Mobiles might boost your love life but can also help you catch that love rat!

~Vanguard, Nigeria. 

Sending erotic messages from one cell phone to another has become liberating to the average enthusiast today. It is no longer news that a lot of mobile users now dabble in typed foreplay and sizzling erotic messages that make the mind boggle! The devil, they say, makes work for idle hands (thumbs?), so why not keep them busy by texting?

When the texting bug first bit, everybody thought it was a teenage craze but it looks like anybody that can master the technique of their mobile instantly becomes hooked! Only these days, there are some texting etiquette to follow, to make sure you get it right to a T! With testing going through the roof especially during festive periods, readers need a few tips.

"Before texting became popular, you had to make solid arrangement to see someone before you left the house," commented a top mobile sales executive. "Now we're a lot more flexible and spontaneous – you can be walking down the road, fancy a drink at your favourite spot, and text your mates to join you. We can also keep in touch with a lot moire people, even if we don't speak to them that much, they become text friends." But texting has also changed our lives – and not always for the better. A lot of affairs are constantly being discovered when a suspicious partner decides to investigate his or her other half's phone. These discoveries have given rise to the number of love-rats, making partners more suspicious than ever before.

"But think of the boost and freedom the mobile has given to our love lives!" enthused Muni, a 35-year-old businesswoman. 'Thanks to the mobile, spicing up your sex life doesn't have to involve elaborate new mattress moves. All you need to do, wherever and whenever the bug bites you, is pick up the phone. If you want to turn your man on like never, first send a couple of erotic texts to him, then seek a private spot to use your mobile – it could even be in the loo!

The human mind and wild, wild wealth

Written by Fola Ojo - Punch, Nigeria

Fola Ojo

February 6, 1985. The 40th President of the United States, Ronald Reagan, spoke these words during his STATE OF THE UNION address to the American people: “Let us begin by challenging our conventional wisdom. There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.”

The human mind is an arsenal from which all things good and bad flow. It functions like a compass which gives a navigational direction to a ship. Where the human mind travels, the physical body sails. From the human mind comes a mindset. A mind which is set on a particular course cruises unfettered until a goal is achieved. When bars of iron break and bend for a man or for a nation, they do so first in the mind. The Nigerian citizenry at this time requires a sound mind revamping and rejuvenation.

Every nation has its own mind from where values and virtues flow. The mind of a nation is driven by the minds of those in leadership. And the minds of leaders in turn influence the minds of the citizens. When a society enthrones a man with a perverted mind, all you’ll have as results are perversion, dirt and stench. When you enthrone a man whose stock-in-trade is amassing wealth through dishonest means, the result will be a nation filled and ruled by dishonest beings. Thieves beget thieves; all thieving abilities and societal ills are rooted in the soil and basement of the mind. If corruption and stealing of public funds are acceptable lifestyles in a clime, it is because the mind of that community has become a fructuous ground for reproducing the debauchery.

Nigeria and the future of the black world -Ambassador Carrington

Written by Enyioha Opara, Minna, Punch-Nigeria.

The purloining of Benin's magnificent treasures may have begun with the long ago British so-called punitive expedition which resulted in the looting of the palace of King Ovonramwen. But it didn't end there. It continues still. So, I am here to confess to my own culpability. Twenty years ago, I stole away your most beautiful modern treasure, my beloved wife, Arese. What a great honour it is to be with her here today in the city of her royal ancestors.

There was a time when Europeans marvelled at what they referred to as Great Benin. Travellers returned home, each outdoing his predecessor, with tales of an African Kingdom the equal of their own royal courts in organisation and administration. Its treasures and artistic masterpieces were widely envied. Then, in 1897, came what the pages of the London Times proclaimed as the "Benin Disaster" leading to the sending out of that punitive expedition to avenge the deaths of members of a British delegation allegedly at the orders of local officials. It resulted in the overthrow and exile of the Oba and the looting of his palace. While intricately carved Benin Ivories had been known to Europeans for three centuries, the hitherto carefully guarded Bronzes, became, at the dawn of the colonial scramble for Africa, stolen booty, spoils of war triumphantly displayed for the first time on foreign shores.

That the "dark continent" could have produced such great art, in the words of a BBC documentary, "changed European understanding of African history." But many who should have known better were discombobulated. The curator of British Museum, at the time, declared:

"It needs scarcely be said that at the first sight of these remarkable works of art, we were at once astounded at such an unexpected find, and puzzled to account for so highly developed an art among a race so entirely barbarous."

