It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!

Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.

A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.

"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!

This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.

"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?

"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!

"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"

Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.

8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks

Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.

Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.

Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.

And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.

This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:

If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.

Dear Aunty Julie (Relationship, Romance, Healthe and Fitness) -|- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Topics:

Dear Aunty Julie,

• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel guilty about cheating on him
• Help! I had anal s3x and started bleeding
• I'm in love with my husband's best friend
• How do I forgive his sexting
• My husband's friend is destroying our marriage
• My friends want me to sleep with an older woman
• He doesn't like sex during my period
•  Sex with my husband is painful
• I love sex but I don't want anything serious
• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel uncomfortable around my father-in-law
• Aunty Julie, I have a crush on my best friend's brother
• I'm sexually attracted to a man at work, I'm married
• Wetness from my vagina dries into tiny crumbs, smells funny
• Dear Aunty Julie, Help! I am developing feelings for my teacher
• He's scared about sex during my period
• We had sex and I'm itching
• I was raped
• Her parents think we're too young
• My mom is too protective
• Is my lover’s passion strange?

_______________________________________

Dear Julie, My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Written by Aunty Julie
~Vanguard, Nigeria. November 11, 2016.

Aunty Julie,
My husband of two years is very sociable and has many close friends that we meet up with for dinner. But he also has clingy friend who comes to our home every Friday and stays until Sunday afternoon. I am often lying around in very little or feeding our baby. One morning he bumped into me naked in the bathroom.

I feel as though my privacy is being invaded. My husband just expects me to chat to him but I am getting angry and we end up having huge fights. If I blame my husband, his friend jumps in and ticks me off. When we went to his house he put on a pornographic film and both he and my husband started grinning at me.

Even on our first anniversary supper this man turned up at the restaurant and joined us for coffee. My husband promises to talk to him but nothing has changed. He texts and telephones my husband every day. This man is nice and he loves our daughter, but I feel as if I am in competition with him for my husband’s attention. How can I stop him coming around all the time.
Anonymous, Lagos.

Dear Anonymous,
Neither your husband nor his friend are being fair to you. To use Princess Diana’s much quoted phrase, there are three of us in this marriage. No wife would want another man there all weekend, leaving her little time to be with her husband. It is difficult enough to find time to just be a couple when there is a new baby, let alone when there is someone else there all the time.
So talk to your husband once more and ask him to tell his friend that you want more time as a couple. It would be fine if he stayed over once a month or came for supper sometimes, but not nearly so frequently. If your husband does nothing then you should talk to his friend yourself. Explain that you like him but you want more time as a couple.

You could offer to find him a girlfriend to keep him occupied . He should definitely not be joining you on your next wedding anniversary. I assume your husband and this man are not in a relationship.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Julie, I feel guilty about cheating on him

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016.

Aunty Julie,

My guy and I have been together for the past 10 years. We have been living together but we are not married and my family is kicking. I have always felt like we had a pretty good relationship and although I am away for work quite often, I have never felt tempted to stray.

But last year, I met another guy at a conference and we clicked well and ended up talking for hours. However, one thing led to another and things happened that I never intended to happen. I's not really a big deal but I'm actually dying inside over the guilt I have now.

I haven't seen the guy again but I am struggling because on one hand, I want to tell my partner but on the other, I feel like it will hurt him so much.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I also wonder to myself why this happened and if I'm happy in my relationship, what made this so available and easy? Is there something more, is there a reason this happened?

Laila, Kogi

Dear Laila,

You are feeling guilty and confused. You seem to care but wonder how you could do this at the same time. The truth is, when our feelings, thoughts and behaviours don't match, we enter the state of cognitive dissonance, which is usually difficult until we get aligned by either reassessing our values or changing our behaviours, so that things line up again.

You are struggling because you are evolving and growing from the situation inside you. But I'm curious if you are more troubled by telling your partner the truth or feeling the judgments. The biggest judge is the person in the mirror. Just like you can love someone but not everything they do, you can love yourself but not everything you've done. That might be a starting point.

When your man needs 'outside' help'!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 11, 2016.

