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Showing posts with label Columnists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Columnists. Show all posts

When another baby fails to come

By Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 
Phone: 01-4667360, 07026277855 
~Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2018

 Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 
There is always a feeling of joy when years of struggle with pregnancy are followed by conception, pregnancy and birth of a baby with ease. A woman that has never conceived and has difficulty conceiving has primary infertility. However, there are several women that have trouble conceiving again after their first or subsequent pregnancy. This is known as secondary infertility. Many people think primary infertility is more common than secondary infertility.

Whether or not they are right is debatable. However, one thing that is certain is that primary and secondary infertility, though common, can be adequately diagnosed and treated.

Primary infertility is when a woman has never been pregnant and is having difficulty to conceive. Secondary infertility, on the other hand, is the inability of a woman that has had at least one pregnancy, but is unable to become pregnant or carry another baby to term after at least one year of trying. Both primary and secondary infertility share a number of similar causes.

Why am I unable to conceive this time round? This is one of the biggest questions in the minds of men and women that experience secondary infertility. People may wonder why these women are trying so hard and why they cannot just relax. This, again, is not easy to answer.

I have interacted with several women diagnosed with secondary infertility and one thing I can confirm is that secondary infertility is as big a problem as primary infertility. Secondary infertility can be unexpected and stressful as much as it can be confusing and shocking. It is logical to ask why a couple that had no trouble getting pregnant the first time is now struggling.

About one in 10 couples that already have a child experiences secondary infertility. Worse still, for one reason or the other, couples experiencing secondary infertility may be more likely to delay seeking help. They may also find that friends, family, and even doctors downplay their fertility struggles. But whether you're struggling for child number one, or number two, or a higher number, there is often anxiety and grief to confront at every point.

Take a second look at your husband while thinking of having an affair

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, July 21, 2018

"MOST times, lying with my husband watching him sleep on his back, beer belly rising and falling with each snore, he doesn't look appetizing in the least especially with his treble chin and bald head. I am starting to find him repulsive…." Melisa looked so forlorn as she told me about the state of her marriage that I had to laugh.

She wasn't amused. I reminded her they'd just been married 12 years and it was a bit early for her to start being resentful, especially when she has two adorable kids and a well heeled husband who gave her and the children virtually everything they wanted. "But what about meaningful sex? Seun was fit and energetic when we got married with a body to die for.

Now he's flabby and unattractive. His weight had more than doubled; the only thing that hasn't changed is his personality. He's still kind and loving with a good sense of humour. Trouble is, I just don't fancy him any more. I want rippling muscles-not rippling fat!"

I warned her to be extremely careful. After escaping the seven year-itch, maybe, 12 years is when her marriage should have started showing signs of being in a rut-she should strive for both of them to get out of it. "I don't know about Seun," she said simply, "but I'm trying my best to do just that. As a matter of fact, I've just met someone at work. He is a technician we briefly used. Though he is single, he knows he's nothing but a bit-on-the side. And he's so sexy.

Instead of the usual boxers, he wears clinging lycra cycling shorts which makes him look deeply sexy. It is easy to get a way to meet him as Seun works really late now he's been promoted to management level. Don't get me wrong, I love Seun, but sex with Ephraim is like an icing on a cake." I told her she was treading on dangerous grounds but she just laughed in my face.

Months later, she came running back to me, "It is Seun" she said, a bit frightened, "it is as if he suspects I'm having an affair. Last night, he came outright to ask why we never seem to make love any more. That 1 couldn't get away quickly enough whenever he touched me.

Bizzare things some women do for love

~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.

This is the most chilling message I have ever received via email. Someone sent it to me, highlighting how he abused, humiliated and tormented a lady who showed him nothing but love and loyalty.

The message reads: “I met her when she was 24 years old and she fell in love with me. She was gainfully employed. I am four years older than her and I also work.

She never turns down any of my requests, including anal sex even when she can’t stand the pain, neither does she argue with me. She would rather cry or be withdrawn. With that attitude, I saw her as a weak woman who has no mind of her own. Everything I said was right.

She has her own apartment and only visits me when I invite her. She does all my laundry and cleaning, including ironing my clothes on weekends. I am mostly nice when I want her to do my chores or have sex with her, after then, I treat her like garbage.

