By Funmi Akingbade - Nigeria
So, how's your sex life? This is a question that couples find difficult to give me satisfactory answers whenever they are in my office for counselling and consultation. Sometimes, the answers I get are life threatening, while sometimes they are pitiable. Well, today, let us talk about great sex.
For persons so consumed by thoughts of sex, many remain remarkably confused about what great sex is and how to have it. Many couples are shadowed by self-doubt, and clouded by myths and misperceptions. It's not just about our mindset. Couples can also work on their mechanics. Mentally and physically, we're hampered and hindered. Can't we all just have great sex? Of course, we can. But first we should decide what great sex is.
I want to encourage couples not to be confused or plagued by concerns over their sexual performance. They shouldn't get worried about the worthiness of their physique during lovemaking. Even when both of you did well, I mean your wife literarily melted at your touch, you also boomed like a horse rider, and both of you had a good climax and one of you still harbours suspicions, nursing the impression that you're not getting it as often as everyone else will make you believe, there is still something better.
Second, great sex is in the eye of the beholder. For some couples, it might be the ability to produce multiple orgasms in their partners. For others, it might mean being able to last for 20 minutes. Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your spouse. See good sex from the eye of your spouse. Does he or she think heavenly about kissing? Then learn the act of good kissing and other orally administered forms of arousal (none of which should be underestimated).
Tell her what you want. Ask her what she likes. The truth of the matter is if you get to know yourselves, you'll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship. A lot of women are very responsive to a man's voice during lovemaking. If a husband has verbal facility and can entice his wife through his voice, that can be a powerful part of his great sex tools.
Third, do not paint a distorted picture for another man. Ask for something new you can take home if you happen to talk with your friend about sex. When men do talk, they often puff themselves up to their peers. They are more inclined to exaggerate their exploits than talk about their insecurities. Men paint distorted pictures of their sex lives. A lot of men wind up thinking that their sex life is missing something and that other men are having wild sex or more sex.
Fourth, as much as you may share sexual ideas with other people, do not compare your sex life with unhealthy pornographic display. It is not everything couples know about sex that they learnt from pornography.
But they learn a lot from it and that can be a problem. Populated as it is by flawlessly formed women and men with imprinted artwork abdomen and 'out of this world' endowments, adult entertainment makes many husbands and wives wonder, 'why can I have a wife like this or why can't my husband be just like this man?' One of the most destructive pornographic myths is that it convinces so many couples that they are frigid and lack good libido. They forget that pornography shows men and women who have been injected with artificial libido enhancing drugs. Some of the other fictions that pornography perpetuates are the idea that women are always primed and ready (but you and I know that in the real world, many wives do say 'no' to sex sometimes); and that the same moves work on every partner; and also that satisfying sex always culminates in orgasm. Pornography can inspire us to greater sexual exploration. But learning from it takes time to implement to be patient with your partners.
Lastly, husbands are encouraged to make sure they are happy. This helps them to be healthy. As the saying goes, the best measure of a man's character is the company he keeps. But what about his sexual health? According to a recent research, the best measure of that is his erection. Good erection equates great sex. A man's overall health directly affects the quality of his erection. And if the promise of longer life isn't enough to convince men to take care of themselves, the promise of harder erections might be.
Ironically, a husband's sexual performance and the quest for great sex are still the greatest hook to get him to make some real healthy good life changes. This is because it has become hard to deny the importance of erections in men's health. It is now clear that men with heart disease are more likely to develop erectile dysfunction. Men with ED are 80% more likely to develop heart disease than men without ED — regardless of smoking, high blood pressure, diabetes, and weight. Men in their 40s who have ED have the most dramatic increase in heart disease risk. They are more than twice as likely to develop heart disease as men of the same age without ED. Men with moderate-to-severe ED are 65% more likely to develop heart disease over a 10-year period compared to men who don't have ED. In hardening of the arteries fatty deposits build up inside arteries and form a plaque, making the walls of the arteries stiff and restricting blood flow. Eventually, chunks of plaque may break off into the bloodstream and lodge somewhere else, where they block blood flow. If a blockage forms in the heart, it causes a heart attack; in the brain, it causes a stroke.
So to have great sex make sure you are happy, avoid anger, worries anxiety and watch your health.