With many of our men complaining of different types of 'accidents' in the bedroom, it is no surprise that the help of what is now termed a 'sexual surrogate' could come in handy. The average 'sexual surrogate' is not a prostitute but a trained psychotherapist who acts as a surrogate for men suffering from a variety of sexual problems which are hampering their ability to have a normal physical relationship.

Padma Deva is currently a highly successful surrogate based in the UK. She said she's never had a negative experience with a client, and far from feeling in any way degraded by her work, she finds it emotionally fulfilling.

According to her: "It is wonderful to witness the transformation my clients undergo, and knowing I have played a part in that is rewarding. During an initial consultation with a new client, I recommend a client sees their doctor to rule out physical causes for their sexual problems such as diabetes or high blood pressure."

If surrogacy is deemed appropriate, she asks her client to take a sexually transmitted disease test before hand. Only then can the surrogacy work begin. To start with, both client' and surrogate may remain fully clothed, focusing on exercises such as touching each other's hands, arms, shoulders and face. As the therapy advances, the client and the surrogate may build up to removing their clothes, engaging in genital contact and, if necessary and appropriate, full sexual intercourse.

Why men don’t forgive their cheating partners

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016

In her lone moments, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not real name) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of Daniels, a colleague at work.

Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who never spent a full week in the house without travelling, and one who never bothered to create the romantic atmosphere for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.

Her undoing was sharing her worries about her home with a male colleague who offered his advice, counsel and even gave her a shoulder to lean on. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.

Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate but not sexual) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having sexual relationship. They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her husband, it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.

Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been cheating on him the day he picked his wife's phone to read her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to file for divorce.

Your friend needs not find out what you did with her man!

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, June 19, 2016

COPING with the breakup of a relationship youthought would last for ever, especially if you're the one dumped, could be a living nightmare.

Linda, a marketing executive in her early 30s suddenly found herself at a loose end after Linus, her boyfriend of 18 months walked out on her. Two months after, what she termed nothing short of a miracle happened. "It started at a musical concert of all places", she told me, a lot of sparkle in her eyes. "I'd gone to drown my sorrow instead of watching TV and feeling sorry for myself. I went to the concert with Babs, my best friend's boyfriend. I'd planned to go with Buky, my friend, but she was busy and had urged Babs to go without her, and take me instead.

"It was a lively but private concert and different types of booze and canape flowed. Babs, wasn't feeling on top of the world either, and I let it slip how being dumped made me feel inadequate and unsexy. I mean, if I'd repulsed my own boyfriend enough for him to dump me that unceremoniously, would any man desire me again? `Well, that's exactly how Buky made me feel,' agreed Babs. I felt a bit sorry for him. Buky had told me a bit about their sex life. She was bored with him. He didn't excite her in bed any more, she said, and she was

getting ready to dump him. She hated how soppy and devoted he was, but could I tell him all that? We continued drinking as we talked about our hurt feelings, our rubbish sex lives. Then a lively number came up and Babs asked me to dance.

"As he held me in his arms, I felt a light jolt. It was like all that sexual frustration had sparked and become something else. Lust! Without speaking, he ran his hands all over my back and was grabbing my bum at one stage. My hand accidentally brushed against his groin and his response was instant! How could Buky be such a fool? She had what I didn't, a sexy man who wanted her. Well, if she didn't want him, I did!

A boy used diabolic means, sexually abused me – Rita Edochie

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 29, 2016

Abuja – Popular Nollywood actress, Rita Edochie, said on Saturday in Abuja that she was unaware that she was pregnant when she was in primary six.

Edochie said in an interview that contrary to a story that she did not tell her mother about the pregnancy, she was not even aware of her situation.

“Though a boy used diabolic means and sexually abused me; I was not aware, I could not tell exactly how it happened.

“I was not aware that I was pregnant then; I was so tiny.

“We were playing games in the school; the type that the instructor or referee will say `number one' and pupils with number 1 would run and collect something.

“It was during the game that a fellow pupil insulted me that my tummy was like a breadfruit; I was angered and beat her up,” she said.

She explained that the lesson teacher then asked them to go home and bring their parents.

The actress said that she was a young innocent girl who could not tell lies to the mother or against the mother.

“When I got home, I told my mother what led to the fight; she then asked me to raise up my dress; I did and after examination, she said that I was pregnant.

