How to manage a constipated infant. -&- Child a picky eater? Anxiety, depression

Written by Rotimi Adesanya - Nigeria

www.doctoradesanya.blogspot.com

Dr. Rotimi Adesanya

A mother made this comment and asked a question through the feedback platform, in response to an article I wrote two years ago on infant constipation.

Hello, My baby is having a serious problem which is constipation. She has a hard belly and sometimes has some foul smelling wind and poo.

I have tried a few solutions such as adding extra water in-between feeds, I give her plenty of water or diluted fruit juice and even give her some leg exercises. Yet, everything makes no difference. Does anyone have better idea to suggest to me?

I have seen several mothers of neonates and infants with the same complaint of their babies' inability to move bowel for up to 10 days. The babies are without any abnormality and they will start moving their bowels after examining their rectum.

This is partly due to the stimulation of the nerves innervating the rectum and they will not need any medication; while very few (about two per cent) may have an underlying medical condition and may need to be sent for further tests such as X-ray and ultrasound scan of the abdomen.

It is advisable for mothers of newborns with constipation to contact their doctors for advice and not assume that all is right.

During the first week of life, infants pass approximately four soft or liquid bowel movements per day (generally more in breast-fed, compared with bottle-fed, infants).

During the first three months of life, breast-fed infants have about three soft bowel movements per day. Some breast-fed infants have a bowel movement after each feeding, whereas others have only one or two bowel movements per week. Infants who breastfeed are rarely constipated.

Most formula-fed infants have two to three bowel movements per day, although this depends on which infant formula is given. Some soy and cow's milk-based formulas cause harder bowel movements; while other formulas that contain partially or completely hydrolysed milk proteins can cause loose bowel movements.

Constipation in infants less than one year of age is common, but it can be a source of concern for parents. Sometimes, the baby is not really constipated, but must be given time to set his own schedule for having a bowel movement.

How fatherhood before 25 raises early death risk

-The Guardian, Nigeria

Paul (who is one half of the Pop Star group Psquare) and his girlfriend
 Anita welcomed their child in the early hours of Thursday, April 11, 2013
 in an Atlanta hospital, United States (US), their publicist Bayo Adetu
disclosed PHOTO CREDIT: google.com

BECOMING a father before the age of 25 raises the risk of dying early in middle age, scientists have discovered.

The stress and financial burden of trying to look after a young family has a long term impact on the health of young fathers, research suggests.

The research was published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

While on average a man has one in 20 chance of death between the ages of 45 and 54, the risk rises by up to 73 per cent for men who had children aged 22 compared with those who fathered their first child at 25 or later.

The major causes of death were heart disease and diseases related to excess alcohol.

"The findings of our study suggest that the association between young fatherhood and mid life mortality is likely to be causal," said Dr Elina Eini, of the Population Research Unit, at the University of Helsinki, Finland.

"The association was not explained by unobserved early life characteristics shared by brothers or by certain adult characteristics known to be associated both with fertility timing and mortality.

"The findings of our study provide evidence of a need to support young fathers struggling with the demands of family life in order to promote good health behaviours and future health."

Researchers studied 30,500 men born between 1940 and 1950 who became fathers by the age of 45. They were then tracked from 45 until 54.

During the 10 year monitoring period around 1 in 20 of the men died.

Men who were fathers by the time they were 22 had a 26 per cent higher risk of death in mid-life than those who had fathered their first child when they were 25 or 26. Similarly, men who had their first child between the ages of 22 and 24 had a 14 per cent higher risk of dying in middle age.

Wish you were somebody else's wife?

YOU take one look at your marriage, shake your head and write-off the whole thing. When a woman is sad and her morale is at an all-time low, self-pity is the first demon that comes calling. It becomes difficult to see anything good in whatever is happening. She can't even remember the good, old times when she felt on top of the world and believed her husband was the best thing that ever happened to her. Those days when she handed down tips on how to make a marriage work so easily... but that was then, she would sigh.

When trouble looms or befalls a marriage or the woman is feeling gloomy, the next practical thing she begins to do is wishing she were somewhere else, somebody else's wife. She wonders how she ended up where she is. Didn't her mother warn her? And she almost didn't marry him o.

Well, a woman has no business envying her friend's marriage. Sounds cute but impracticable, ehn? Not exactly, but it happens all the time.

When things get tough in the home and a marriage seems to be giving way at the seams, the urge to compare your situation unfavourably with another's is quite high. Any wife who wants to be honest with herself will own up, to having fallen into that temptation once or twice.