To her, I was her man, but to me, she was just one of those girls I keep around to help tidy my house and quench my sexual urge for free.

She never asks me for money in whatever guise, though I try to buy her gifts sometimes. Even when I give her money for grocery, I know she spends more of her money in the market and she makes all kinds of soups for me. She is such a fantastic cook and that was the reason I kept her around.

About Time You Knew Dad Too Had Something To Do With That Adorable New Baby!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~vanguard nigeria. Sunday, April 15, 2018.

FINDINGS have shown that becoming a father is a major life event which changes family relationships, brings new responsibilities and has a major economic impact on the new parents.

Men have their own needs as new fathers, yet can also lack information about how they can support their partners. Michael 26, was totally unprepared for fatherhood when Sammy, his 23- year-old undergraduate wife suddenly discovered she was pregnant.

"Sammy and I had been together for two years when she got pregnant. She was studying to become a teacher and I'd just got a fairly good job after my youth service," explained Michael.

"Sammy told her parents and they informed mine. All of a sudden, wedding plans were being made – and it had to happen before the baby arrived. It didn't seem real. Marriage was the furtherest thought on my mind. I would have preferred we were both working but here was Sammy starting to look pregnant. Would our lives change much? Even though we both have caring families, my main worry was supporting the three of us on my new salary that was scarcely enough for my needs. Once in a while, I asked myself: 'What have I done?'

"The wedding was a blur – it was something I had to get over with. My worry now was the baby and how I'd cope with the birth. Would I let my new wife down by being too squeamish? In the end, our son's birth was the most powerful, moving event of my entire life. Like most new fathers, I was present at the birth and I'm not ashamed to admit I cried.

"When we brought the baby to our new flat, I felt a bit sidelined. The whole focus of both families was on the baby – and then my wife. No one seemed interested in me.

"It may sound selfish but my life had changed over-night too, and I had no idea what my new role was. I was a bit lost. Since then however, I've realised being a dad means getting on with it. And it's hard work, believe me. I had to learn to change nappies, prepare his food when he was weaned off breast milk and give him his bath when I could. We are lucky that our son is not one of the screamy type, still both of us are exhausted – no thanks to househelps who seem to up and go whenever they feel like it.

"But my wife and I are finding our feet, but I feel the pressure being the only wage earner. My mum and my wife's mum take turns looking after the baby when Sammy returned to schooL Her main worry is her post-baby stomach but I assure her always she looks good to me. Her body makes me love her even more – a proof she brought our child into the word. To be honest, I found the news I was going to be a dad scary and bewildering – but it is a wonderful experience. When my son, who now crawls all over the place, gives me his toothy smile, everything suddenly seems worth it. I know I have to do my best for him for the rst of my life. And that's something that comes naturally - eventually"!

She came to the rescue of a sister who was off sex!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 28, 2018.

FAMILY comes in handy when you have problems you think are insurmountable. During the last general strike, a few of the staff made it to the office – out of boredom, I'm sure. What's more, their houses are a few `minutes' walk to the office. There was nothing to do really, so we just sat down and nattered, discussing everything under the sun with particular emphasis on relationships. "How many marriages do you think can survive without sex?" asked Augusta, one of the participants on a sandwich course from her banking job. "Dunno," I told her. "Quite a few do, but for short periods only. You can not really be happy in a sexless marriage can you, what would be the point?"

The following day, I was really surprised to see her. None of the others showed up and it would have been a good opportunity for me to catch up on the backlog of files I had to go through. Seeing I wasmore interested in encouraging her to leave than settle to another gossip session, she told me she urgently needed my advise. "It's my brother-in-law" she said when I arched my brow. "My sister is six years older than me and although we were very close when we were young, I was a bit jealous of her as she got to do everything way before I did – like going to discos, having boyfriend' and wearing grown-up clothes. By the time I was old enough to do all those things, Leila, my sister, was already married to John, her childhood sweetheart. With time they had two boys. I was at her place on a Saturday when she opened up to me. As she talked, she kept her eyes fixed on my face .. Was she expecting a reaction? She then told me:

"Would you believe I no longer find sex interesting?" My sister confided in me as we shared a bottle of wine. `I love John, of course, but I hate it when he touches me.' I didn't know what to say. I was a bit embarrassed. I mumbled something about a low sex drive being common for a while after having a baby. But her youngest was four and I urged her to give it time. That the desire would come back. But it didn't. It was then I realised they had a serious problem. Wasn't John frustrated?

