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Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Are you adventurous enough to handle a one-night stand?

VANGUARD Nigeria. Saturday, November 2, 2019

One night stands are seldom planned - you find yourself in the company of the opposite sex, the chemistry is so charged that nothing matters but that electrifying moment - not your reputation and certainly not common-sense.

A few months back, Afusat found herself in a very lavish bachelor's eve party. "The couple were in their mid-thirties", explains Afusat, "and most of the guests were successful corporate players who came to the party to unwind.

I was 32, engaged to be married soon and laughed indulgently at some of my friends who were out on manhunt. As I made my way to the bar to get a refill for my gin and tonic, a deep voice boomed behind me, What a party!

Are you a friend of the groom-to-be? Turning round, I saw a real hunk, with a clean shaven head and mischievous look. Falteringly, I told him I was the bride's good friend.

"Then we were chatting and laughing. How had he managed to escape the clutches of my man-hungry friends? I don't know how long we chatted for, but my head started swimming mischievously at this deliciously dangerous stranger. When he latched on to my hand, I didn't pull out. He told me he came for the bachelor eve's do from out of town and had a room in the hotel where the eve was being held. "I'm only here for the night', he whispered into my ear. `Why don't we go upstairs for a proper drink?"

"He put his arm around me and stirred me towards the exit. I stumbled along and didn't resist. I was very tipsy. I tripped as we c limbed the stairs and he helped me into his very impressive hotel room. As soon as the door slid shut, his lips found mine.

I snogged him back, feeling drunk, lustful and gorgeous. We made mad passionate love and I must have blacked out. The next thing I realised was waking up the next morning, surveying my surrounds. For a while, I couldn't work out where I was. Then I noticed a scribbled note on the table. `You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you up, it said, `You need to check out by noon...

"I felt so ashamed as everything started coming back. I shuddered at what I'd done - sleeping with a total stranger! My head was in my palms when my mobile shrilled. `Afusat', Rolly, my best friend shrieked down the phone.

Does your foreplay turn your wife off?

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2018.

Ike was feeling damned pleased with himself. As he parked the car, he whistled a cheerful tune,
gathered the 'treat' he'd brought for his family and trotted to his flat.

Amidst squeals of welcome from his kids, he dolled out his presents; meat pies and doughnuts for the kids, a peppered quarter chicken for his wife, Remi and of course, the same piece of chicken for himself too. Remi sighed. She knew what would follow.

She would be expected to fry chips to go along with the 'treats" so that she would spend less time on the family dinner. Her husband would then wash his chicken and chips down with a big bottle of stout and she would be expected to do the same with a small stout of her own.

The next stage would be the bedroom. Naturally, Ike would have had a shower and as soon as Remi got into bed he would pounce on her. "It is nice to feel wanted by your husband but sex should not be a routine", Remi sighed. "Ike would deftly put out the light, reach for my nipples and kneed them in turn and expect me to be instantly aroused. But it is always irritating. I hate my nipples to be twiddled and if my husband wants sex, I want to be flattered by being asked.

"On days when I'm not in the mood and I tell him so, he looks so wounded that I feel guilty. Unfortunately, I seldom initiate sex. When I do, it is the same hasty preamble before he goes into the real thing. After doing it the predictable way all these years, sex with my husband has become a necessary evil. I have to grimace and bear it".

Unfortunately, a lot of men believe that as long as you can make a go of love-making for say 10 to 15 minutes non-stop, you are a super stud. Recounting a recent experience where he met a married legal practitioner, at a seminar, Bernard, another lawyer who delivered a paper said: "Don't let me bore you with details. The chemistry when we met, was right and we both found ourselves in bed in her hotel room on her own turf so to speak. She was the most liberated woman I'd ever seen. I switched off the bed side light so that only the TV light was on and we made what I thought was beautiful love".

"You make love beautifully," she said and I glowed only for her to crash my ego by adding "for yourself. Now make love for me". I looked at her a bit puzzled. "You did not say a word about how beautiful you thought my body was or how tantalizing you found parts of my body. Do you read the Bible often? You've read the Songs of Solomon and the bit about `How beautiful are thy breasts, like twin doves?. If a man could be as romantic as that all those centuries back, then why are you making love mechanically? Is that how you make love to your wife?"

What has shame got to do with a raging libido?