Such escapist thoughts are the only things that fill her head. It suits her psyche. She adds all unlikely figures together and gets all the odd results. She'd see all the good things in her friend's marriage and not one enviable thing in her own.

If only she knows. If only we all know. Comparing your marriage with another is an unworthy occupation. It is a demeaning venture that does nothing for a woman's sense of self-worth. Why should you think your friend's marriage or husband is better than yours? No two marriages are alike and the recipe that works for one marriage more often than not, won't work for the other. Your friend married one man and you another.

Vaccinate your child, prevent infectious diseases

Written by Solaade Ayo-Aderele - Nigeria

Vaccinate your child, prevent infectious diseases

Vaccination protects children from serious illness and complications of vaccine-preventable diseases which can include amputation of an arm or leg, paralysis of limbs, hearing loss, convulsions, brain damage, and death.

Physicians say vaccination has saved more lives and prevented more serious diseases than any advance in recent medical history; and that's why they consider it a modern miracle because no other medical intervention has done more to save lives and improve quality of life.

This being the case, what are the diseases that children should be vaccinated against? Read on...

Hepatitis B

Hepatitis B is a viral infection that attacks the liver and can cause both acute and chronic disease. The virus is transmitted through contact with the blood or other body fluids of an infected person; and, according to the World Health Organisation, an estimated 240 million people are chronically infected with it globally. July 28 is the World Hepatitis Day, and it's meant to draw global attention to this disease, with the ultimate goal of eliminating it.

An expert in child health, Dr. Rotimi Adesanya, says under normal circumstances, an infant receives the first immunisation for the hepatitis B virus infection before leaving the hospital; and that if the baby's mother carries the virus, the baby receives the first vaccine shortly after birth.

He warns, "The hepatitis B vaccine protects against hepatitis B, being one of the recommended childhood immunisations, though many adults also need to be vaccinated against it."

He says that there are stages to being immunised against this virus, so the second injection is given when a child is one or two months old; while the third dose is given at six months of age.

Polio

According to the Executive Director, National Primary Health Care Development Agency, Dr. Ado Muhammad, Nigeria is one step closer to achieving the goal of eradicating polio by 2017, as it has been one year since the last case of polio was reported in the country in July 2014.

Polio (or poliomyelitis) is a highly infectious viral disease, which mainly affects young children.

Signs that a marriage is over

Written by Gloria Ogunbadejo  - Nigeria

 Gloria Ogunbadejo

I will be writing about psychological effects of relationship issues. I have chosen to do this at this time for a combination of reasons. I have recently received several letters from readers about very difficult and painful emotional experiences within their relationships.

Similarly, I also recently had a number of discussions with colleagues and friends about the same topic. Hence, I see this as a sign for me to explore it with you. I hope you find the information helpful or at the very least entertaining.

It goes without saying that relationships in the 21st Century are under tremendous strain, attack and are always at risk if the participants are not vigilant. Any relationship requires nurturing and attention. How much you put in and the application depends on the type of relationship. A reader sent me a very moving letter that pretty much touched on almost all the topics I will be covering in the near future. I have altered a few details to protect the reader's identity but her the story is every bit her own.

Dear Sister Gloria,

I certainly hope you will be able to help me because I am at my wits end and I actually think I am going crazy. Please do not use my real name or contact details, but I don't mind if you publish it as I am sure other people must be able to identify with it.

I have been married for close to twenty years and I have three children. I am a professional and so is my husband. We are not rich but we have managed to have a good life. When I first met my husband, I fell madly in love with him and I think I was more in love than he was. It didn't matter to me because I believed I had enough love for both of us and I thought I would not be able to live without him.

10 reasons Nigerian men run from marriage

Written by Olufemi Ajasa

Follow @OlufemiAjasa. 

When it comes to romance, Nigerian men are known to be actively engaging. Apart from their culture of carrying the financial burden of relationship with women, they harness every opportunity to appeal to their lovers, be it on social-network sites, in their respective offices, religious organizations, gym centers, parks, clubs among others. 

Despite the many romantic attributes that could be said of men in Nigeria, women still hold a contrary account about them. Predominant among the contrary views women hold against men here is that no matter how romantic they are, getting them to the altar for marriage could be very challenging.

So, what are those factors that scare Nigerian men away from marriage? We have tried to compile some reasons that make most men feel jittery to converse on 'Marriage' as topic, feel free to add yours if not in our list.