“When she said, ‘do you know that you are pregnant,’ I fainted; any other story aside this is not true,'' Edochie said.

The humiliation of dating a much younger man

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

COPING with the death of a beloved spouse, especially after years of marriage could be a nightmare. When Lola's husband of over 25 years died suddenly, she was almost suicidal. He had a stomach ache and was dead three days later. Nobody suspected he had a tumour on his liver. "Grief hit me like a boxer's fist," she'd said when a group of friends tried to console her. "He was only 58 and I'd thought we had years left together. I thank God for our three lovely children – but they're all grown now and can hardly be expected to stay at home and hold my hands .. ."

Thanks to the determination of friends, she started picking up the pieces of her life. They dragged her to parties and outings. It was at her late husband's club she ran into David. He'd been a younger friend with whom he played table tennis. "He was a quiet man, just like my husband," said Lala, "and he listened sympathetically as I poured out my heart to him. After all, he too had lost a friend. A few weeks later, I was at the club again when I met David amongst friends, celebrating his 40th birthday. We all joined in and I had a wonderful time. When he learnt I'd come in a friend's car, he insisted on taking me home. 'Your life need not be over now your husband's dead,' he told me

solemnly. 'If you like, I could look after you.'

"My jaw dropped. I was 14 years older. What sort of relationship would we have? But he urged me to think about it. I should have been more cautions and told him off.

"My husband had just died and I was lonely – and flattered I could still be attractive to a man. I loved my husband but he was gone. He was never coming back. I was still here and I had to keep on living. So, when next he invited himself in for a drink, I didn't discourage him. He came with a bottle of wine and some chicken and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company. In no time at all, we became lovers.

How far are you willing to go to get your wife pregnant?

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguardm Nigeria.

Just how desperate are you to have a child? After exploring all avenues available to you medically, are you willing to seek outside help? Like natural insemination? Artificial insemination is when a donor sperm is introduced into the female vagina with the hope that the patient would eventually get pregnant. This method is resorted to when the male partner's sperm counts are too low to father a child – or they are just blanks. All over the world, a lot of women are playing God by sneakily seeking the help of a virile man to help them get the much longed for child. These days however, with infidelity being condoned, some men have come out to support their wives in their quest to get pregnant, to the extent of agreeing to Natural Insemination (NI).

One of such women recently quoted in a foreign press alleged that: "My husband knows what he wants to know. We have conceived through natural insemination and had sex with more than one donor over a few months. There is no doubt that it is emotionally charged and my husband found it difficult. Also, the sex with someone other than my husband is surprisingly enjoyable, sexy and kinky and if we are going to be honest, it's cheating. We accepted all that and it worked for us. I wouldn't have done it any other way. I agreed that my husband is wonderful and I will love him and be grateful to him forever, for giving us this opportunity to have a proper family.

"But natural insemination is how I wanted to make our baby. Bottles, tubes, syringes are just not what I wanted to be involved with when I became pregnant. I don't judge anyone. It is just not what I wanted. We're not swingers. I could never cope with my husband doing what I did, which is what makes him even more wonderful. But our sex life is not the point here. I wanted to get pregnant and I loved doing it. The whole process was fun, sexy and memorable. I am sorry if that makes me a harlot but there are no two ways about it. I did feel more fertile when dressed up, having sex all night and feeling satisfied in the morning. 

We don't have any secrets.

"My husband knows what he wants to know and can ask anything. For what it is worth, he took me shopping for the underwear". And if you are curious about how any man involved in such an emotionally volatile arrangement feels, here is a 32-year-old male's view: "Insemination can be perfectly ok in a relationship, if both agree on it. I am a 32-year-old man. My wife is 27 and we have been married for three years. We are happy parents of a little girl who just celebrated her first birthday. My sperm count is very low and we had to use a donor. Natural insemination was the right method for us. We both think artificial insemination is much too clinical.

Valentine's Day Celebration - The real thing about Valentine's Day

Topics:

• The real thing about Valentine's Day
• 6 weird things men do before Valentine
• 7 Ways To Make Your Woman Feel Special On Valentine's Day
• Why condoms are 'bad' for you on Valentine's Day

______________________________________________
The real thing about Valentine's Day
Written by Niran Adedokun - Punch, Nigeria.
Twitter:@niranadedokun.

