The unforgivable sin: Dating a broke man
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.
"It is really sad that Yomi will pay me evil for good after all I did for him. I loved Yomi with my whole life and I was faithful to him all through our four years of courtship. I met him when he was a broke ass and literarily had nothing to his name. But I didn't care, because I saw he had all the potentials.
Everyone warned me, but I never listened. I split my salary to two every month end for 3 years. I paid his rent, fed and clothed him. He even used my car freely while I jumped on buses to work. My friends all thought I was crazy doing this, and then I got him a job and our world began to fall apart.
Yomi became a stranger; he started complaining that I was too fat, that I looked older than him and that our sex life was boring.
Believe me, I did all I could; I started dieting, I joined a gym club, I dressed to please him and I read all I could about sex.
But he didn't change and it was obvious he was out to frustrate me.
Three months ago, I saw the shocker on Instagram. He had proposed to another girl. She was younger, slimmer and was everything I wanted to be for Yomi." Nike, an accountant lamented.
I am very certain that in our circle of friends, we all have a Nike. We all have a relative like Nike, who refuses to see what all others are seeing and chooses to ignore all the screaming red flags in her relationship.
Many women like to focus on irrelevancies when it comes to going into a relationship. They prefer to focus more on the fun and sexy parts. They ignore the practical issues because things are exciting and passionate at the moment.
Wait a second please! I am not talking to teenagers here; I am talking to people who fall into "are you the one?" fabulous age bracket. I believe you guys don't have to fall in love based on how cute a guy is or what he promises to do. I am sure you are past the age where you will be fantasizing about his potentials or how cute your kids might look in the future.
This is also not about women living on men or feeding fat on him like a leech because I know at this stage you are in, you can easily feed and pamper yourself. You are a hardworking diva that has the right to wine and dine with men with great success stories.
My dear savvy sisters, please you shouldn't be the only one offering financial help in a relationship. Stop listening to his childhood sob stories of why he can't take care of himself. If his mother has done a great job, it is not your business to take over from his mum by caring for a full grown adult. You must never listen to a man who tells you, you are the only one who can save him from his financial mess. Girlfriend, you are not his saviour, Jesus Christ died for our sins long time ago, so he doesn't need another messiah.
The mistakes many single girls of marriage age make is that, they tend to equate sexual pleasure with love.
For crying out loud, you shouldn't be sleeping with a broke guy, if he can't feed himself, he doesn't deserve to share his bed with you. Having a man in your life that can't take care of himself, how much more you, is a mere waste of time. Your buying him won't make him marry you and even if he marries you, that is a hell of a catastrophe waiting to happen.
I am not saying there are no good broke guys, whom if given opportunities will become great financial giants. I believe they are out there.
I am not saying that there are no honest poor guys that will make great husbands. But, I am just sick of the many faworajas in my generation. These guys have thrown decorum to the dustbin and it is unfortunate that my savvy sisters are falling hopelessly in love with them.
Also, I am not saying that you should all go look for rich guys and become gold diggers. No! This write up isn't about how to hook up with a rich guy. In fact, I am in full support of role reversals.
I am only advocating for strong women. This is a clarion call for our savvy sisters to get a good grip on their emotions and stop being too desperate for relationship.
My guys, of course, I know how times are hard, so, I am not saying that you have to be well established and working your dream jobs before you go into a relationship with a woman.
Please don't get me wrong. All I am asking for is that you should at least be able to pay your bills and move out of daddy's house.
Bros, give your parents a breathing space and go rent your apartment. If you are talking about marriage with someone special this 2017, you need to be more ambitious at 35 and start setting goals for yourself. Stop borrowing money from your mum to form fine boy outside!
Men who can't afford anything is a huge turn off for me and so, ladies, let us fall in love with men not only with our hearts but also with our heads.
You see, the truth is that, economics and romance are Siamese twins and we have heard in many stories of divorce that, finances are often cited as the number one cause.
First, this is not 1867, so you need to give the good girl a kick in the ass, because as a cosmopolitan chic, you need to be involved in modern dating. Modern dating involves a lot of hanging out and you need to spend money. Oh, don't be a bore and stop lying down on the bed in a heated room staring into each other's face.
Secondly, if Mr. Broke wants to earn a lot of respect from your friends, he has to have some dough to throw around on few occasions. They can forgive him if he doesn't drive a posh car but they will sneer at him if he has to borrow cash from you always.
Thirdly, most broke guys have low self-esteem and will keep rubbing it on you. They won't understand why your best friend should be a guy; won't understand why you have to work late at the office. You will have to explain every call to them and even that long conversation you had with the water boy is not exempted. The typical Mr. broke has a fragile ego which you will keep massaging all the days of your life.
Moreover, you will keep giving him money to buy things for your parents and siblings. He keeps claiming he is the head in the relationship but tell me, how can he claim manhood when it seems he is plagued with the afflictions of being broke?
Are you among girls who firmly adhere to the teaching of your pastor on faith? You strongly believe that things will turn around? Well, I am not disputing the faith angle, faith really works wonders. But, if you want the truth, go and purge yourself from those things. If you must "faith" things redirect it into something worthwhile. You know why? Well, it's because very few of these women of faith of yesteryears actually reaped the fruits of their labour. In the long run, 8 out of 10 of these women ended up completely miserable and frustrated. You need no prophecy to speak into your future; he will eventually leave you for a younger, hotter girl after you have spent your money on him and done 8 abortions. Well, if you want to keep faithing it, somebody shout hallelujah! I rest my case and so you are on your own o!
So, to every gorgeous girl reading this, go have fun with men, laugh, go on dates but never try to save them. They will definitely respect you more for this but if they don't, there are so many desperate women out there willing to rub their backs. It shouldn't be you!