1. No wife materials

Common among some men is the reservation that there is scarcity of ‘wife-materials’ in Nigeria. In this case, they are not referring to ladies not being in quantifiable distribution among men, what they are complaining about is that most ladies of this generation lack the necessary attributes that will qualify them for the lifetime commitment called marriage. If this is the case, time of quality search can help heal the wound of such man.

2. They get sex freely without marriage than in time past

Realizing now that they can get sex more easily than in times past, when 'virginity' for women was a pass value to marriage, some men now feel lot of women today have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole. But, this might not be the fault of women as promiscuity is not an exclusive act than can be carried out without the consent of either gender.

3. Nigeria weddings are expensive

In a country where a man is expected to marry a woman in three different kinds of wedding- Religious, Traditional and Court, the cost of marriage no doubt is something men find very intimidating. As of last year, the average Nigeria wedding cost something like N500,000 and the it goes upward from that to more unimaginable cost. For most people, especially in this economy, that’s a lot of money. But all we advise is that men should try and cut their coat according to their material.

4. In search of a ‘working class’

Today, most Nigerian men are in search of a wife capable of sharingfinancial responsibilities with them. Gone are the days when menmarry ‘full-house-wives’, the increasing cost of living has tilted most men in favor of ladies who have a means of livelihood and willing to share with their man, the burden of building a home.

Fixing emotional disconnectedness

Written by Adeoye Oyewole - Nigeria

Adeoye Oyewole

Discourse about emotional disconnectedness cannot be exhaustive without considering the concept of emotional bank account. This was brilliantly defined by the legendary author of the book entitled, "Seven habits of highly effective people," Stephen R. Covey, as 'a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that has been built up in any relationship.

It is the feeling of safeness you have with another human being. This concept operates in our relationships and it is the most fundamental concept in handling emotional disconnectedness. Most of us hardly ever perceive interpersonal relationships in the context of deposit or withdrawal to the emotional bank account that underlines all of human relationships. If I make deposits into the emotional bank account of persons I am in a relationship with through courtesy, kindness, honesty and keeping my commitments to them, I build a reserve.

The trust towards me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust level such that the emotional reserve will compensate for it. Communication becomes easy, instant and effective. However, when an individual in any relationship is in the habit of strong discourtesy, disrespect, cutting off, overreacting, becoming arbitrary and betraying trust, eventually, the emotional bank account is overdrawn.

Relationships cannot be taken for granted by leveraging on parochial, cultural and religious prescriptions through conventions and charter of sacred duties. If a large resolve of trust is not sustained by deliberate continuing deposits, a marriage, for instance, will deteriorate. Instead of a rich, spontaneous understanding and communication, the situation becomes one of accommodation where two people simply attempt to live independent life-styles in a fairly respectful and tolerant way.

Protect your family from injuries at home

Written by Bukola Adebayo - Nigeria

financial management

Did you know that the easiest place you or your kids can get injured is on those flashy tiles and marble floors, both of which are now the standard décor for many modern homes?

Those sparkly new blue tiles in your bathroom can expose you to some falls that could cause lifelong disabilities; and, in extreme circumstances, a fall could be fatal.

Oh yes! Domestic falls sometimes lead to fractures and, in cruel cases, broken skulls or instant death.

Some victims suffer physical and mental disabilities from a fall down the stairs, on glossy tiles in the living room or on the marbles in their patio. Experts say that if the appropriate precaution is not taken, your home may pose a threat to your health.

According to experts, preventing a fatal fall in the home goes beyond parents shouting at kids not to play around or walk on a wet or slippery floor. They note that if falls were limited to a particular age group, adults who should know better would not be victims of this simple but sometimes fatal incident.

Health education and awareness expert, Dr. Ken Kemblay Jnr., and Dr. Christian Barber, who co-authored a book entitled, "Preventing Falls in Daily Life," say domestic falls sometimes go beyond carelessness.

The authors highlighted five interesting risk factors why individuals fall, either at home, in the office or outdoors and add that they are preventable and also manageable. What are the risks?

Environmental hazards

Kemblay notes that at least one-third of all falls among toddlers and the elderly involve environmental hazards in the home.

"The most common hazard for falls is tripping over objects on the floor. Other factors include poor lighting, loose rugs, lack of grab bars or poorly located/mounted grab bars, and unsturdy furniture," he says.