"Leila shrugged. 'He must be," she admitted. 'I wouldn't really blame him if he started having an affair.' 'He'd never do that!' I replied, horrified. John was handsome, trustworthy and easy-going. Most of all, he really loved my sister. As time passed and they stayed together, I assumed they'd sorted out their differences. Until one night at one of our friend's 30th birthday party. Leila had come alone leaving the children with John and their new maid. We had a bit to drink and I began moaning about being permanently single and how 1 missed not having regular sex.

"That doesn't' bother me at all,' Leila shrugged. 'You and I are different that way – you love sex, I don't.' What?' I gasped, my mouth dropping open, 'you mean you're still celibate?' 'I haven't had sex for three years,' she told me, 'and I don't miss it.' I couldn't

get my head round it. This was no phase. Leila had obviously settled for a sexless marriage. I wondered how John could cope with that. Men need sex. Had he gone elsewhere?

"Yet every time I visited their cosy flat, Leila and John seemed so happy and relaxed together, so in love. Then one day, a few months on, 1 called round to see my sister and John answered the door. He was wearing just a towel round his waist as he was in a hurry to get the door. 'Is Leila in?' I stuttered, looking at his rippling muscles.

Seven types of libidos

Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, August 13, 2017.

Funmi Akingbade
Why do you lay so much emphasis on sex and sexuality? From my opinion, I think sex is a basic thing; why give so much attention to it?' This was a question I was asked while I was in South Africa giving a talk on sex and sexual health matters.

The first big misconception many people have is thinking that sex is basic and natural and should not be learnt. It is as a result of this discourse that sex education has long been obstructed as if it is not necessary to understand the mechanisms at which it works. Then again, this has caused a lot of damages to many homes.

In reality, sex is cultural; it is the fruit of a learning process and it is something we all have to learn. Until we start learning, we might not be able to unravel the mechanism behind the female's sexuality or the way the erection functions.
As such, today, we want to see seven ways couples can enjoy instant raging passion by being able to differentiate various types of libidos. I would advise you read this together with your spouse, so that both of you can find out which area you fall into.

So, let us look into the arousal types of libidos.

Number one is the sensual libido spouse. This is a spouse who wants sex to be emotional, connecting and superficially physical. The spouse cherishes love play more than the actual sexual acts. This category of spouses is more of introvert lovers than extroverts. Bu the erotic libido spouses are spouses who want sex to be intense and passionate, at least some of the times. They want to explore all the wondrous varieties of sexual activities that are available. Though they can cope with periods of ordinary sex, there are regular opportunities for adventurous and sizzling sex. If you have a strong erotic libido, you get little or no pleasure from low key sex and this might cause problems in the relationship, because your partner might start feeling the pressure to perform at great heights all the time, which is never good.

The second category is the dependent libido spouses and they are spouses who need sex to cope with problems. 
Sex soothes them and makes them feel better. They are more sexually active when they have to deal with bad feelings such as stress, boredom or anxiety, pressure, loss of loved one, when they are sick or troubled. When such spouse does not have an understanding partner, the relationship is always under undue pressure because in such cases, if your partner doesn't want to do it when you want because you are in an emotional state, you might tend to interpret it as lack of love and care. It would look like she or he is refusing to give you the medicine you need to... feel better. 

The reactive libido spouses are spouses who care more about the sexual needs of their partner. 
They sometimes even end up ignoring their own desires if they feel they are not what their partner usually enjoys. These spouses put a lot of effort into foreplay and can only orgasm once they are sure their wives have.

The third category is the entitled libido spouses and these are spouses who assume that it's their God's given right to get whatever they want in their sexual relationship, regardless of the feeling of the other partner. Their mindset is, 'If I want hot steamy sex, I should be given the opportunity to have hot steamy sex and if on the contrary, I want cuddling, my partner should provide me with just that.' This category of spouses is very influenced by the ideas of sex in movies and books and they think they are entitled to have the same great sex as they watch on the screen.

