The SUN Nigeria. Monday, February 20, 2017.
My Friend: Men are foolish, very foolish.
Me: Ah ah, what's biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration?
My Friend: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don't even know what I'm talking about.
Me: I'm itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I'm a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted and pampered but they are no fools. No, I totally disagree with you.
My Friend: By the time I'm done, you will agree with me.
Me: Hmn, until then.
My Friend: Okay, start by explaining this. NYSC pays all corp members the same salaries and allowances, right? But when they get to mammy market, the male corper dips his hands into his pockets and like a fool buys drinks and pepper soup for the female corper. The female corper saves her money after having a good time.
Me: So, the Bobo corper is a fool because of that? That is so totally unfair. He's just being a man. You don't expect the babe to pay for suya when her boo is able and capable?
My Friend: So, the babe is disable and incapable?
Me: Nooo, it's just the way of the world.
My Friend: When the Bible said a fool is easily parted from his money, don't you think it was Nigerian men that it was referring to?
Me: Oh please, stop this nonsense. Don't turn the Bible upside down.
My Friend: Okay, explain that little scenario.
Me: The explanation is simple. Men are wired to give. Women are wired to receive.
My Friend: Eeeeeh? What did you say?
Me: You heard me right. Men give. Women take. It is the way we are wired. We are just wired differently.
My Friend: Who did the wiring?
Me: God now.
My Friend: This wiring is electrocuting men.
Me: No. It is only when a man is trying to rewire himself that sparks fly. Once a man is willing to give, we are willing, always ready to receive.
My Friend: Like Ever Ready battery?
Me: Yes o. consider how life is made. The man gives and the woman receives and a new life is born.
My Friend: Aaah, when we give in that way, we give painfully. The poor man will shudder, shake and groan before delivering the goods.
Me: Don't start. Hat painful shudder? The whole movement is divinely blissful or blissfully divine. It is the screeching to a halt that is done in a way to prevent the man from crossing to the other side of cloud nine, you know. It is a pleasure made in heaven, part of the way a man is wired.
My Friend: You are a woman, how would you know if it is painful or pleasurable?
Me: If it is painful, you guys won't be going after it in every way and at all cost. A man would do anything to achieve that blissful shudder.
My Friend: I don't know what you are talking about.
Me: Ah ah, just now. Were you not the one who asked me to explain the logic behind 'men are wired to give'? It is not that men are generous willingly. It is because that is the only way they know how to live. They even pay to give a woman pleasure.
My Friend: Can you imagine? If it is not foolishness, why would a man pay to give a woman pleasure?
Me: Sometimes they even queue to pay for that pleasure.
My Friend: Like say dem swear for us?
Me: They are just fulfilling destiny.
My Friend: Chaaaai, there is God oooo.
Me: But I hear that if a man carries his full load around for too loud without downloading, he may fall ill.
My Friend: True. It may even cause a dangerous ailment.
Me: Or make him misbehave and start seeing double.
My Friend: True. When a man is too loaded and can't find a woman in need, it can be catastrophic.
Me: You see my point now? God has blessed men so much they have to continue to be generous givers. Thank God women are programmed to receive, otherwise there would be trouble. God is a perfect God. He had it all figured out. He gave men what to give and women the capacity to receive.
My Friend: That is arguable. Some men have more capacity than their women can cope with.
Me: You have a point but it is usually something that can be worked out. Sometimes the woman wants more than the man can give. They just need to work on it and find a middle road. Where I have problem with men is their propensity to open branch offices everywhere.
My Friend: When a man has so much to give, he has to continue to distribute.
Me: Isn't that why some men die in active service?
My Friend: Those are the ones who don't know when their pipeline has gone broke or empty. Wise men when to stop shopping and shuddering so the groan of pleasure does not become a groan of death.
Me: So, you now see that women and men are created for different purposes? When a woman can't receive, she cannot function like a full woman and when a man can't give, he feels like half a man or no man at all.
My Friend: That sounds a little complicated. Please expatiate.
Me: If a woman is a bread winner, picking all the bills and taking care of the man, she begins to lose her femininity. She becomes cranky. She is not so warm in bed. She begins to lose the tenderness and capacity to receive. Because she has started to give instead of receiving.
Everybody starts blaming her for being rude, arrogant and bossy but a woman is not wired to give and receive, she can only do her God-given duties.
When circumstances force her to do unnatural role, she starts acting deformed.
My Friend: And a man forced to receive?
Me: That is a man bent out of shape. No man should find himself in a position where he is fed and cared for. That is why it is difficult to live with a man who is broke. He is not wired to receive whether outdoor or indoor.
My Friend: May the Lord continue to give seed to the sower and bless the harvest of the receiver.