'Never Knew Such Men Existed Till I Had A Personal Experience With My Husband'

~The Guardian

I was 21 years of age when I gained admission into the university in the Western region of Nigeria. Before then was when I met this man I am married to now. He has, if not all, the best quality any good man would have: God- fearing, intelligent, handsome to mention but a few. Even with the little he had he made sure he shared them with me. After he graduated and served, he got a job and further trained me in the university. He proposed to me in my second year and we finally got married in my final year in school.

The devil played his part during this period. There was this guy I was seeing. At first, I only took him as a friend. Along the line, he said he wouldn't mind being a fling and the result was that I got pregnant for this guy even though I just got married. I was so confused that I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't tell anybody, even my friend, because I could not just trust anybody. And terminating it would not be an option. I had to tell my husband I was pregnant for him even though I knew I was committing a very big sin.

Milk intolerance in infants

Written by Rotimi Adesanya - Nigeria

Dr. Rotimi Adesanya

A concerned mom shared her experience with other mothers about the likely causes of diarrhoea in children:

"When my daughter was two months old, she started having diarrhoea. I let this go on for a couple of days and then took her to our family doctor. The doctor told me that she had gastroenteritis (infectious diarrhoea). She was prescribed oral rehydration solution and Flagyl syrup.

"After a couple of days, she still wasn't any better and I was at my breaking point. So, I scheduled an appointment with another doctor in order to get a second opinion. The new doctor that I now call my daughter's paediatrician said she didn't think that the baby had gastroenteritis. She said that she was likely to be lactose intolerant and had colic.

"She told us that when a baby is developing intolerance to cow's milk, a symptom of that is diarrhoea. So, she advised us to change her baby formula. We did and, immediately, the diarrhoea stopped."

Lactose (milk) intolerance happens when the body cannot break down a sugar called lactose, which is present in all milk – from breast milk, to dairy (cow) milk and other dairy products.

Lactose makes up around seven per cent of breast milk, similar to the amount in infant formula. Lactose provides around 40 per cent of baby's energy needs, helps absorb calcium and iron, and helps ensure healthy development.

Usually, the enzyme, lactase, which is produced in the small intestine, changes lactose into glucose and galactose – sugars that are more easily absorbed. Sometimes, babies don't produce enough lactase to break down all the lactose, so the unabsorbed lactose passes through the intestine without being digested. Undigested lactose irritates the intestine and causes a build-up of wind and diarrhoea.

Most children or adults who are diagnosed with lactose intolerance can digest small amounts of lactose, which would not cause symptoms.

WEDDING RING: African Clerics On Its Myth And Significance

'I Prefer To Use The Word Of God To Join Couples Rather Than A Ring'

Clerics

(Pastor (Dr.) Jacob E. Umoru, President, Lagos Atlantic Conference, Seventh-day Adventist Church in Nigeria)
ACTUALLY, from my understanding of God's word, wedding ring is not the true test of love. The foundation of marriage is still in the word of God. So, I prefer to use God's word to join couples rather than a ring. Ring is just outward, but once the word of God is accepted and practised, that will help the marriage to stand rather than ring. Sometimes, we use the ring and sometimes we don't. The reason is that if it is in a country where wearing wedding ring is a law, and you don't follow the rule, you may

be accused of not obeying the law. But ordinarily, we don't use the ring, which is not biblical. Wedding ring does not stop one from infidelity. It doesn't bestow the true sense of faithfulness, which is in the heart. This is why I believe that if people believe God's word and fear Him, ring or no ring, they will still honour God. They will be faithful to their marriage.
I am not going to condemn anybody, as those who practise it do so in accordance with their faith. We have a lot of problems in the world today because we dwell more on the outward. But God looks at the inward and if we accept God's word as well as obey Jesus Christ, we will be more faithful and not focus so much on the outward. Even with their wedding rings on, some people still go ahead to do whatever they like. I think the best thing is to be faithful to God's word and our hearts. Sometimes, people don't want to wear it because of the inconsistency. Some drop their wedding rings because they feel they are being caged. So, personally, I prefer that people hold fast to the word of God, which is the foundation of marriage.
--------------------------------------------
'It Reminds Couples That They Are Committed And Responsible As Well'
(Rev. (Dr.) Kayode Opadeji, Snr Pastor, First Baptist Church, Ikeja, Lagos)

AS you are talking with me right now, I am wearing my own. It is important and is a sign that has no beginning and ending. Here, we tell our members that their love has no beginning and no ending. In other words, it is expected that there shouldn't be any condition attached to it. Once you marry that woman or man, the two of you have to live together till death do you part. So, that understanding is from the Bible, which expects that a couple should live together forever even though some people may opt for divorce. This is not right because the Bible says in Malachi 1:16 that God hates divorce. So, we expect that the love that exists between couples should not give room for outsiders or third party to interfere. Aside this, since rings are made of gold that cannot rust, as it remains the same forever, a marriage should also be like that. Love should not disintegrate or diminish, but should remain the same. I have been wearing my wedding ring close to 19 years now.

