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Mr & Mrs: My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court

My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court
'My sister flirts with my boyfriend'
- I caught my wife, best man having adulterous meeting – Husband tells court
- 'My husband makes money only for himself'
- I caught my wife with two lovers in our bedroom – Husband


My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.

Lagos – A divorce-seeking housewife, Mojisola Ajiboye, on Thursday told an Agege Customary Court that her husband is not the biological father of her son.

She gave the testimony in the divorce suit she filed against her estranged husband at the court.

The petitioner, a 30-year-old nurse, who resides at No. 46, Shiaba St., Agege , a Lagos suburb, said she regretted her seven-year marriage to Samson Nkanang, 33.

She claims that the husband usually abandons her at home and travels on official trips without any form of care.

"My husband is irresponsible and has turned me into a punching bag, I am no longer interested in the union; I want the loveless marriage dissolved,'' she pleaded with the court.

The petitioner told the court that the petitioner whom she has been married to for over seven years is not the biological father of her son.

"I was impregnated by another man during the period my husband travelled on an official trip,' she said.

The estranged wife urged the court to dissolve the marriage so that they can go their separate ways

"Although l registered the child's birth in the respondent's name, he is not the father of my son,''she said.

Mojisola alleged that her husband is temperamental and constantly beats her over minor issues.

Samson , who admitted subjecting his wife to frequent beatings, however, denied the allegations of being an irresponsible husband and father.

He told the court that he was on an official trip for two months in Akwa-Ibom when his wife told him she was pregnant.

"On my return, I even had sexual intercourse with her severally in order for her private part to be opened according to the doctor's report.

"So I am amazed now that she claims I am not the biological father of my child."

The respondent said that on the child's dedication day, he did all the necessary things as a father and even named the child.

"Even my family and the petitioner's family were all present and they all gave him different names,'' he said.

Samson said he has also been responsible for the upkeep of the three-year-old child and the mother till date.

He alleged that he has been getting strange phone calls from an unknown person threatening him to leave his wife alone.

The husband pleaded with the court not to dissolve the marriage, saying "I am still in love with my wife.''

Mr Philip Williams, the court's President, advised the estranged couple to maintain peace and order.

Williams referred the couple to forensic centre to affirm the biological status of the child and deferred the divorce suit indefinitely.

My husband does not want me to work

Dear Njigirl,
I got married when I was 18 years old. We have five children. The oldest is seven years and I am pregnant again.
My husband does not want me to work and I am frustrated. Please what should I do?
ν Sandra

Dear Sandra,
You are so young and with so many babies yet you are pregnant again? I feel for you.
Well with your children and your pregnancy how do you think that you can hold down employment? If you are lucky to find employment you will then find a babysitter for your children. Can you afford it? I would rather ask: with your husband as the only bread winner can he afford it? I doubt it, not with five children and the one on the way. Sandra you are in-between a rock and a hard place and what you will do is mind boggling right?
Ok let me first admonish you for whatever it is worth.
What were you thinking when you got married at such a young age of 18? How old was your husband then? Did you complete any higher education? Assuming that you have a college degree it will be easier for you to seek employment. You must know your skills and your area of expertise to enable you seek the right job. Then get your resume organized and begin to send to different employers. Let me be clear though, it will be difficult for you to cope with full time employment with your babies but I can also assure you that it can be done.
First, you need to arrange for a reputable daycare service. Many social service offices have provision for funds that can be used towards subsidizing the payments. Also so many companies these days provide daycare services within the premises.
So if you can, try to arrange these things before you obtain full time employment.
As for your present state, with this pregnancy and subsequent childbirth, I hope that you will consider family planning options that are available to you. You can ask your medical doctor to recommend safe practices to you. Finally, there is no need to be frustrated, please just get yourself organized and learn all the different ways for you to improve your life and those of your family.
Best of luck,
ν Dr. NJ

'My sister flirts with my boyfriend'

Dear Njigirl,
my sister is always flirting with my boyfriend and he enjoys it but I am not happy about it. How can I get her to quit playing with my man?
ν Nikki

