Wish you were somebody else's wife?

YOU take one look at your marriage, shake your head and write-off the whole thing. When a woman is sad and her morale is at an all-time low, self-pity is the first demon that comes calling. It becomes difficult to see anything good in whatever is happening. She can't even remember the good, old times when she felt on top of the world and believed her husband was the best thing that ever happened to her. Those days when she handed down tips on how to make a marriage work so easily... but that was then, she would sigh.

When trouble looms or befalls a marriage or the woman is feeling gloomy, the next practical thing she begins to do is wishing she were somewhere else, somebody else's wife. She wonders how she ended up where she is. Didn't her mother warn her? And she almost didn't marry him o.

Well, a woman has no business envying her friend's marriage. Sounds cute but impracticable, ehn? Not exactly, but it happens all the time.

When things get tough in the home and a marriage seems to be giving way at the seams, the urge to compare your situation unfavourably with another's is quite high. Any wife who wants to be honest with herself will own up, to having fallen into that temptation once or twice.

Such escapist thoughts are the only things that fill her head. It suits her psyche. She adds all unlikely figures together and gets all the odd results. She'd see all the good things in her friend's marriage and not one enviable thing in her own.

If only she knows. If only we all know. Comparing your marriage with another is an unworthy occupation. It is a demeaning venture that does nothing for a woman's sense of self-worth. Why should you think your friend's marriage or husband is better than yours? No two marriages are alike and the recipe that works for one marriage more often than not, won't work for the other. Your friend married one man and you another.

When vagina needs a 'tightening'

by Nkarenyi Ukonu - Nigeria

A corrective vaginal surgery used to be a domain of women with vaginal 'structural defects'. Nowadays, it is often seen as purely a cosmetic treatment which can make the genital part of the body look much younger, feel much tighter and of course, more attractive.

Apart from these, it is believed that it also improves a woman's self esteem, represent solution to some aesthetic and aging problems and a way out of anxiety, depression and psychological stress.

There are basically two methods of correcting this supposed anomaly: through vaginoplasty, a reconstructive and corrective plastic surgery procedure for correcting the defects and deformities of the vaginal canal, its mucous membrane, and of vulvo-vaginal structures that might be absent or damaged because of some congenital diseases or acquired disease such as cancer.

WEDDING RING: African Clerics On Its Myth And Significance

'I Prefer To Use The Word Of God To Join Couples Rather Than A Ring'

Clerics

(Pastor (Dr.) Jacob E. Umoru, President, Lagos Atlantic Conference, Seventh-day Adventist Church in Nigeria)
ACTUALLY, from my understanding of God's word, wedding ring is not the true test of love. The foundation of marriage is still in the word of God. So, I prefer to use God's word to join couples rather than a ring. Ring is just outward, but once the word of God is accepted and practised, that will help the marriage to stand rather than ring. Sometimes, we use the ring and sometimes we don't. The reason is that if it is in a country where wearing wedding ring is a law, and you don't follow the rule, you may

be accused of not obeying the law. But ordinarily, we don't use the ring, which is not biblical. Wedding ring does not stop one from infidelity. It doesn't bestow the true sense of faithfulness, which is in the heart. This is why I believe that if people believe God's word and fear Him, ring or no ring, they will still honour God. They will be faithful to their marriage.
I am not going to condemn anybody, as those who practise it do so in accordance with their faith. We have a lot of problems in the world today because we dwell more on the outward. But God looks at the inward and if we accept God's word as well as obey Jesus Christ, we will be more faithful and not focus so much on the outward. Even with their wedding rings on, some people still go ahead to do whatever they like. I think the best thing is to be faithful to God's word and our hearts. Sometimes, people don't want to wear it because of the inconsistency. Some drop their wedding rings because they feel they are being caged. So, personally, I prefer that people hold fast to the word of God, which is the foundation of marriage.
--------------------------------------------
'It Reminds Couples That They Are Committed And Responsible As Well'
(Rev. (Dr.) Kayode Opadeji, Snr Pastor, First Baptist Church, Ikeja, Lagos)

AS you are talking with me right now, I am wearing my own. It is important and is a sign that has no beginning and ending. Here, we tell our members that their love has no beginning and no ending. In other words, it is expected that there shouldn't be any condition attached to it. Once you marry that woman or man, the two of you have to live together till death do you part. So, that understanding is from the Bible, which expects that a couple should live together forever even though some people may opt for divorce. This is not right because the Bible says in Malachi 1:16 that God hates divorce. So, we expect that the love that exists between couples should not give room for outsiders or third party to interfere. Aside this, since rings are made of gold that cannot rust, as it remains the same forever, a marriage should also be like that. Love should not disintegrate or diminish, but should remain the same. I have been wearing my wedding ring close to 19 years now.