Woman, don't push him out

Written by Monica Taiwo  - Nigeria

After few years in marriage, many couples no longer experience sparkle in their relationship. Romance is relegated while other issues take its place. Monica Taiwo writes on several romance killers in marriage and why it should remain a must forever in marriage.

Kassy and Tade met to take drinks on their way home after work. After some few minutes, Tade noticed that Kassy wasn't his usual bright and bubbling friend. Knowing him well, his friend had to ask him what was wrong with him.

Typically, Tade, wouldn't want to talk about his home because he loves his wife so much and speaking about her or their home with anybody, even Kassy who has been a mutual friend to both of them for years to him seemed like betrayal.

Eventually, he had to open up, when Kassy also talked about a similar problem he is experiencing with his wife.

Tade and his wife had been married for seven years; they waited on the Lord for three years before they were blessed with a set of twins. Since the birth of their boys which brought so much joy to the entire family, Tade's wife had however changed from who she used to be. She had shifted all her attention to the babies, despite the fact that she has three people around her helping to take care of them and also with the household chores.

He confided in his friend that the situation is so bad that even when he made sexual overtures to her, her ready response was always that she was too tired for the act. This is beginning to get at Tade as he doesn't want to cheat on her. According to him, on that particular day, he thought about nothing while at work other than his wife and he wanted to have sex with her. The fear and frustration of rejection at home is however, making him miserable.

Want your daughter to do well in life? Do some household chores!

Culled from Nigerian Tribune. THE secret to giving a daughter lots of ambition might be to simply do more housework. That's according to a study that claims fathers who help with household chores are more likely to raise daughters who aspire to less traditional, and potentially higher paying, careers. The researchers suggest how parents who share dishes, laundry and other domestic duties plays a key role in shaping the gender attitudes and aspirations of their children, especially daughters. A new study suggests that fathers doing housework could inspire their children, particularly daughters, to be more ambitious. The researchers claim that simply doing more housework will encourage them to pursue less traditional career paths. While mothers' gender and work equality beliefs were key factors in predicting a child's attitude toward gender, the strongest predictor of a daughters' own professional ambitions was their fathers' approach to household chores. 'This suggests girls grow up with broader career goals in households where domestic duties are shared more equitably by parents,' said lead author Alyssa Croft, a PhD Candidate in the University of British Columbia's Department of Psychology. 'How fathers treat their domestic duties appears to play a unique gatekeeper role.' The study, which took place at the University of British Columbia's Living Laboratory in Science World in Vancouver and appears in Psychological Science, suggests parents' domestic actions may speak louder than words.

Are house helps necessary (Necessarily)evil?

Written by Francis Ewherido - Nigeria

First, are house helps people you do not like but must learn to live with because you cannot really do without them (Necessary evil)? Second, can anything good come out of house helps (Necessarily evil)? The stories of house helps we hear are horrifying, intriguing and mind-boggling.

They range from stealing of employer’s properties sometimes running into millions to stories of sex abuse of, and unbelievable cruelty to, the children put in their care. They also organize armed gangs to rob their employers and orchestrate the kidnapping of their employers or their employers’ children. Like a needle in a haystack, you hear a good story occasionally.

One of the tales I heard recently was about a friend’s former neighbor. He said that the only way he knew his neighbour was home was when he heard the house help screaming. Any time the house was quiet, madam was not at home. This trend continued for a long time despite neighbors’ plea and advice that she should either stop beating the house help or send her away.

My friend said that on one of those days when the flat was quiet; he was passing by and noticed that the entrance door was slightly ajar. He knocked but there was no response. He called the house help and the children, still no response. Out of curiosity, he opened the door and went in. He started calling and walking around, still no response. As he was passing by the deep freezer, he heard a noise from within.