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 19, 2018

Why are today's young women so carried away with having fun and experimenting with sex that they scarcely give a thought to getting married?  Those that are lucky to walk down the aisle do it haphazardly. The slightest marital problems they have, their bags are packed, ready to look for greener pastures by eagerly joining their footloose and fancy free friends. So, once in a while, friends get together looking for ways to drag their unwilling daughters down the aisle – no matter how short-lived such relationship turn out to be.
So when Lillian's daughter, Jessica finally came home after her live in lover of three years jilted her to get married to a white woman, we were really sympathetic.  "According to this creep of a guy,Jessica stole him from one of her good friends", Lillian told us.  "He'd had a free ride with the friend, then latched on to Jessica before realising Nigerian girls are dogs. His safest bet was to get married to a starry-eyed British woman who saw him as a stud to die for!  When I saw how devastated Jessica was, I felt for her and was afraid she might do something foolish. So, I convinced her to relocate so she could find a suitor. The word is now our girls. Jessica is now 28 and must find a suitor, come hook or crook!".

You couldn't just have a man on tap, I told her, reminding her of all her match making capers that hit a brick wall. But a couple of months later, Juwon, one of my good friends came calling, grumbling about a nephew well in his 30s and still single.  "All the wife materials he's met, he'd used them for sex", she moaned.  "He's my sister's only child and she's very broody - she wants grandchildren".

A light suddenly went on in my head. Why not match-make this man with Jessica?  The more we discussed the prospect, the more excited Juwon was. When I later called Lillian, she said she knew Jessica's taste and would want to give Adams the once-over before she linked him up with her daughter. Fair enough.

"That Adams of yours is a real cad", Lillian said, months after. I was at hers, having a relaxed evening but her tone of voice made me sit up.  "I don't think Juwon told him what the set up was. When he came to the house, he was confident and cheeky - not the introverted man Juwon painted him to be. When we finally got to why he was really at my place, his face fell.  `I thought you fancied me, he protested.  `My auntie merely told me you needed a favour, I thought ...' `No, no, no' I told him.  `Nothing of that sort must even cross your mind.  I'll arrange for you to meet my daughter as soon as possible'.  And that was what I did.  He looked a bit older than I thought as we talked.

Men beware – Lack of sex can make your woman angry!

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.

IT is a well-known fact that sex has come to be an accepted stress reliever. Some mornings, Felicia
confesses she feels so lethargic she has to force herself out of bed. At work, the lethargy turns to irritability and she finds herself snapping at colleagues for no reason before returning home and picking silly arguments with Dan, her husband about dirty dishes and not helping enough with the children. Sound familiar?

While Felicia's mood swings may bear some resemblance to the symptoms of pre-menstrual tension or mild anxiety, they are completely unrelated to her hormones or mental state. Her crushingly low spirits are caused by something else altogether-when she last made love. Too long without sex, and she becomes miserable and fractions. "I feel so low, it's like I'm almost depressed," confesses Felicia, 33, an executive assistant. "On the weekend, I can't be bothered to look after the house or do any house work and I'm so short-tempered and feel angry at Dan for everything.

"At work too, my colleagues detect my change in mood and ask if I'm Ok, and I'll then say I'm feeling a bit low so they won't take it personally." Felicia, a mother of two children aged five and 16 months, said she made the connection between her mood swings and the state of her love life after her children were born. "Before we had children, we'd have sex whenever we wanted and would hardly go a day or two without," she recalls. "But parenthood drained our energy and we'd often be too exhausted.

As the gaps between our lovemaking becomes wider, I noticed the difference in my attitude to Dan. Even when we hadn't had sex for just a week, I'd start to feel like we were drifting apart and it made me frustrated and angry. I worried about everything and whether our relationship was in trouble. It was very frightening. I can see how couples could break up in these circumstances. A 'sex famine' as it's now popularly referred to, is something many exhausted parents can identify with, not to mention couples who've lapsed into a lazy over-familiarity in long relationships."

Why desperate women fall for oldest trick all the time!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, July 10, 2018.

WHENEVER the word, ‘mistress' is mentioned, up springs the image of a calculating vamp dressed
in skimpy clothes and expensive hair extensions, ready to lure away husbands without a second thought to the families of such men. But sometimes, the truth is usually more complicated. As a result, many women who find themselves the 'other woman' are caught in situations they never bargained for. Take the case of Mylah for instance. "I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jacob,'she told me, a bit sad. 'I'd just split up from my husband of 11 years-and was busy looking after the three children of the marriage.