12 dangerous people to marry

Written by Azuka Onwuka - Nigeria

Azuka Onwuka

The easiest time to prevent a divorce or an unhappy marriage is before marriage, not after. There is no gainsaying that love can have such a drunken effect on the about-to-wed that clear danger signals become unimportant to them, while hope becomes their only commodity. After all, is it not said that love conquers all? Great! But what type of love conquers all? Agape or Eros? Why compare God-love, which is unconditional, with sexual love, which can be waver?

There are traits that some people cannot drop. It is like hoping that a right-handed spouse will one day become left-handed: a classical case of waiting for Godot!

If you are looking for a wife or a husband, please be wary of these 12 groups of people.

Those who can never apologise

They would hurt you, annoy you, disappoint you, but would never apologise, because they believe that it would belittle and demean them. When you are wrong, you apologise to them, and when you are right, you still apologise to them, hoping that that they would change. But they never do. Soon you start to feel irritated and agitated. The love and respect you felt for them start to wear out.

Those who can never say thank you

Whatever you do for them, they are never grateful. They make statements like: "Why should I say thank you when you are just doing your duty?" Some would say that their gratitude is in their heart. So, do I have to open your heart to see the gratitude inside and get it? Ingratitude is an attitude that causes irritation, frustration and unhappiness.

Such people also believe the world owes them a lot. They go around their activities with an entitlement mentality. They are difficult to please.

Divorce is incredibly expensive

Written by Francies Ewherido

Divorce is incredibly expensive, especially in other climes. Check out the figures. Harold Hamm, shale oil billionaire, paid his ex- wife, Sue Ann Arnall, about $975 million in divorce settlement.

Anna Torv, second wife of media mogul, Rubert Murdoff, won $1.7 billion in assets and $100 million in cash in divorce settlement. American Basketball legend, Michael Jordan, paid his ex-wife, Juanita Jordan, $168m. Golfer Tiger Woods paid his ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, $100m. British singer and songwriter Paul McCartney was a little luckier. He paid only 25 million pounds to his ex-wife, Heather Mills. These figures are humongous.

Beyond alimony, studies show "that divorce and family fragmentation cost American taxpayers more than $112 billion every year. The legal process of divorce itself can cost thousands of dollars, not to mention additional legal costs to enforce the divorce settlement agreement in some situations. Furthermore, both men and women suffer financially after a divorce."But the financial cost of divorce does not seem to deter married people, especially Americans, who have the highest divorce rate of over 50 per cent in the world, from getting entangled in it. There are no available statistics on the rate of divorce in Nigeria, but court records seem to suggest that it is on the increase.

Why single women see married men as hot cake

written Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

What is it in married men that attracts single women or ladies? Or does that common saying that 'the food on someone else's plate always looks tastier and better' also apply to such women's choice of partner, whether for sex or marriage? This phenomenon is called mate poaching.

According to a clinical psychologist, Dr. Valerie Golden, mate poaching has become a robust phenomenon. When single women see a moderately attractive male, they are more interested in him if they believe he is already in a relationship.

In fact, one study found that 90 per cent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was married, while a mere 59 per cent wanted him when told he was single, while another previous study found that about one in five long-term relationships begins when one or both partners are involved with someone else.

Wives as masters at home

Ordinarily it would not have mattered who took control of the home in marriage or in man-woman relationship. What would have been important and paramount was to have someone take charge so that the home would not collapse. But the Bible and the Qur'an, two great holy books inspired by God and written by men put it across that men should be the head and women, purportedly created from a rib plucked from a man's body should be subservient to them. This thought was actually the prompter for my article on the origins of the King James Version of the Bible which shows clearly that 47 people authored the Holy Book. 47, all of them male!

Women in the Middle East, the cradle of three of world's most popular religions, and in Europe where these religions first assumed prominence, especially Christianity in the hands of the Greeks and Romans and Islam as the colonising religion in Spain were initially subjected to this claim. Luckily, industrial revolution changed most of the age-old prejudices and the emergence and spread of girl-child education opened up the women to their potentials and possibilities.

