Crying is good for health, says expert

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, September 20, 2016.

Dr Uthman Mubashir, Public Health Physician of the University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital, has said that emotional tears have special health benefits for people.

Mubashir revealed in an interview in Ilorin on Tuesday that crying had "therapeutic emotional freedom".

"Tears are protective and they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes," he said.

He explained that tears might decrease arousal of distress and make people feel better.

According to him, reflex tears are 98 per cent water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

Mubashir said that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress.

The public health physician, who teaches at the College of Health Sciences of the University of Ilorin, noted that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, "our body's natural pain killer and feel-good hormones".

"Crying makes us feel better, even when a problem persists. In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart," he said.

Mubashir warned against dissuading people from holding back tears, saying that holding back tears was a form of bottling up emotions that could trigger stress and other problems.

"We are in a society that tells us we're weak for crying, in particular that powerful men don't cry.

"The new enlightened paradigm of what constitutes a powerful man and woman is someone who has the strength and self-awareness to cry," he said.

He reiterate that "it is good to cry, it is healthy to cry. This helps to emotionally clear sadness and stress."

Crying, he pointed out, was also essential to resolve grief when some someone lost a dear one.

"Tears help us process the loss so we can keep living with open hearts. Otherwise, we will be depressed if we suppress these potent feelings.

11 things you didn’t know kissing does to you

~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016. 

We all enjoy a really good kiss, but did you know that locking lips with someone makes you live longer, helps prevent tooth decay and burns calories?

Apart from the obvious bacteria swapping and reducing stress levels, it turns out there is plenty more to know about a good snog with your partner, lover, or whoever else you happen to be swapping saliva with.

Author David Wolfe has produced a video on the 11 thinks you never knew about kissing, and these are the surprising facts, captured UK’s The Sun.

1. It increases life expectancy

Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than men who don't.

2. It prevents tooth decay

Kissing increases the mouth's production of saliva, which helps to clean the mouth and prevent tooth decay.

3. We swap more than just germs

We swap an average of 9ml of water, 0.7mg of protein, 0.18mg of organic compounds, 0.71mg of different fats and 0.45mg of sodium chloride when we lock lips.

4. But there are still A LOT of germs involved

One millilitre of saliva contains about 100,000,000 bacteria.

5. It actually burns calories - get kissing, ladies

Couples can burn anywhere between 2 and 26 calories per minute while kissing and can use up to 30 muscles.

6. We do a lot of it

Not all things should be Googled

Written by 'Sola Fagorusi
~PUNCH Nigeria. Tuesday, July 19, 2016

'Sola Fagorusi

Fatima dislocated her left shoulder while getting dressed. She was in excruciating pain, but not enough pain to make her forget her state of undress, which would be extremely embarrassing if she were to raise the alarm. She glimpsed her phone, which was lying on her bed and quickly used her right hand to quickly type "how to fix a dislocated shoulder" on her Google search bar, and followed the instructions.

She was able to solve her problem without any embarrassment. She went for a check-up after getting dressed to ensure that every part of her body was in good position.

Google has become a part of our lives, and has seen us through minute-to-minute aspects of our daily living. People solve many of their problems with Google. People have improved their cooking, housekeeping, grooming skills and a million other skills with Google. It defines words as well as explains things. It gives detailed examples, numerous views and puts things in contexts. Many arguments these days end as soon as they begin because people automatically turn to Google. "Let's Google it" is one of the most popular statements all over the world.

Google maps are in use not only to find locations, but also to find distances and decide whether certain trips are worth it or not. Not just location or every aspect, we can use Google to research an entire trip.

Google translate has saved a lot of businesses and relationships. It has contributed in making the world even smaller. Language is no longer a barrier; we have Google translate.

Medicine: Confession – I am an agent of darkness

~Nigerian Tribune. Thursday, July 7, 2016

My name is Glaucoma. I am a child of the universe. I don’t really know my birthday, but every second Thursday of March, I am celebrated all over the world. I am told this is to make everybody aware of my presence and the devastation I could cause.

People really need to be aware of me because I am very dangerous. It isn’t my fault and I cannot do anything to stop it. I wish I could because I know what grief I have caused a lot of people.

People seldom give their secrets away. Even doctors, as much as they have tried, know very little about me. They’re working hard at it and soon they will find my innermost secrets. But I feel for you and I am sorry for the numerous cases of blindness and visual impairment that I have caused. I would like to help you, if you would allow me, by letting you into some of my secrets because I don’t want you to go blind.