"Barbarous!" that is what they thought all black people to be.

And so it has ever been. Whether discussing African art or ancient ruins like Great Zimbabwe, they fantasised that they must have been copied or inspired by artisans of lighter hue (meaning their fellow Europeans) or even aliens from another planet. Anybody but black people! It was greatly satisfying to me when a friend of mine, the African art expert, Warren Robbins, opened an exhibition in Washington, a few years ago, demonstrating that several modern art masters such as Picasso were in fact heavily influenced by (or even copied) the traditional art of many African societies.

What do men and women want from each other?

Written by GLORIA OGUNBADEJO  - Punch, Nigeria

GLORIA OGUNBADEJO 

People tend to ask couples who have been married for a long period what their secrets are. I always find it an odd question because by virtue of the word secret, it suggests it is not something one wants to share. Besides, one couple’s successful ingredients may not work for another.

The two most important questions asked relating to the dynamics between the genders are what do men want from women and what do women want from men? It is one thing to know the answer and make a decision on how to respond to it.

However, it is a whole different ball game as it is mostly the case not to have a clue. When we strip away all the confusion and complexities of the 21st Century living where gender roles are not so defined, sometimes tipping the balance to the point of non-recognition, there have been and will continue to be some basic primordial impulses and needs between the sexes.

Women primarily want a strong man to protect them, to provide strong genes to father their offspring. Men want a woman with child bearing hips to produce their babies and they want their women to be a mother to the children and to them.

Below is a vignette of a discussion between a group of men and women about the topic

Fast forward to modern day living where we would all agree the story and attitudes are somewhat different.

Although some argue that the intentions and needs are really still the same and that is why relations are in so much chaos because couples are trying to go against the grain and are fighting their basic nature.

Are you depending on your children?

Written by Usiere Uko

Email: atusiere@gmail.com 

Website: www.financialfreedominspiration.com. 

Twitter @usiere

Phone: 0810678808106788187 text only

BBM C002B2697

Author and personal finance coach, Usiere Uko, writes about the need to plan for your old age so that you do not depend solely on your children to take care of you

There is this belief that we came into the world as helpless as children, became adults and at attaining old age become helpless like children again. This implies that one will become frail and helpless, depending on others for survival. While this is true for many who simply go with the flow and let nature take its course, there are also some who live life intentionally, taking care of their health, fitness level and finances such that they go through life on their own terms, depending on nobody. I have come across many 80 year olds who are fit as a fiddle, walking with agility without a walking stick. I watched a 97 year old lady Tao Porchon-Lynch wow the crowd in America's Got Talent 2015.

I also read the story of an Indian-born British citizen Fauja Singh who at age 101 ran the 2012 London Olympics marathon (received a letter of congratulations from the Queen), and finally retired in 2013 after completing the Hong Kong marathon. Many never retire. They don't work because they have to. They work because they love to, and still have more to give. The oldest employee of IDEO, a Silicon Valley IT firm Barbara Beskind is 90. Closer home, examples include Rotimi Williams (first Senior Advocate of Nigeria), Tai Solarin and living examples like Wole Soyinka etc. These folks love what they do and keep working until the day before they bid the planet goodbye. This proves to me that we have a choice in this matter, if we choose to exercise it.

I have often wondered why parents send their children to schools they cannot afford. A couple of days ago, my wife shared a cartoon with me. In the cartoon, a man lay dazed on the floor after his wife delivered devastating news - the holidays are almost over and school fees are due. I have run into many lamentations by many parents over school fees, coupled with the fact that it comes in waves of three to four months apart, as you manage to survive one, another one is upon you. Many are in a constant state of financial pressure occasioned by choices they made by their own free will. Nobody put a gun to their head, but they still don't seem to figure a way out.

Why do parents send their children to schools they cannot afford?

Many hide under the umbrella of 'God will provide'. It is very convenient to hide under God, making a decision based on hope. God will always provide, by paying for things he ordered for. If he did not send you, you are on your own. By the way, why put pressure on other people for things God ordered for? The logical person to put pressure on should be God. We need to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. By taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions, we also take responsibility for making it right. If you cannot afford all the schools in your neighborhood, it means you cannot afford to live in that neighborhood. Eat the humble pie and find your level.

