When a 'husband-snatcher'got her comeuppance

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

CHANCES of remarrying after a divorce might be slim; but some women are so lucky they even have third chances! A few weeks ago, Debbie, a once distraught wife, who has now got the hang of living with the intricacies of her husband's shenanigans came to the house looking radiant. "Would you come to a wedding party with me tomorrow?" she asked. Wedding?

As eagerly as families look forward to their offsprings getting married, the long-drawn ceremonies usually leave me climbing the walls. Engagement ceremonies I give a miss if I could get away with it. With the weddings proper, I usually ask the driver to be at the ready to get away anytime I get bored. Debbie knows of my aversion to weddings and assured me this one would be different.

"The couple had already got married abroad; they only came home for the wedding party," said Debbie. "Actually, the groom is Uncle Tony's wife's son." The plot thickens, I muttered. Debbie's Uncle Tony had been abroad for years and was married with four children, when his wife got tired of his philandering ways and kicked him out. By the time his divorce went through and the courts slapped a generous maintenance allowance on wife to be paid each month for the kids' upkeep, Uncle Tony came to Nigeria on holidays and never went back. He was determined his wife and kids wouldn't take him to the cleaners without a fight.

Instead, he used the nest-egg he'd brought back with him to complete a bungalow his ex-wife had no inkling he was building. His friends rallied round him by helping him set up a blockmaking business, and he was comfortable enough to take a new wife.The new wife, Bisi, was also married with five children before the husband exchanged her for a new model. They were both lucky to find each other, and Bisi relished her second-chance marriage.

I made N3,000 hawking water in 20 minutes - White Naija Girl

~PUNCH, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos

Can you give a brief background of yourself?


My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.

In 2012, I decided to start ­a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.

Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?

Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.


What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?

It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.

That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.

Were you scared at any point?

The humiliation of dating a much younger man

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

COPING with the death of a beloved spouse, especially after years of marriage could be a nightmare. When Lola's husband of over 25 years died suddenly, she was almost suicidal. He had a stomach ache and was dead three days later. Nobody suspected he had a tumour on his liver. "Grief hit me like a boxer's fist," she'd said when a group of friends tried to console her. "He was only 58 and I'd thought we had years left together. I thank God for our three lovely children – but they're all grown now and can hardly be expected to stay at home and hold my hands .. ."

Thanks to the determination of friends, she started picking up the pieces of her life. They dragged her to parties and outings. It was at her late husband's club she ran into David. He'd been a younger friend with whom he played table tennis. "He was a quiet man, just like my husband," said Lala, "and he listened sympathetically as I poured out my heart to him. After all, he too had lost a friend. A few weeks later, I was at the club again when I met David amongst friends, celebrating his 40th birthday. We all joined in and I had a wonderful time. When he learnt I'd come in a friend's car, he insisted on taking me home. 'Your life need not be over now your husband's dead,' he told me

solemnly. 'If you like, I could look after you.'

"My jaw dropped. I was 14 years older. What sort of relationship would we have? But he urged me to think about it. I should have been more cautions and told him off.

"My husband had just died and I was lonely – and flattered I could still be attractive to a man. I loved my husband but he was gone. He was never coming back. I was still here and I had to keep on living. So, when next he invited himself in for a drink, I didn't discourage him. He came with a bottle of wine and some chicken and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company. In no time at all, we became lovers.

Avoid quarrels in your relationship

~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, March 13, 2016

Every couple desires a happy relationship. Don't let misunderstandings ruin your bond.Follow these steps and let your relationship thrive

Identify the source

If you always quarrel in your relationship, you need to figure out where it is coming from. If the source is outside the relationship, don't treat it like a relationship problem. Money issues account for more relationship problems than any other source. But in reality, money is a financial problem. It only becomes a relationship problem if you let it.

Don't assign blame

The goal of a relationship is to draw a couple closer, not to alienate your best friend and life partner. Blaming your partner could be very destructive to a relationship and it never contributes to unity. The same goes for being critical of one another, all that will do is divide the relationship.

Acknowledge your partner's concerns

If something goes wrong and you feel responsible, it is easy to turn defensive when your partner expresses their concerns. Rather than turning it into a confrontation by defending yourself, put your ego aside and acknowledge his or her concerns with an understanding heart. You are in the relationship together and that means you probably have similar concerns that you need to work on.

Don't make wrong assumptions

If something happens that you are not sure of, don't make things worse by assuming. Instead of focusing on the negativities, sit down with your mate and discuss possible solutions. If you work together in a creative way you may be able to turn any brewing quarrel around.

When you realise that long-distance relationship isn't going to work!

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguard, Nigeria: Tony Chinonso

When Joanne left the comfort of her parents' home to study pharmacy at the university, she wasn't in the least apprehensive. A bubbly girl just turning 20, she looked forward to making friends. Inside a few months, she'd not only made friends, she found Alfred, a boyfriend she fell madly in love with! "He lived off campus," explained Joanne,' and I moved in with him in my second year. The rest of my stay at Ibadan just flew by, and in no time at all, I had a degree under my belt ready to go back to Lagos for another stage of my life.

"Alfred, who was studying architecture carried on studying, and it was a massive shock to go from living together to hardly seeing each other. Nevertheless, we decided to give the now long-distance romance a go. We rang each other most days, but it wasn't the same. Travelling to see each other every other weekend was stressful. The car I had wasn't top-notch and the roads were a nightmare.