Hypocrisy of press freedom in Africa

~The SUN Nigeria. Tuesday, April 4, 2017.

More than five decades since many African countries gained political independence, the values attached to press freedom remain high. Historically, press freedom was enshrined in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights (United Nations, 1948). Article 19 of the Declaration states that everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression, including the right to hold opinions without interference and to strive for, obtain and communicate information and ideas through any media without constraints. Although many African countries are signatories to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the rights of citizens to enjoy free speech have been violated more than respected.

In the final days of the struggle for political independence in Africa, the media were expected to play the role of the lapdog of the newly installed governments in different countries. It was fashionable to hear political leaders talk about the obligations of the media to support the government in power so the government could achieve its socioeconomic development objectives. The media were expected to collaborate with the government rather than scrutinise state officials. A critical press was seen as unhelpful and confrontational because criticisms, the leaders argued, tended to create instability rather than cultivate a harmonious society. African leaders often wonder why the media should be consumed by the fight for press freedom while the basic needs of the people remain unachievable.

Within the new independent nations, the campaign for press freedom was an anathema. Whatever would not advance the interests of a nation was deemed unworthy of press attention. Press freedom remains, in the eyes of many African leaders and leaders of other developing countries, an abstract concept that cannot place food on citizens' dining tables. Given a choice between the fight for freedom and the struggle for three square meals, our leaders encourage us to aim for achievement of our basic needs that will guarantee longer life for everyone. After all, politically crafty African leaders tell us, 'You cannot eat freedom'.

Within the continent, authoritarian political and military leaders argued the press was not obligated to scrutinise authority or hold national leaders to account. Rather than see a free press as the hallmark of a free society, state officials say a free press in any developing country should be seen as a hindrance to progress. This is why, in various parts of the continent, press freedom, as a concept, remains as problematic as democracy.

Press freedom means different things to different people and their leaders. Politicians tend to support a free press when they are in opposition. When they get into government, press freedom becomes a bad concept that should be quarantined.

For decades mum hid the fact she was a mistress!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, March 5, 2017.

LOLA didn't know the real truth about her mum's marriage of over 30 years until her dad died a few years ago. "I'd had my suspicion about the relationship between my parents. Whilst a few relatives made snide remarks about the illegitimacy of their union, my mother assured us that though our father was once married, he got divorced before they tied the knot.

We somewhat believed her because our half-siblings from our dad's first marriage visited regularly." Lola told me, still bewildered at the events that unfolded just after her dad's passing. "We had what you would call a week-end dad. He worked away in one of the states and only came home weekends. At least, that's what we were made to understand. But he was a pleasant enough dad and picked up all our bills.

"I was an undergraduate when a new friend became curious and wanted to know if my father was the same one her family knew by the same name on their street. I said he was. Is your mum's name Fadeke?", she asked, puzzled. "No. She's Maureen." She looked a bit embarrassed and when next I got home, I asked mum if she knew anyone called Fadeke. 'She's your dad's first wife but they're divorced now', she said. I was really curious.

'So what type of wedding did you have?' I wanted to know. She'd never shown us any photographs. It was a simple registry wedding', she breezed. 'We just had close friends as witnesses.' So where were the photographs? `When the house was flooded years back, the few wedding photographs we had were among the ones destroyed,' she said offhand, not quite meeting my eyes. By the time I finished at the university, our dad's visit had dwindled and mum had to confess they'd separated.

Men are wired to give, women wired to receive

The SUN Nigeria. Monday, February 20, 2017.

It had
 started like any other conversation to kill time. Why do women like to take and take? And why do men give women even when it is obvious that the women have more than enough? I bring you excerpts from the banter between a friend and me.

My Friend: Men are foolish, very foolish.

Me: Ah ah, what's biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration?

My Friend: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don't even know what I'm talking about.

Me: I'm itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I'm a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted and pampered but they are no fools. No, I totally disagree with you.

My Friend: By the time I'm done, you will agree with me.

Me: Hmn, until then.

My Friend: Okay, start by explaining this. NYSC pays all corp members the same salaries and allowances, right? But when they get to mammy market, the male corper dips his hands into his pockets and like a fool buys drinks and pepper soup for the female corper. The female corper saves her money after having a good time.