Niran Adedokun

Next Sunday is February 14. That day in which the world celebrates the memory of St Valentine, that day in which Nigerians show the world their bent to accept foreign ideas without reservation and surpass the initiator of such ideas in the execution of same. You have to take your hat off to Nigerians when commemoration allows for frolicking.

That is why on every Valentine's Day, something happens that makes the previous year's celebration insignificant. Things seem a bit drab this year though, apparently because of the downturn in the economy. Corporate entities, hurting from the sting of a near prostrate economy have bigger fish to fry this season than feed the indulgences of youths and delinquent adults who have twisted the import of an otherwise sombre event in the celebration of true affection for humanity.

So, this is an unusual year. At least from what I have witnessed of St Valentines days in the past one decade. By now, the air would have been filled with promotions of programmes targeted at ensuring that men and women have their fill of revelries and are modestly safe at savouring their indulgences.

For instance, a couple of years back, a federal university collaborated with one of the biggest banks in the country to "reduce" the incidence of HIV infections during that year's St Valentine's Day celebration. They planned an event and made condoms available to students of the institution in abundance such that they could sow their wild oats without the fear of any negative harvests.

That was a totally new one. I could not resist taking a quick reverie back to my days in the university; I came back with no memory of any elaborate celebration of St Valentine's Day. But things changed progressively. Youths began to get more daring and adventurous towards St Valentine's Day, they organised activities and gained sponsorships from corporates. To catch the attention of the youth, more and more brands struggle to key in to the Valentine opportunity year in, year out. This is a season that you cannot but notice.

Why men will continue to be babies in the hands of women!

Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria.

In the battle of the sexes one advantage women will always have over the men is their boobs! Simple as it is. it is very comical how seemingly intelligent men turn into whimpering teenage boys at the sight of a well-stacked women. I thought I'd heard and seen everything for and against the mammary gland until recently when I was in the midst of 'matured' men who amused themselves by analysing the aqnatomy of fremale gtuests at a wedding.

"What's so special about a pair of boobs?"I asked Supo, one of these men. He had bragged he was strictly a boobs man. Actually, most men do.I agreed with him, swearing that a woman without `more bounce to the once', has virtually lost her femininity! "Are you serious?" he wanted to know. "Do you know of any other aphrodisiac that's been around since God created man that generates as much excitement as a pair of boobs? It is not as if they've suddenly arrived out of nowhere you know? All warm. All soft. And pleasing to touch! New toys for the beautiful generations to play with! To make it more interesting, you get them in various

shapes and sizes.

"My fIrst fascination with boobs started in my second year in secondary school. I was only 14 then and our housemaid allowed me to do it to her. She must have noticed me lusting after her and decided to take me out of my misery! There I was. a pubescent boy confronted with a pair of knockers. She was huge. Just huge! I had never seen a pair of boobs like hers in all my life. And I'd seen my mother's and my elder sister's. Her own (the maid's) just bulged from everywhere. Over. Under, Between. Great trembling folds of flesh like a set jelly that you shake around. Terrific! You could put your head between them and blot out the world!

Every woman owes it to herself to have...

Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

WHAT happens to 'meaningful' relationships in your middle-age? Is sex different now you're older? According to Richard, now 50 and a divorcee; "I no longer believe I can sweep a woman up with the sheer physical power of sex and temporarily wash away our failures in a rain of sweat.

As a new relationship moves towards the physical, I find myself thinking: 'I have been through this before, 1 thought I would survive it and I suppose I did, but only barely. I don't want to do it again. I want to be in the water, very much, but I can't bear to dive off that high cliff another time. No more swinging from the chandeliers!

"The women are older too, they open up more readily, they waste less time, they show their needs. Most of all, they read a man's reluctance like a soothsayer looking through her crystal ball. We strain for the pleasures of new romance, but our ability to pretend is short-lived.

