Wives and mistresses

Let's take a look at your underwear drawers. Let's see what you've got in there; black, white things, full pants, full-cup bras with wide straps. Slips that are brown and body shapers without frills and lace. Don't tell me I'm right, ma'am? 

Your under wears are actually in those colours? Geez, you are the 'BORING WOMAN of the Year'. Practical underwears are boring because underwears are not supposed to be boring. They are supposed to be titillating, exciting, sexy. So, because you are a wife now, you think your man's senses have retired? If only you know. But since you think neat and practical knickers are the best wife -investment since economic meltdown, let's take a trip somewhere.

Here's what a mistress' lingerie closet looks like. First, it's scented. Then the colours are peach, sweet pink, sexy red, valentine lilac, mesmerising orange, drowsy blue, lip-smacking orange. There are g-strings and thongs . She wears full panties too but hers have hooks that 'he' can undo with his eyes closed and bows that he can loosen with his teeth before he moves on to the heart of the matter. A mistress' bras have supports that support her cause and case but they can be unhooked from the front in one swift move. Even when it is a full-cup, it offers no resistance. The half-cup ones are unmanned borders, very porous.

Madam, let us inspect your night wears. Goodness me gracious God, are those long, floor-length cotton things I see? Some even have sleeves. They reveal nothing too. Do you shop for these things blindfolded or you actually think your husband has gone blind? You thing those pink petals around the high neck is sexy, don't you? You need deliverance from the spirit called taking-your-husband-for-granted. Let's take another trip into the mistress' closet.

Ahhh, white clingy stuff that looks like she 's poured into it when she wears it. See that pale blue one, it stops at the hips with the straps falling all over the place. The guy's got no problem getting to the ignition. The only 'full' thing in there are the shorts and top that looked like they were made from four handkerchiefs and the short, small as it is, has two buttons, totally well-positioned too. What is a man supposed to do when a full-bodied woman opens the door wearing that kind of thing, after a long day and even a longer traffic jam? Poor guy's gonna want to eat something before his dinner. Yeah, he's got my vote too.

Let's check out your hair-do. That style has been on your head, unwashed for three, four weeks? And it's all tangled and smelling like locust-bean shop. How does he HUG someone smelling like that? What's wrong with changing your hair style twice a month if you can't afford 'real fake hair'? Keep it clean and tangle-free so the pillow doesn't smell like something the cat dragged in.

Hi, Mr Husband and head of the family, when last did you compliment your wife, her new look (did you even notice that she just cut her hair and reshaped her brows)? No, if it is the fine-girl-no-pimples, yes that one, you'll pay for the hair, drop her at the salon and pat the hair on the way home. You just take your wife for granted because you think she's reached the last bus stop. Hmmm, you think? I don't. But you pay 'Susie' plenty of attention because you know she can tear up her MEMBERSHIP card with you or decamp or even do anti-party while still pretending to be yours.

Taking each other for granted is one thing all couples are guilty of. A sad fact. Marriage, love, RELATIONSHIPS are like flower beds, if you don't tend them, weeds will overpower and choke it to death. Guys, put half of what you put into your money-making ventures into your marriage. Pamper your wives and stop thinking they are stuck. No WOMAN is ever stuck because that thing you love about her, there's some man, in fact a dozen men, who have mergers and or acquisition designs on her. And Madam married woman, what shall it profit a wife if she wears the wedding band while 'Susie' gets all the bonding. Think of that when you tie a wrapper above your breasts tonight instead of the sexiest eye-popping, balls-tweaking negligee.