"Jacob was a friend's elder brother and we met at my friend's 40th birthday party. He told me he's been estranged from his wife for months and was waiting for his divorce to be finalized. According to him, his wife hadn't really adapted to the fact that wives were supposed to behave differently from when they were abroad,'and when they finally relocated to Nigeria. I didn't ask 'him for details and our relationship quickly took up from there. He gave me his mobile number as well as his home's and visited every spare minute he got. Gradually, we became very fond of each other and he sometimes slept over at mine.

"He lived alone and when he suggested I moved in with him, I agreed. The children were in the boarding house-and having them for the holidays wouldn't be a problem. As soon as Jacob's divorce was through, he promised we would get married-I was very happy. The fact that he was technically married didn't bother me and he openly let me know when he was popping over to his old house to see his two children. I was after all, a mother and knew the importance of both parents to children.

"I later discovered that life with Jacob wasn't always smooth-sailing. When we had rows, he would storm off for hours. Then last year, the friend I met him through arranged for us to come with her family to the Benin Republic to see a relative and have a holiday in the process. I jumped at the chance and Jacob was quite willing to go. The morning we were to go, he picked up a quarrel and stormed off again. I was furious when he didn't turn up hours later, fearing he might be in an accident. I called my friend to cancel the trip, telling her why. She calmly told me Jacob was already outside their house in the car with his wife! I was in shock. I'd believed him 100 per cent when he said they'd split. I'd had no reason not to. We were living together for heaven's sake! I asked my friend to take the phone to him, but he refused to talk to me.

Where exactly are the wife materials?!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?

She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.

"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.

"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.

"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!

What you expect from your marriage is not what you often get!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

WILL the average person experiencing problems in their relationship know the right time to walk away? It goes without saying that divorce now is quick and with little rancour, single parenthood is on the increase and more men opt for the single life despite the fact that eligible women are two a penny (seemingly). Yet, never before has there been that fear of uncertainty in abandoning a relationship that was obviously going nowhere than now. A few months ago, I ran into a friend's daughter and asked after her mother.

Sheepishly, she told me it was a long time she saw her mother last as she was now living with her fiance. That would have been perfectly in order if it was what she wanted too. "I would have preferred for us to get married", she shrugged, "but he doesn't want to commit himself until I'm pregnant".

What happens if she gets pregnant, gets married, and later has a miscarriage? Will the man abandon her some two years later if she can't conceive again? These questions and lots more ran through my mind but I didn't want to make the poor girl more miserable than she already was. She is currently hopping from one gynaecologist to the other and when I asked her if the love of her life had gone for a test too, she said it wasn't necessary as he'd already fathered a child. I wanted to tell her that was no proof. That I knew a few 'surrogate' fathers who'd made a few 'barren' women mothers. The legal fathers are none the wiser and the mothers are now free of criticisms and jibes from their in-laws. Their marriage seems to be on an even keel.

The situation that gives a lot of concern is where the couples know that their marriage is lying on its back with its hooves virtually in the air but sit tight and hope that things will get better.

Unfortunately, they seldom do. Boma, a retired industrial nurse in her 60s now sits alone in her lovely house, wishing she'd had the common sense to kick her wayward husband out of their matrimonial home when she realized he was a bum despite the fact that he was a medical doctor. "I had a very shrewd father who believed in putting a bit by for the rainy day", she said. "When I was working after my training in England, he was always urging me to save and send whatever I could home so he could buy me some property. His letter bothered on an irritation at times but his insistence goaded me into doing temporary jobs – and petty-trading along with my regular job so I could send him money. He always made up for the balance and thanks to him, when we came back, I had a few plots of land here and there.


Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.

The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:

First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.

Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.

Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.

Five ways to cope with a partner who does not apologise

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~ Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.

At 45 and 40 respectively, Mr. James Koledowo and his wife, Simi, have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly in their near four years of marriage.

Seen by many in their church and neighbourhood as a happily married couple, Simi admitted that truly they had had exciting moments, but that when it comes to resolving their differences, she could count on her five fingers how many times her husband had apologised to her, even when he was evidently the one at fault.

"Not that he had never offended me and not that he didn't know he was wrong at those times, but he just felt a man should not be the one apologising, thinking it was degrading for a man to do that," she said in a recent interaction with Saturday PUNCH.

From the unprintable things he says anytime they had quarrel to doing certain things a reasonable man should not do to his wife and causing her emotional distress, Simi said she still doesn't understand why he finds it difficult to admit that he could be wrong and then "do the needful" - apologise.

