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Marriage is not for everybody…

Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
Chukwuneta Oby
Considering the rate at which marriages are falling like a pack of badly stacked cards…would it not be appropriate for us to ditch our 'holier than thou' slogan of 'divorce is a sin' and pick up a more realistic one like 'marriage is not for everybody?'

The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.

The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!

Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.

No, the 'marriage destroying demons' have not resumed duty on your matter…your partner is simply acting true to his or her DNA and there is no way they can be changed-as far as being themselves goes. The onus is now on you to either accept your fate (if 'divorce is a sin' to you) and continue to put in your best-without really expecting much in return (as such expectations might leave you more disappointed/heart broken) or find the courage to create a new path for yourself, as well-if that will make you happier. It really is one life to live. Being married/unmarried neither increases nor decreases one's humanity…what decreases or increases 'who you are' is what's inside of you.

Sometimes in life, we find our solution in pausing to assess our situations and getting realistic with our circumstances…it is not by running from pillar to post-and doing every other thing but going within you to seek your truth!

It is not only in infrastructural developments that the Western world seems to have surpassed us...they seem to have done a better job at 'understanding one's self' and going about one's life's decisions in a 'non-apologetic' manner. Probably because they understand that you (and not other people) have to live your life... that is, if you ever hope to have a semblance of happiness /fulfilment in your very existence

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