Me: So, the Bobo corper is a fool because of that? That is so totally unfair. He's just being a man. You don't expect the babe to pay for suya when her boo is able and capable?

My Friend: So, the babe is disable and incapable?

Me: Nooo, it's just the way of the world.

She blames her mum's alcoholism for their dad's death!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

ALCOHOLICS have always been accused of making the lives of their loved ones miserable whenever the dreaded alcohol takes over their personality. And this happens as often as they get drunk. When Tomi's father died a couple of years ago, she was heartbroken and bitter that their mother's hostility towards him, especially when he was ill, coupled with her unreasonable grumpiness to the children hastened their father's departure to the grave.

"Our dad was diagnosed with cancer over three years ago. He needed extra care at home and I rescheduled my work at the school I ran so, I could be with him more often. Dad welcomed the change, but mum didn't," Tomi, a 42-year -old mother of three said. "Even before our dad became ill, I had a difficult relationship with our mum. In our teens, my sisters and I would cringe as we listened to her pick fights with dad. She was clingy, jealous and self-absorbed. I had to endure hours of her complaining about him when I got home from school – details too intimate for a daughter to hear about her parents' relationship. My sisters used to disappear but as the eldest, I had to endure it. At some point, I felt brave enough to tell her she wasn't being fair, that he was my dad and I loved him. Her focus has always been inwards, which means she barely asks about my life. Dad, on the other hand, was immensely proud of me and we could talk for hours – this made her more resentful.

"When I spent those last few months with him, I tried hard to talk about anything but his illness. Meanwhile, mum became a martyr to his care, complaining how exhausted she was, while pushing away offers of help. I tried to anticipate what I could do to relieve her burden, yet knew this irritated her. It came to a head one evening when she asked me directly if I got homesick. I replied that my husband was fully in charge of the kids and understood why I had to be with my father in his dying moments. She kept on at me until dad asked her to shut up. Next morning, she told me point blank she wanted time alone with him and that I was welcome to visit at the weekends.

"After dad's death, my sisters and I (and dad's siblings and friends) were relegated to small parts in a play that put our mum's grief at centre stage. This all with the embarrassment of her drinking to excess. She has no sense of self-awareness, so never thinks to curtail her drinking to save her children from public embarrassment. My recent birthday was dominated by keeping her from harm and putting her to bed, stark drunk. I tend not to hold grudges, but with mum I can't slake off something close to hate – since I spent more time crying over the way she treated me than I did for my dying father.

"She offers comments that our (me and my sisters') loss isn't as crippling as hers and this makes me angry. How do I get to be a good daughter when I have to brace myself to call her and don't want to visit her on my own? Our dad's death has proved he was the glue between mum and the children, and now there's nothing."

Do women have erectile dysfunction?

Written by Funmi Akingbade
~Punch Nigeria. Friday, September 9, 2016.

Funmi Akingbade
There has been a lot of controversy over the subject of erectile dysfunction in women. Some groups of researchers say women do not have this type of complications. They argue that women do not have erection challenges; hence they could not possibly have issues with erectile dysfunction. But another group of sex and sexuality scholars believe that women actually undergo erectile dysfunction. They argue that the clitoris has same properties with the nerves of the penis. According to them, clitoris responds to sex like the penis.

While research suggests that sexual erectile dysfunction is more common in men, 43 per cent of women have reported some degree of this problem. I must say that it is actually a topic that many women are hesitant or embarrassed to discuss. Fortunately, most cases of erectile sexual dysfunction in women are traceable to ignorance, lack of desire, childhood sexual abuse, mind-set, hormonal problems, premenopausal issues, depression, medication, unhappy marital relationship and sicknesses. Female sexual dysfunction can also be as a result of a physical or psychological problem. These conditions include diabetes, heart disease, neurological diseases, hormonal imbalances, menopause, plus such chronic diseases as kidney disease or liver failure, and alcoholism or drug abuse. In addition, the side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressant drugs, can affect sexual desire and function. Psychological causes include work-related stress and anxiety, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt, or the effects of a past sexual trauma.

