Written by Bunmi Sofola
IT is really amazing how an everyday occurrence suddenly snowballs into a nightmare. A chance meeting with a friend, and Kayode’s world came tumbling down. He’d rushed home in the middle of the day to pick up an important file he’d forgotten to take with him when he left for a work in the morning - and the file was important for a board meeting he had later in the day. As he turned the corner of his house, he ran into Joseph, a friend and neighbour. “Are you and your wife planning a tryst in the middle of the day, he leered as he wound down the window of his car. “I just saw her turn into your house with the driver. Bon appetite, “he joked and drove off. Thinking this was an unusual coincidence, Kayode drove home and, yes, his wife’s car was in the drive. He’d counted on the maid letting him in. It was a stroke of good luck that Laide, his wife, was around too.
“I rang the bell and waited”, recalled Kayode, “nothing happened” I called out to the maid and got no answer, I then pressed the bell and kept my index finger on it, still no one came to open the door, I became alarmed, you read stories of , prowlers and armed robbers doing dastardly things to their victims and I became jittery. Had they killed my wife and maid? or were they being raped at this moment with the rogues’ hands clamped over their victims’ mouth? “Frantically, I called out to the carpenter two houses away, asking him to come with some men to help break down the door.
Still we heard no whimper from the house. With much trepidation, the men finally hammered the door down and I rushed upstairs only to find my wife in the upstairs sitting room with a total stranger! They were obviously still in shock. They were fully clothed of course, but it was obvious what had either gone on, or was about to go on when I surprised them! “Enraged, I lugged at my wife. The stranger quickly bolted out of the room and dashed out of the gate. I was sure the carpenters would apprehend him, but they did no such thing.
When I challenged them, they looked surprised. They told me they knew the intruder as a family, friend. I was nonplus. What in God’s name was going on? “My wife looked as if she would rather be anywhere but the house when I went back to her. If I had touched her there and then, I would have killed, her. A married woman with kids, bringing a lover to her matrimonial home under public glare; was she insane? Hadn’t she heard of the so-called slaughter house? Didn’t the lover have his own matrimonial home? And what sex would an almost 20-years-married woman be desperate for, that she had to risk her marriage? Didn’t the children and I count for anything?
“ I suppose other husbands caught in a scenario like this would have rehearsed how they would respond. I never imagined that I would surprise my own wife in my own home with her lover! Our first child was in the university for Christ sake! “Confused, I turned on my heels, warning her not to let me find her in the house by the time I came back. Needless to say, I forgot the file I went home to fetch. The meeting was very crucial that I had to confess what happened to my boss. I told him I wouldn’t be much good at the meeting and he postponed it immediately, looking at me with so much sympathy. “Anyway, by the time I got home, the trollop had gone! I felt really sad and defeated. Two of our children still lived at home. Both girls, they had gotten their own dinner and mine was on the table as their mother used to do. They looked embarrassed when they saw me. It was obvious that their mother had told them why she had to leave like a thief in the night!
“I went to the bedroom and flopped on the bed. Thank goodness we had separate bedrooms and I’d always kept mine locked whenever I wasn’t in the house because of vital official documents I always brought home. My mind ran riot as I sat on my bed.
How long had this affair bee going on? How many of our neighbours knew and were laughing at me? I was living a night-mare and wouldn’t relax because of the rage I felt. “Months later, after I’d gone through hell and back, I learnt that the friend who told me my wife had gone home with her driver actually knew she came home with her lover, yet he urged me to go to the house. What type of a man delights in wrecking his friend’s matrimonial home whilst keeping his intact? In the meantime, friends and relatives tried to talk me into taking my wife back.
I couldn’t look after two adolescent girls and though my two sons were away in school, they would need their mother when on vacation. “We were a fairly close family and my wife whenever I saw her (which was rarely) looked as if she had suffered too. She’d lost a lot of weight and her confidence, despite her high-powered job, had taken a dive. The adventurer lover she risked her happiness for had since gone to greener pasture and wasn’t exactly going on his knees to ask for her hand in marriage since he too was married.
Several times, I was tempted to confront this lout in his own home so his wife would know what a cad he was. But I was told I would be wasting my time, that the wife was long-suffering and had resigned herself to her husband’s philandering. “With the children’s pleas and friends and relations urging reconciliation, I finally agreed to a meeting with her. When she arrived for the meeting, my blood boiled with rage. I wanted to seize her and beat the life out of her. As older friends counselled and pleaded for us to give our marriage a second chance. But then I mentally pictured her in this same house, screwing her head off with another man. How much was a husband supposed to take? It was the husband who was supposed to be doing this, not his precious wife, the mother of his children. The resentment I felt was crippling.
“After the peace makers had done their bit and we agreed to give our marriage another chance, my wife went to the kitchen to get some refreshments for everybody. As I watched her, it hit me - she must have used the same kitchen several times to entertain her lover!
To this day, I don’t know how I found myself in the kitchen. All I remember was getting hold of her and beating the frustration and rage I’d felt over the months out of her. In fact I thought I’d killed her as she laid sprawled on the floor, blood oozing from a gash on her forehead. “The visitors were alarmed. Had I gone mad? My two daughters, who were upstairs heard their mother’s screams and came running to the kitchen, when they saw her they turned on me, their young faces contorted with rage.
They told me they’d had enough of my holier-than-thou attitude. They reeled out the names of some lovers I’d had myself, including one of their friend’s mum. If I was having sex with other people’s wives, why shouldn’t someone-else do it to my own wife? They said their mum was the butt of jokes from those who knew about my affairs and that it was my wife people felt sorry for, not me! “I felt as if ice-cold water had been poured all over me. How did the kids know so much about my relationships? And for how long had they known and kept things to themselves? The guests in the living room were no longer looking at me with sympathy, it seemed some of them knew what I’d been up to, and my phoney righteous anger was the last straw. They walked silently out of the house.
“The children quickly called their mum’s driver and they propped my wife up to her car. She was hospitalized for days and absolutely refused to see me. I tried to arrange with the hospital to pay her bills but I was told her office was picking up the tabs from her medical. “I’d really done it this time! As soon as my wife was discharged from the hospital, my daughters went to live with her. My mum, thank goodness I still had one, came to stay with me.
She told me her visit was a short one as she wasn’t prepared to sacrifice her independence and business even for me. What my wife did was wrong, she told me, but it wasn’t as bad as all my carrying-ons. She reminded me that I had a kid I still hadn’t found the nerve to explain to my wife, about whose existence my wife knew of ages ago, but chose to keep it to herself. “I felt really small and sorry for all the things my poor wife had silently gone through without really complaining or shouting the house down.
In her own way, she’d really done a wonderful job as a wife and mother. Mother, bless her, saved the situation. She doggedly went to my wife’s flat until she wore her defences down. It was a happy day the day I walked into my house and found my family complete - the boys had even been brought down from school for the re-union. I won’t pretend that I still don’t feel anger whenever I remember my wife taking her clothes off in front of another man, but like my daughters pointed out to me, hadn’t I delighted in other people’s wives taking their clothes off for me?”
Written by Andikan Sunday
Adultery is a sin against God and the spouse. No woman should do it as a means of revenge on the husband. In the home, a woman is the purifier & pacifier.
He must remain so. We're created differently, but it's not an excuse for men to be doing this.
Written by Jemima jerry
Lord Help us
It is only God that will deliver us from African men. If you don't perform your duties as a husband you are opening the door for wolves like you to take advantage of your wife. That is exactly what happened to your wife. All she needed was to do it a first time and her defenses will be down.
This is a good lesson for most men to learn from. It doesn't always end this well and it is the children that suffer for their mistakes