"That is one thing that has consistently moved me to tears in this marriage," she said. "I don't know if it is pride, or he feels he's too perfect to be wrong or he feels admitting he's wrong is a sign of weakness. But I've learnt to ignore him, and when I can't stomach it, I just walk away because sometimes, I just feel like screaming and doing something silly."

Notably, in any human relationship, especially marriage, disagreement somewhat seems inevitable, and this underscores why marriage counsellors stress the need for couples to learn to say 'sorry'. They said refusal to say it could make issues degenerate into serious conflict. And according to findings, women apologise more frequently than men.

But why do some people find it difficult to say sorry? A psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it is an ego problem. He explained that psychologically, such people feel their ego would be deflated when they apologise and that when their ego is deflated, it brings shame. Thus, they don't apologise so as not to look cheap before their spouses.

Speaking on how they come about such habit, he said it could be the personality makeup of the person, as they could have learnt that while growing up and that some inherit the trait that predisposes them to such.

Tribal considerations in choosing a spouse

DOLAPO AKITOYE writes about the roles tribal factors play in choosing a spouse
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 22, 2018.

Culture has always been an important part of the Nigerian society. It governs the way people live their lives. Culture encompasses many aspects of life such as language, food, religion and ways of life. Nigeria is known as the most populous African country with over 300 tribes. It is little wonder that it is referred to as the Giant of Africa.

Every Nigerian citizen belongs to a tribe and members of that tribe incorporate parts of their tribal aspects in their lives including marriage. Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in the world and it involves the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. This means that the two people come together to merge not only themselves but everything relating to them plus their cultures.

It is not uncommon in Nigeria to see families insisting that their children marry from their tribes.

A psychologist at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, Dr. Val Eze, said in the past, especially during the pre-colonial era, ethnic affiliation rooted in traditional, cultural and religious ethos, directed how people selected their partners.

He explained that such was important at the time because the fact that somebody came from a certain tribe had some socio-cultural implications.

Eze stated, "The way a certain group of people behave is determined by their culture, traditions and their social ways of living. If that is the case, it means that an ethnic group is known for certain deviant or anti-social behaviour. It was believed in those times that if a person was chosen from that tribe, he or she might have those traits.''

He added that these cultural tenets were no longer as they used to be due to globalisation and modernity.

"These days, people can meet each other and decide to get married, regardless of tribe, even if their parents refuse," he said.

An Igbo lady, Ada Okoli, who is set to marry a Yoruba man this year, told SUNDAY PUNCH that tribe or ethnicity could not be a factor for her in selecting a partner.

"I've never really cared about that. I'm more interested in who my partner is as opposed to where he comes from," she stated.

Could you be better friends after your divorce?

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 14, 2018.

THE major reason married couples divorce is that they couldn't stand each other when they were married. Most marriages could be acrimonious, but there are some couples who got along better now they don't have the responsibilities that committed relationships bring. Mandy, 42 and Frank 39 swore they've forged a close friendship, even though Frank walked out on her when their second daughter was only four.

"I was distraught when Frank left me four years ago," confessed Mandy. "I had recently suffered a miscarriage and was really depressed. On top of which the doctors had really advised 1 shouldn't try for another baby at my age"'. That made me feel really old and emphasised that at 35, Frank would think his child-bearing age was over. We already had two adorable daughters, would he want a son like most men?

"Frank assured me he'd got all the family he ever wanted and 1 relaxed. A couple of years later however, 1 got the news that shattered everything. A friend called she was just from a naming ceremony where the new dad was Frank. And you guessed it, the new tot was a boy! Frank didn't know her, so she was able to give a blow-by-blow account of the ceremony. 1 literally died inside.

How could he? After he'd assured me he was fine the way things were? 1 didn't even suspect he was having a serious affair. This was a man who, even in my darkest moments was there, assuring me 1 could count on him.

"When he eventually showed up and I addressed him by the name of his new son, he was taken aback. Then he became defiant. He told me he didn't ask for what happened, but when one of his mistresses became pregnant and refused an abortion, he resigned himself to his lot. But when he realised he'd had a son, he was really happy. The only problem was how to tell me, but this 'well-meaning' friend had made things easier for him. And he meant to be a responsible father to this son who was born due to no fault of his.

It's a huge mistake going to your lover's Matrimonial Home

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, May 28, 2017.

