Written by Bosede Ola-Samuel - Nigeria
ONE thing an average man cherishes, and cannot do without, especially in marriage is this 3 letter word S-E-X. It's like a magic wand; drawing a man out his shell anytime, any day. That's why sex is a major weapon the Tempter uses against men. Thus, I have decided to consider sex as the way to a man's heart in the marriage setting.
In time past, many of us considered food as the way to a man's heart. Thus, the saying "a woman with great cooking skill, owns the husband." Women therefore used to pay greater attention to the preparation of good and delicious food for their husbands.
And God help the husband with more than one wife; the wives will do all to undo one another in giving the man varieties of food to prove a point: I am a better cook.
Not only that, men who kept concubines, in those days, were always being treated to sumptuous meals by such women concubines, as a way of keeping the men outside for longer periods than they spend in their homes. I bet it used to be a working bait to sustain such amorous relationships, and to also pull the wives in the house down as bad cooks, incapable of taking good care of their husbands. And of course, the men would gladly pay the bills for such usually expensive food.
A visit in those days with an uncle of mine to his concubine's house was quite revealing in this direction. The sweet-smelling aroma pervading the whole house as we approached was a signal that good food was waiting for us. And guess what, snails, bush meat, cow leg, intestines, smoked fish, formed part of the delicious food presented by the woman, in company with pounded yam and egusi soup. Oh! How much I enjoyed myself, and at the same time, pitying my uncle for the fortune it was costing him to service the illicit affair.
It also used to be the considered opinion that the way to tie a man down with love potion is for him to be fed with good food. Hence, when a man cared less for his family, but kept spending a fortune on a concubine, throwing caution to the wind, the insinuation used to be that "He must had eaten vegetables in the concubine's house."
So, when a woman wants the attention of her husband, it is not unusual for her to prepare good food, especially his favourite, for him, preparatory to making her request. And many a times, such requests would be well attended to by the husband.
However, this way to a man's heart has its limitations: one, it's expensive. As the saying goes "the soup that is good, na money kill am." It may not be readily affordable for the wife. Apart from this, good food works better for that purpose when combined with sex. Thus, many times, most men will always ask for sex along with the good food. That is, after the food, his best of attention is gotten with good sex.
Today, however, the tide has changed, and the stake is high for sex to get the man's attention. Little wonders that most men will promise heaven and earth while on top of their wives. I have also discovered that most men who engage in extra-marital affairs today, do so more for sex than for the sake of good food. It is therefore my considered opinion that if sex and not good food is the culprit in extra-marital affairs, it is not out of place if we refer to it as the way to a man's heart.
As already stated, intimacy gets better between husband and wife when sexual fulfillment is achieved, especially for the man. This is because the man is the one who is naturally ever-ready and ever asking for it. So, when he is fully satisfied, he becomes easier to live with. This is, however, not to underscore the need of the wife for sexual fulfillment.
When the man is sexually fulfilled, he can amazingly overlook most of the usually heavily criticized wife's shortcomings. Thus, that the food is late can be overlooked; much or inadequate salt in the food is pardonable; and he may not even notice that the wife is always late to get dressed for functions they are attending together. Can you see why sex is indeed the needed tonic for a healthy marriage?
I am also aware that when a woman wants to appreciate her husband, giving him good sex is a usual recommendation. The other day I heard a lady telling her friend to please give her husband a nice treat in bed for his caring act. So, let our women take note, and never miss the opportunity that good sex with our husbands offers us.
However, sex must not be used as a weapon of war in marriage by husbands and wives. It's like hitting a man or woman "below the belt." Though, wives are often the ones more guilty between the two. So, let's not do battle with 'bottom power' in the home. Rather, let it be the instrument for settlement of quarrels.
Some Respondents' Comments On Sex: The Way To A Man's Heart:
MRS BD: When my husband enjoys good sex with me, there is no fault of mine that he cannot overlook. I see a better man in him once sex is regular. Whenever he gets touchy and moody, I know it's time for a special sexual treatment for him. And of course I also don't miss out of the fun of the act.
MR. B. A: The worst of my quarrels with my wife comes out of sexual frustration. And I am always ready to fight her real big for it.
~More comments are welcome.