I am an agent of darkness; a silent thief of vision. If I enter into anyone’s eyes, I gradually replace light with perpetual darkness. I cause no pain or discomfort so my landlord is completely unaware of my presence in his eyes until I have done a great deal of damage. I steal your vision even before you know you have provided me a place of abode in your eyes!

Take the case of Ojuri, a 35-year-old man. He was slapped by his neighbour. His lawyer asked him to bring a medical report so that he could sue for assault. He went to see his ophthalmologist who revealed my presence. It was found, to his dismay that I had become entrenched inside his eyes.

ECOWAS court orders Ghana govt to pay family of Nigeria student, Augustine Chukwuebuka Ogukwe, $250,000 over son's death in a swimming incident

Written by Bertram Nwannekanma
~TheGuardian, Nigeria. Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Justice Jerome TraoreJustice Jerome Traore

ECOWAS Court orders Ghana to pay compensation for death of Nigerian student

The Community Court of Justice of the Economic Community Of West African States (ECOWAS) sitting in Abuja has ordered the Republic of Ghana to pay $250,000as compensation to the family of a 15-year old Nigerian student, Augustine Chukwuebuka Ogukwe, who died in a swimming incident onOctober 15, 2013 in Ghana.

The court in a judgmentdelivered byJustice Micah Wilkins Wright, whichwas obtained by The Guardian yesterday, said the compensation is for the failure of the country's police to carry out a proper investigation into the death of the student, thereby failing in its obligation to protect and defend all persons within its territory.

In suit no. ECW/CCJ/APP/03/14, father of the deceased,Mr. Obioma Ogukwe, alleged that he was given an autopsy report issued by the Ghana Police Hospital without his consent or knowledge, which revealed that the basic cause of death was drowning, while the direct cause was asphyxia by submersion.


Led in evidence by his counsel, Mr. Femi Adedeji, the plaintiff also alleged that the physical appearance, contrary to the autopsy report, showed evidence of torture on the body and the wounds on his face and sides were evidence of beating, torture, and gruesome murder.

Controversy over dog meat

Written by Doris Obinna
~The SUN, Nigeria. Friday, June 3, 2016.

• It enhances libido, cures malaria -Consumers

• No, dog meat causes health hazards - WHO, vet doctors

Many detest dog meat and everything that has to do with it. They avoid it like a plague. Even the mere mention of dog meat puts them off. Some might even throw up at the mention of it.

However, there are some folks, who eat dog meat and relish it, doing so with every sense of gladness. For them, it is meat like no other.

One of such persons is Nsikan John. The 35-year-old man says dog meat is better than every other meat around.

"If you offer me a variety of meats, including dog meat, I will first go for the dog meat. It not only tastes better, it has medicinal values. I can't remember the last time I treated malaria fever. It fights it off summarily. In fact, dog meat is a common cuisine among my people and we enjoy it so much."

All over the world, dogs are accepted as trusted friends and security guards. But among some people, they suffer terrible fate. They are sold as items of trade, butchered and their meat consumed by humans.

Whereas some people in some climes accept the consumption of dog meat as part of their day-to-day cuisine, some consider the practice a taboo. In some cultures, exigencies of war and hunger sometimes make the consumption of dog meat a necessary practice.

Humane Society International is one of many non-governmental organisations

around the world fighting to end the dog meat trade.

Research shows that every year, an estimated 25 million dogs are killed and consumed. This statistics brings to the fore the telling truth that dogs in many climes suffer a great deal. It is for this reason that it has been stated that commercial dog meat production is inherently cruel. This practice condemns dogs to suffer at every turn. Even the rising belief that the consumption of dog meat might lead in the transmission of diseases does not deter its consumers.

Teenage children who bring out the worst in you!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

Joyce is a childhood friend I see often. When I called on her a few months back she looked visibly flustered. I was at a loose end and and had gone to see her for our usual natter. "Am I glad to see you," she said, ushering me into a chair in the kitchen where she was making up different mouth-watering dishes. I certainly had called at a good time. I patted myself on the back, as I tucked in with relish. "Henrietta is back," she informed as we ate. I looked blank. "You haven't forgotten all about her have you? Mercy's second daughter!" The penny finally dropped.