In traditional African societies and the agrarian Asia women helped largely on the farms and plantations as harvesters and marketers of farm produce. In most cases such women were not paid any wages. What they got in exchange was the care and protection offered by their male partners and overlords!

ARE THE MEN STILL CLAPPING?

11 people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter. There were 10 men and a woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all. So they decided that one of them had to leave, otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to agree on who that person would be. Until the woman among them gave a touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general. She said she was used to always making sacrifices and getting little or nothing in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping...

All the men, of course, dropped to their untimely deaths and she flew away alone in the chopper. Well, what can a woman do?

That is the power of a woman, the brand only smart men recognize and acknowledge. If there had been at least one of those 10 excitable men who could see beyond that woman's 'moving' speech, he would be alive today. But don't we all know that men don't do much thinking when they see women they want?

In my mind's eyes, I could see the woman in that joke wearing a very short skirt, no bra and a top with a plunging neckline. How do you reason with a man drooling over ample cleavage? If you scream 'Praise the Lord', he won't shout Halleluyah because he is far away in la-la land. The woman in that joke, I'm sure, also had smooth skin, probably fair skin. All 10 men simply threw their thinking caps in the air or how else do you explain why they all forgot that they did not have third hands and that once they started clapping they were going to drop to their deaths?

Women and the big “O”

Sometimes reaching an orgasm isn’t as easy as it appears. There are evidences that the big O for a woman is far more complicated compared to the man. The act itself releases oxytocin—a chemical that induces feelings of relaxation, peace, safety and other positive feelings. That is why an orgasm can briefly alleviate a headache, arthritic pain or menstrual pain.

G-spot

Many women believe the “G-spot” simply stands for the “Good spot” but in fact, it is named after Ernst Gräfenberg, a German gynaecologist that discovered the region of female genitalia that contains a large cluster of nerve ending. The G-spot is the spot for orgasm for most women – if they can find it!

Genitalia

There is a link between a woman’s sexual confidence and her likelihood of orgasm. If a woman feels insecure about her genitalia, she’ll struggle to orgasm. There is no such thing as “normal” genitals; they come in all shapes, colours and sizes.

Male factor

Normally, a woman takes much longer than her male partner to reach orgasm. Studies have found that most women need at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to reach orgasm. One study had 84 percent of men reporting that they believed their partner orgasmed when they had sex, but only 64 percent of women reported having actually orgasmed during their last sexual session. So, communicate! A lot of men don’t know that they need to work harder.

Dysfunction

The Planned Parenthood reports that 1 in 3 women struggle to orgasm with a partner, and as high as 80 percent of women struggle to orgasm from intercourse alone. As a whole, female sexual dysfunction (which includes failure to orgasm) is experienced by 43 percent of all women.

Spontaneous is good!

There are tales of women who orgasmed from riding a horse or getting a massage. They may be true! Certain activities stimulate blood flow to the genitals and induce relaxation, two crucial components to reaching orgasm.

Role of condoms

Studies have found that women are just as likely to reach orgasm with or without a condom. Some scientists speculate that condoms may help a woman’s chances of reaching orgasm since the man doesn’t need to worry about ejaculating too early and needing to pull out, he might be able to last longer.

Age factor

If you’re getting depressed about wrinkles or the effect gravity is taking on your mammary glands, here’s one thing to cheer up about regarding getting older: your sex life might get better! Studies have shown that more women in their 40’s and 50’s experience regular orgasms than women in their 30’s. There is no scientific reasoning behind these findings, but it could be because with time comes experience and older women know how to direct their partner to help them orgasm more.

Treatment

Eros, an FDA-approved device, helps blood flow to the genitals and can up a woman’s chances of orgasm. There are also over-the-counter creams that can increase sensitivity in the vaginal region.

Variety helps

Women have reported having an easier time climaxing if they incorporate several sexual acts or positions into a romp session. For example, having your partner both manually please you and have intercourse with you will make it more likely that you’ll orgasm than just one or the other.

Men's friendship with women always driven by sex -Study

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

Is it possible for men and women, whether single or married, to be just friends without a romantic or sexual attraction? This, probably, is one of the longest, perhaps oldest, questions or arguments without a widely accepted answer. Inasmuch as the world comprises only men and women, mainly heterosexual, it is much expected and indeed understandable that they relate together as friends.

