A better way to end a relationship

Written by Ruth Olurounbi  - Nigeria.

Culled from WikiHow. Now you will find better ways to end a relationship.

BEING dumped is one of the most devastating things that happens in life. Therefore, one should always weigh the reasons for walking out, making sure of this decision before making it final. Once you are sure, though, it's important to remember that your soon-to-be ex was once your love. Although breaking this relationship off is certain to be painful, especially for the person being dumped, it's important to be respectful of the other person's feelings, and try hard to do as little damage as possible.

Be certain you want to end the relationship.

Don't use the threat of leaving as a tool to get your way in an argument. If you say it, be prepared to back it up with the action, or else take the threat off the table before you make it. Discuss problems openly and directly with your partner before you make up your mind. Many men and women suffer for years and never bring problems up with their partners. This isn't healthy. Feel free to seek couples counseling.

Do not make your decision on your own or in anger.

If you're angry enough to walk out, do it by saying, "I need to calm down. I'm going to go talk with someone for awhile. I will be back when I can be more reasonable." In other words, don't say, "I'm leaving," and walk out that minute. Get input from trusted friends. Parents usually have great insight.

Choose your time wisely.

Make sure that you choose a time and place that will allow for both you and the person that you are about to dump to allow for the time and privacy to do it properly. Don't break up with someone right before they have a big test or are about to go to work. Fridays are a kind choice as this will give your ex the weekend to recover somewhat. If you are in a hurry to leave the relationship (can't wait until Friday), tell your partner you need to take some time and are going to stay with a friend for a night or two.

Don't be wishy-washy, thinking to let the other person down "easy."

Hold strong, you have already made your decision. This does not need to be a dramatic, escalating event. Ending a relationship on the phone is acceptable and even recommended in some cases. If your ex is prone to outbursts, violence, or manipulative behaviours, this is much safer and prevents the dumpee from the embarrassment of having you watch his or her torment.

Prepare for the worst.

The dumpee will typically react with anger or with wonder, shock, panic. If s/he responds with anger, try to remain calm and attempt to calm him/her. If s/he begins raging, it is pointless to try to explain further - but don't just hang up or walk away. Instead, say, "It's not productive to just yell at one another. I've made my decision, and I won't change my mind, but I will talk with you if you can remain calmer. Take some time to settle down, and then call me - we can talk again then." If your ex does call, keep your word. Pick up the call. If there are questions, be honest and kind with your answers. Be prepared to answer their questions. Set up an exact time for you to discuss what went wrong, and do not cancel the meeting at the last moment.

Establish concrete boundaries for your future interaction.

Once you have begun the process, be polite but firm about these boundaries, and make it clear that they are non-negotiable. It is permissible to cut him/her off without a chance to discuss what went wrong. Try to make the failed relationship as valuable as possible by turning it into a chance to learn and grow and as to what type of people to avoid.

Know when to walk away.

One of the biggest mistakes made in ending a relationship is allowing the final death throes to go on and on. And on. And on. And on. It's one thing to finalise shared expenses, disentangle community property, etc. It's another thing to beat a dead horse endlessly. When discussions become circular - in other words, you just travel around and around the same points without coming to a point of resolution - stop. That's the moment to say, "I think we should continue this later, or not." and leave.

Don't try to remain friends.

If your ex says, "Can we still be friends?" Say, "No, we can't still be friends. For now, though, I think it's best we just let things end." If pressed, say, "Look, we started out as friends and went past that. To be friends, we'd have to go back, and frankly, I don't want to go back. We need to go forward now. That means we need to put some space between our broken relationship and any new relationship we might form. Let's take a break, take some time, and give each other the space we need to heal and move on. At some later point, when we meet again, we might be able to put our anger aside and be friendly. Let's leave it at that." However, make this the last contact between you two. Make the break FINAL with no further contact ever. If there are mutual friends that are shared by the both of you, inform them of the breakup and also inform them that you will not appear at any functions that your ex-lover will be present at and if that means they have to choose sides, so be it.