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine whose profession had to do with the 'bench' was forced to bring her' irresponsible' husband to order. According to her, he was a chronic womanizer who'd humiliated her especially with his lack of choice when lusting after sex. "When you're tanked to the eyebrow;" he often bragged, "who cares what a dame looks like?"

His behaviour got a little reckless when he invited his latest girlfriend and her friends to the naming ceremony of the latest arrival to the family. A good 'friend' of the husband pointed out the culprit and her friends to the wife. They stuck out like a sore thumb anyway, since they were seated in the living room far from the prying eyes of guests and relations. To get to the toilet you had to go through the bedroom and my friend stationed one of her sisters in the room. If she caught any of the 'rebels' passing through to get to the toilet, she should let her know.

When that eventually happened, my friend made sure the girl was back on her seat before she raised an alarm that some pieces of jewellery were missing from her room. She looked frantically around until her eyes rested on the girls, seemingly for the first time.

"I don't know you lot", she said innocently, then turning to relations in the room she asked "did any of you come with these guests?" Nobody claimed the "contraband goods" and the husband, bottles of beer in hand, quickly disappeared into the crowd.

My friend's brother then started roughening up the girls, accusing them of stealing money and jewellery when one of them passed through the bedroom. A few slaps here, some caustic words there, the girls were threatened with police action. They were eventually 'released' with the girlfriend's clothes in shreds.

When a few days later, my friend's husband meal wasn't ready, that was the cue for him to retaliate.

He puffed and huffed and threatened and when his wife lost her patience, twak.!

After giving her a beating she would remember for a long time, he left the house in anger. The wife quickly locked up. Afterall, she was the one allocated the house. When the husband came back in the wee hours of the morning and realized he was locked out, he saw red.

He put his angry fist through a window and there was blood all over the place.

My friend quickly went out the back door, got into her car and raced to the nearest police station. She flashed her ID and informed the sleepy officers that someone in her house was destroying government property. The men in uniform quickly came with her and matched the protesting husband to the cell. late in the evening, after she'd given me an emotional account of what she went through, I finally persuaded her to go and bail her husband out since she was the complainant. She insisted I come with her, so I did. You wouldn't believe the rapport that had quickly existed between the husband and his fellow 'prisoners'! Stripped to the waist, bare-footed and looking unkempt, he was sharing cigarettes with other inmates when we came in.

Mr & Mrs: My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court

My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court
'My sister flirts with my boyfriend'
- I caught my wife, best man having adulterous meeting – Husband tells court
- 'My husband makes money only for himself'
- I caught my wife with two lovers in our bedroom – Husband


My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.

Lagos – A divorce-seeking housewife, Mojisola Ajiboye, on Thursday told an Agege Customary Court that her husband is not the biological father of her son.

She gave the testimony in the divorce suit she filed against her estranged husband at the court.

The petitioner, a 30-year-old nurse, who resides at No. 46, Shiaba St., Agege , a Lagos suburb, said she regretted her seven-year marriage to Samson Nkanang, 33.

She claims that the husband usually abandons her at home and travels on official trips without any form of care.

"My husband is irresponsible and has turned me into a punching bag, I am no longer interested in the union; I want the loveless marriage dissolved,'' she pleaded with the court.

The petitioner told the court that the petitioner whom she has been married to for over seven years is not the biological father of her son.

"I was impregnated by another man during the period my husband travelled on an official trip,' she said.

The estranged wife urged the court to dissolve the marriage so that they can go their separate ways

"Although l registered the child's birth in the respondent's name, he is not the father of my son,''she said.

Mojisola alleged that her husband is temperamental and constantly beats her over minor issues.

Samson , who admitted subjecting his wife to frequent beatings, however, denied the allegations of being an irresponsible husband and father.

He told the court that he was on an official trip for two months in Akwa-Ibom when his wife told him she was pregnant.

"On my return, I even had sexual intercourse with her severally in order for her private part to be opened according to the doctor's report.

"So I am amazed now that she claims I am not the biological father of my child."

Lagos: How Uber driver married his client

~Punch Nigeria. Monday, May 22, 2017. 

A Nigerian lady has taken to social media to narrate how she met her husband, who is an Uber driver. The story is an entire deviation from the stories of Uber drivers assaulting their clients that has become rampant, recently.
The whole story started from simple courtesy, then it progressed to a conversation before it reached the altar.
Read the story as shared below.