Nigerian designer wives

Written by Jide Ojo - Nigeria

Follow on twitter: @jideojong

Jide Ojo

The title of this piece is a copyright from Aisha Falode and her team of co-presenters of "Amazons", a magazine programme on African Independent Television. The phrase was the topic of the episode aired on Friday, August 28, 2015. I watched the fascinating edition and therefore decided to share my perspective on the issue with a wider audience. In the episode, Nigerian designer wives was the ascription given to married career ladies who are trendy, sophisticated, and cosmopolitan but deficient in culinary prowess. They are women who are well-read but lack the ability to manage the home front. They rely heavily on house-helps to clean and cook thereby outsourcing crucial matrimonial duties.

Ace actress, Funke Akindele, in one of the recent episodes of her highly entertaining TV drama entitled "Jennifer's Diary" featured a character that best describe Aisha Falode's Nigerian designer wife. The lady couldn't cook nor do any household chore and only tried to do them when she was about losing her fiancé to another woman.

Is it not shocking that this country now has a sizable number of married women who cannot cook anything beyond noodle? There are even some of them who cannot boil water let alone egg. They have been so pampered that they do not know the way to the market and if they do, they don't know the recipe for soup making; how to identify good fish or meat; which yam is good for pounded yam and which one is good for porridge; how to bargain, etcetera.

There are many ladies in today's Nigeria that hire people to go to market for them. Thereafter, they go for their cookery book for guidance on how to go about preparing their meals. Some who couldn't cook order large quantum of prepared food and soups from restaurants which they take home to refrigerate and microwave when they want to eat or entertain visitors. Some don't even bother themselves going through all that stress, they simply eat out.

These designer wives do not know how to sweep, wash plates and clothes, mop the floor, dust the furniture, iron clothes, arrange the home and tidy up their environment. While some of them make heavy investment in purchasing washing machines for their laundry; some others hire people to do their home cleaning. Some do most of their laundry at the dry cleaners. All these are done at great financial and social costs.

What then do these designer wives know how to do? Oh, a lot! They are fashionistas and are specialist in the use of information and communications technology. They are connected to all the social media and can ping and chat from morning till evening except when they are busy at work. They regularly upload their latest pictures on their social media accounts such as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. They also are good at watching the latest movies and films on satellite television. They have favourite soap operas they cannot afford to miss on terrestrial TV. They know all the major characters in Mexican soaps, Nollywood and Hollywood. They like to gossip and as such spend quality time on phones chatting up friends, colleagues and relations. They also love cars, customised, posh wonders-on-wheel, with which they cruise town.

If your spouse bed-wets on your wedding night, what will you do?

Written by Jesusegun Alagbe - Punch, Nigeria

Adediwura, Adeleke and John

One might think bedwetting is only a preserve for children, but recent researches have shown that bedwetting among adults is a top secret that is discussed in hushed tones or better still, never revealed. Urologists at the Bladder and Bowel Foundation recently stated that one in 100 adults will be affected by bedwetting at some point during their lifetime and that it often runs in families. It is against this backdrop that some Nigerians were asked what they would do if their spouses bed-wetted on their wedding night:

I'd feel highly embarrassed

Adeleke Adeoluwa

It depends on what made her to bed-wet, because I know that too much of alcohol can make someone to bed-wet. Also, if one is on anti-inflammatory drugs, one can bed-wet. If it's beyond the ordinary, then I will know what to do. But I'll definitely look at the antecedent - at least we must have been together for some time before we went into wedding. If it happened before the wedding night, I wouldn't have married her. But if I discovered on our wedding night, then I would feel highly embarrassed and ask her reasons why she did that. All the same, it's her problem which I think we can find solution to. I wouldn't chase her out.

I'll make him stop taking water at night

Rosemary Willie

That kind of man will turn one into a dry-cleaner almost every day. It is not a funny matter because it is happening, not to me, though. I cannot imagine this happening because it will be like a dream to me. But what will I do? Maybe I will ask him to stop drinking water and other drinks at night. I hope this helps him.

I wouldn't know what to do

Olawale Folarin

That is a serious one. I remember that as a child, our parents would always do all they could to ensure that we stopped that habit. It is a very bad one and to see that my spouse, who is an adult, bed-wets on our wedding night, it is going to make me to be speechless. I don't want to even imagine it. Will I scold her or just let her be? Seriously, I don't even know.

Women with tattoos seen as promiscuous -Study

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

Tattoo is often regarded as a fashion statement, which has largely been embraced my some and strongly despised by some others. Be that as it may, it is simply defined as a picture or design that is marked or drawn on a person's skin by making small holes in the skin with a needle and filling them with coloured ink.

