Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 28, 2018.
FAMILY comes in handy when you have problems you think are insurmountable. During the last general strike, a few of the staff made it to the office – out of boredom, I'm sure. What's more, their houses are a few `minutes' walk to the office. There was nothing to do really, so we just sat down and nattered, discussing everything under the sun with particular emphasis on relationships. "How many marriages do you think can survive without sex?" asked Augusta, one of the participants on a sandwich course from her banking job. "Dunno," I told her. "Quite a few do, but for short periods only. You can not really be happy in a sexless marriage can you, what would be the point?"
The following day, I was really surprised to see her. None of the others showed up and it would have been a good opportunity for me to catch up on the backlog of files I had to go through. Seeing I wasmore interested in encouraging her to leave than settle to another gossip session, she told me she urgently needed my advise. "It's my brother-in-law" she said when I arched my brow. "My sister is six years older than me and although we were very close when we were young, I was a bit jealous of her as she got to do everything way before I did – like going to discos, having boyfriend' and wearing grown-up clothes. By the time I was old enough to do all those things, Leila, my sister, was already married to John, her childhood sweetheart. With time they had two boys. I was at her place on a Saturday when she opened up to me. As she talked, she kept her eyes fixed on my face .. Was she expecting a reaction? She then told me:
"Would you believe I no longer find sex interesting?" My sister confided in me as we shared a bottle of wine. `I love John, of course, but I hate it when he touches me.' I didn't know what to say. I was a bit embarrassed. I mumbled something about a low sex drive being common for a while after having a baby. But her youngest was four and I urged her to give it time. That the desire would come back. But it didn't. It was then I realised they had a serious problem. Wasn't John frustrated?
"Leila shrugged. 'He must be," she admitted. 'I wouldn't really blame him if he started having an affair.' 'He'd never do that!' I replied, horrified. John was handsome, trustworthy and easy-going. Most of all, he really loved my sister. As time passed and they stayed together, I assumed they'd sorted out their differences. Until one night at one of our friend's 30th birthday party. Leila had come alone leaving the children with John and their new maid. We had a bit to drink and I began moaning about being permanently single and how 1 missed not having regular sex.
"That doesn't' bother me at all,' Leila shrugged. 'You and I are different that way – you love sex, I don't.' What?' I gasped, my mouth dropping open, 'you mean you're still celibate?' 'I haven't had sex for three years,' she told me, 'and I don't miss it.' I couldn't
get my head round it. This was no phase. Leila had obviously settled for a sexless marriage. I wondered how John could cope with that. Men need sex. Had he gone elsewhere?
"Yet every time I visited their cosy flat, Leila and John seemed so happy and relaxed together, so in love. Then one day, a few months on, 1 called round to see my sister and John answered the door. He was wearing just a towel round his waist as he was in a hurry to get the door. 'Is Leila in?' I stuttered, looking at his rippling muscles.
'No, she's taken the kids to a kiddy's birthday party.' But he urged me to come in and wait as they'd soon be back. So I stepped through the narrow door, having to slide past him. My body brushed against his bare skin, still wet from the shower and I cringed. But John pat my bum as he shut the door firmly. I turned and stared at him quizzically. Like a flash, he pulled me towards him and kissed me passionately, clasping me against his damp chest.
"It never occurred to me to stop" I hadn't had sex for ages and it felt so good. When he pulled away, I suddenly realised I was snugging my sister's husband. But he was looking at me with such hunger and sadness. Deciding he needed love and passion in his life like anyone else, I let him take my hand and lead me to the bedroom. He threw off his towel and I knew I wanted him badly. I wasn't thinking about Leila now – I was more interested in her gorgeous husband and how desperately I needed to be close to a male body. He lifted me unto the bed leaving me no time to undress. Pushing my clothes up and aside, he climbed on top of me. Afterwards, I was in a daze. The sex had been amazing. Why on earth didn't Leila want John to love her like this?
"I left shortly after, couldn't face my sister returning to find me in such a state. As I left, I felt guilty, excited, horrible and wonderful! Next day, John texted, suggesting we met up and I asked him to come to my flat. The inevitable happened and it's been happening ever since. I've tried to resist it. But in my heart, I feel as though what I'm doing is helping my sister by keeping her marriage together. If John didn't come to me for sex, he might start an affair with a stranger, might fall in love and decide to leave my sister. But I'll never steal Leila's man away from her. I'm just giving John the passion he needs. Wouldn't any sister want to do what's best for her family!?"
What kind of an answer would you give to a question like that? She was happy eating her cake and having it. Only time will tell if she gets away with it!
Memory Lapse? (Humour)
A young man walks out of a supermarket and spies an old man on a bench crying his eyes out. So the youth goes over to the howling pensioner to see if he's alright. "Are you okay?" he asked. "No, it's my birthday today, I'm 82″ blubs the man. "Eighty-two!
But you look great for your age, you should be happy," continues the young man. "Yeah, and I got married yesterday too – to a 25- year-old bombshell," explains the old man.
The sympathetic young man thinks he's sussed the old man's misery and continues his line of enquiry. "And you're too old to fulfil your conjugal responsibilities, I suppose?" "No, not at all, we enjoy a full and loving sexual relationship and get down to it five times a day. That's not the problem at all," says the old man, who's still crying. "Look mate, I'm 25 and even I don't enjoy that much sex, you lucky sod," says the dumbfounded lad. "So why are you crying?" The old man looks up and says wistful, "I've forgotten where I live."