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Dear Bunmi (Relationships, Family, Sex and Life, Romance...) : Rumour has it he’s got another wife



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Dear Bunmi, 
  • Should married men have platonic friendships?
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  • Does she think I'm too old for her?
  • Dad married late mum's best friend
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  • Hubby got my daughter pregnant
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  • Sister finds it difficult to cope with her divorce
  • He seems to like large-breasted women
  • Could he be cheating?
  • I live in fear my past could catch up with me
  • She’s harassing me because I dumped her
  • He's too big it hurts!
  • Is alcohol really good for a diabetic?
  • Afraid to dump this adulterer
  • I don’t feel sex is fun any more
  • Should I go for no string s3x?
  • He wants the kids to spend Xmas with him and the rich new wife
  • My friend's hubby is hot!
  • In love with my dead friend's husband

How women change men’s behaviour

Men live in self-denial when they play down the power of women. Sobbing women are known to have made men change hard-line positions or pacify their women.

Now researchers have shown that the mere presence of a beautiful woman around men makes them do dumb things. For example, it has been observed that when a beautiful woman walks past a group of men in active conversation, they go dump with some losing their thoughts.

The following are the many scientifically proven ridiculous things men do around women, compiled from various sources.

A woman’s presence makes men go dumb: Men literally become dumb after they interact with women they find attractive. In a study, men scored less on cognitive tests after meeting women. In a version of the test, the men weren’t even looking at females. They were just told that females are going to be looking at them.

The 2009 study demonstrated that after a short interaction with an attractive woman, men experienced a decline in mental performance. A more recent study suggests that this cognitive impairment takes hold even when men simply anticipate interacting with a woman who they know very little about. Sanne Nauts and her colleagues at Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands ran two experiments using men and women university students as participants.

In this society, people frequently interact with each other over the phone or online, where the only way to infer somebody’s gender is through their name or voice. Nauts’ research suggests that even with very limited interactions, men may experience cognitive impairment when faced with the opposite sex. The researchers think that the reason may have something to do with men being more strongly attuned to potential mating opportunities. Generally, it all looks like whenever we face situations where we’re particularly concerned about the impression that we’re making, we may literally have difficulty thinking clearly. In the case of men, thinking about interacting with a woman is enough to make their brains go a bit fuzzy

Five ways to cope with a partner who does not apologise

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~ Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.

At 45 and 40 respectively, Mr. James Koledowo and his wife, Simi, have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly in their near four years of marriage.

Seen by many in their church and neighbourhood as a happily married couple, Simi admitted that truly they had had exciting moments, but that when it comes to resolving their differences, she could count on her five fingers how many times her husband had apologised to her, even when he was evidently the one at fault.

"Not that he had never offended me and not that he didn't know he was wrong at those times, but he just felt a man should not be the one apologising, thinking it was degrading for a man to do that," she said in a recent interaction with Saturday PUNCH.

From the unprintable things he says anytime they had quarrel to doing certain things a reasonable man should not do to his wife and causing her emotional distress, Simi said she still doesn't understand why he finds it difficult to admit that he could be wrong and then "do the needful" - apologise.

"That is one thing that has consistently moved me to tears in this marriage," she said. "I don't know if it is pride, or he feels he's too perfect to be wrong or he feels admitting he's wrong is a sign of weakness. But I've learnt to ignore him, and when I can't stomach it, I just walk away because sometimes, I just feel like screaming and doing something silly."

Notably, in any human relationship, especially marriage, disagreement somewhat seems inevitable, and this underscores why marriage counsellors stress the need for couples to learn to say 'sorry'. They said refusal to say it could make issues degenerate into serious conflict. And according to findings, women apologise more frequently than men.


But why do some people find it difficult to say sorry? A psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it is an ego problem. He explained that psychologically, such people feel their ego would be deflated when they apologise and that when their ego is deflated, it brings shame. Thus, they don't apologise so as not to look cheap before their spouses.

Speaking on how they come about such habit, he said it could be the personality makeup of the person, as they could have learnt that while growing up and that some inherit the trait that predisposes them to such.

Bizzare things some women do for love



~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.


This is the most chilling message I have ever received via email. Someone sent it to me, highlighting how he abused, humiliated and tormented a lady who showed him nothing but love and loyalty.

The message reads: “I met her when she was 24 years old and she fell in love with me. She was gainfully employed. I am four years older than her and I also work.

She never turns down any of my requests, including anal sex even when she can’t stand the pain, neither does she argue with me. She would rather cry or be withdrawn. With that attitude, I saw her as a weak woman who has no mind of her own. Everything I said was right.

She has her own apartment and only visits me when I invite her. She does all my laundry and cleaning, including ironing my clothes on weekends. I am mostly nice when I want her to do my chores or have sex with her, after then, I treat her like garbage.