On the 19th of July, 2016 after a very hectic time at a Client's office, I ordered for an Uber ride somewhere around Bourdilion Road, Ikoyi, Lagos. Then one 'Gregory Shola Okorodudu @bigsholz ' picked up my request and called to get exact description to where I was. I described it to him and asked to let me know when he arrives.

On getting to me, he said 'goodevening Maam', he got out of the car, took my bag, asked where I wanted to sit and opened the door for me. He was like "hope you're okay Ma?" then I just cut in, "if you call me Ma again I will call you Sir"

Shortly after, I got a call from my Bestest Nonso and we spoke for a while as there seemed to be a very long traffic that day. At the end of the conversation she told me Afam our friend got us Ribs of fire (barbeque pork ribs) with fries. I was so excited I was singing 'Afam is the best' favorite meal from Aberdeen, Scotland, UK. Then I got off the call with a better countenance than I got in the car.

Then Shola cut in saying, 'sorry to eavesdrop into your conversation but did you say you found ribs of fire in Lagos?' I said 'yes'. He had this big grin on his face then said it was one of his favorite meal in Manchester, UK.

Then I looked at him like, "You've been to the UK?" he said YES! Did a Masters in Petroleum and Gas Engineering and graduated with Distinction. I was in shock and he said you don't believe, here is my certificate. He's got his documents scanned on phone. So I was like why are you driving Uber then?

How can a housewife justify multiple affairs?

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, March 5, 2017.

I'VE often wondered what life would be like if it is devoid of the heady sensation of sex? A lot had been said and written on how revered it should be in marriage. Yet, on the other side of the coin, illicit sex is so available you could virtually have it on tap! When you mention kiss and tell, an image of a man pops up. I mean, what married woman in her senses would confess to an affair even with a gun held to her head, let alone brag about the joy of illicit sex? Times are really changing.

The smug smiles a couple of my friends and I wear when we discussed our 'indiscretions' pale into insignificance when compared with what the average adventurous wife gets away with these days. And she's so brazen she often brags about how easy it is to pull the wool over hubby's eyes.

Vivienne, a much younger friend is one of these high-flying professionals with the Midas touch. She currently works with a boss who was recruited from abroad by the firm they both work with. Viv's been bending my ears on how handsome and cosmopolitan Greg, the boss was that on this day I called on her, I automatically switched off when she started singing Greg's praise. I'd reminded her often she'd just been married less than 10 years and affairs should be off her menu. "I love Ebere (the husband) but he could be so predictable at times." She would tell me in her defence. This day in question, she was babbling on about Greg when I took notice of what she had to say. "I often have erotic dreams about him and now we've been teamed to work overtime on our new account, heavens only know what would happen", she said excitedly.

"What do you mean?", I asked in my don't-do-any-thing-foolish voice. "I've been having these erotic dreams about him and now we'll be working together often, anything could happen". I warned her of the consequences of any rash action, then left. But I couldn't get her out of my mind. I was so curious I had to pay her another visit some few months later. "Oh aunty- C, I feel guilty I couldn't give you a call or visit, I've been so busy!' she said. 'I can imagine,' I mumbled under my breath. It is always a delight to visit her anyway as she entertains lavishly whenever I called. With fresh fish stew and boiled potatoes in my belly, being washed down with a very good wine, Viv dropped her bombshell: "I've relived my dream", she declared. I almost choked on the wine as my ears perked up. "Some weeks back, after we'd finished one of our projects, Greg sent for food from the nearest hotel and popped a bottle of champagne he'd put in his fridge. Before the food arrived, we'd almost finished the bottle which explained why I became giggly and hot when Greg started teasing.

I told him about my dreams and he leered. 'Now's the time to find out,' he said as he moved closer – in a few seconds, we were in a clinch, kissing furiously and helping each other out of our clothes. In no time at all, we were on his office couch, making frantic, raunchy love – the thought of my marriage flying out of the window. "I couldn't have stopped him even if I wanted to! When it was over, he looked really proud of his achievement but I didn't mind. It was the best bunk I'd had for months'.

How to successfully tame your hostile mother-in-law!

By Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

DUNNI has been a sort of little brother for years now, and he freely comes to me any time he wants any advice. Not that much was happening in his life, not for a long time at least. An only child, he schooled in Britain and only came home when his mum had a mild stroke and could no longer run the family furniture business. His dad had passed on long before then and he confessed he couldn’t cope. “I’m not the businessman type”, he moaned "the first time he discussed the family business with me. ”I’ve noticed how firmly mum deals with the workers but I don’t really have the bottle. For a start, I know little or nothing about the staff, and for another I can’t really shout when things go wrong. I’m not the aggressive type".