However, a study has said that beyond men and women living, working, relating and playing together, they (men and women) have very different views of what it means to be 'just friends,' hence, there is the possibility that the apparent friendship could be a decoy, covering up countless sexual impulses bubbling just beneath the surface. This, according to the study, is particular with the men.

Even though many women, especially the younger ones, have often said they would like to have men as friends because, according to them, it is more fun, they have less issues and quarrels unlike with fellow women that are often fraught with petty issues and quarrels. In fact, they said they like to enjoy men's discussion that is devoid of petty gossips and that they enjoy the protective cover they get from men, more so seeing them as proxy brothers and confidants.

It is however, interesting to know that in spite of the harmless and genuine expectations women have from men they make friends with, a number of men have other plans for the friendship; usually busy strategising on how to infuse romance into the whole affair and take it to the next level. So, the opportunity for romance is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most possible moment.

Even though many believe and some dispute that men's libidos push them to ask or look for more from their friendly relationships with women, the study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, has shown that men's friendships with the opposite sex are usually driven by sexual attraction. This is regardless of whether the men are single or not, whereas, women are found to be likely to consider their friendships with men as platonic (non-sexual or friendly) and only hope for more if their own relationship was in trouble.

SHOCKING! Married women better cheats than men -Studies

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

While many believe that men have an unrivalled reputation for being unfaithful and for representing whatever infidelity stands for when it comes to relationship and marriage a new study has revealed that women are bigger cheats than men. The study also shows is a narrowing gap between men and women when it comes to infidelity. The study claims women are catching up fast in the game of cheating, adding that they are more likely to lie about it and a lot less likely to get caught. Simply put, it seems women are better at having extra-marital affairs than men.

A 2010 survey conducted by the National Opinion Research Centre at the University of Chicago, United States, found that the percentage of wives admitting to extramarital affairs rose by almost 40 per cent over the last two decades, even though women behave differently from men when they cheat.

Beyond the revelation by the NORC's data, some researchers had 918 men and women fill out an online questionnaire on whether or not they have cheated on their partners and why they did it. The result revealed that 19 per cent of women admitted to straying outside their relationships. It was further revealed that while men still outpace women, seeing the numbers on the rise for both sexes was alarming for the researchers.

Some of the women noted that it was not just attractive men that lure them from their relationships, but rather, they were led astray because of their discontent with their relationships. The study stressed that the most common reasons for infidelity include feeling lonely and disconnected from one's partner, lack of communication, love and attention deficit, boredom, sexual disconnect or lack of intimacy.

What people do in the name of God

Written By Chidi Nkwopara, Owerri, Laju Arenyeka, Osa AMADI - Vanguard Nigeria

Stella Nnedum craved for all good things including good health for her fiance, Michael (surname withheld).

She wanted him to know that she cared for him. She also didn’t want anything to stand in their way to the altar and so she worked to make him strong and unwavering. But she feared that if Michael adhered to the advice of some people around him he could change his mind about their marriage. And one way to get things done was to lure him to a seer, a prophetess of some sort who would guide them and probably make sure he ignored all distractions that could threaten their planned marriage.

Michael did not believe in seers. He did not even believe in witchcraft, fetish or any voodoo phenomenon.

It was difficult to convince him to follow her to a seer. But like it was in the beginning of time with Adam and Eve, Stella succeeded in luring Michael to the seer in Olodi Apapa Area of Lagos.

"Some people would be against their marriage and they would work for it not to happen," the seer told them, warning that something bad could happen to them if they did not start praying immediately as some people were already after them. The seer also told them that only prayers could see them surmount the forces against their marriage. She even said that they were not meant for each other but prayers could change everything "as there’s nothing God cannot do".

And for the back pane that Michael was having at the time, the seer told them that it was the handiwork of his people from the village and that he needed to come regularly for prayers to be healed. Michael and Stella left and promised to return for prayers.

Did the seer succeed in creating fears into this couple so that they could always visit and sow seed during prayers?

If Stella fell for it, Michael did not.