To her, I was her man, but to me, she was just one of those girls I keep around to help tidy my house and quench my sexual urge for free.

She never asks me for money in whatever guise, though I try to buy her gifts sometimes. Even when I give her money for grocery, I know she spends more of her money in the market and she makes all kinds of soups for me. She is such a fantastic cook and that was the reason I kept her around.

Zimbabwe legalises marijuana for medical use

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018

Zimbabwe has legalised marijuana for medical and scientific use, thereby becoming the second African country to legalize marijuana after Lesotho.

The country’s Minister of Health health in a government notice said that individuals and businesses would be able to apply for licences to cultivatecannabis for medicinal or scientific use on Friday.

The five-year licences will clear growers to possess, transport and sell fresh cannabis, cannabis oil, and dried product, reports Harare Herald.

Applicants for the licenses must submit detailed plans of their proposed production site and yield, according to the government notice published in the Harare Herald.

Individuals applying for licenses must beZimbabwecitizens or residents or have a waiver issued by the minister.

Those previously convicted of drug offences will not be allowed to apply.

Even with the legalisation of cannabis usage, recreational use is still illegal in the country.

The tiny state of Lesotho issued Africa’s first license for medical marijuana productionlast year.

Tribal considerations in choosing a spouse

DOLAPO AKITOYE writes about the roles tribal factors play in choosing a spouse
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 22, 2018.

Culture has always been an important part of the Nigerian society. It governs the way people live their lives. Culture encompasses many aspects of life such as language, food, religion and ways of life. Nigeria is known as the most populous African country with over 300 tribes. It is little wonder that it is referred to as the Giant of Africa.

Every Nigerian citizen belongs to a tribe and members of that tribe incorporate parts of their tribal aspects in their lives including marriage. Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in the world and it involves the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. This means that the two people come together to merge not only themselves but everything relating to them plus their cultures.

It is not uncommon in Nigeria to see families insisting that their children marry from their tribes.

A psychologist at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, Dr. Val Eze, said in the past, especially during the pre-colonial era, ethnic affiliation rooted in traditional, cultural and religious ethos, directed how people selected their partners.

He explained that such was important at the time because the fact that somebody came from a certain tribe had some socio-cultural implications.

Eze stated, "The way a certain group of people behave is determined by their culture, traditions and their social ways of living. If that is the case, it means that an ethnic group is known for certain deviant or anti-social behaviour. It was believed in those times that if a person was chosen from that tribe, he or she might have those traits.''

He added that these cultural tenets were no longer as they used to be due to globalisation and modernity.

"These days, people can meet each other and decide to get married, regardless of tribe, even if their parents refuse," he said.

An Igbo lady, Ada Okoli, who is set to marry a Yoruba man this year, told SUNDAY PUNCH that tribe or ethnicity could not be a factor for her in selecting a partner.

"I've never really cared about that. I'm more interested in who my partner is as opposed to where he comes from," she stated.

Adieu, Winifred Mandela

Written by Oshisada - a veteran journalist, wrote from Ikorodu, Lagos Nigeria.
~The Guardian Nigeria. Friday, April 13, 2018>

Before I eventually decided to write on Mrs. Winifred Madikizela Madela who recently translated, to the Great Beyond, one question repeatedly exercised my mind: "Is it necessary to write a tribute about her?"

Two principles decided my conclusion: "It is better to err on the side of forgiveness", and also: "To err is human, to forgive is Divine".

Therefore, I chose to forget whatever misdeeds that she might have committed towards the end of her turbulent matrimony with her legendary husband, Nelson Mandela Besides, only the Almighty can forgive us our trespasses.

On April 2, 2018, at the Netcare Milpark Hospital, Johannesburg, South Africa, Mrs. Winifred Mandela breathed her last, as a result of a long term illness, Life is journey.

And the couple's martial life was a dramatic irony because neither of them ever envisaged their separation at the time that it occurred. How did the martial relationship begin? According to Nelson, in his life time, they met one afternoon.

"As I drove a friend of mine from Orlando to medical school at the University of the Witwatersrand, passing a bus stop, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a lovely young woman waiting at a bus stop.

Struck by her beauty and I turned my head to get a better look at her, but I had gone by too fast. Her face stayed with me and considered turning around to drive by her in other direction, but I went on."

Weeks after, by a miraculous coincidence, Nelson Mandela met the young woman again at the law chambers of Oliver Tambo who introduced him to her and her brother, with the explanation that they were on a legal matter. That was the beginning of the relationship between Nelson and Namizamo Winifred Madikizula.

She attended Jan Hofmeyr School of Social Work in Johannesburg and was working as the First Black female social worker at Baragwanah Hospital.

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