The most common problems related to erectile sexual dysfunction in women include inhibited sexual desire, which involves a lack of sexual desire or interest in sex. Of course, many factors can contribute to a lack of desire, including hormonal changes, medical conditions and treatments (for example, some menstrual pain drugs, cancer and chemotherapy), depression, pregnancy, stress, and fatigue. Ironically, even boredom with regular sexual routines may also contribute to a lack of enthusiasm for sex; lifestyle factors such as careers, the care for children and family life can also cause it. 

How to be an authority in your field

Written by Azuka Onwuka
~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, August 9, 2016. 
"A little learning is a dangerous thing;

Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring" - Alexander Pope

Azuka Onwuka
Knowledge is critical to success in life. High flyers never get weary of learning. They never believe that they know enough. Therefore, they try to learn at every opportunity. Even as wise as he is known to be, Socrates is reputed to have said: "The only I know is that I know nothing."

They do not want to talk or operate from the standpoint of ignorance. So, they develop a voracious and undiscriminating appetite for information.

The result is that they are soon seen as authorities to be consulted in their field. The reason is that many people are too lazy to scratch beyond the surface. For example, even with an Internet-enabled phone, many people will prefer to call someone or send a message asking for the simplest of information that Google can supply in a second. Most people tend to assume that the so-called authorities know more than they actually do. And when a person is constantly consulted in his area of business, he will definitely succeed more and make more money.

Some people erroneously think that being an authority in a field is such a difficult matter. They think that they may never know much to be listened to in a particular field of knowledge. But everybody can become an "authority" by making a little effort.

Two experiences made me believe that once a person is determined, it does not take much effort and time to cross over from the sea of ignorance to the spring of knowledge. About a year before the 1994 World Cup in USA, I was not very knowledgeable in football technicalities. I loved football very well like most young Nigerian men, but I could not talk with any certainty who played what position in a match. I also knew little outside the Nigerian league. My condition was not helped too by the fact that I was outside Lagos before 1994, where I did not have access to much information as Lagos provides.

I can't stay away from my husband's brother

Gloria Ogunbadejo
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 31, 2016.

Gloria Ogunbadejo
I have always wondered what it is in human nature that makes certain attractions almost impossible to resist for some people. Maybe it's the forbidden fruit aspect or the potential risk that makes it so appealing. One thing is for sure, men and women have been engaged in immoral, liaisons with their in-laws, with spouses of their friends, and other complicated relationships from time immemorial. Whatever the gratification derived from it, almost always goes awry, in the long run and there are always casualties. There are many stories of these clandestine forays ending in fatalities.

Over the years of practicing as a therapist/counsellor, one of the most consistent themes with my clients is related to infidelities with both sexes. Similarly, of all the letters I receive from readers, infidelity rates quite high. What is even more interesting with the letters is the particular type of infidelity that is reported, and informs the topic today. I receive a wide range of variable permutations of unholy alliances with married couples. The majority and the most complex are involved with familial relationships, and bosses at work having affairs with the spouses of their colleagues or friends' wives. It's a total mystery to me. I received a remarkable letter from a reader which I will share with you today. Please, read it below:

Dear Gloria,
I am writing you a letter that I implore you to keep confidential because the information can ruin many lives. I give you the permission to share it with your readers but please take note of the thing I need you to keep private. I feel assured and confident that you will honour my request because I have been following your column for a few years and I know you treat people with respect.

I am in my forties. I have been married for over 15 years and have two children. I hold a very high position in society and so does my husband. Before I met my husband, K, I first met my brother in-law J when I went on a trip abroad with some friends. We had a brief but very passionate relationship which lasted a few months and that was the end of it. I was quite young and I already had a boyfriend I was planning to marry, but after four years with my boyfriend A, I decided to end it after I had the encounter with J.
I just thought that what I had felt with J was so powerful that I could not marry someone else if I did not feel the same thing with him. My family were very angry with me but I knew if I married my boyfriend, I would be unfaithful to him.

Common poisons in the home

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016

One of the problems encountered as a result of our increasing urbanisation is the spectre of storing various types of materials at home for several different purposes. One of these is to keep the home free of pests and the other is to maintain a minimum level of health in a stressful environment. Sometimes we keep these harmful substances at home because they are needed as raw materials in making items that have positive use in the home. This may be useful because of the need to diversify personal sources of income or to save money by making the product by yourself at home rather than buying it in a shop or market. Many of these goods may be articles used in making soap or making perfumes or straightforward trade. Here is a brief description of some of those compounds and what to do about them once they have been consumed or are suspected to have been consumed.

