Helping Your Man Overcome Impotence Through Sexual Aggression

Written by Bosede Ola-Samuel - Nigeria

Male impotence is more on the increase today than at any other time in history. This is due to factors such as drugs, obesity, poor physical fitness, heavy smoking, mental pressure, alcohol, masturbation, to mention but a few. However, a major cause has been attributed to the passiveness of the wives. Passivity of a wife tends to increase the chances of her husband becoming impotent over time. This was established by Tim and Beverly Lahaye in their book "The Act of Marriage."

Practically every man dreams of having a sexually aggressive wife. No matter how lofty his ideas of womanhood, a husband often fantasizes about his wife as a sexual 'ball of fire' in bed. Unfortunately most women maintain a mental image of their role as passive, one in which all she is expected to do is to be on the receiving end, lying there like a log of wood while he does all the work, after all "it's about him and not about her." One wife once said, "I've always thought he would lose respect for me if I did anything sexually aggressive." Well, this is the mindset of most Nigerian women, but to be truthful, nothing can be farther from the truth. Nothing is more exciting to a man than to find his wife sexually aggressive in bed. He finds it ecstatically stimulating when his wife approaches him for sex. It makes him think she wants and needs his lovemaking. That helps to inflate his male ego, whereas passivity leads to boredom, and boredom to impotence.

I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Sent by Benjamin Kenechukwu, Mogor - Nigeria
With a positive attitude, great things can be done.
Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport.
They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed.
I wish you enough, too, Dad.'
They kissed and the daughter left.
The Father walked over to the window where I was seated.
Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry.

How sad can a spouse be?

Kemi Ashefon  - Nigeria

How many people would she tell that this is the seventh abortion she had done for young girls impregnated by her husband? "I just came back from the church, where I confessed my sins to the priest and I have made up my mind not to do it again," said Sarah. According to her, these girls happened to be her domestic servants, who her husband had slept with. "My husband is a flirt and sleeps with anything in skirt! He sleeps with girls; women and I have been embarrassed by his frequent affairs with my maids. He impregnates them; I do the abortions and send them away to avoid any news spilling out. But recently, my friend, who brought the last maid, confessed to me that the girl told her everything! She also told me that Lope, my husband, makes passes at some of our friends (I understood some slept with him). But my husband is a very charming man and you would always be an easy prey in his hands. I looked the happy wife because I never told anybody, not even my parents knew what I was passing through. If I thought my silence would make him change, I was wrong because his recent fling with the housekeeper is nauseating. They must have been at it for a while but the lady became greedy and started asking for more money. She threatened to tell me whenever he didn't give her but she made good the threat two days ago when she walked up to me and asked that my husband stop disturbing her for sex! I just terminated her contract on the spot and ordered the guard to chase her out. Lope has been begging me and I have just informed his mother, who had also been begging me not to take any drastic action. He repulses me."

Colours of a difficult man.

By Kemi Ashefon - Nigeria

Ben is the best man any woman could have. However, that is to any onlooker but not to his wife, Kate. "He could give out his heart to outsiders at no cost at all," she said. "He could go the extra mile in assisting others, but not at home. We got married seven years ago and now have three children. I have to beg him over and again to help me pick the children from school since he closes five hours before I do. He has one excuse or the other and these children are always at the mercy of our neighbours.

"Last weekend, I was almost in tears having to clean the house, make soups and stews for keeps and taking care of a child suffering from malaria. When I asked him to take me to the market, he said he was going to see his late friend's widow! This widow enjoys my husband's company more than I do - she gets a monthly allowance from him and he is always visiting her. Though her husband was very nice and was Ben's best friend, I am sure he would not have gone the extra mile for me if I were in his wife's shoes!

"My husband finds it so difficult to give me N2,000 to buy shoes but would take that widow and her kids for shopping. I have made investigations and realised that they are not lovers. That is just Ben for you - an angel to outsiders but the opposite at home."

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Beatrice's spouse could be in high spirits this moment but the next, he might be as cold as ice. "He would keep quiet throughout the day and whenever I ask what is happening, he would say 'nothing.' What kind of man would stop talking to his wife for no reason? Aside from that, whenever he wants to talk, he would pick his phone and talk to his friends for hours! Initially, I thought he was angry at something I did, but I soon realised that he behaves that way even when I do everything that should make him happy! I cannot remember the last time he ate with the family on the dining table - he prefers his room and stays glued to his sports channel. But in his moment of 'joy,' he could do anything to make me happy and those are the times I get the best from him.

"It is still a miracle that we have two kids and I have stopped asking him to sleep with me again. Meanwhile, his mother would tell you that he took after his father who was very quiet and never told her he had three children outside their 45-year-old marriage before he passed on! I have tried to make him drop this funny 'inheritance' but he would not! I think his mother's way of idolising him is the problem and it is time I told her to stop visiting," she said.

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Not every woman would stick a man like Joe. "He nags like a woman," Yvonne, his wife disclosed. According to her, he complains about everything she does. "You would not believe that he complains about the way I lie on bed! To him, a woman should sleep straight and not curl up like an embryo! Just last week, I served him food in a new set of plates I bought from Dubai and he complained that I made him feel pauperised. He complains about the kids' clothes if he didn't buy them; he complains about the colour of my pants; he complains about the clothes I wear (my cleavage must be covered); he complains about love-making, and the only time he is happy is when he is with the bottle. Moreover, I have observed that he wants to make me feel inferior and sad. But for my children, I would have divorced him." 

The heart of a bitch

By Segun Durowaiye - Nigeria 

What would make a young beautiful girl tell blatant lies to her parents? What manner of girl would take deadly risks that portend nothing but doom and calamity? Such was the life of Derby, who was in her late teens.