It is believed in some quarters that men do it mostly to enhance their masculinity or for some identification but there are mixed perceptions about women having it, sometimes connoting that such women do it to express their confidence and create an identity for themselves.

Meanwhile, a study by some researchers at the University of Texas at San Antonio, United States, found that men are likely to see women with tattoos as more sexy and promiscuous.

In fact, a 2003 study reviewed by medicaldaily found that men are more likely to approach a woman with a butterfly tattoo on her lower back compared to one with no tattoo. Interestingly, it was found that such men perceive such women (with tattoo) to be open to romantic advances, ready to have sex on the first date, go out on a date and be more sexually active.

However, in a study to examine how tattoos influence public perception of women, Lisa Oakes, a researcher involved some psychology students comprising 135 females and 86 males in the study. Oakes showed them four photos of a woman. In one of the photos, the woman had no tattoo, while in the three other photos, she had tattoos with different inscriptions.

Revenge sex is never the smart thing to have!

~ Vanguard

Revenge sex – done purely to get back at someone who's hurt you – rarely pays off even though it sounds great in theory. Your partner cheated on you; why not get your own back by cheating on them so they can see how it feels to get hurt? Deolu found it out the hard way that bonking other women because his girlfriend hurt him brought him a lot of mystery. "It put me into an awful situation and I don't know how to get out of it", he admitted.

"My girlfriend and I have been an item for nine months now and everything was going on well except for one thing – she's a chronic flirt and she always flirts with one of my best friends who is more good -looking than I am. Her flirting really gets to me that when I met one of her friends at a party where I was very drunk, I flirted with her to get even. The girl ended up following me into an empty bedroom, came onto me and we ended up having sex. I mean, what man wouldn't if it was offered to him on such a platter? I didn't really intend taking things that far but I was drunk, like I said earlier, and just went along with it.

"You can then imagine how dumfounded I was when this girl went back to the part and told my girlfriend what happened. Apparently my girlfriend once stole one of her boyfriends a few years ago and it was pay-back sex for her. Well, it was the same for me – I only did it to get at my girlfriend for flirting with my best friend but now it's all a mess. I managed to convince my girlfriend that her friend was lying but you can tell she doesn't trust me anymore. How I wish I could win her trust back …. ".

Have you ever heard of so much revenge sex going on within a short period? Deolu slept with his girlfriend's friend to get even with her for flirting; the friend slept with Deolu to get even with Deolu's friend for stealing her boyfriend years before. Just how childish can you get? 

In Lagos, Abuja, P'Harcourt cars now compete with shops

Written by Eric Dumo - Punch, Nigeria

Okoye attending to a customer

Parking his car at a corner of the busy road, Oluwaseun Akinyele was soon besieged by a flurry of customers - mostly women - just as soon as he started displaying the different collections at the roof and bonnet of his vehicle. One after the other, the ladies checked out shoes, clothes and bags, turning to one another for advice on which items to settle for from the vast array on display. Before long, the men also joined the party; scanning through available shoes, jackets, shirts and trousers ahead of making a choice. As the minutes ticked away, so also did the number of customers that stopped by Akinyele's 'mobile shop' swell. But even with such impressive patronage, the father of four cannot afford to rent a shop in Lagos capital - Ikeja - where he drives to everyday to service his teeming customers. Displaying goods in his car became his only response to the challenge.

Akinyele displaying his wares in his car

"I can't afford to rent a shop in Ikeja where most of my customers are located," he said. "I tried renting a shop around Allen Avenue sometime back and I was asked to pay N5m for two years. There was nowhere I could get such money from. So, this idea came to my mind. I felt that if I could get a car for around N800, 000 and then get the items I want to sell for about N1million, I could move around the city with the goods and make reasonable sales and profits. Since I started, things have been fair," Akinyele said.

A former bank employee, the young businessman lost his job a few years ago during a massive retrenchment exercise that greeted the industry at the time. With employment opportunities proving hard to come by and five mouths to feed - four children and a wife - Akinyele knew he had to look for a way out.

"I graduated from the university in 1999, I have four kids to cater for and I can't afford to beg or sit without doing anything. I used to work in a bank before a lot of us were laid off. A lot of my friends in the United Kingdom were hawking drugs on the streets but since I cannot do such, I decided to look for a decent means to earn a living here no matter how difficult it could be. That was how I got into using my car as a mobile shop," he said.