Dear NIkki,
Your sister shows affection to your boyfriend but that does not mean that she is into him in the way that you might be thinking. What exactly do you see to make you think that she might be up to something not very pleasant? As your blood sister I doubt that she will be into mischief as far as dating your husband. Still if you are not happy then tell her that her actions make you uncomfortable and that you will like for her to stop flirting with your boyfriend. It should not be a problem. Please whatever you say to her, be very careful not to cause any sort of ill feeling between the three of you. Again I doubt she means any harm but there again you know her and you know what she is capable of doing. Thread cautiously,

ν Dr. NJ

Ibadan: I caught my wife, best man having adulterous meeting – Husband tells court

~vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, February 23, 2017.

Mr Ademola Odunade, the President of a Mapo Customary Court in Ibadan, has dissolved an 11-year-old marriage between Emmanuel Oyebadejo and his wife Bukola over adultery and trouble making.

Odunade remarked on Thursday that there was no more need for any settlement since both Emmanuel and Bukola have remarried.

"Therefore, in the interest of peaceful coexistence, the union between Emmanuel and Bukola has ceased to be, henceforth.

"Bukola shall take custody of the 10-year-old child produced by the union and Emmanuel shall provide N5,000 as monthly feeding allowance for the upkeep of the child.

"In addition, Emmanuel shall be responsible for the child's welfare and education," the Arbitrator said.

Earlier in his explanation before the court, Emmanuel said that his wife, Bukola was fornicating with his long-time friend who stood as his best man on their wedding day.

"My lord, soon after Bukola moved into my home, she stopped obeying my instructions and often took me through series of insult, abuses and disrespect.

"She started engaging in adultery with my long-time friend who stood as best man on our wedding day, an act which I consider as horrible.

"When Bukola became an unrepentant trouble maker, I reported her on a number of occasions to her parents and Bukola's father did a lot in changing her positively, but her mother was a very bad influence on her. "Then, I handed her over to my best man who I felt could talk to her on my behalf.

"I noticed that they were frequently having meetings, but their meetings were adulterous ones, my people told me and I caught them myself.

"During that period, I got a job in Lagos and I sometimes travel to Abuja for purpose of business. That friend of mine was still having sexual affairs with her.

"I had stopped having any sexual relationship with Bukola since I got to know that she has become adulterous. She told me that she was pregnant and I said that I was not responsible for it.

"My lord, we have stopped leaving together for the past six years, but I have been sending N2,500 every two weeks to her for the upkeep of the child. "I will like to have custody of the child," Emmanuel prayed the court.

However, Bukola who did not oppose the divorce suit was also silent on the allegation that she was adulterous.

"My lord, Emmanuel is in no way a responsible husband and father. He had abandoned the child and I for more than nine years and the child can't even recognise him. "He has sent no money to us for care," Bukola stated.

However, there were contradictory evidences from the witnesses supporting both Emmanuel and Bukola as to whether Emmanuel was responsible or not.

Emmanuel resides at Sango-Ota, Ogun State, while Bukola resides at Odo-Oba area of Ibadan.

'My husband makes money only for himself'

~SUN Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.

Dear Njigirl,

I have been married for nearly 20 years and I have been the one carrying my family. Any money I make, I put back into the family but my husband on the other hand makes money for himself. Whatever he makes he puts into his business ideas and all seem to flop. He does not remember that bills have to be paid.

I am sick and tired of being the breadwinner. The worst part is that he does not even appreciate me at all and just takes it for granted that it is my job to take care of the home and children. I am tired of it and I feel resentment about my entire marriage. I just want to get out. My children are grown except for the one who is a teenager. Please help me before I go crazy.

- Nonye

Dear Nonye,

This is becoming a growing trend in many African marriages and I do not condone it. Our men seem to be in direct dereliction of their duties and leaving it to the female, yet they demand respect and authority. Let me be the first to say to African men: traditionally your role is to be the head of household. Once you fail in your duties and allow your woman to become the head, be prepared to accept whatever she dishes out to you. Women can become disrespectful, power conscious and power driven when you make them the head of household and at the end you will have yourself to blame.