Mercy is Joyce's first cousin. She's always been close to Mercy's mother, Louisa, who is her big aunty. A woman-of-the-world, Louisa is the proud mother of three children from three different fathers. Nothing unusual these days where couples exchange partners like goods from a super-market, the snag is that the first and last 'husbands' were rich while Henrietta's father couldn't be described as a silver-spoon kid.

Henrietta knew she wasn't the apple of her mother's eyes and she behaved accordingly. "Her nasty father is fetish and must have used juju on my daughter," Louisa had said any time she had the opportunity. "Why else would Mercy give in to a rough-neck like that" Look at Henrietta's two siblings. Mercy's first daughter, Tina, the daughter of a renowned structural engineer, is a proper lady and her father sent her to the best public school as soon as she finished secondary school here. She's a real lady, thanks to her dad's impeccable pedigree. Pity his snooty self-centred wife refused to even think of him taking on Mercy as a second wife … When Mercy met Henrietta's father, Joyce wasn't exactly shouting for joy. The only advantage is that he agreed to marry her and be a step-dad to Tina," Joyce had told me. "But Tina's dad told him he should forget it – Tina had a dad who was proud of her. Anyway, they got married.He was a divorcee with two children and lived in the seedy part of the city. Still, Mercy, who was then a top personnel manager in a huge firm agreed to come down to his level because of love. In no time at all, the beast showed his claws and by the time Henrietta was only six, it was obvious they hated each other. It was inevitable that the marriage crashed and Mercy relocated abroad, leaving Henrietta in her mum's care.

"Louisa couldn't hide her distaste for the poor girl. Any time she put a foot wrong, she shrieked at her. 'The horse behind always takes a running cue from the one in front', she used to say. 'If you are blind to see how fast the front horse is running, shouldn't you look at the horse behind you in case it catches up with you?' This rear horse is Mercy's third child, a longed for son she had for another colleague just before she left for England.

Marriage is not for everybody…

Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

Chukwuneta Oby

Considering the rate at which marriages are falling like a pack of badly stacked cards…would it not be appropriate for us to ditch our 'holier than thou' slogan of 'divorce is a sin' and pick up a more realistic one like 'marriage is not for everybody?'

The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.

The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!


Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.

The humiliation of dating a much younger man

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

COPING with the death of a beloved spouse, especially after years of marriage could be a nightmare. When Lola's husband of over 25 years died suddenly, she was almost suicidal. He had a stomach ache and was dead three days later. Nobody suspected he had a tumour on his liver. "Grief hit me like a boxer's fist," she'd said when a group of friends tried to console her. "He was only 58 and I'd thought we had years left together. I thank God for our three lovely children – but they're all grown now and can hardly be expected to stay at home and hold my hands .. ."

Thanks to the determination of friends, she started picking up the pieces of her life. They dragged her to parties and outings. It was at her late husband's club she ran into David. He'd been a younger friend with whom he played table tennis. "He was a quiet man, just like my husband," said Lala, "and he listened sympathetically as I poured out my heart to him. After all, he too had lost a friend. A few weeks later, I was at the club again when I met David amongst friends, celebrating his 40th birthday. We all joined in and I had a wonderful time. When he learnt I'd come in a friend's car, he insisted on taking me home. 'Your life need not be over now your husband's dead,' he told me

solemnly. 'If you like, I could look after you.'

"My jaw dropped. I was 14 years older. What sort of relationship would we have? But he urged me to think about it. I should have been more cautions and told him off.

"My husband had just died and I was lonely – and flattered I could still be attractive to a man. I loved my husband but he was gone. He was never coming back. I was still here and I had to keep on living. So, when next he invited himself in for a drink, I didn't discourage him. He came with a bottle of wine and some chicken and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company. In no time at all, we became lovers.

How far are you willing to go to get your wife pregnant?

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguardm Nigeria.

Just how desperate are you to have a child? After exploring all avenues available to you medically, are you willing to seek outside help? Like natural insemination? Artificial insemination is when a donor sperm is introduced into the female vagina with the hope that the patient would eventually get pregnant. This method is resorted to when the male partner's sperm counts are too low to father a child – or they are just blanks. All over the world, a lot of women are playing God by sneakily seeking the help of a virile man to help them get the much longed for child. These days however, with infidelity being condoned, some men have come out to support their wives in their quest to get pregnant, to the extent of agreeing to Natural Insemination (NI).