Poisons, such as the ones discussed below, would be harmful to people of all age groups. However, the key difference why we shall place more emphasis on the effects on children than on adults is because while children are likely to have consumed the substances in error, adults are more likely to have taken such compounds deliberately, as mostly is the case in suicide attempts. 

Children, especially toddlers, are so prone to accidental consumption of the various compounds mentioned that it is important for all parents and care givers to be aware of the dangers. As a result, people must have the presence of mind to keep all these substances safely away, far from the easy reach of children and stored in secure containers that are child and tamper-proof. These measures will keep most children out of harm's way except for the most obstinate ones. Here, as in other topics we have previously discussed on this page, prevention is better than cure and much easier to bring about if you try her enough.

Love or respect

~The SUN, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016

SHOW me a woman who does not believe in love and I will show you a liar. Every woman wants to be loved. We all long for that indescribable feeling that keeps our heads in the cloud. That feeling that makes you feel that you and your man are the only ones on the surface of the earth and when he touches you, you feel this tingling sensation running down your spine. His voice does things to your system, etcetera etcetera.

It is a feeling that makes a woman see life through rose-tinted glasses. It is a delicious feeling. It leads you into temptation. It makes you do things that you may later in life wonder how you ever contemplated at all. Sometimes it puts a smile on your face in a crowd of serious people doing serious business when your mind wanders to those loving moments. They all look at you like you are losing it but you are glorying in something you hold or once held so dear.

Sometimes a love experience does not end in marriage and till death do you part but it does not take away from the solid fact that for the rest of your life, you will never forget it. Remember that song:

Everybody, think back

To your very first time

Oh, not when you lost your virginity this time. That could be memorable too but we will talk about that sometime soon.

Love. It makes you defy reason, logic, sound advice. Anything that wants to come between you and your Romeo would simply have to step aside or go to blazes, whichever they prefer.

Did you ever defy your parents for the lover boy? Did you steal your mother's jewelry to sell so your Romeo could buy a ticket to Britain? The things we have all done for love... the things women are still doing for love, in the name of love...Ah. They scare me but what is life without love? It is a feeling every man, every woman must experience. And because the cupid's arrow does not strike often, for some people it is a once in a lifetime thing, it must be savoured.

A better whip to beat your wife

WHEN some men clear their throats, their wives develop symptoms of tuberculosis. Those are men who are neither bullies nor mad dogs. They do not get a kick from kicking their wives around the house. They do not beat their women just to prove they are men. And their women know when to pull the brakes. So, there are men and there are men. Mad men, wife beaters and men who know how to enforce discipline in their homes.

We've heard enough of men who kick their women in the tummy when they are pregnant and those who cause their women to wear D&G 'bones' to cover up dark patches on their faces after slapping sessions. We have also heard enough of women who make their hus­bands so miserable, the poor men lose it and go berserk. In other words, there are wife beaters, women batterers all over the place and women with vile mouths who don't know when to duck when they see a flying punch. So, there is no point belabouring the violent point. It is bad to be foul-mouthed and worse to be a wife or woman beater. Is there then a middle road? Of course. Only dumb men don't know how to discipline their women without raising a fist. Wife beaters should learn from their women. We, the daughters of Eve do not beat men and yet smart men don't toy with us.

We do not give our men black and blue faces to get them to buy us gold, diamonds, the latest SUV and build us houses. They do all those things nice and easy and we know how to express our gratitude. But men who insist this is a man's world don't know jack about making their women do what they want. All brawns, no strategy. A woman will tell a man to go to hell and the dude is actually going to look forward to the trip. Well, it's absolutely a woman thing. We were designed by God with that particular element. Poor men, what do they know?

Lonely deaths in Indian hospitals

Written by Biodun Ogungbo - Punch, Nigeria.

Biodun Ogungbo 
We read about the shocking and sudden death of Chinenye recently. Apparently, she succumbed during a simple elective procedure on her leg at the Fortis Hospital in India.
Chinenye's mother and many sympathisers laid siege to the Indian High Commission in Nigeria and cried for justice. She alleged that negligence on the part of the hospital led to her daughter's death. But the hospital has denied it. However, our duty is to state a few facts and not judge.