Derby had everything going for her the way she wanted. At a very young age, she had already gained admission into a reputable tertiary institution to study microbiology. Talking about beauty... oh la la! Derby was extremely beautiful! She was so charming, enchanting and lovely to behold. She had everything in the right proportion. She was light in complexion, a six-footer with sparkling white set of teeth and eyes that shone like stars. Heaven must be missing an angel in the person of Derby. The only snag in Derby's life was her warped lifestyle and debauchery. That was her greatest weak points. Her parents were a successful couple in terms of material things.

That day would remain memorable in the life of Derby's parents. She came home from 'school' as usual and demanded some amount of money, which they willingly gave her. Unknown to her parents, she was practising as a commercial sex worker in a brothel. Most times, she would come home claiming she needed money for feeding and academic expenses, and her parents would give her even more than she asked for, not knowing that their daughter was an advanced prostitute.

Derby lived on campus, but spent 90 per cent of her time patronising brothels and lying to her parents that she was in school.

Pronto, Derby was back in a brothel by name Paradise World and she was absolutely enjoying herself with a customer, drinking alcoholic beverages, smooching and chatting in a lively manner. Her customer that night was a man in his early fifties. The man was really 'loaded' with cash. It was a night of bliss, or so it seemed. The man was sipping champagne and munching fried chicken and chips. Music was blaring from a big loudspeaker close by.

After much carousing and when an 'agreement' had been reached, they stood up and the robust man paid the bills and headed for his silver-coloured Infinity Jeep parked outside the premises. He was holding Derby by the waist. They giggled and laughed heartily, pecking and hugging joyfully. In a twinkling of an eye, they were both inside the cosy jeep and it zoomed off immediately. Romantic music was playing noisily from the high-tech sound system of the sophisticated car. They were both suffused with bacchanal joy.

Just then, as the man was approaching a bend, he was unaware that a trailer had broken down on the narrow road. Unfortunately, the speeding jeep crashed into the rear of the trailer. The man lost his life. And Derby too. They gave up the ghost on the spot.

Within the next 30 minutes of the accident, the news got to Derby's parents. They rushed to the scene. The sordid story was told to her parents.

With tears in his eyes, Derby's dad lamented thus: "I never knew my daughter is into such mess. And we always advised her..."

Her mum was lost for words, but she shook her head sorrowfully, even as tears continuously dropped from her eyes. It was a sad story. May God help us.

Men also have in-law palaver

Kemi Ashefon - Nigeria

If Tade had his way, he would have stopped his mother-in-law from coming to his home. "I wish she could stop coming forever," the exasperated father of three said. His nine-year-old marriage had been full of much joy and less sorrows, but with large doses of interference from his ever nosy mother-in-law.

"Nike, my wife, is a very good creature and has sacrificially contributed to whatever I am today, but her mother would always visit at the drop of a hat! I would not have given it a thought that she comes uninvited or unannounced because the home also belongs to her daughter; but her interferences are unforgiving! I remember vividly the day she came for our third child's christening and kept asking for the prices of everything bought for the ceremony.

"At a point, she asked our domestic help whose money was used! To this nosey old woman, her daughter feeds me because she works in an oil company. But how do I tell this woman that my job as an insurance broker is also lucrative and I can comfortably feed my family and even be of help to my extended folks? But Mama would always refer to everything as her daughter's. If it were possible, she would have said Nike impregnated herself and had the kids with her oil money!

"I have really exercised patience with the woman, but her recent moves changed that. She was in our home for the New Year and, while we congratulated one another for being a part of another year, she told her daughter in their local dialect that it was time she built her own house and invested wisely because I must stop spending her money this year! Was I angry? Immediately, I replied that she should not pull down our marriage the way she destroyed her's. Of course, Mama cried that I was rude to her and said all sorts of things, but I didn't apologise and I have already told her daughter to do something about her mother's unending visits to our home."

"My parents in-law believe that the best way to take care of their children is to have a hold on their marriages," revealed Amin, 35. Just five years into his marriage, he said, his domineering in-laws steered the ship of his home. "They want to know which schools our children attend, how fat/lean our bank accounts are, who the domestic staff are, and who our friends are.

"Initially, I lapped up all the 'love' showered on me like a puppy, but at a point, I became uncomfortable with the gifts - cars, money and foreign trips - since they are used as monitors. They wanted our kids to remain in their circle, so they chose their schools, where they spent their holidays and lots more. For me, who came from the rustics and always loved freedom, I was restrained from so-called 'bad friends.'

"When I became uncomfortable with their arrangement, I stopped taking the gifts and money. I refused the trips for my family, but my wife would not accept any reaction from me. She was brought up in luxury and could not imagine any form of 'suffering' at all! We argued and, sometimes, she would invite her parents who ended up taking sides with her.

"Last September, I had to invite my parents to talk to my wife, but her parents showed up and intimidated my poor folks. Currently, my wife and kids stay with my in-laws, who wanted to take them on a trip since they have not resumed school. I am getting tired of all these."

Ade's grouse is his mother-in-law who brings ready-made soups and stews for her daughter, who is a bad cook. "My wife cannot boil water without burning it," he lamented. Initially, he never knew what was happening. "I always return late from work and my wife would have 'prepared' my food. I commended her culinary skill and even brought my friends home to show off my wife's meals. But I fell ill and had to go on leave for two weeks. Though whatever mother and daughter did to provide delicious food for me was still hidden, I noticed strange movements in the back door of the kitchen. Whenever I asked my wife, who was just a year old in marriage, she would say it was the drycleaner who brought some clothes.

"When I decided to spend my outstanding leave at home, I discovered that my mother-in-law was always bringing in meals through the backdoor to cover up for her daughter's inadequacies.