Does semen control woman's behaviour?

...culled from TheGuardian - Nigeria

Semen may alter gene expression in 
females - affecting factors such as a woman's 
hormones. Scientists have dubbed 
the phenomenon seminal sig

FIRST we were told the composition of semen could possibly help fight depression.

Now, research suggests that male semen can affect the genes and behaviour of females in other ways, too.

British scientists have dubbed the phenomenon seminal signalling – and say it is widespread in the animal world.

The team, from the University of East Anglia, found male fruit flies selectively alter the chemical make-up of their seminal fluid.

And that when around rivals, the males produce more seminal proteins, New Scientist reports.

Furthermore, the scientists found that one of the proteins is a 'master regulator' of genes – and females exposed to it showed a wide range of changes in gene expression.

Gene expression is the process by which specific genes are activated to produce a required protein to help the body function.

These proteins go on to perform essential functions as enzymes, hormones and receptors, for example.

"[Our finding] came as a real surprise," study leader Tracey Chapman, Professor of Evolutionary Genetics, told the magazine. "It's a sophisticated response to the social and sexual situation."

The research was presented earlier this month at the Society for Molecular Biology and Evolution conference in Austria.

It adds to a growing body of scientific evidence showing seminal fluid may have both physical and psychological effects on the body.

Previous studies have claimed semen can elevate mood, increase affection, induce sleep and also contain at least three antidepressants.

Another study, published in the journal Clinical & Experimental Obstetrics & Gynecology, found there was a significant increase in pressure inside the uterus once semen arrived there after intercourse.

The researchers suggest this increase in pressure may be to help transport the sperm to the oviduct – the tube that links the ovary to the uterus.

Other research in fruit flies has shown that seminal fluid can affect how interested females are in other males and how many eggs they produce.

And semen isn't just vehicle for carrying sperm – it also plays a crucial role in triggering ovulation, according to another study.

Avoid engaging in these discussions

Written by Ife Adedapo - Nigeria

Some discussions have been identified by human resource managers as inappropriate in the workplace.

This is because they have been discovered to cause loss of concentration and focus among employees.

Moreover, business owners believe that main objectives of the organisation in the long run may not be achieved if such discussions continue unchecked.

Professionals say it is common to have such discussions in the office because most people spend a better part of their day in the office and their confidants are also their colleagues at work. However, experts advise that the discussions people should have within the confines of the office should be work-related.

Human resource experts have pointed out that professionalism should be maintained at work and personal discussions left till after work hours.

According to them, some of these topics that have high engagement can lead to arguments, uproar or create an avenue for gossip.

It has been discovered that the consequences of uncultured deliberations may also affect the people involved and can tarnish their reputation or damage their chances of promotion.

Experts have pointed out some issues which should never be discussed at work and they include:

Family problems

Professionals say talking about the problems you have with your family will reveal your weaknesses. When you discuss problems you are having with others, your co-workers and your boss may wonder if those problems are distracting you from doing your job. They say this should be avoided, especially if the person involved is not in a position of authority.

The Managing Director, Bestway Corporate Services, Mr. Victor Abayomi, says the co-workers may share this information with the management, which could lead them to believe that your family problems could affect your work.

He says, "The office is strictly a business place; therefore, marital issues should be kept away from it. It also brings disrespect to the person involved."

Sexual exploits

Experts say no one is interested in listening to what you and your partner did last night in bed. Sex should never be a topic of discussion at work because your partner probably will not be happy that you are relating intimate details of your sex life to others and such discussions may make other co-workers feel uncomfortable.

Revealed! Curvy women enjoy sex more than slim ones

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

Curvy women, or simply put, women with sexually attractive physique are a delight to most men anytime. It is a given that many men skip breath when they see such women, especially those with large breasts and big butts.

For some men, it really does not have anything to do with how beautiful or otherwise the women are, but a lot to do with their body composition.

The story seems slightly different when these women are compared to their counterparts who are skinny and are not well endowed in those areas, as men rarely find them attractive.

Curvy women, by simple definition, refer to women with large butts, big breasts and pleasing curves. Some like to refer to them as buxom women while some call them plus size, but in all, they have what many men crave for.

A study has found that buxom women have a more satisfying sex life, that is, they enjoy sex and have better sex experience than those who are thinner. Notably, the difference in their sexual experience was traced to their belief in how sexy and attractive they are, which breeds confidence, rather than how fat or thin they are.