Apart from the highly unpredictable traffic, pot­holes often ruined my car and I had to rely a few times on public transport. We were often under pressure to make the little time we were together brilliant, but it was such an effort. I began to realise the relationship might not work long-term. I was never going to go back to Ibadan, and I couldn't expect Alfred to move to Lagos.

"In the end, I had to make the awful decision to say goodbye but I had no choice, I told him how I felt one weekend just after Christmas, after I'd spent hours on the Ibadan-Lagos expressway trying to get to his digs. It was very late when I eventually made it and I was really grumpy. He was very upset but I think he also realised it wasn't working. I drove away from his place the next morning in tears and felt really sick. I couldn't bear the thought of never speaking to him again.

"We did carry on talking for a while, but about a year later, I got a boyfriend I was serious with and felt I had to be honest with him. We've managed to stay friends and he will always be a part of my life. I was genuinely happy for him when he told me about his new girlfriend when he eventually found one and how happy he is now. He'll definitely be one of the first people I'll invite if I ever get married, and I hope I get an invite if he does too…"

Alfred was really sorry distance had to permanently separate him from his first love. "From the moment I met Joanne, I found her very easy to get along with," he said. "We got on so well, I thought it was the real thing and that our relationship would last forever. I always knew she would eventually move back to Lagos when her course finished and I supported her decision to go back. I didn't realise a long-distance relationship would be that hard.

Why Hot Women Are Single

~TheGuardian, Nigeria

One of this world's most interesting phenomenons is when hot women are single. If you're reading this, chances are you are you are hot and constantly wondering why you're single. Or you know someone who is.

There are countless women in the world who are gorgeous, smart, witty, and down to earth. But in as much as these women are thriving in their careers, extremely loyal to friends and family, and have glorious senses of self-worth, they still find themselves being asked one question over and again - How are you single?

Why are women who meet even the most standard definition of beauty, and seem to be perfect, struggling so much to find dates today? Like, no one is calling up these women to hang out, or sending them drinks or food. And they definitely don't have anyone to call up to come spend time with them on lonely nights.

HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY HOT WOMEN ARE SINGLE:

1. She's no longer interested in dating just for the sake of it

As fun as casual dates can be, there are some people who no longer get any satisfaction from them. Maybe she would rather have one solid date than go on a thousand mediocre ones. It may not make a lot of sense to some people, but most women who feel this way just don't want to go out with a person they can't see themselves with in a long-term situation. While it may come across as being unnecessarily picky, but it's really just that she wouldn't want to waste her time or that of anyone else's.

2. She's done with her "hoe phase"

No, I don't think having casual, meaningless, no-strings-attached sex makes you a hoe. The "hoe phase" is simply a phase of liberated sexual exploration, as far as I'm concerned.

How I was drugged, raped, fired from Air Force

Written by By Egufe Yafugorhi - Vanguard, Nigeria ( Tuesday, December 15, 2015).

Igbobi Beauty Uzezi, rape victim

• Detained in cell with lunatic, chained to hospital bed.
• Starved for days to make me not expose my Air officer-rapist.

WARRI-WHEN the chair, Committee for the Defence of Human Rights, CDHR, Delta State, Mr. Benefit Orugbo, called me on phone, about a fortnight ago, and said that he had a spine chilling case of human rights abuse in his hands, I did not understand the brutality of the matter and almost ignored the issue.

However, it was not until Warri Reporter, EGUFE YAFUGORHI, detailed to meet the victim at an agreed venue reported his encounter with Igbobi Beauty Uzezi, an Air Police of the Nigerian Air-force, NAF, with Personal Service Number, NAF10/25157F, that the reality dawned on me.

Uzezi, who hails from Bayelsa state, revealed that an Air-force officer (names withheld) drugged, raped and infected her with a Sexually Transmitted Diseases, STD, and the said officer detained and tortured her through proxies for daring to expose him and finally got her dismissed from the Airforce.

The air-force officers she complained to and sought help before the hammer fell on her, queried why she chose to make trouble with the officer, pointing out that she was not the only female personnel to pass through the ordeal.

They detained her in a cell with a mad woman, chained her to the bed in the hospital, locked for several days without food to force her to forgo justice. She refused to surrender and was court marshaled after she threatened to shoot one of the air-force officers used to intimidate her, who allegedly wanted to disarm her.

Donald Trump calls for halt on Muslims entering US

~Al Jazeera

Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump has called for a “total and complete” block on Muslims entering the United States.

A statement from Trump’s campaign team said the halt on Muslims entering the country should remain in place “until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.”

The statement does not specify if the proposal would affect both tourists and immigrants.

Trump’s campaign cites poll data allegedly showing “hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population”.

“Where this hatred comes from and why we will have to determine,” the billionaire real estate mogul, who is leading in opinion polls among likely Republican voters, said in the statement.

“Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in jihad, and have no sense of reason or respect for human life.”

Trump has been increasingly virulent in his remarks targeting Muslim Americans since the deadly Paris attacks, and again in the wake of last week’s shooting attack in California, which was carried out by a Muslim couple, leaving 14 dead and 21 wounded.

“Just put out a very important policy statement on the extraordinary influx of hatred & danger coming into our country. We must be vigilant!” Trump tweeted after the statement was released.

His announcement unleashed quick condemnation on Twitter.

“@realdonaldtrump removes all doubt: he is running for President as a fascist demagogue,” Democratic presidential contender Martin O’Malley said.

The Council on American-Islamic Relations group said: “We’re entering into the realm of the fascist now.”