YOU take one look at your marriage, shake your head and write-off the whole thing. When a woman is sad and her morale is at an all-time low, self-pity is the first demon that comes calling. It becomes difficult to see anything good in whatever is happening. She can't even remember the good, old times when she felt on top of the world and believed her husband was the best thing that ever happened to her. Those days when she handed down tips on how to make a marriage work so easily... but that was then, she would sigh.
When trouble looms or befalls a marriage or the woman is feeling gloomy, the next practical thing she begins to do is wishing she were somewhere else, somebody else's wife. She wonders how she ended up where she is. Didn't her mother warn her? And she almost didn't marry him o.
Well, a woman has no business envying her friend's marriage. Sounds cute but impracticable, ehn? Not exactly, but it happens all the time.
When things get tough in the home and a marriage seems to be giving way at the seams, the urge to compare your situation unfavourably with another's is quite high. Any wife who wants to be honest with herself will own up, to having fallen into that temptation once or twice.
Such escapist thoughts are the only things that fill her head. It suits her psyche. She adds all unlikely figures together and gets all the odd results. She'd see all the good things in her friend's marriage and not one enviable thing in her own.
If only she knows. If only we all know. Comparing your marriage with another is an unworthy occupation. It is a demeaning venture that does nothing for a woman's sense of self-worth. Why should you think your friend's marriage or husband is better than yours? No two marriages are alike and the recipe that works for one marriage more often than not, won't work for the other. Your friend married one man and you another.
Men may share certain habits or traits but they essentially differ. The problems your friend is facing in her marriage are different from yours. That woman you envy may have one big messy marriage and probably wishes she was in your shoes too. So, your husband does not trust you. He suspects all your movements. He has virtually accused you of having an affair with every male you speak to, from the maiguard to your boss.
It's painful when you've never even considered an affair all your married life. You don't give him any cause to suspect you but he does. He probably loves you to distraction. He's obsessed with you and can't hide it. Don't because of that, begin to envy your friend whose husband allows her to go wherever she likes. If you know what that man is up to, you'd give a thanksgiving party for your marriage. Listen to this. A man suspects his wife is having extra marital affairs. He doesn't harass or threaten her. He's not a man of many words. He decides to lace her with Magun (that traditional punishment for adulterers) convinced that his wife will be disgraced and his 'rival' killed.
After about six weeks, the Magun merchant husband believed his rival must have passed to the great beyond. He decided it was safe enough then to claim his conjugal rights. However, his misfortune was that his wife did not sleep around and his Magun was still in place when he landed in the trap he set for someone else. Of course, it was his last day on earth. Jealousy killed him, he somersaulted three times, stretched out in death as he foamed in the mouth. Do you still think your husband is the worst creature? Sure, a jealous husband is a potential Magun merchant but certain husbands are just not capable of it. They can scream their false accusations all day but they never really get round to lacing their wives with anything deadly. Thank your stars and get on with your life. Or are you one of those women who complain that their husbands work non-stop, leaving no time for you and the children?
Wait until your hear the experiences of those who are married to lazy, unambitious nincompoops. At least, your husband knows where he's going and believes the sweat of his brow will get him there. That's more than you can say for the 'Otokoto' men. They want riches but if a certain cult demands the head, breasts and tongues of their wives, they won't bat their eyelids before putting the knife on their unsuspecting wives. I'm sure a busy husband is a blessing from above compare to the one who'll use you or even one of your children for juju
My uncle once told me the story of this couple.
On the surface, they are the ideal couple, very close, rich, and accommodating. They were then both in their 40s. They went everywhere together and whatever the wife said was what the husband would say even if they were 100kms apart. They are from a popular town in Kwara State.Younger couples looked up to them and those who didn't know prayed that their marriage will be like Aro and his wife's.
If only they knew they were heaping curses on their own heads. According to my uncle's story, Aro and his wife were once very poor and out of desperation agreed to use their first son for money-making juju. They did the rituals, entered into an oath (or covenant) never to betray each other, divorce or love another as long they live. They are bound by blood, not love, bound by the death of the little boy they killed to be rich...
If you wish you were in another woman's shoes, you ought to know what you are talking about. Don't make dangerous wishes. Some couples' intimacy and closeness has more than meets the eye. You may say I'm preaching, especially if you are going through a bad patch right now, who doesn't? Count your blessings instead of the woes. Every woman has that period when she wishes she were someone else's wife. So yours is not new. It will pass like all other bad times.
When I'm going through such times, I try to look on the sunny side. But by jove, it's hard. I must confess. Try this consolation: some husbands are worse than yours.
Tell yourself: "It hasn't always been bad and it won't always be. He's a pig-head but he'll come round." Take a deep breath and believe you are the best. Don't let anybody tell you differently.
You'd be surprised at how many women wish your husband were theirs. Well, if only they know that right now you think your husband is a pig, a dog, a fool and a whole number of unprintable things. But you'll soon start calling him 'darling' again and kissing his bald pig head, you see.
Each time you think of your husband as an unrepentant full-time adulterer, thank God that you aren't married to a man who gives you gonorrhea three times a year.