When they got home, Michael bared his mind to Stella: "I did not give any background to the seer on my back pain and she goofed big time. My back pain is as a result of an old sports injury that comes and goes from time to time. And here was somebody telling me that my people in the village were sending pains to me? And all the story about the forces against the marriage is for us to be coming regularly for prayers after which one must make offertory. This is how these people operate. They live by creating fear into people, prophesying falsely and reaping victims off"

Cheap, easy ways to have fun in marriage

Written by Bosede Ola-Samuel - Nigeria

For many couples, sex is no longer what it used to be. There's no more adventure. So, they are stuck with the hope that things will get better. But the truth is, many times, wishes do not translate into reality. That is the basis of the popular saying, "if wishes were horses, beggars would ride." Wishing it will get better is not likely going to work. Couples who are serious about having a better sex life need to work at it. They may need to talk to sex experts to find out how they can put the "fire" back in their sex life. They could also read more books, magazines and write-ups on sex. Trying out the tips below will surely help in that direction. 

The starting point is to talk about your sex life in order to find out what the missing link is. If you doubt the need for this, then read this excerpt:

"Even long-term couples can struggle in the bedroom. Though we can easily tell our partner what shirt we'd like him to wear, or what we'd like to cook together for dinner, we tend to get tongue-tied when it comes to the topic of sex. 'People tend to be very sensitive when it comes to talking about sex. They're afraid of hurting their partner's feelings, so, they don't tell them what they like or don't like. But you're not going to get it unless you ask for it,' says relationship and family therapist, Rachel Sussman."

So, how do you tell your partner what you want without bruising his or her ego? I think it's really in how you bring up the statement. You can begin by saying, "I would love it if we..." or, "Could we try this?" You don't want to make them feel bad about what they've done or haven't done.

Nigerians in America: How (NOT) to raise our children

Written by Abiodun Ladepo

Ladepo, a resident of Los Angeles, California, USA.

Email: oluyole2@yahoo.com

It begins with the language spoken in the home. It is often the case that parents who share the same Nigerian language speak English to their children at home even when the children are just babies and toddlers. This is a waste of the child's wide repertoire for learning new things, including new languages. 

Various psychologists and socio-linguists opine that every child is imbued with an innate ability to acquire a language. What parents need to do is place that child in close proximity to the language and the child would pick it up effortlessly. Parents unwittingly underestimate the child's capacity to learn the parents' native language, internalise it as perfectly as the parents do and use it as appropriately as the parents do. By not speaking their native language to their children, parents deny their children the three theories of language acquisition: Imitation, reinforcement and active construction of grammar.

Also, by speaking our adulterated, impure American English to the children, parents unwittingly impede or, in fact, destroy the children's ability to learn American English in its purest form. Most of us who arrived in the US after 12 years of age or after puberty (according to socio-linguists) have forever lost the capacity to learn American English like a native speaker. We come from Nigeria with our breathy alphabets, twisted consonants, misplaced stresses, wrong diction, abbreviated vocabulary, and we unknowingly impose these habits on our children. Our imperfect American English is what we expose our children to, and through the three theories of language acquisition mentioned above, our children acquire our poor English. We do not recognise the fact just as our parents did not sit us down to teach us our native Nigerian languages, that our children would naturally and effortlessly learn from their friends at the nursery, higher schools and playgrounds.

It then goes on into subordinating or completely surrendering our entire mores to the American environment in which we live. Our children wake up and walk past us in the house without rendering the greeting of the day. Forget about girls kneeling down and boys prostrating. The children outright do not even utter the greeting of the day before asking us for whatever they want! A Nigerian man walked into his house with his friend in tow. He found his two teenage boys playing video games in the living room. Rather than greet their father and the guest, the children unplugged their video player and relocated into their room. When the father went to them and chastised them for not having the decency to greet his friend, the boys told him the guest was the father's, not theirs! They didn't think they had the obligation to greet their parents' friends. Some, in fact, call their parents' friends by their first names! Forget "Uncle" or "Auntie."

Mentor, don't bully your mentee

Written by Adeoye Oyewole - Nigeria

Every society has its own way of life that is peculiar and held as being precious, such that those values are transmitted from one generation to the other. These values determine the operating facility of the society that must be inculcated through the process of socialisation which continues throughout life.

The crucial challenge of transmission of values involves many aspects of our lives, such as the peer group, the school, the religious institutions, the mass media and, of course, the family, which remains the primary agent of socialization.

