Written by Azuka Onwuka - Nigeria
The easiest time to prevent a divorce or an unhappy marriage is before marriage, not after. There is no gainsaying that love can have such a drunken effect on the about-to-wed that clear danger signals become unimportant to them, while hope becomes their only commodity. After all, is it not said that love conquers all? Great! But what type of love conquers all? Agape or Eros? Why compare God-love, which is unconditional, with sexual love, which can be waver?
There are traits that some people cannot drop. It is like hoping that a right-handed spouse will one day become left-handed: a classical case of waiting for Godot!
If you are looking for a wife or a husband, please be wary of these 12 groups of people.
Those who can never apologise
They would hurt you, annoy you, disappoint you, but would never apologise, because they believe that it would belittle and demean them. When you are wrong, you apologise to them, and when you are right, you still apologise to them, hoping that that they would change. But they never do. Soon you start to feel irritated and agitated. The love and respect you felt for them start to wear out.
Those who can never say thank you
Whatever you do for them, they are never grateful. They make statements like: "Why should I say thank you when you are just doing your duty?" Some would say that their gratitude is in their heart. So, do I have to open your heart to see the gratitude inside and get it? Ingratitude is an attitude that causes irritation, frustration and unhappiness.
Such people also believe the world owes them a lot. They go around their activities with an entitlement mentality. They are difficult to please.
Those who have excessive libido or inadequate libido
Sexual intercourse is a very important factor in marriage, but when you have a spouse that needs it for breakfast, lunch and supper, it becomes difficult to have any peace in the family. Infidelity also knocks on the door. On the other hand, when you have a spouse that hates sex or thinks that sex should be an annual event undertaken during the wedding anniversary or birthday celebration, then you know that you have some real trouble in the house. Infidelity is also usually a challenge. Sexual problem is worsened by the fact that it is one topic that couples find difficult to discuss with even those who genuinely want to help resolve the marital rift.
Men who think women are to be seen but not heard
Some men still live in the 18th century, in spite of the depth of education they profess. It is true that marriage is not a zone for feminist crusade, but if a man has archaic views about women, then please avoid him like an Ebola patient. Watch out for statements like: "How can an ordinary woman want to be the CEO?" "How can a woman debate with men?"
Women who believe they don't need a man in their life
Such women believe that they are self-sufficient in all things. They have the I-don't-give-a-damn attitude. Men feel ill at ease when they are with women who don't allow a room in their lives for a man to fill. Such women find it difficult to express love. They always believe a man wants to dominate them. They are usually too defensive, too competitive, and too contentious. Men who relate with them usually feel frustrated. Such men always choose their words and actions carefully to avoid quarrels. That smothers affection and joy.
Men who are looking for housemaids, not wives
These are men who still live in the 15th century in this modern age. They have an archaic idea of what the role of wives is. They believe that women are only meant to cook, clean the house, bear children, and serve the men.
They believe that when men talk, women just have to obey; when men talk, women must keep quiet. The man can keep mistresses, but the woman should keep quiet and not even be seen greeting a man. A woman should not work, should not step out of the house, and should not complain, whatever the man doles out to her.
Those who can never trust anybody
These are those who believe that everybody is an enemy. Everybody is filled with evil designs against them. They have an obsession with fear of people, including their spouse, that it is irritating. Once a spouse cannot be trusted, there can never be joy in the family. They see through every action. They believe that everybody has evil intentions.
Those who have no respect for others
People can mouth love, but without respect, a marriage can never be happy. Women who love to prove a point by insulting their husbands, or men who believe in treating their wives without dignity in the name of cutting their wives to size: such people make terrible marriage partners. Nothing kills marriages like disrespect.
Women who see all men as competition that must not be given an inch
Marriage is not a place for activism. A woman who sees a man as a competitor rather than a complement is a dangerous person to marry. When a man has to contend with a woman every minute, when a man is always too conscious of what to say or do to his wife, then there is a problem at home.
Those who can't control their temper
Hot-tempered people are dangerous. They can utter anything in anger. They can do things that they will regret for life. They can be violent. Their words can be venomous. They can put you in trouble. They are unpredictable.
Those who cannot forgive
Forgiveness makes us look superhuman. But there are those who cannot forgive, no matter the circumstances. Not only can they not forgive, they can also not forget. Because they can't forgive, they usually think of how to get revenge.
Those who have not been weaned by their parents
Age has little to do with maturity in marriage. Those who have not been "weaned" by their parents make poor marriage partners. They are full of "Mummy said", "Daddy said". They take every family discussion to their parents. They cannot do anything unless their parents approve. They allow their parents to run their homes in the name of showing respect.
Those who are tied to the apron strings of their parents make marriage tasteless. Such spouses are a constant source of frustration and sadness. You will always be wrong in their sight. You will always be vilified.
In summary, marriage is not a bed of roses. There is nobody without some faults or idiosyncrasies. But it is foolhardy to walk into a landmine with one's eyes open, praying and hoping that the explosive would not go off.
To avoid heartaches, neither blind love nor desperation to get married should push a bachelor or spinster to jump into a marriage with someone who will cause nothing but pain, sadness, and sorrow. Marriage should not be treated as a game of Russian roulette.