The study also found out that men who have sex with them do enjoy it more than when they have it with skinny women.

When the older woman has more to offer

Written by Elizabeth Badejo - Nigeria

Elizabeth Badejo 

It is interesting to discover that while some women prefer to date or marry older men, there is also a buzz in the number of young men who prefer to settle down with older women. The feedback from last week's piece was quite revealing and informative so much that I was reprimanded for not striking a balance between the sexes; that if some women can find reasons to fulfil happiness in what is considered inappropriate, there are several young men out there also who find so much fulfilment from dating older women too. Although the biological statement has always been that a man would marry a younger woman and as the head of the house, it is only reasonable that he is older. Ideally, the young woman is more fertile and able to give him as many children as he desires.

More to offer

The percentage of men marrying older women has increased over the last two decades as both tend to enjoy equal, open and exciting relationship. The older woman is more stable and focused on what her needs are and also able to walk her young partner through his set goals too.

A young man in his twenties once said that many young women his age do not understand themselves, do not know what they want and not able to communicate it too. On the other hand, he evaluated the older women as sure, secure and experienced and that is where he chose to pitch his tent. Then I wondered why his generation has suddenly become slutty and boring; it's obvious that his motives are clearly self interest which may ruin the relationship in the end.

Equality of the sexes

Unfortunately, the growing gender equation today has led to more equality between the sexes as a good number of aspiring young men are challenging this old-fashioned belief for men. But quite frankly, just like the younger woman seeks an older man for comfort and security, the younger man also wants his sanity which he is likely to find with an older woman. 

Vulnerability

The wider the age gap the more you need to be aware of factors that can challenge your relationship or marriage. A man who still has an ambition of fathering children may start to have second thoughts many years into his relationship with an older woman which hadn't posed such an issue in the beginning. In a number of cases, such men end up having children with other women and may even go further to end the marriage.

In an effort to keep up with the younger man, an older woman's confidence may also be affected so much that she may have to rely on the artificial to keep up her appearances and the energy which made her the obvious choice at first.

Sex: How much do you know?

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) remain a major public health challenge in many countries of the world. In Nigeria, many factors, including cultural and economic challenges make effective taming of STDs difficult. Coupled with these are the challenges of social stigmatisation, education and lack of access to accurate diagnosis and treatment.

Recent health reports indicate that there is a rise in the transmission of STDs, especially Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and Syphilis and the two most affected groups are young people between the ages of 17-25 and older people between 45 and 65.

The most vulnerable of these groups of course remain women who suffer more devastating effects from these diseases. Most worrisome is the fact that many of the infections are also asymptomatic, meaning that unless tested directly or at advanced stages, they may go undetected by their carriers.

Unfortunately, sex is an acquired art and training will lasts through the course of a life time. Acquiring all the knowledge required about sex and sexual health has nothing to do with age as even many adults have been found wanting in this area. Today, I have decided to assist us juggle our memories or update our information on the subject. Do have a wonderful weekend!

Myth: A girl can't get pregnant or a guy can't get a girl pregnant if: you have sex standing up; the girl is on top; you have sex in a hot tub or a swimming pool; you jump up and down immediately after sex; the girl douches, takes a bath, or urinates immediately after sex; it's your first time; you're both virgins; the guy pulls out before he ejaculates or if he doesn't go all the way in; the girl doesn't have an orgasm; the guy and the girl don't orgasm at the same time; the girl pushes really hard on her belly button after sex; or the girl makes herself sneeze for fifteen minutes after sex; if a girl is having a period; or she has never had a period; if the girl or guy drinks lemon based sodas.

WEDDING RING: African Clerics On Its Myth And Significance

'I Prefer To Use The Word Of God To Join Couples Rather Than A Ring'

