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Help! My wife is killing me by the day!

- Written by Monica Taiwo, Nigeria

She was born with the proverbial silver spoon , she smokes and clubs. All these she kept from her husband and when he eventually found out, it was too late.

My name is Tayo, Please, help me before my wife takes life out of me. Since I got married eight years ago, my life has never been the same again; it has been from one problem to the other. My wife has trauamtised my life and that of our only son. She has made our life a misery. I want you and your readers to, please, advise me before I take a drastic action.
My story started when I met my wife, Kemi, back in our university days. I had lived with my parents all my life even as a bachelor, I lived with them because I went to the university in the state where my parents reside, so I was always with them. Don't think I am a spoilt child because of this, no. My parents did not spare the rod or exempt me from duties; they made sure they shared the house chores equally between us. I had two elder sisters and a younger brother. 
When I met Kemi in the university, I introduced her to my parents immediately and she was quickly absorbed into our family because naturally, Kemi was an amiable person.
After introducing Kemi to my family, we became so intimate and our expectation was to get married very soon.
However, it wasn't long before I started noticing some strange behaviour in Kemi. The first thing I noticed was that she was always chewing gum and eating sweets.
I admonished her on this because I couldn't stand a woman who does those things. I thought it was her orientation,  the way she was brought up. I was bent on helping her to put an end to it. Kemi herself promised to stop this, saying it was a bad habit she grew up with and that she was ready to stop it at all costs.
Little did I know that my Kemi was a chain smoker and that those things were to freshen her breadth after smoking.
On a fateful day, she took me to visit her parents after so much persuasion. In fact, I didn't know Kemi's parents were so rich. The house was extravagant and excessively furnished.
To tell you the truth, I felt jittery  and all I could do was pretend as if I was okay. Taiwo, it is not as if my parents are common church rats who lived in penury, but Kemi's affluence told a different story about her. I started seeing her in a new light. It was after she saw my disbelief that she revealed to me that her dad was a top government officials and her mother, a renowed business woman.
That day, I developed cold feet because of what I saw, but to my surprise, Kemi's parents and siblings received me warmly and said they would not stand on the way of their daughter's choice, whenever we were ready, they were ready to bless us. I was excited, but scared about such generosity and hospitality. All my fears vanished and my dashed hope of marrying the girl of my dream was revived.
Kemi and I continued our relationship and I made sure I monitored her to stop her  habits. But an amazing thing happened when I visited Kemi's family the second time.
Her parents were absent, but I met her younger sister in their sitting room smoking heavily. I was so shocked and confused. Immediately she saw me, she withdrew into her room laughing hysterically.
I was so shocked and I raised so many questions. I wondered what other things they do in their family and it suddenly dawned on me that that was the same reason Kemi was always chewing gums and eating sweets.
When we left their house, I confronted her with this fact and she didn't deny it. She said she had tried to stop smoking for a long time without much success. She had grown up smoking. This was hard to believe and there and then, I decided to put an end to the relatioship.
For a long period of time, I stopped seeing Kemi and when my parents, asked after her  - because she has become a regular visitor in our home. I would ignore them and sometimes lied that she travelled. I had, however, warned her to steer clear of my family. I didn't want anything to do with an undisciplined family who could soil my family's name.
I did this for sometime, but I couldn't cope, I became restless because even as much as I tried to avoid Kemi in school, she was coming to plead  and beg me; she even sent her friends to plead on her behalf; but I disregarded them, I said I didn't want to have anything to do with her any longer but deep down me, I knew I loved her.

One fateful Saturday, I was at home with my family when Kemi bustled in. When I saw her, I charged at her and confronted her with questions. She ignored me and went straight to my parents telling them to plead on her behalf. She promised to turn a new leaf. On hearing this, my mother could not resist it, you know women and their emotions, she started pleading on her behalf that I should forgive her no matter what she had done, even my siblings joined in the pleadings.
Taiwo, this was the end of this charade. I accepted Kemi  back on the promise that she would stop smoking which she did.
Our marriage was a big one and was the talk of the town. Kemi's parents were supportive and all embracing. Two years into our marriage, Kemi gave birth to our son, Jide. After, Kemi regained her strength after childbirth, she started misbehaving.
I can't really place the reason for this, but at first, I thought it was the stress she went through during labour that had made her unnecessarily harsh and unfriendly, but I was wrong. Kemi neglected her baby and I and started misbehaving. She left the house chores to the housemaid and sometimes, she would stay away all night.

Later, I started noticing she had started smoking again. This time coupled with heavy  drinking When I tried to raise the issue with her, she was agitated, she said I was the one who stopped her from being her real self all these while and that she was back and better. No one could stop her now. I was perplexed and asked her why she tricked me into marrying her in the first place. How would I cope with all these vices? Who will train our  children and inculcate true values into them? Kemi made me believe that she was not ready to have another child. When I informed her parents about her sudden change in attitude, they were not surprised. Obviously, they knew what their daughter was capable of doing. No wonder, they were ready to let her marry any riff raff. I couldn't help but blame my parents and siblings for not seeing beyond their emotional attachments. They pleaded for her the other time, but now, I am suffering . I love my wife no matter what, but how will I cope with this?
I had waited for  six years now, thinking she would change. Kemi had kept her promise not to have another child and I keep on living in misery. Taiwo, please, advise me on what to do.

1 comment:

  1. Emmanuel Chinwuko25 May 2010 at 13:21

    Wow, what a tale of sad story, my advise is get a DIVORCE, she will never change, you can put a lipstick on pig and a pig will always remain a pig. It will be hard for you to absolve but the earlier the better, so that you can get your life back and move on with the future. Do not let other material things to suck the best out of you. The point is that you guys are not compatible and no matter how you try to mend it, you will still be revisiting the same problems.

    It will be hard for you to get your life back after you divorce, but with time, it will all heal to a better future.

    In addition, it is not that she is bad person, but it is her life style that you dislike, unless you are able to succumb to it, if not the option A is still the best option. I know that it is not common option in Africa.............but life gotta go on.


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