Luckily, it was not locked. He opened and behold the neighbour’s son and daughter were in there; the house help had tucked them in for-a-forever sleep and disappeared perhaps back to the neighbouring country from whence she came. For her, it was payback time; the enormity was inconsequential.

I do not believe in stereotypes, so I cannot label all house helps as evil. The issue is multifaceted. When teaching and counselling would-be couples; I always remind them of the challenges that come when they start having children. That is actually when the need for a house help arises.

Why your wife may outlive you

Written by Solaade Ayo-Aderele

More often than not, women almost always survive their husbands. Experts aver that in most countries, women outlive men by between five and 10 years! Even in Nigeria where life expectancy ranks as one of the lowest in the world, the average life expectancy for women was 54.1 and 52.3 for male, according to the latest World Health Organisation data published in April 2011.

And while about 41.9 per cent of women are expected to live up to 65 years, it is 39.2 per cent for men.

Again, experts at scientificamerican.com note that "By age 85, there are roughly six women to every four men. At age 100, the ratio is more than two to one. And by age 122 - the current world record for human longevity - the score stands at one-nil in favour of women."

Married men have reasons to thank God for making them marriageable, as research shows that they tend to live many years longer than single men, whereas married women live only a little bit longer than single women.

Why men die earlier

There are scientific reasons why women outlive men, experts say. Psychologists say in the past, the assumption was that men died before their wives because of the stress they went through as breadwinners. They, however, note that things haven't changed better for men even in modern times when women not only share the bills with their men, but sometimes assume the role of breadwinners in families.

Scientists at Harvard Medical School warn that "available evidence implicates behavioural as well as biological differences between the sexes, differences in the effects of medical technology, as well as social and psychological factors."

The family as resource for mental health

Written by Adeoye Oyewole - Nigeria

The family has long been recognized as a fundamental unit of social organisation in the lives of humans. Regardless of the specific pattern of family life, the foundational narratives, myths, legends and folklore; all cultures emphasise the power of family relations in moulding the character of the individual and serving as an exemplar of the moral and political order of the society.

Psychiatry, as a discipline, has been constrained by western medicine's focus on the individual patient in the development of interest in the family other than as a source of genetically transmitted diseases. Scattered through the writings of Sigmund Freud are interesting but provocative comments about family relationships and their possible roles in the development of mental illness. Freud insisted that certain patterns of defense mechanisms at individual levels such as identification, introjections and projection could be transmitted across the generations in a family.

The family as a potent socialising template has been viewed through different paradigms with the ultimate goal of ensuring that it serves the ultimate purpose of furnishing a wholesome environment for members to develop sound mental health, especially the growing children.

Ackerman introduced the idea of working with the nuclear family of a disturbed child by gathering information over two or more generations to gain insight into the problem of the child. Murray Bowen, in his studies of psychotic children, found that their capacity to differentiate themselves emotionally from their families (especially from their mother), was impaired by the consequences of unresolved losses, trauma and other upheavals in the lives of parental and grand parental generations. He developed a methodology of describing the family structure with a particular respect for significant family events.

Family is viewed as an open system which consists of a set of inter-related elements that function as a unit in a particular environment, with potent interaction with the biological and socio-cultural environments. This model has been very useful in several intervention programmes with delinquent youths where they often came from financially impoverished, emotionally deprived families headed by a demoralised single parent who alternated between excessive discipline and helpless delegation of executive family responsibilities to a child.

Helping Your Man Overcome Impotence Through Sexual Aggression

Written by Bosede Ola-Samuel - Nigeria

Male impotence is more on the increase today than at any other time in history. This is due to factors such as drugs, obesity, poor physical fitness, heavy smoking, mental pressure, alcohol, masturbation, to mention but a few. However, a major cause has been attributed to the passiveness of the wives. Passivity of a wife tends to increase the chances of her husband becoming impotent over time. This was established by Tim and Beverly Lahaye in their book "The Act of Marriage."

Practically every man dreams of having a sexually aggressive wife. No matter how lofty his ideas of womanhood, a husband often fantasizes about his wife as a sexual 'ball of fire' in bed. Unfortunately most women maintain a mental image of their role as passive, one in which all she is expected to do is to be on the receiving end, lying there like a log of wood while he does all the work, after all "it's about him and not about her." One wife once said, "I've always thought he would lose respect for me if I did anything sexually aggressive." Well, this is the mindset of most Nigerian women, but to be truthful, nothing can be farther from the truth. Nothing is more exciting to a man than to find his wife sexually aggressive in bed. He finds it ecstatically stimulating when his wife approaches him for sex. It makes him think she wants and needs his lovemaking. That helps to inflate his male ego, whereas passivity leads to boredom, and boredom to impotence.