Clerics

(Pastor (Dr.) Jacob E. Umoru, President, Lagos Atlantic Conference, Seventh-day Adventist Church in Nigeria)
ACTUALLY, from my understanding of God's word, wedding ring is not the true test of love. The foundation of marriage is still in the word of God. So, I prefer to use God's word to join couples rather than a ring. Ring is just outward, but once the word of God is accepted and practised, that will help the marriage to stand rather than ring. Sometimes, we use the ring and sometimes we don't. The reason is that if it is in a country where wearing wedding ring is a law, and you don't follow the rule, you may

be accused of not obeying the law. But ordinarily, we don't use the ring, which is not biblical. Wedding ring does not stop one from infidelity. It doesn't bestow the true sense of faithfulness, which is in the heart. This is why I believe that if people believe God's word and fear Him, ring or no ring, they will still honour God. They will be faithful to their marriage.
I am not going to condemn anybody, as those who practise it do so in accordance with their faith. We have a lot of problems in the world today because we dwell more on the outward. But God looks at the inward and if we accept God's word as well as obey Jesus Christ, we will be more faithful and not focus so much on the outward. Even with their wedding rings on, some people still go ahead to do whatever they like. I think the best thing is to be faithful to God's word and our hearts. Sometimes, people don't want to wear it because of the inconsistency. Some drop their wedding rings because they feel they are being caged. So, personally, I prefer that people hold fast to the word of God, which is the foundation of marriage.
--------------------------------------------
'It Reminds Couples That They Are Committed And Responsible As Well'
(Rev. (Dr.) Kayode Opadeji, Snr Pastor, First Baptist Church, Ikeja, Lagos)

AS you are talking with me right now, I am wearing my own. It is important and is a sign that has no beginning and ending. Here, we tell our members that their love has no beginning and no ending. In other words, it is expected that there shouldn't be any condition attached to it. Once you marry that woman or man, the two of you have to live together till death do you part. So, that understanding is from the Bible, which expects that a couple should live together forever even though some people may opt for divorce. This is not right because the Bible says in Malachi 1:16 that God hates divorce. So, we expect that the love that exists between couples should not give room for outsiders or third party to interfere. Aside this, since rings are made of gold that cannot rust, as it remains the same forever, a marriage should also be like that. Love should not disintegrate or diminish, but should remain the same. I have been wearing my wedding ring close to 19 years now.

Widowhood and re-marriage

The recent marriage of Edo State Governor, Comrade Adams Oshiomhole, to Lara Fortes five years after he lost his first wife, Clara, to cancer generated a lot discourse in the mass, social and online media. The discussions ranged from the sensible to the absurd. Some questioned his decision to remarry; others why he married a foreigner and some why he married a much younger woman. Some others had issues with Oshiomhole's complexion vis-a-vis the wife's. And did I read the "beauty and the beast" comparism? Some alleged that Oshiomhole's children were unhappy about his remarrying, even though some of the children attended the wedding, while one source quoted one of Oshiomhole's sons as calling the father's new wife a gold digger.

The burden of limelight is enormous. Widowers remarry everyday without raising dust; older men marry much younger women and they are commended for taking steps to recharge their old dying batteries. Nigerian men have been marrying foreign women since we came in contact with the outside world and it has become acceptable. When I got to Igbo land for the first time in the 80s, one of the cultural shocks I got was the large number of men married to taller women. Taller wives and shorter husbands were not many in Urhobo land where I grew up. Oshiomhole does all these and he is called unprintable names. Well, those knocking their heads on the wall can continue to do so while Oshiomhole savours his new found love.

My concern today is widowhood and remarriage. The last thing any happily married person wants is the loss of a spouse. This is not because the spouse or marriage is perfect (which spouse or marriage is) but because they have found some consistency and pattern and they are settled. They just want to get on with life. Death of a spouse becomes a major setback. Where both lives were intertwined, it leaves a massive void and life can easily become empty and meaningless.

Q & A: She lured me into sex

Written by Kemi Ashefon - Punch, Nigeria

I am 32 and I met a girl when she came for training in my office. I never had any feeling for her during the three months. Suddenly, a mysterious affair just started and she lured me into having sex with her anywhere and even forcefully on my office chair! She stopped coming to the office for training but I continued with her like a drunk. I must have been under an influence but I came to my senses, fought with her and called off the affair after two months and two weeks. I thought she was out of my life but she sent her sister's husband to beg me and a month later, she told me that she was pregnant. I never denied paternity. That was six months ago. Honestly, I don't love her and she is not my taste in everything. In fact, I hate her but they are trying to force her on me. She is like a stigma in my life. Help! What do I do?

M.H,

Lagos.

We all have to pay for our actions. You slept with her and even agreed the pregnancy is yours, so where are you running to? I think you should make your point known to this lady and her family- you can have the baby when it's born but let them have the lady. Mind you, you have to take care of her and her baby by sending money and other items. On the other hand, you could have a second thought and marry her but with this feeling of yours, she won't be happy. Never marry out of pity. It is a pointer to a divorce in future.

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