I feel sorry for you for carrying the burden of raising a family by yourself as though you are a single parent, yet you have a man that demands to be called head of household. I feel sad that I have spoken to many women who confess that they are the flag bearers of their home and that the husbands still treat them with ignominy. It is a shame. Now I am not saying that a woman should not contribute to the household, hardly. A woman is a partner and supporter in the union called marriage. Her role is to augment the man. A woman if employed might even spend all her salary making sure that her children lack nothing. She will find places that sell inexpensive but decent clothing, shoes and bags. She will find a tutor who will help her children to excel in school. She will make the house a home and cook and clean and though exhausted after her day's chores will perform her wifely duties in the bedroom without complaining. But when she is ignored, disrespected and treated with disdain she finds it resentful and would soon revolt.

Nonye, I hear you. Your case needs special counseling. Please find a marriage counselor in your area to talk to both of you. It seems that your husband has forgotten the marriage vows he took when he married you. You must first confront him with the situation. Let him know that henceforth the bills must be shared in the home. Present to him a compiled list of household bills including the upkeep of your teenage daughter. Let him choose which bills he will attend to from the next month. Also insist on him providing an allowance for all the other expenses incurred in the home. You may go further to set up a common account from which all bills will be paid. All your husband needs to do is to transfer an agreed amount into the account. You can also insist on operating the account to ensure that all your bills are paid as at and when due. The managing of the home still lies within the portfolio of the woman as the chief organizing officer (COO) of the home. I hope that you will prepare the accounts as stated here to present to him. Follow it up with the appointment with the marriage counselor and then be firm about what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Be clear and concise when speaking to him. Make all your demands known during your meeting with the counselor. Let me let you in on one secret: men hate for their household dirty laundry to be aired in public. He will agree to your demands provided you do not bring him back to the counselor to discuss his irresponsible money mismanagement.

Hang in there and keep me posted.


I caught my wife with two lovers in our bedroom – Husband

News Agency of Nigeria
~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, January 25, 2017.

The 22-year-old marriage of a 60-year-old Lagos businessman, Mr Tunji Oyedele, may be dissolved over his wife's alleged sexual recklessness and infidelity.

Oyedele told an Igando Customary Court in Lagos, on Wednesday, that his wife, Romoke, a 55-year-old trader, with whom he had four children, was promiscuous.

He said, "Whenever I travel, my wife brings men into our house; on two occasions, I caught my wife with her lovers in our bedroom.

"On one occasion, I came home unannounced and caught her with one of her lovers in our bedroom.

"On another occasion, I caught her with another man who she claimed was her Pastor.

"She claimed that the said Pastor wanted to take her to a river for a special bath to avert spiritual attack.”

The petitioner further alleged that his wife was fetish and was always in possession of different charms.

He said, "I see different strange objects in my bathing water, food and everywhere in the house.

"There was a day I entered her room in her absence and saw feathers tied with clothes and other diabolical objects.

"I believe that my persistent illness, which has deferred medical solution, is as a result of her fetish acts.

"I have been forced to leave my own house because I don't want to die now.”

Oyedele presented the pictures of the charms as exhibits, and begged the court to dissolve the marriage as he was no longer in love.

Romoke, however, debunked the allegations, and stated that she and her husband had lived in peace until January 2016, when he married a new wife.

"My husband and I never fought; but immediately he married another woman, his attitude changed.

"His new wife accused me of sending hired killers to her and my husband turned me into a punching bag," she said.

Romoke told the court that she was not adulterous.

She said, "The man my husband first saw in our bedroom was my classmate in primary school.

"The other man was my Pastor, who came for spiritual purpose.”

The respondent said that she was not ready to divorce her husband because she was still in love.

The court president, Mr Adegboyega Omilola, adjourned the case to March 7, for further hearing.

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