One of such women recently quoted in a foreign press alleged that: "My husband knows what he wants to know. We have conceived through natural insemination and had sex with more than one donor over a few months. There is no doubt that it is emotionally charged and my husband found it difficult. Also, the sex with someone other than my husband is surprisingly enjoyable, sexy and kinky and if we are going to be honest, it's cheating. We accepted all that and it worked for us. I wouldn't have done it any other way. I agreed that my husband is wonderful and I will love him and be grateful to him forever, for giving us this opportunity to have a proper family.

"But natural insemination is how I wanted to make our baby. Bottles, tubes, syringes are just not what I wanted to be involved with when I became pregnant. I don't judge anyone. It is just not what I wanted. We're not swingers. I could never cope with my husband doing what I did, which is what makes him even more wonderful. But our sex life is not the point here. I wanted to get pregnant and I loved doing it. The whole process was fun, sexy and memorable. I am sorry if that makes me a harlot but there are no two ways about it. I did feel more fertile when dressed up, having sex all night and feeling satisfied in the morning. 

We don't have any secrets.

"My husband knows what he wants to know and can ask anything. For what it is worth, he took me shopping for the underwear". And if you are curious about how any man involved in such an emotionally volatile arrangement feels, here is a 32-year-old male's view: "Insemination can be perfectly ok in a relationship, if both agree on it. I am a 32-year-old man. My wife is 27 and we have been married for three years. We are happy parents of a little girl who just celebrated her first birthday. My sperm count is very low and we had to use a donor. Natural insemination was the right method for us. We both think artificial insemination is much too clinical.

A better whip to beat your wife

WHEN some men clear their throats, their wives develop symptoms of tuberculosis. Those are men who are neither bullies nor mad dogs. They do not get a kick from kicking their wives around the house. They do not beat their women just to prove they are men. And their women know when to pull the brakes. So, there are men and there are men. Mad men, wife beaters and men who know how to enforce discipline in their homes.

We've heard enough of men who kick their women in the tummy when they are pregnant and those who cause their women to wear D&G 'bones' to cover up dark patches on their faces after slapping sessions. We have also heard enough of women who make their hus­bands so miserable, the poor men lose it and go berserk. In other words, there are wife beaters, women batterers all over the place and women with vile mouths who don't know when to duck when they see a flying punch. So, there is no point belabouring the violent point. It is bad to be foul-mouthed and worse to be a wife or woman beater. Is there then a middle road? Of course. Only dumb men don't know how to discipline their women without raising a fist. Wife beaters should learn from their women. We, the daughters of Eve do not beat men and yet smart men don't toy with us.

We do not give our men black and blue faces to get them to buy us gold, diamonds, the latest SUV and build us houses. They do all those things nice and easy and we know how to express our gratitude. But men who insist this is a man's world don't know jack about making their women do what they want. All brawns, no strategy. A woman will tell a man to go to hell and the dude is actually going to look forward to the trip. Well, it's absolutely a woman thing. We were designed by God with that particular element. Poor men, what do they know?

Love scams: Your body and your money!

Written by Yetunde Arebi - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

The news of Ope's scheduled wedding was a much welcomed one. At 31, she'd crossed over the conventional marriage age for young women and gradually hitting the single and searching category. As big aunts, many of us were already curious about her status and never failed to ask about the 'bobo' whenever the opportunity provided itself. So, when we got the text message, inviting us to the Introduction ceremony, I was elated. Ope's day of glory was already a bit overdue, so it called for great thanksgiving and I was sure that her mother, a Lagos socialite by every standards will leave no stones unturned to make the ceremonies as remarkable and memorable as possible.

But the reaction I got when I placed a call to her to congratulate her and find out details for the wedding took me off guard. It was not the type of reaction I had expected to get from her bubbly mum. At the end of her short speech, my spirit sank too. And though she did not give full details of why the ceremony must be a small and quiet one, I knew it was not for lack of funds, because there was no gain saying that she would make more money from the wedding than she would spend putting up the grand and fabulous show.

Some people are that blessed by the rot (corruption) of the Nigerian society and Ope's mum is one of them. So, what could the matter be? I was not the only curious one but since we all could not come up with a reasonable excuse for such a decision, we decided that our questions can only be answered after the Introduction ceremony. And boy, did we get answers?

The Introduction turned out a mini wedding held in their compound. All the wedding rituals including cake cutting, exchange of rings as well as the traditional wedding gifts were performed. Why the hush-hush? That Ope was conspicuously pregnant was not enough reason for this hurried packaging and shooing off like an outcast! However, a look at the groom and those who accompanied him as family and friends was enough to tell anyone that all was not well. It was a case of 'na only you waka come?' as one could count the number of his team on the finger tips and still have a few left.

