Why my marriage crashed -Ini Edo, actress

Written by JOY UMUKORO - Nigeria. 

Popular Nollywood actress, Ini Edo, has revealed that distance, irreconcilable differences, and incompatibility are the factors that largely contributed to her failed marriage.

She made this known while speaking on Rubbing Minds, a show hosted by Ebuka Obi-Uchendu on Channels Television last week.

According to Edo, distance plays a very important role in a relationship. "No matter the indifference or incompatibility, if you're together in love, a lot of things can actually work out. Howbeit, you don't get to work things out when there is no contact. When you are with someone, and you can't agree on certain things or find a common ground, I think being together could have actually helped us to understand each other better," she reiterated.

The actress explained further that acting makes actors and actresses vulnerable. Her words: "Most of the time, we attract wrong people, sometimes for the wrong reasons. Because when people come to you because of what they see on TV, it's hard for them to accept you considering the fact that you are just acting because that is your job. When they find out that it's not the real you, it becomes a problem.

"Marriage is an experience which I don't regret. My husband met me an actress. My job takes my time, because naturally there are certain roles you are not allowed to play once you are married. Even if your husband understands, his relatives might not understand. My husband is the last child, so family interference in the marriage was normal.

"Marriage has taught me a lot of lessons, it made me wiser and stronger. I think it actually made me more matured. I don't think I married too early, maybe I was a little bit in a hurry."

On dating Mike Godson, Edo said: "Mike is just a friend, and we get to work often. He is a friend to my siblings so we are just good friends. I have known him for a long time just like I have other friends in the industry. I could date an actor. I try not to put limits to what hasn't happened yet. I happen to believe that anything is possible."

Is marriage getting outmoded?

Written by Francis Ewherido - Nigeria

An Igbo Traditional Marriage event

Recently, I came across a number of write-ups from Europe and America questioning the relevance of the marriage institution. This thinking is mainly borne out of the increasing rate of divorce, and people now living together without being married and having children outside wedlock. In their thinking, if the primary purposes of marriage are companionship and procreation, why go into it when you can cohabit and procreate without being married?

This thinking, though defective, is understandable. More than 50 per cent of marriages in the US end in divorce. The rest of the West is not too far behind in divorce rate. Among African Americans, especially, you see a girl of 25 already a mother of five children from three or more fathers.

But this multiple-fathers trend is not peculiar to them. Here in Lagos, it is not uncommon to see a woman with three grown-up daughters living with her. Between the daughters, they have 10 children from five or more fathers. Some of these absentee fathers are agbayas(good for nothing. That is what you are if you abdicate your parental responsibilities).

The rates of divorce and cohabitation are also increasing in Nigeria. So it is not entirely surprising to hear some Nigerian youngsters also saying that marriage is going out of fashion. Some of these guys "are having the time of their lives." They "camp" girls in their houses without paying any bride price or performing any marital rites.

They owe the girls and their families no allegiance, no commitments, no bond, no strings attached and they can float away like a butterfly anytime they want to. And the situation is perfectly okay with these daughters of Eve because they are either desperate, in lust or do not give a damn.

What is the fate of children brought up in these settings? I have been observing two of them over a period of four years. Even before chest out (sign of puberty), they had started making up and strutting the streets like adults. Now they have reached puberty and gone full blast. They are between 14 and 15 years old, but I will not be surprised to see a protruding tummy tomorrow. May be a few abortions have already taken place.

The increasing rate of divorce all over the world is a major source of concern to everybody. In the last few weeks, I met about five wonderful American couples: two of them have been married for over 50 years, while the others have been together for over 40 years. They are even more worried than we are over here. They "can't understand what is happening to youngsters.

How to outsmart your cunning mother-in-law!

Written by Bunmi Sofola - Nigeria

EVERY time Ireti visited her mother-in-law, her teeth were always on edge. Ruth, her mother-in-law is now in her mid 70s, frail and ailing, but as full of spite as when Ireti married her precious son 15 years ago.

"Ruth and I had always been at war," confessed Ireti, "but Gboye, my husband was unaware of this. He'd been the result of an affair his mum had with a wealthy industrialist who bought mother and son a house, but kept the 'embarrassment' of a love-child away from his family. In spite of this shabby treatment from Gboye's father, Ruth was always throwing his name around and telling people how much money he lavished on her. Ireti said, "After the man died, when Gboye was in his teens, his mum had poured all her love onto her only child. No wonder he worshiped her. Her frailness never concealed her razor-sharp tongue, especially when we're alone together.

"Gboye and I had gotten married when, we met abroad, so I was already a mother of two when we came back home. The first time I met her, she became hostile as soon as her son left the room, and instead of being intimidated by her hostility, my back was up! Who did she think she was? I was in the kitchen when she'd whispered to Gboye that he should have married a more suitable wife-only she was loud enough for me to hear. On our way home, I'd warned that if she would continue to be unfriendly, I wouldn't visit any more. But Gboye pleaded I should be patient with her that she was just over-protective of him. 

Preventing preeclampsia in pregnancy

MOTUNRAYO JOEL - Nigeria

writes about preeclampsia, an ailment that affects pregnant women.

A pregnant woman

About five per cent of pregnant women experience preeclampsia after 20 weeks of gestation. It is a complication characterised by high blood pressure, edema (swelling) and protein in the urine.

Sufferers of this medical condition experience symptoms such as: blurred vision, headaches, and more than normal weight gain.

According to a consultant obstetrician/ gynaecologist, Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital, Dr. Gboyega Fawole, prenatal care, which includes, blood pressure monitoring, is very vital to every expectant mother, even if she appears very healthy.