Eloquent research findings show the link between the level of educational and later, occupational, attainment of the child and the quality of socialisation emanating from the family as a strong predictor. In the same vein, women that develop mental illness following childbirth require urgent attention so that the attachment and bonding processes are not disrupted, since children in such circumstances develop profound cognitive and psychosocial deficits later in life. Parents are concerned about the socialisation processes in the school their children attend but do not bother about other agents or agency of socialisation that could impact their children negatively, possibly because they are apparently subtle, often culturally sanctioned and not immediately visible like the school but equally potent in their impact.

Socialisation is life-long and the potential for mismanagement is high, with profound mental health consequences. Mentorship is a personal developmental relationship in which the more experienced person helps to guide a less knowledgeable person. True mentoring is an ongoing relationship of learning, dialogue, and challenge. This practice has existed since ancient Greek and was the basis of American management innovation, which was very popular in the 1970s. The focus of any mentoring relationship is to develop the whole person through 'accompanying process' where the mentor takes an active part in the learning process side by side with the learner. The sowing process, which prepares the learner before he or she is ready to assimilate the lessons; the catalysing process when the mentor chooses to plunge the learner into change, provoking a different way of thinking or reordering of values; and the showing process where the mentor demonstrates what is being inculcated by his own behaviour; while harvesting, as the last process, involves creating awareness of what was learnt by experience.

Use condoms, they are good for you!

Written by Bukola Adebayo - Nigeria

Many should know by now that forgoing condoms during sex puts them at a higher risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases or getting pregnant every other month, but they still prefer not to use it.

According to a recent study conducted by the Society for Family Health, 80 per cent of the 1.8 billion sexual activities that occur in Nigeria yearly take place without condom use.

The report states that in spite of its scientifically proven efficacy in reducing the spread of the dreaded HIV infection in the country, eight out of every 10 Nigerian men do not use condom during sexual intercourse, while the women do not insist on men wearing condoms either.

Why is condom not popular in Nigeria? Though it is debatable, many are quick to give the excuse that it is uncomfortable and denies them the pleasure of love-making.

However, experts are worried about this low condom use among Nigerians. They note that the danger of not using condom outweighs the inconvenience that those who do not use it claim to have when they do.

A medical practitioner, Dr. Olumuyiwa Odusote, says going without condoms during sex not only heightens one's risks of contracting STDS like HIV, but it has also been shown to increase maternal deaths arising from unsafe abortions of unwanted pregnancies.

How prepared are you for retirement?

Written by 'Nimi Akinkugbe 

Email: nakinkugbe@punchng.com

Have you been planning and saving for retirement over the years or have you failed to address this most important stage of your life and suddenly find that retirement is looming? Will your nest egg be able to provide the kind of lifestyle that you desire for the rest of your life? Here are some issues to consider in planning for retirement.

How do you plan to spend your retirement? Consider these scenarios: Several hours of golf may be one of your goals; or it could be world travel, spending more time with your children and grandchildren, or pottering around your garden. At last, you can take your passion or hobby to a new level. You might want to give back to your community through volunteering or philanthropy. Would you like to go back to school just to learn about a subject you've always been interested in, or to share the immense knowledge and experience that you have garnered over the years by teaching?

The possibilities are endless; ideally, this should be the time of your life where you are open to new and exciting opportunities that will keep you productive, mentally stimulated and fulfilled. For far too many people, however, an uncertain future clouds these rosy pictures and they may never become a reality without adequate preparation.

The earlier you begin to save and invest, the more time the power of compounding has to work and your money has to grow. Those who start saving for retirement in their 20s have a much better chance of building a significant nest egg. Saving even a small amount on a regular basis can add up to a tidy sum over a long period of time. The younger you are and the more you have saved, the less you will need to amass in future.

How much do you have to start saving now to generate the kind of income that you will need to afford the lifestyle you desire? It is increasingly rare for a pension to be able to cover all your retirement needs. Your retirement income is likely to come from your pension as well as other savings and investments. As life spans increase, it is not unusual to spend well over 20 years in retirement; so, you need to be sure that your financial resources can last as long as you do.

How good are Nigerian men in bed?

by Dr. Biodun Ogungbo - Nigeria

(ogungbo@btinternet.com)

Dr. Biodun Ogungbo

I mean you have seen the way men drive in Nigeria: fast and furious, in a hurry to get nowhere! Might it be that the way a man drives is a reflection of his bedtime activity? And, of course, I also wanted to ask: Is the lack of good sex driving women to fat in Nigeria?