The woman a man needs

Written by Mercy Makinde

She is a Speaker, Writer, Coach and Entrepreneurship Advocate who owns theOnline Motivational Radio Station – www.iaspireradio.com and the Motivational & Inspirational Blog – www.iaspireblog.com

I was privileged to be at a Women's Entrepreneurship Conference recently and it was quite encouraging to see several women come out to do their thing! I was really excited to see women pitch to investors on the spur of the moment and they came off really strong and determined to make an impression. There are some hard working and daring women out there I must confess and I am really proud of them. I am happy to be a woman!

Nonetheless, there are still millions of women out there who don't see the need to bring anything to the table! They desire wealth and status without the demands of long hours in the workplace. Many on the other hand, hope to marry wealthy partners. A new survey has revealed that generations of young women are rejecting high-flying careers in favor of a life of ease and luxury. The so-called 'Easy Life Generation' has seen their mothers struggle with demanding jobs while trying to raise families and have no desire to follow in their footsteps. They certainly don't have any intention of doing housework or even actually loving a husband; he is meant to be their ATM (Any Time Money) machine to fund their lavish lifestyle in return for occasional sex. That's not being a traditional woman...you know what it is!

They come into marriage with very few assets yet they spend the little money that come their way on excessive luxuries to impress their friends and this can include things like designer apparels, upscale restaurants, frequent vacations, exotic cars, spa treatments and excessive amounts of clothing, purses, shoes and accessories. And when they run into trouble, their husbands pick up the slack and fix the mess they have made of their finances.

Religion can affect your psychology

Written by Adeoye Oyewole - Punch, Nigeria

Adeoye Oyewole

Most people think that psychiatry and religion have nothing in common. But the truth is that, historically, they have similar roots. The earliest psychiatrists were priests who stood their ground against inhuman treatment of the mentally challenged.

There were definite intervals in the medieval period when priests were wrongly involved in the care of the mentally ill, especially during the era of witch hunts, and when mental illness was caused by spirits that were exorcised in various ways, such as through burning, bleeding and purging.

These methods derived from the concept of spirit possession as being responsible for mental illness. However the period of renaissance intensified the humane treatment that led to the discovery of the antipsychotic drug, which is till date one of the greatest medical miracles of the early part of the 20th century.

This discovery finally put an end to speculations that the voices heard by the mentally ill belonged to the spirits that the priests were about to exorcise.

Modern psychiatry has advanced with the development of other methods, such as the use of psychological principles in the management of mental illness. Several models exist as underlying principles for psychotherapeutic intervention with enormous clinical value and advantage.

LETTER TO WHITE MEN...

By Tanoe Michael Nah on fb - Liberia

Dear white men, U asked us to wear coats under hot sun, we did;

U said we should speak your language, we have obediently ignored ours.

U asked us to always tie a rope around our necks like goats, we have obeyed without questioning.

U asked our ladies to wear dead people's hair instead of the natural hair God gave to them, they have obeyed.

U said we should marry just one woman in the midst of
plenty black angels, we reluctantly agreed.

You said our decent girls should wear catapults instead of
the conventional pants, they have obeyed.

You asked us to use rubber in order to control our birth rate,
we agreed.....

Now U want our MEN to sleep with fellow MEN & WOMEN
with fellow WOMEN so that God would punish us like Sodom
and Gomora? We say No!!

We don't agree with U this time! Proudly African, we say a
huge NO to GAY relationships and LESBIAN.

~Robert Mugabe

Does He Want To Commit?

Written by By Kemi Amushan - The Guardian, Nigeria. 

A FRIEND of mine recently shared her frustrations with her long-distance boyfriend and the fact that he keeps coming up with reasons to put off their relationship and commitment.

There are things he needs to accomplish before he can consider marriage, he tells her. Even though she loves him and wants a life with him, she is uncertain of whether to be patient and hang in there, in the hope he will come around, or give up on the relationship and move on.

This is a common dilemma lots of us face when dealing with a guy who avoids commitment. Such men are called commitment phobic men. He is not able to or does not want to engage in a long-term, committed relationship. Commitment phobics generally fear a loss of control and autonomy. As long as they remain single, they have no one to answer to and no one to be responsible for, other than themselves. Some commitment phobics even have a fear of intimacy i.e getting too close to someone emotionally.

