he is 70 years old. The largest human penis ever recorded is 11 inches and the longest 15 inches.