You must have seen the scene before, where, after copulating, the man looked like the cat that got the cream, while the woman looked despondent and was busy searching under the pillow, the bed and in the wardrobe: for her orgasm!

Anyway, added to the above is the rising incidence of rape, marital strives and divorce due to adultery, which further underlines the problem. Every day, you hear of some woman killed by an irate husband because of this issue.

For God's sake, what is the fun in forcing a woman to have sex, or by rape? Why would you date rape or even rape your wife? The real joy is making a woman want you - just you - again and again.

The problem

It seems that one of the biggest problems men face is knowing how to make love to a woman! Unfortunately, what commonly happens is that young men get their sexual advice from friends or from pornographic films and books. As a result, they have a distorted view of what it is actually about.

Today's child and sexual exposure

Written by Funmi Akingbade - Nigeria

(cafi.punch@yahoo.com)

I received a phone call from a father recently who complained about his 9-year-old boy's habit of visiting pornography sites from the game pad he gave him as a birthday gift. He said when he confronted boy, he said that it was his classmates in school that introduced it to him.

He said the boy told him that porn is no longer new as they exchange plenty of porn materials among one another. The man pleaded with me to help rescue the boy from such an ungodly act.

Another single parent sent me a mail asking me how to check a neighbour's son who has formed the habit of introducing sexual stuff to her daughters that are between five and 10 years. She said when she reported the boy's behaviour to his father; he dismissed it as mere innocent act. She said she is not comfortable because her children have now started getting used to sex talk that she did not teach them.

Both parents said they had not yet introduced any form of sexuality talk or education to their children when I asked them.

This is one of the big mistakes of our times; parents leaving their children to the vulnerability of negative influence of Internet information without guidance. Because of the type of society we live in, parents owe their children a duty to communicate the right sexual values. Sexual values are appropriate, correct, right beliefs, priorities, and norms about sex, sexuality, and gender respects.

Weather and sex

By Funmi Akingbade (cafi.punch@yahoo.com)

Funmi Akingbade

At the beginning of the year the weather was so hot and electricity supply was not regular. Literally, you could see disappointment boldly written on the faces of people and the murmurings about how terribly hot the weather was. But for some few months now, the story has changed as it rains regularly. However, the wet season has had a positive effect on the sex lives of many couples.

Does a change in weather really affect sexual performance and libido? In order to get reasonable answers, my team of sex therapists took a survey of many couples via SMS, email, phone calls and street chats with a simple question: 'How does hot or cold weather affect your sex drive?'

The statistics do not only show the dynamic of human sexuality but also shows how culture and mindset can affect relationship and sexual performance of married couples.

Virtually 87 per cent of couples say hot weather decreases their sex drive, hampered their libido, makes sex a no-go area and kills their interest. Among many reasons why hot weather creates an anti-sexy environment is that many couples complain bitterly that most of their spouses sweat and smell irritably in hot weather. Amazingly, this is also the period when most people say STDs are more pronounced in their partners or when they are infected. This indicates that a hot or humid environment is a good breeding ground for most diseases. This is also the period when skin infections spread. Ironically, we found a small percentage of couples who indicated that their sex drive stays the same in wet or hot weather.

Many couples have more sex in the wet season, as they say the cold increases their sex drive tremendously. Well the reason is not far-fetched. Whenever it rains, the environment becomes peaceful, cool and cozy. Seven in 10 Nigerians say the weather affects their mood, and makes them want to stay near a comforting spouse.

Exposure to cold weather and a little sunlight elevates the production and secretion of melanocyte stimulating hormone, which has been linked to increased sex drive in women. This explains why women in particular crave for sex during the raining season. Serotonin, a feel-good neurotransmitter produced by the brain, may also be responsible for heightened mood and sex drive during the rainy season.

One particular wife said, 'To me, making love with the sound of rain outside is so romantic I always fantasise the rhythm of the rain with the thrusting in and out of my husband. It's so awesome. As his energy builds, there is also an improvement in the physical sexual pleasure within me. For me, the rain is a reflection of a sexual reunion. And each time it rains I make it a point of duty to seek numerous opportunities to improve our sexual experience and heighten the sensations. Even when there is no electricity supply, I'm equal to the task."