~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, June 19, 2016
COPING with the breakup of a relationship youthought would last for ever, especially if you're the one dumped, could be a living nightmare.
Linda, a marketing executive in her early 30s suddenly found herself at a loose end after Linus, her boyfriend of 18 months walked out on her. Two months after, what she termed nothing short of a miracle happened. "It started at a musical concert of all places", she told me, a lot of sparkle in her eyes. "I'd gone to drown my sorrow instead of watching TV and feeling sorry for myself. I went to the concert with Babs, my best friend's boyfriend. I'd planned to go with Buky, my friend, but she was busy and had urged Babs to go without her, and take me instead.
"It was a lively but private concert and different types of booze and canape flowed. Babs, wasn't feeling on top of the world either, and I let it slip how being dumped made me feel inadequate and unsexy. I mean, if I'd repulsed my own boyfriend enough for him to dump me that unceremoniously, would any man desire me again? `Well, that's exactly how Buky made me feel,' agreed Babs. I felt a bit sorry for him. Buky had told me a bit about their sex life. She was bored with him. He didn't excite her in bed any more, she said, and she was
getting ready to dump him. She hated how soppy and devoted he was, but could I tell him all that? We continued drinking as we talked about our hurt feelings, our rubbish sex lives. Then a lively number came up and Babs asked me to dance.
"As he held me in his arms, I felt a light jolt. It was like all that sexual frustration had sparked and become something else. Lust! Without speaking, he ran his hands all over my back and was grabbing my bum at one stage. My hand accidentally brushed against his groin and his response was instant! How could Buky be such a fool? She had what I didn't, a sexy man who wanted her. Well, if she didn't want him, I did!
"We kissed on the dance floor because the music was very romantic – all around us, lovers were doing the same thing. As the tension built up inside us, Babs asked if we could go to my place. I instantly agreed. For the first time in weeks, I didn't feel lonely or worthless. My sex life with my ex had become so boring before we'd split. And afterwards, that fact had haunted me. Had he found me unattractive? Had he made love to me out of pity?
"Suddenly, I had to prove I was still sexy, still able to excite a man. And here was Babs, already aroused and rearing to go. It was a miracle he got us home safety as his hand was all over me while he manoeuvred the car with only one hand! We were like love-starved animals. As soon as the door to my flat was shut, we hurriedly undressed each other and hit the bed. If we were being bad, I thought wickedly, we might as well be really bad! The sex was what I expected – and more. We later went into the shower and romped some more. Much later, now a bit sober, Babs looked really contrite. 'We shouldn't have done that, Linda', he said seriously, 'it was a terrible mistake.' I felt awful. It was bad enough for me to betray my friend out of spite. But Babs still loved her and they still lived together; it wasn't like I wanted a relationship with him. I'd simply used him to boost my self-confidence, 'I won't tell her' I assured him and he looked relieved. Did he think I would be panting after him and demanding sex after a one-night shag?
"After he left, I felt elated – the delicious glow of satisfaction and elation tingle through my whole body. The sex had been wonderful and once again; I'd felt like a desirable woman. What I had done to my best friend barely mattered. I wasn't worthless or unlovable after all – and I knew Babs would be feeling the same reassurance as me. That night's passion had simply proved just how sexy we both really are … "
I didn't know what to make of Linda's 'triumph'. What's with these young women anyway? They take their pleasure wherever and with whoever takes their fancy. Marriage? If it comes up, fine, if it doesn't they could always find the perfect 'father of my child'. Would she bed Babs again if the opportunity rears its head?" 'No way,' she assured. `That fling had served its purpose and now I'm once again able to find my own man – all 1 needed was that "little leg- up from Babs".
Not long after Linda's outburst, three young ladies came to a friend's house for a natter and one of them confessed to being broody. "Then get married and start having the kids you want," I urged her, "Aunty look at you! Do I have to get married to have kids? My problem is to decide who of the two men in my life fathers my child. One is very cerebral and kind while the other one is a live- wire, more of a cad really. His dad is rich and he spends the money. Should I get pregnant for him or for the cerebral one who could give me a child that could be a genius?
"It's not as if the other chap is not smart, but he hasn't tested his brain after his first degree, which he barely scaled through. He could give me a brilliant child too – and his dad's wealth would mean my child would be properly looked after. But what if he turns out to be irresponsible? Means I have to raise the kid all by myself … " I didn't say a word because she didn't ask for my advice. She was merely bragging, letting us know she's had her life mapped out with or without marriage. It's a bit scary but there are loads of her type around these days ….