I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Sent by Benjamin Kenechukwu, Mogor - Nigeria
With a positive attitude, great things can be done.
Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport.
They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed.
I wish you enough, too, Dad.'
They kissed and the daughter left.
The Father walked over to the window where I was seated.
Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry.

How sad can a spouse be?

Kemi Ashefon  - Nigeria

How many people would she tell that this is the seventh abortion she had done for young girls impregnated by her husband? "I just came back from the church, where I confessed my sins to the priest and I have made up my mind not to do it again," said Sarah. According to her, these girls happened to be her domestic servants, who her husband had slept with. "My husband is a flirt and sleeps with anything in skirt! He sleeps with girls; women and I have been embarrassed by his frequent affairs with my maids. He impregnates them; I do the abortions and send them away to avoid any news spilling out. But recently, my friend, who brought the last maid, confessed to me that the girl told her everything! She also told me that Lope, my husband, makes passes at some of our friends (I understood some slept with him). But my husband is a very charming man and you would always be an easy prey in his hands. I looked the happy wife because I never told anybody, not even my parents knew what I was passing through. If I thought my silence would make him change, I was wrong because his recent fling with the housekeeper is nauseating. They must have been at it for a while but the lady became greedy and started asking for more money. She threatened to tell me whenever he didn't give her but she made good the threat two days ago when she walked up to me and asked that my husband stop disturbing her for sex! I just terminated her contract on the spot and ordered the guard to chase her out. Lope has been begging me and I have just informed his mother, who had also been begging me not to take any drastic action. He repulses me."

Colours of a difficult man.

By Kemi Ashefon - Nigeria

Ben is the best man any woman could have. However, that is to any onlooker but not to his wife, Kate. "He could give out his heart to outsiders at no cost at all," she said. "He could go the extra mile in assisting others, but not at home. We got married seven years ago and now have three children. I have to beg him over and again to help me pick the children from school since he closes five hours before I do. He has one excuse or the other and these children are always at the mercy of our neighbours.

"Last weekend, I was almost in tears having to clean the house, make soups and stews for keeps and taking care of a child suffering from malaria. When I asked him to take me to the market, he said he was going to see his late friend's widow! This widow enjoys my husband's company more than I do - she gets a monthly allowance from him and he is always visiting her. Though her husband was very nice and was Ben's best friend, I am sure he would not have gone the extra mile for me if I were in his wife's shoes!

"My husband finds it so difficult to give me N2,000 to buy shoes but would take that widow and her kids for shopping. I have made investigations and realised that they are not lovers. That is just Ben for you - an angel to outsiders but the opposite at home."

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Beatrice's spouse could be in high spirits this moment but the next, he might be as cold as ice. "He would keep quiet throughout the day and whenever I ask what is happening, he would say 'nothing.' What kind of man would stop talking to his wife for no reason? Aside from that, whenever he wants to talk, he would pick his phone and talk to his friends for hours! Initially, I thought he was angry at something I did, but I soon realised that he behaves that way even when I do everything that should make him happy! I cannot remember the last time he ate with the family on the dining table - he prefers his room and stays glued to his sports channel. But in his moment of 'joy,' he could do anything to make me happy and those are the times I get the best from him.

"It is still a miracle that we have two kids and I have stopped asking him to sleep with me again. Meanwhile, his mother would tell you that he took after his father who was very quiet and never told her he had three children outside their 45-year-old marriage before he passed on! I have tried to make him drop this funny 'inheritance' but he would not! I think his mother's way of idolising him is the problem and it is time I told her to stop visiting," she said.

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Not every woman would stick a man like Joe. "He nags like a woman," Yvonne, his wife disclosed. According to her, he complains about everything she does. "You would not believe that he complains about the way I lie on bed! To him, a woman should sleep straight and not curl up like an embryo! Just last week, I served him food in a new set of plates I bought from Dubai and he complained that I made him feel pauperised. He complains about the kids' clothes if he didn't buy them; he complains about the colour of my pants; he complains about the clothes I wear (my cleavage must be covered); he complains about love-making, and the only time he is happy is when he is with the bottle. Moreover, I have observed that he wants to make me feel inferior and sad. But for my children, I would have divorced him."