I told him to keep his ears to the ground, look for one or two allies amongst the staff and tap their brain. It seemed to work for a while until one of the ‘allies’ started giving him the eye. Handsome is hardly a word to described Dunni, but he is intelligent and kind. In his early thirties, he could count the number of girlfriends he’s had on the finger. His idea of a wild night was having a good meal at a decent restaurant and topping that up with choice wine. So when he started going out with Fareedah, his mum’s personal assistant, I was happy for him.

When he brought her to the house however, my enthusiasm dipped. The girl was very pretty and extremely extroverted. She was considerably younger. What would she want with drab Dunni when she could have her pick of men? But then, I chided myself, she could have had her heart broken by a few Casanovas and wanted to give Mr. Nice Man a chance.

Dunni admitted he was a bit wary of falling in love with her when we next met. “But she is very "caring, Auntie,” he said. “You know I didn’t have that much experience with dating women, but she’d since taken care of that. The shyness I usually felt when I was near women disappeared when I went out with her the first time and she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. As a result, our first experience at lovemaking was almost disastrous; I had no confidence because it had been such a long time I was with a woman that it was over almost before it started. But she was patient with me and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I’d only ever dreamt of … ”

When I asked if he’d met any of her friends and family he told me her parents were dead. “I’ve met her friends and they are really nice,” he assured me. “If they thought it was odd her going out with me when she was so pretty and younger, they didn’t show it. Anyway, I’ve changed so much since I met her. She’s overhauled my wardrobe and made me buy a sexier car.

Twins from different fathers in one womb

Written by Sola Ogundipe
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 15, 2017. 

Siblings can have different fathers; can twins born of a woman have two fathers? The straight answer is yes. Twins could be "bipaternal." This phenomenon occurs quite rarely (1 in a billion to be exact), but several pairs of non-identical twins have been born, tested and found to be the products of one womb, one pregnancy, but two fathers.

It is often assumed that for twins, both eggs were fertilized during a single act of intercourse. However it is quite possible for one egg to be fertilized during one act of intercourse, and the other during another if the woman has intercourse with two men within hours.

Normally, women ovulate only one healthy egg per cycle. Fraternal twins are born when women ovulate two healthy eggs and both get fertilised. But it is also possible for two eggs to be ovulated during the same cycle and fertilised at different points within the five-day fertility window resulting in twins. This process is known as "superfecundation". What this means is that each egg can be fertilised by different sperms.

If a woman ovulates two or more eggs and she has sex with more than one man while she's fertile, "heteropaternal superfecundation" can occur, if the eggs get fertilised by sperm from the two different fathers within the same ovulation period.

Medical research shows that when a woman has sex with two men within the same ovulation window, it can result in bi-paternal twins, that come when a woman releases two eggs during ovulation instead of one - and both eggs are then fertilized.

When a man cheats on his wife!

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 15, 2017.

Please, close your eyes for a minute. Now, imagine that something terrible just happened to you, such as an accident or illness, rendering you incapable of being in charge of your life. You have become so incapacitated, you can no longer run your own show. You can no longer bark out orders at your family and loved ones.

You are no longer that fire spitting boss at the office that everyone dreaded to cross path with. No longer are you that loud laughing, back pumping buddy to your friends and colleagues. Your beer guzzling and cigarette puffing addiction which you loved to call enjoyment can no longer be fed. Yes, imagine that you are now totally dependent on some other persons to help you get by.

You need someone to take care of your personal private needs, particularly toilet needs. Simple tasks such as bathing, brushing your teeth, eating, sitting, getting into your own bed, talking, laughing, and even taking your own medication have become the duty of some others. All you can do now is stare at the ceiling and into space as you lay in your bed like a zombie. What do you think would happen to you should you suddenly become a vegetable? Who do you think ought to be responsible for your care?

This was exactly what happened to Steve, a 59 year old business man when he suddenly suffered a severe stroke two years ago. According to Angelica, his wife of about 25 years, it all happened so suddenly late one night." Because we did not share a room, I did not realise that anything had happened to him until I woke up at about 5.30am to use the bathroom and heard a muffled sound coming from his room.

It was a strange sound, so I decided to check on him. Then, I saw him, lay out straight and staring at the ceiling, foaming from his mouth. I rushed out of our apartment and alerted the neighbours to help us get him to the hospital and called his siblings and some close family members too. Informing them of the development.