'Let's end this before it becomes toxic,' suggested one smart lady after about five dates! What amazes me after a long decade away from the sexual market place is how different our public discourse of sexuality is from our actual experiences. Casual sex, 'friends with benefits' (where you bunk a close friend from time to time with no strings attached) all the arrangements meant to satisfy the libido without entangling the heart, are, for the most part, dull and awkward forms of sexuality. The small miracle for older people is that most of us still believe in love, and live for it, and sometimes, after a long wait, find it."

Rachel, a sports enthusiast in her late 50s runs a thriving company and lives comfortably in her own home with her two sons. "I took several years off romance and sex after having had a moment of spiritual insight, born of intense pain – when 1 was in an unhealthy relationship with a man, my mind and sports, mainly golf, fell apart.

I happen to be a good golf player and most of the men I played with naturally flirted with me. They loved that I could help them with their game – and maybe provide them with a bit of loving too.

Your pubic hair plays a role, let it be!

Written by Solaade Ayo-Aderele - Nigeria. 

Sometimes, the way many people treat the hairs on their bodies can make your jaws to drop. Those who believe in shaving off any hair that appears on any part of the body apart from the head, would do anything to get rid of body hairs.

From shaving to waxing, laser hair removal and what not, the idea, as far as such people are concerned, is that only the head deserves to be hairy.

For such people, maintaining the pubic hair is a bore. They simply can’t stand the sight of a hairy front side! As such, they regularly shave it clean, making it bald, as it were.

Well, while cosmetologists may not see anything wrong in getting rid of unwanted body hairs, including those in the pubic region, physicians are saying that the pubic hair has reasons for being there and that it amounts to plain misadventure when you shave clean your privates.

While both men and women engage in assaulting their pubic hair, the fact remains that women have more tendency to shave off their nether regions than men are won’t to.

Beyond cosmetics

Consultant Gynaecologist, Dr. Dominic Emeka, says in fairness to women, their biological make-up makes the shaving of pubic hair sometimes inevitable.

He says, “Take, for instance, when a woman wants to deliver a baby, her physician might advise her to shave a few days before her Expected Day of Delivery or C-Section, as the case may be.”

Emeka says there are reasons for that.

“When a woman shaves a few days to delivery, it makes the pubic area clean and neat. And, if the delivery is going to be by C-Section, of course, she will have to be shaved so that the surgeon can make incisions and do his/her job without any hindrance that the presence of pubic hair would constitute,” the physician explains.

Before you kiss a woman, be careful

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

From time immemorial, handbags have always been an essential part of women's dressing, and most of the time, many women feel incomplete without them, and sometimes reluctant to leave the house without having one.

These days, while men tend to move around with just their phones and maybe keys, women seem to be carrying the world around in their handbags; perhaps that is why their bags are getting bigger.

No doubt, the handbag provides a safe haven for the numerous items they move around with, ranging from phones, toiletries, cosmetics, mirror, powder, comb, handkerchiefs and other things, but one item that seems to have occupied a prominent place in women's handbags is the make-up bag or box.

These bags, available in varied sizes, contain items that women apply to enhance their looks to a desired taste, and it is not for nothing that a woman's appearance while wearing makeup would be quite different from when she's just natural.

In fact, recently, a Chinese man sued his new wife few days after their wedding, alleging that his wife deceived him with makeup while they were dating and that it was after they got home and she woke up the next morning that he realised how ugly the woman she married was. Thus, he sued for damages for being deceived into the relationship. Such is the power of 'change' that makeup offers.

To further demonstrate how important it is to them, women dare all odds to apply it anywhere, including office, in the car, in the traffic, while walking on the road and many other places, and its importance during wedding ceremonies cannot be overemphasised, as it has become an integral part of preparing the bride for the ceremony.

You can have male friends without sleeping with them!

~ Vanguard Nigeria. 

Women are often their worst enemies.Throw a bunch of them together and you find intrigues, envy and hatred fouling the relationship. That is why a lot of women today find it less stressful to have one or two male friends to relate with. They've simply discovered that a feisty friendship with an heterosexual man is stimulating to the brain, soul and it does their social life a world of good. Moire so when such women are single parents, divorced or just 'senior' girls.

Some ten years ago, Nike finally drew the curtains on a marriage that was most bewildering to her most of the time. "What had brought back my self-esteem to a semblance of normalcy are my male friends", she said. "I'm all for the championship of platonic friendship.