Our shame
Newspapers have been full of stories of Nigerians dying in Indian hospitals and the latest is just one more in a procession of coffins returning home after a spell of medical tourism abroad.

Similarly, Nigerian Senators, wives of former Nigerian Presidents, former ministers, Nigerian Supreme Court judges and ordinary Nigerians have all died lonely deaths in hospital beds abroad.

It has reached a stage where bereaved families advertise the death of loved ones in newspapers, usually proud that the body would be flown in from a foreign hospital.
This is what we are reduced to: an assembly of people without national pride. Our collectively irresponsible behaviour has led to the collapse of our industries, educational and health care systems. We have systematically run down and bastardised our hospitals and failed to support our health care system with responsible people and significant investments. We are where we are because of the insatiable greed of our people and our past leaders. Leaders? What's that then?

State of the mind and physical health

Written by Adeoye Oyewole - Nigeria.

Adeoye Oyewole
One of the major lessons to learn is that life is a great challenge that rattles our emotional, physical and intellectual resources as we adapt to the ecosystem and make the best use of the resources and opportunities around us.

This is a brutal reality that no one can escape from because anywhere you are, life comes calling to make her legitimate demands and certain times many factors such as where we are born, the family and our biological endowments, which serve as basic substrates for our experiences, are totally beyond our control.

The egalitarian theory of psychosomatism clearly links the experience of the mind to the manifestations in the body and invariably physical health. There is ample evidence in clinical situations where states of mind may explain exacerbations or even precipitate certain medical conditions.

For instance, non communicable diseases are not contagious since they cannot be transmitted from one person to another. These conditions are usually long-term, cause death, dysfunction and impair the overall quality of life.
These conditions include cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, some renal problems and even chronic lung diseases. A World Health Organisation report in 2001 indicated that NCDs account for almost 60 per cent deaths and 46 per cent of the global burden of disease. Based on current trends, by 2020, these diseases are expected to account for over 70 per cent of deaths and 60 per cent of the disease burden.

Non-communicable diseases have been established as a clear threat not only to human health but also to the development and economic growth, claiming about 63 per cent of all deaths. These diseases are currently the world’s main killer.

Eighty per cent of these deaths now occur in low and middle-income countries like Nigeria. Half of those who die are in their productive years and thus the disability imposed and the lives lost are also endangering industry and national development.

Palmwine is harmful to nursing mother and breast-feeding child | Managing fever blisters

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Rotimi Adesanya

Palmwine is harmful to nursing mother and breast-feeding child
Written by Rotimi Adesanya - Nigeria. 
Blog site: 

My pastor‘s wife sought advice from me, regarding the choice of hospital for her pregnant sister in-law who was due for child birth. The latter had returned from her base in another West African country, where she had been receiving ante natal care, to be delivered of her baby.

I suggested a few hospitals to her, based on their location, competence of the medical staff and convenience. Eventually the patient was successfully delivered of a baby girl with normal weight. Both mother and child were fine.
On my way to congratulate her and to see the baby girl, who was doing well at the time, I met my pastor’s wife at the reception and noticed she was worried. The following conversation ensued between us:

Me: Congrats Ma, where have you been?
Pastor’s wife: Doctor, I’ve been out all day in search of palm wine for the new mum.
Me: Palm wine! Palm what!
Pastor’s wife: The nurse asked me to get some for the new mum so that she could lactate.
Me: No ma, you need to hold on. You don’t need to get it and your sister in-law doesn’t need palm wine either.
Pastor’s wife: But the nurse asked us to get it. Anyway, thank God. And thank you.
Later I approached the nurse who directed that palm wine be given to the nursing mother. I asked if she knew that palm wine contained up to six per cent alcohol and it could affect the baby if consumed through breast milk.

The nurse admitted that palm wine was not prescribed by the doctor. She said that although the act of giving a nursing mother palm wine to boost lactation was not a medically proved treatment, it was a cultural practice that never failed to work.

Medical explanation

Naturally palm wine is a low-alcoholic drink and its alcoholic content is as little as three per cent. But fermented palm wine has the potential to breed as high 12 per cent alcoholic content.
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