Some people have said that the source of these fears is often the result of issues they experienced growing up. It could have been a controlling or critical parent or a volatile or broken marriage he witnessed between his parents. The list is endless.

Whatever the source of his issues, he avoids marriage like a vampire avoids the sun – as if the mere mention of it might kill him. A commitment phobic man can fall into one of these categories.

The Distancer

With this type of commitment phobic the relationship may seem perfectly normal at first. But as soon as you start to become too “in to him” or express any kind of expectations of him or the relationship, he begins to pull back and distance himself. The more you try to “pursue” the more he will pull away. Distancers have a fear of someone invading their privacy and/or trying to control them; it is about protecting their emotional and physical space. Many times with a distancer, if you stop pursuing and begin to distance yourself from him, he will sense that the threat level is down and suddenly call and want to go out with you again.

Is marriage getting outmoded?

Written by Francis Ewherido - Nigeria

An Igbo Traditional Marriage event

Recently, I came across a number of write-ups from Europe and America questioning the relevance of the marriage institution. This thinking is mainly borne out of the increasing rate of divorce, and people now living together without being married and having children outside wedlock. In their thinking, if the primary purposes of marriage are companionship and procreation, why go into it when you can cohabit and procreate without being married?

This thinking, though defective, is understandable. More than 50 per cent of marriages in the US end in divorce. The rest of the West is not too far behind in divorce rate. Among African Americans, especially, you see a girl of 25 already a mother of five children from three or more fathers.

But this multiple-fathers trend is not peculiar to them. Here in Lagos, it is not uncommon to see a woman with three grown-up daughters living with her. Between the daughters, they have 10 children from five or more fathers. Some of these absentee fathers are agbayas(good for nothing. That is what you are if you abdicate your parental responsibilities).

The rates of divorce and cohabitation are also increasing in Nigeria. So it is not entirely surprising to hear some Nigerian youngsters also saying that marriage is going out of fashion. Some of these guys "are having the time of their lives." They "camp" girls in their houses without paying any bride price or performing any marital rites.

They owe the girls and their families no allegiance, no commitments, no bond, no strings attached and they can float away like a butterfly anytime they want to. And the situation is perfectly okay with these daughters of Eve because they are either desperate, in lust or do not give a damn.

What is the fate of children brought up in these settings? I have been observing two of them over a period of four years. Even before chest out (sign of puberty), they had started making up and strutting the streets like adults. Now they have reached puberty and gone full blast. They are between 14 and 15 years old, but I will not be surprised to see a protruding tummy tomorrow. May be a few abortions have already taken place.

The increasing rate of divorce all over the world is a major source of concern to everybody. In the last few weeks, I met about five wonderful American couples: two of them have been married for over 50 years, while the others have been together for over 40 years. They are even more worried than we are over here. They "can't understand what is happening to youngsters.

Before you go into a new relationship

Written by: Omotola Oduola - Nigerian Tribune

Did you just quit a relationship? What were your reasons for quitting? Do you think getting into a new relationship is safe enough for you to avoid a rebound because it is said that when your heart is broken you become weak at times, your emotions fail you, thereby making you fall into wrong hands because of your state of mind.

Many people, especially women, often refer to the first several months of a relationship as the honeymoon stage. This is because at the early stages of a relationship, everything seems wonderful and things are just clicking. You get butterflies every time you are with the significant other; you get excited just at the thought of them and you just have an amazing time every moment you are together. But the reality is that despite how easy and great any relationship is, one has to be willing to do things that will allow it to flourish, however easy it is to overlook the importance of having a strategy that will allow you to continually give all towards making a relationship work.

To get into another relationship, you need to ask yourself if you are prepared to trust again, to share your fears with someone you love, as getting into another relationship involves you letting out your imperfect self to someone you think can be trusted with such.

A few things are necessary to get into the dating circle again. Speaking with Relationships, Ighoro Alexander, cleric and consultant on relationship issues, shares a few tips on what to consider before starting a new relationship.

'One of the easiest ways to know a man is his friends'

According to Alexander, "One of the greatest consideration surprisingly and against popular norm is how prepared you are. Sometimes, people go into relationship just thinking of the other person. Without adequate personal preparation emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and mentally, you perhaps are not qualified for any relationship. Beyond that you must consider the value system of the other person. Every man's action has its foundation in values that have been ingrained over the years. Specifically, does he value for spiritual things? By that I mean, does he has the fear of God? Who are his friends?