This was very important so no one would accuse me of keeping his condition a secret from them until something irreversible happened. As you are aware, a woman is usually held responsible for any condition or death of her husband in this part of the world, even if the cause of his death is public knowledge.

At the hospital, we were informed that he had suffered a full stroke which had affected his brain severely. He lost virtually all his senses, movement, coordination, speech, feeling (touch), he just lay there, with his eyes open without seeing anything or acknowledging anything. The family coughed out a fortune to save his life and God granted him favour. He survived but became a vegetable. The man I once knew is gone and may never return to that body".

Why it pays to have hubby's mistress on your side!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 8, 2017.

WHILE some wives hang on to a marriage despite abuse bothering on 'intimate terrorism', quite a few who value their pride draw the line on how much they can take from a marriage before packing their bags – children and all. "One rainy day seven years ago,I recalled Freida, a hugely successful business woman, "an amateur detective mission I'd set myself came to fruition. I had amassed the clues and every- shred of evidence. I was closing in on the slut who was sleeping with my husband.

"My heart was virtually in my throat as the moment approached when I would finally confront her. The other woman. The mistress. My husband's bit on the side. Whatever name I chose to call her, she amounted to the same thing. She was the woman with whom my husband, Deji, was conducting an affair. The woman for whom he was willing to sacrifice our almost ten years of marriage and a happy home we'd built for our three children. And there she was, walking the length and breath of this fairly posh hotel as a supervisor. A staff member had discreetly pointed her to me and I walked up to her. 'Are you Linda?' I asked this slim tall woman with badly done hair extensions. I was really surprised at what I saw.

She was slim, tall and at least nine years younger than me. Her look of blank perflexing turned to shock when I told her, "I'm Freida, your lover's wife.' She looked really lost for words as she scanned the faces of other hotel guests.

"Until I came face to face with Linda, I'd envisaged Deji's mistress as a younger and more successful version of me. Yet here she was in bend-down jeans, a fake designer handbag and a cheap vest top. I felt relieved but also perplexed, that she wasn't what I call his type. She was several inches taller than him for a start. I simply couldn't picture them together.

She was dumb-struck. She meekly followed me to a cheaper eatery near the hotel after her manager agreed she could come with me for half an hour.

Husbands who bring out the worst in their wives!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 8, 2017.

SOME years back, a close friend invited three of her friends to lunch to mark her husband's birthday. Just the five of us, she warned on the phone – a subtle way of telling us not to even think of bringing any hangers-on to her 'exclusive' do. We all three knew Bose and her no- nonsense attitude. Even Oba, her husband tread on egg-shells whenever she was in her foul mood – which was often. Anyway, we were all looking forward to what we imagined would be a delicious spread of local and foreign dishes – Bose, whatever her fault, was a darn good cook.

We were a bit on guard when Oba was the one who welcomed us as we pressed the bell, screaming 'Bose, Bose, your friends are here o!' Bose appeared, dressed in pants and a very sexy blouse, a defiant look on her face. In the mean-time, no aroma of any kind wafted from the kitchen.

"If my friends are here nko?" Bose sneered. "It is your birthday, you entertain them" . The gist of it was there was no celebratory lunch of any kind. Bose glared at her husband, yelling she hadn't done any shopping and she wasn't up to cooking anything – all of us should go and stuff ourselves!

As she flauced out of the living room, her eldest daughter surfaced, looking extremely embarrassed. But Oba quickly took charge. He gave some money to her daughter to make a quick dash to the nearest fast-food spot and get us some assortment of food. Then with Bose still raving and ranting, he served the food his daughter brought back in the formal dining room as if it was the most delicious feast in the world, all the while regaling us with entertaining stories as if nothing was remotely out of the ordinary.

Now, were we surprised by this turn of event? Not in the least. We were all aware of Bose and Oba's volatile marriage. Bose often attacked her husband, subjecting him to a string of battering. Oba often regaled us with tales of how he was scratched, punched and even hit over the head with a bottle, as well as having the windscreen of a favourite vehicle smashed by his excessively jealous wife. The rows were never-ending and spilled into his official duties. On one occasion, he alleged Bose was waiting for him outside his office after he'd just finished a meeting with his key staff. "When I came out," he said, she confronted me about something and when I didn't give her the type of answer she sought, she sank her teeth into my hand."

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