How sad can a spouse be?

Kemi Ashefon  - Nigeria

How many people would she tell that this is the seventh abortion she had done for young girls impregnated by her husband? "I just came back from the church, where I confessed my sins to the priest and I have made up my mind not to do it again," said Sarah. According to her, these girls happened to be her domestic servants, who her husband had slept with. "My husband is a flirt and sleeps with anything in skirt! He sleeps with girls; women and I have been embarrassed by his frequent affairs with my maids. He impregnates them; I do the abortions and send them away to avoid any news spilling out. But recently, my friend, who brought the last maid, confessed to me that the girl told her everything! She also told me that Lope, my husband, makes passes at some of our friends (I understood some slept with him). But my husband is a very charming man and you would always be an easy prey in his hands. I looked the happy wife because I never told anybody, not even my parents knew what I was passing through. If I thought my silence would make him change, I was wrong because his recent fling with the housekeeper is nauseating. They must have been at it for a while but the lady became greedy and started asking for more money. She threatened to tell me whenever he didn't give her but she made good the threat two days ago when she walked up to me and asked that my husband stop disturbing her for sex! I just terminated her contract on the spot and ordered the guard to chase her out. Lope has been begging me and I have just informed his mother, who had also been begging me not to take any drastic action. He repulses me."

Kike, 48, also stated her story: "I am married with three children and I love my family. But my husband is a womanizer and he brings ladies home under the pretence that he is helping them financially. Recently, he came home with a girlfriend, who stays with us almost every weekend. People refer to this girl as my younger sister, and I have been accommodating so that peace would reign. I respect my husband and this makes me tolerate whatsoever he does. Moreover, the kind of job that I do has made me a respectable woman in our community. My children look up to me and picking up a quarrel with him could be misunderstood. I have thought about separation but it will affect my job. I am not in love with him anymore but staying because of the children. Even when he sleeps with me I don't feel anything."

The Richards knew the cause of their infertility but who do they tell? "My wife's uterus is weak and can hardly carry any baby but every member of her family believes that I am infertile," John complained. Though his wife had conceived many times and had miscarriages, the doctor still gives them a ray of hope. "But her brothers and mother are planning to come and pack her things. To them, there is nobody in their lineage, who had suffered from infertility. They believe that the problem is from me because my sister had been married for over 20 years and not had a child. I have told my wife to reveal to her family where the problem is but she is afraid that my people would put pressure on her if they get to know. We are from the same village and my mother had advised that I 'test' my virility outside my matrimonial home. I have refused because I was lawfully wedded in the church and I would never do that."

Come to think of it:

First, couples should learn to share their problems with trusted family members, especially their parents. Why? Sharing burdens eases tension and your heart is light. Though, tell-a-friend-your-problems may not be the best attitude, it does a lot of good when an agitated and frustrated spouse approaches someone his/her partner respects- clerics and parents. Why keep secrets in the name of trying to be a good wife/husband? Not that you would scream on the rooftop but for your sanity and to stay in good health, learn to talk to somebody and stop dying in silence. Naturally, in the multitude of counsel, there is safety. For a partner to be together for months and not share thoughts or have sex is absurd. If you have decided to stay put in the marriage, then forgive, forget and allow an atmosphere of peace. Staying in a marriage and being bitter with your partner is an unforgivable act. It is a union of two forgivers. If you know you cannot stick whatever he/she has done, you should take a bow.