A wife should be a help mate

By Chinyere Fred-Adegbulugbe

Should a woman work or stay at home when married? This question usually comes up during many discussions about marriage and family. Yes, there are indeed factors, which can affect any woman‘s choice of decision here. Hitherto, the concern had been the welfare of the children and of course the entire family. How would they fare if the woman of the house should have to be away at work? Then such considerations kept many women at home, or at best, they were stuck with such professions as teaching and nursing.

Not that those concerns don‘t exist any more; they do. However, the issue of finances has recently taken the stage. As a couple, you don‘t just have to worry about who would cook for the children, dress them up for school, probably take them to school and take care of the house. Now, they worry about what the children eat in the morning at their schools, rent and other bills. Therefore, unless, the husband is a multi-millionaire, there would be a need for a woman to also work. Of course, you have women who, despite the fact they have spouses, whose income is enough to adequately cater for the family, still opt to work, for various reasons. For such women, working especially outside the home is something they really want to do for their own personal fulfilment.

However, according to Mr. Isaac Umoh, that is not the case with his family. He says, though he is working in a private company, his salary has never been enough to take care of his family. He also says it has greatly affected the children (who are three in number) because not only is he not able to afford school for them, they hardly get to eat the kind of food they need.

”But my wife can‘t be bothered,” he laments. ”When I saw that I wasn‘t able to take adequate care of the family, I confided in her and asked that she should look for a job, since she is also a graduate. She agreed. However, as time went on, I saw that she wasn‘t keen on it at all. I was the one that prepared a curriculum vitae for her (not that I minded), but even to distribute among our friends is very difficult for her. I contacted my personal friends and told them that my wife was looking for a job, just to widen her chances. But, to my dismay, anytime there is an opportunity, she would give one excuse or the other why she was not interested in the particular job,” he says.

This, he says, continued for a quite while, till she decided she wanted to do business, that she wasn‘t cut out for paid employment. After discussing it, he decided that it was a good idea as it would also afford her the opportunity to spend time with the children. Umoh continues, ”With my little savings, she started selling clothes. She would go to our family friend, who travels to Europe and Dubai, pick clothes at discount rates and then resell. The first six months was okay, and I was already planning on her to secure a loan when suddenly she said the business was too stressful, that she could no longer continue. I tried to persuade her, but she refused and, before I knew anything, she had even spent the capital we invested in the business. Each time I complain, she reminds me that it is my job to look after her and the children. When I point out other families whose wives are also working, she would reply that she didn‘t come to the world to suffer. Last week, she asked me why I married her when I knew that I couldn‘t take care of her. And the worst is that her mother is supporting her. Imagine her calling me on phone and telling me that I shouldn‘t stress her daughter.”

Though it is true that a man should take care of his family, there is nothing wrong when the woman lends a helping hand. No mother should watch her children or family suffer when she can help. Furthermore, for self-development and self-worth, it really helps when a woman leaves home and mixes with people out there and a workplace readily affords one the opportunity. Most times, women who are home bound housewives, stay at home and torment themselves with all kinds of thoughts about their husbands dating someone in his office, even when the man is thinking of how to put food on the family‘s table.