Throughout my marriage, my ex constantly sneered at my divorced friends and why they would forever be on the shelf. The unmarried ones, according to him, were wayward and had dated so many men they'd missed husband materials amongst such men. So, after my divorce, I was happy to reconnect with my male friends and was surprised their partners see me as no threat to the stability of their marriage.

"Thanks to one or two close ones, I was able to pick up the pieces of my life. They introduced me to reputable clients and my law firm is doing really well.

We recently dabbled into estate management. My husband has remarried and I wish him well, my kids are doing well, but in spite of all this, he seems to be wearing his disapproving look whenever I see him. It's true what they say after all that success is the best form of revenge…

"It's a fact that you get an understanding of men from being friends with them. You can discuss things with male friends that could be very charged inside a romantic relationship. 

Factors contributing to female infertility

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie, Punch Nigeria. 

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

There is nowhere in the world where people do not have some ideas about why a woman may become infertile. Advancing age is among the most important reasons that ordinary people know about. It is a known fact that conception becomes increasingly difficult after the age of 35 years. And even during her most fertile period, many external factors and changes in her life style would play various roles in determining whether she can have normal and healthy babies. This worsens as the periods become less regular and the egg count reduces. It gets even worse as the menopause approaches and while this important landmark varies very much among women, it is nevertheless sometime between 45 and 55 years. Some women have become menopausal as early as 40 while others continue to menstruate into their late 40s or early 50s. As a result of these facts, advancing age is one of the most recognised causes of female infertility.

Another common factor is obesity. A woman who is grossly overweight with a body mass index of 25 to 29.9, or is frankly obese with a body mass index greater than 30, is at significant risk of having challenges with her fertility. Such a woman is carrying extra kilogrammes above what is healthy, and this extra load is known to adversely affect hormone function. As an extension, this affects the normal activity of the ovaries with a reduction of the normal cyclical changes in the ovaries that determine whether they are ready for the important function of achieving a pregnancy. Women who are obese at the age of 18 years are more likely to develop polycystic ovary syndrome and have problems with fertility. This disorder of the ovaries is the most common hormonal disorder in women of reproductive age. It is thus the leading cause of infertility among women in that age group.

As women who are obese tend to have challenges with fertility, so do those who are too thin. 

Women, whose body mass index is too low, at 18.5 or less, tend to also have challenges with getting pregnant. This is because they are lacking in the hormone that is responsible for controlling hunger and the feeling of satisfaction. That hormone, called Leptin, contributes to having absent periods when it is deficient. Therefore, achieving a healthy weight, something a woman can attain through a combination of smart feeding and a regular dose of moderate exercise, are two factors a woman must aim for to increase her chances of getting pregnant.

Boost your child's brain the right way

Written by Solaade Ayo-Aderele - Nigeria

Holiday is over and schools have reopened for the new academic year. While the long vacation lasted, knowledgeable parents allowed their children to enjoy the holiday full blast by making them to follow their passion.

Well, all that is over now and rigorous academic work has commenced. As parents, you may have paid your child's tuition, bought the uniform and sundry other stuffs that will make the new school year a good success.

But before you give yourself thumbs-up for a job well done, you still have one crucial step to take: helping to raise your child's Intelligent Quotient! Here's how to go about it...

PE is not a waste!

Many schools these days have done away with the playground. Rather, the available spaces have been converted to classrooms, all in a bid to show parents state-of-the-art structures. Little do they know that physical education does play a significant role in a child's academic prowess.

If you are still in doubt, experts in physical education say there's a positive relationship between physical activity and the academic performance of children.

Professor of Physical Education, Vincent Ikhariale, says, "Though the pressure to improve test scores may often mean more instructional time for classroom subjects, with less time for physical activity; yet, there are strong evidence showing a significant positive relationship between physical activity and academic performance."

He advises that being more physically active is positively related to improved academic performance in children; noting that exercise may help cognition by increasing blood and oxygen flow to the brain, decrease stress and improve mood; and overall increase growth factors.

Ditch junk foods

Healthy eating is still very much in vogue, hence scientists' warning that foods high in sugar and saturated fats will not only make your child sick and obese, they can actually lower your child's IQ!