"One of the easiest ways to know a man is his friends. Principally, you must consider, if he has a well defined and articulated vision for his life. The easiest way to waste your life is to be on the same bus with a man who does not know where he is going. Finally, is he diligent? These, among many, are considerations before going into relationship."

Wish you were somebody else's wife?

YOU take one look at your marriage, shake your head and write-off the whole thing. When a woman is sad and her morale is at an all-time low, self-pity is the first demon that comes calling. It becomes difficult to see anything good in whatever is happening. She can't even remember the good, old times when she felt on top of the world and believed her husband was the best thing that ever happened to her. Those days when she handed down tips on how to make a marriage work so easily... but that was then, she would sigh.

When trouble looms or befalls a marriage or the woman is feeling gloomy, the next practical thing she begins to do is wishing she were somewhere else, somebody else's wife. She wonders how she ended up where she is. Didn't her mother warn her? And she almost didn't marry him o.

Well, a woman has no business envying her friend's marriage. Sounds cute but impracticable, ehn? Not exactly, but it happens all the time.

When things get tough in the home and a marriage seems to be giving way at the seams, the urge to compare your situation unfavourably with another's is quite high. Any wife who wants to be honest with herself will own up, to having fallen into that temptation once or twice.

Such escapist thoughts are the only things that fill her head. It suits her psyche. She adds all unlikely figures together and gets all the odd results. She'd see all the good things in her friend's marriage and not one enviable thing in her own.

If only she knows. If only we all know. Comparing your marriage with another is an unworthy occupation. It is a demeaning venture that does nothing for a woman's sense of self-worth. Why should you think your friend's marriage or husband is better than yours? No two marriages are alike and the recipe that works for one marriage more often than not, won't work for the other. Your friend married one man and you another.

On Facebook, the dead still celebrate birthdays

Written by Jesusegun Alagbe - Nigeria

Akunyili; Agbana

On that Saturday morning, in his Lagos home - before he got up from bed - there were six birthday notifications on his smartphone from Facebook, reminding him to wish his friends happy birthday celebrations. But what baffled him was that one of these friends, who was his course mate at the Ladoke Akintola University of Technology in Ogbomoso, Oyo State, was already dead. This made him wonder, "Why is Facebook asking me to wish a dead person a happy birthday celebration? Is Ade still alive?"

But before long, Peter Abisoye got an answer: Ade - his deceased friend - is not alive, but his Facebook account is still active.

"Every morning, I get birthday notifications of my family and friends from Facebook, so I don't even need to know offhand or look at the calendar for their birthdays again. The internet and social media have really brought me closer to them, even though we are separated by distance," Abisoye said. "But what I don't understand is why the social media company keep sending birthday notifications of dead people? You know, many times when it happens, like it happened to me, it makes me remember some memories of the departed ones - both the good and the bad."

After the brief moment of amazement, Abisoye said he got on the page of his deceased friend and wrote: "Ade, you remain one of the best friends I ever had in school. I remember how we used to eat burnt beans together, woo girls together and watch football matches in Adenike area on weekends. Death is so painful, but your memory is not. Live on, brother."

"I got on his page and I posted a brief birthday message in his memorial. Before I realised what was going on, about 20 of our colleagues in school had also followed suit. I guessed they must have been notified as well of Ade's birthday from Facebook. Well, I think it's good to keep the page alive, in memory and honour of the deceased," he added.

But one or two others who posted didn't even know Ade was dead.

"Someone, please tell me this is not true. I spoke with Ade two months ago and he was fine. No wonder I have been trying to reach him all this while and he's unreachable. So sad to hear, Ade," one of them wrote.

Almost every internet-ready smartphone and Facebook user today gets reminders of special events and this was perhaps the same scenario when many fans of the late female gospel singer and composer, Kefee Obareki Don-Momoh, popularly known as Kefee, woke up on Thursday, February 5, 2015 to find notifications from Facebook that she was celebrating her birthday.

Kefee died of lung failure in a Los Angeles hospital in the United States on Thursday, June 12, 2014, after spending 15 days in a coma. She was aged 34.

But not all her fans would want to believe she's dead. One of them, with the name 'PurpleiciousBabe,' wrote on a blog, bellanaija.com, on July 13, 2014, a month after her death, "Trust me, I am still in denial. I can't even mourn her. It's just not fair. Not our Kefee, so full of life and personality."