My husband wants more action

By Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Christy writes Agatha:

Dear Agatha,

Please help me get out of this personal problem that is threatening my life and marriage. I am not gifted in the act of love-making and from all the signs I am getting, it appears my husband is already having an affair. While my husband likes impossible positions and heavy romance, I am a more practical person. I feel most comfortable with the orthodox positions.

We have been married for three years and he has always complained about my inability to meet up with his demands. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried in my little way to please him but I end up regretting even the little attempts I make because he appears not to appreciate these gestures at all.

But with the threat of another woman, I am willing to learn but don’t know who or where to turn to. Besides, I don’t want people laughing at me.

I also want to avoid a situation where you confide in a pastor and he now comes to the altar to use as his topic for the day.

My husband happens to be very handsome. I come from a broken home and wouldn’t want my children to suffer what I suffered. Please help me. I do love him. I have kept praying but nothing seems to be working. I have this belief that only worldly people have sex the way my husband wants it.

Christy.                

Agatha's councel:

Dear Christy,

There is no contesting the power of quality lovemaking in a marriage. Without a sound and fulfilling lovemaking between couple, the tendency of the marriage surviving is questionable.

For any woman to keep her husband tied to her side, in addition to knowing how to cook and care for her husband and home, she must be good in the bedroom. For most men, this is important and the reason they have a wife at home. The average man is hooked on sex and is forever excited when the woman he is with is doing something new and exciting to him. Until the charm of new sex wears off, the original woman in his life has the task of bettering the other woman or risk losing him entirely to the sexual superiority of the other woman.

You don’t have an excuse not to give your husband the kind of sex he wants. It is his right to ask and have it, just like you also have the right to demand what you want from him. Once a woman gets married, she owes it to herself to improve on whatever it takes to keep her home. Having lived with your husband for three years and listened to his constant complaints about your limitations in the bedroom, you should have done something before he gets interested in another woman.

It is unfortunate that the thing that you are refusing to do with him, he is getting freely from another woman. You have only succeeded in making the efforts of keeping him happy more difficult for you, the issues now are how to get him off that woman and keeping him at home.

If you are serious about getting him back, it is time you threw away every prejudice you had about lovemaking. Begin by appreciating it is one of the best gifts God gave to married couples. Apart from its pleasurable side, it has the power to transform an ordinary relationship to a powerful one through its potent communication skills.

To use sex as a communication tool, learn to use your eyes, fingers and tongue very well. To get the full mental information about your partner’s body, you must explore every part of him with your fingers and tongue. This way, you get to know without too much words his excitements spots and his turn offs. Like a baby, your husband must be able to tell your fingers from any other finger. He must be able to feel, decode the message your finger and looks are passing in a very large crowd of people. By mere looking at him you too should be able to decode what he is thinking and key into it. Both of you should be able to draw each other out, make the right connection in a crowd of millions of people without saying a word. With looks, a couple can make love. It is called mental lovemaking. This is the whole essence of lovemaking as opposed to what he gets from you now. Sex is animalistic while lovemaking is opium for the soul.

There is no way you can combine the power of lovemaking with sex if you are not ready to experiment and be adventurous. You must be ready to follow the lead of your husband as well as your own basic instincts. Just as the newly born infant instinctively knows where to direct the mouth to for food, so also is the knowledge of sex natural to the human mind. Everything you want to know about sex is etched deep inside of your mind. Your problem is that you allowed your reservations and disdain for sexual adventures rob you of your natural instincts.

When next you are with your husband, allow him to take you along with him. Don’t resist him, flow with him to wherever he wants to take you. This way you become elastic in his hands, he is able to manipulate you to the satisfaction of both of you.

If you allow yourself go, you won’t have to worry about the discomfort of the positions he likes or how to achieve these seemingly impossible positions.

By the time you are through with the study of his body, it would be easier for you too to add spices of your own to it. Once you are able to flow nicely with him, he would soon forget the other woman.

Aid the moments with secrets of your own aimed at personalizing you in his mind forever. Get yourself a nice perfume, one that is distinct, that his memory will store as you, buy cozy and sinfully cut nightgowns, don’t be shy he is your man so don’t hold anything back in winning and keeping him firmly at your side. Add excitements by taking your intimacy outside the bedroom to other areas in the house. Don’t be timid to be his woman in every way. If you don’t get your groove from him, who will you do it with? He can go out, you cannot; so do what you have to do to make both of you happy.

Your former efforts didn’t achieve much because they lacked imagination and excitement he is looking for. For someone like your husband to be impressed it has to be a full scale package. You have to come out like the full grown woman you are and use what you have to get back what is yours.

It isn’t in all matters that prayers work. When it comes to the issue of sex, you have to be practical. Without you taking the steps that should be taken, there is nothing prayers can achieve. It won’t stop your husband from craving for fulfilment from his wife, stop his imagination from wanting more from the woman he married, and prevent his hormones from being on the overdrive.

It is his right to demand for quality sex from his wife. If God didn’t think it important in the first place, He wouldn’t have given it as a gift to married couples. So whatever religious thing you have against enjoying sex, bury it and move your sex life out of the sphere of spiritualism. The importance of sex lies in our gender, male and female. We need it to ensure the continuity of the world. And for humans, it isn’t just a story of assisting continuation of the world; it is a case of balancing the emotional stability of man. A good sex life produces the right frame of mind and mood for man to accomplish more.

An emotionally stable mind is a mind of great achievement.

As you have found out through your own mistakes, there are always women out there willing to give unconditionally what a man isn’t getting from his home. When a woman marries, pretences of being holier than the Pope should be dropped. Her mission is not to decorate her husband’s bed but to make it enjoyable for him and herself. Once a woman is married, no one expects excuses from her; she is expected to know what her mission is in her husband’s house as well as the knowledge to ensure she stays in there.

The solution to your man’s misbehaviour is for you to take the right step in making him happy. That a woman has a child or children for a man isn’t enough reason that he won’t misbehave.

He has to be completely happy with everything around him for him to stay faithful and quality lovemaking is a very strong reason.

Prayers can only work after you have taken the practical step to recovery and not before.

Good luck.