"Monitoring an expectant mother's blood pressure is an important part of prenatal care because the first sign of preeclampsia is commonly a rise in blood pressure. Blood pressure, that is 140/90 or higher, and documented on two occasions, is abnormal. Also, it's possible to have symptoms of preeclampsia before 20 weeks of gestation, but this occurs only in rare cases. Preeclampsia usually begins after 20 weeks of gestation in a woman whose blood pressure has been normal. But a slight rise in blood pressure may be a sign of preeclampsia.

"The ailment can range from mild to severe, and it can progress slowly or rapidly. During screening, your doctors will check for the condition at every prenatal visit by checking blood pressure and urine sample for protein. The more severe the condition and the earlier it appears, the greater the risks for the mother and her baby. Most expectant mothers, who suffer from preeclampsia, develop a mild version near their due date, and they and their babies are still healthy with proper care," he said.

However, pregnancy induced high blood pressure or gestational high blood pressure is not preeclampsia. Gynaecologists have confirmed that a pregnancy-induced high blood pressure occurs, first, after the 20th week in pregnancy and this type of high blood pressure cannot translate to preeclampsia if protein is absent in urine after a test. Also, it is not preeclampsia if, six weeks after childbirth, the mother's blood pressure returns to normal.

Fawole submitted that when preeclampsia is severe, it could affect some organs and cause life-threatening complications, which is why the expectant mother needs to deliver early if her condition is diagnosed as severe or getting worse.

A husband's painful dilemma on paternity, infidelity

By Gloria Ogunbadejo - Nigeria

Gloria Ogunbadejo

A child's paternity has always been a topic of interest and many times of great contention in the African culture. In the western world if there is ever any doubt, a paternity test is the answer and the problem is solved. Within our culture, things are a little more complex than that. I have always been quite clear in my mind and unyielding about my position about a woman muddling or lying about the paternity of a child. I have always felt it cheats so many people and can lead to irreparable damage mostly in the life of the child. However, as I have gotten older and have had a taste of life's whip, I have mellowed somewhat, simply in the ability to have empathy that there are sometimes mitigating reasons for decisions to be made. Having said that from a moral point of view, it still feels very difficult a concept and in some cases it is unfathomable especially when it is just a deceit to cover up illicit activity. The letter I recently received from a reader is one of those complex situations when being judgemental feels inappropriate. What are your thoughts?

Dear Gloria,

I feel odd writing you this letter but I have been reading your column for a few years and I think you are mature and responsible. Besides I enjoy the topics you write on. I have to implore you not to use my personal details. I don't mind if you share with your readers because I'm sure there are many people who are in the same situation.

I am in my fifties and I have been married for over twenty five years. I am a successful well-educated professional. I am married to an equally successful woman that I love very much. She is a few years younger than me but it's not a problem, we are well suited. We had been trying to have children for many years and had not been successful until five years ago when we were blessed with a beautiful daughter. We were so happy and felt blessed. I had a medical condition diagnosed two years ago which was challenging but we managed to get it under control. During the process of treatment it was discovered that I had a problem and it meant I won't be able to father children. I was devastated but worse than that my daughter's paternity was called into question. I did not say anything to my wife. I just prayed on it and asked God to help me contain my feelings for the sake of my daughter. I love my daughter and I decided I would be the only father she will know. Obviously my wife will not want the truth to come out for her child's sake.

Real reasons women gain weight after wedding

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

Real reasons women gain weight after wedding

She used to be very slim, and her friends used to call her lepa (a slim person). In fact, the maximum weight she recorded before she got married was 35kg, even at 32 years, and by hereditary, she didn't look like someone who would likely grow fat because her parents and siblings had similar stature and outlook. But, soon after she got married, the story changed.

To the amazement of many, Blessing Michaels, who used to be compared to a broomstick by her friends and colleagues, became fat. Not only did she add weight, it became so obvious that some people thought she might have taken some pills, and anyone who never knew her would easily assume that she has always been fat.

But then, Blessing's story is similar to what many newlyweds experience, especially women. Apart from the attendant weight addition that comes with pregnancy, studies have shown that women, more than men, are likely to experience weight gain after wedding.

The question then is why do women add more weight after wedding? There have been many explanations for this, ranging from change in lifestyle, feeding habits and other factors, while some people also argue that semen deposit, occasioned by increased sexual intercourse, could make the woman add weight. The proponents of the latter theory argue that there are certain ingredients in the sperm that could make a woman add weight.

But, in a study by the Ohio State University in the United States, the researchers, who sought to know whether marital change (marriage and divorce) have any effect on weight gain, examined about 10,000 men and women aged between 14 and 22 between 1986 and 2008, to measure their weight gain in the two years after their marriage or divorce.

The participants were asked to comment about their health and noticeable weight changes yearly between the time they got married and about two years after marriage.

After examining the responses of the participants, it was found that women are more likely to put on weight after marriage, while men are more likely to add weight after a divorce. The researchers explain that there is an established relationship between weight and life events.

In giving reasons for the women's change in weight, the researchers add that apart from lifestyle, habits, diet and physical activity, women tend to have less time to exercise and stay fit, whilst eating well. They also found that women tend to focus on taking care of their husbands than focussing on themselves, noting that men who are divorcees tend to add more weight largely because of their lifestyle and feeding habit.

It notes that both married men and women are likely to gain weight compared to those who are unmarried, but that women are likely to add more weight than the men.

The researchers, sociology professor, Zhenchao Qian, and his doctoral student, Dmitry Tumin, said, "Clearly, the effect of marital transitions on weight changes differs by gender. Divorces for men and, to some extent, marriages for women promote weight gains that may be large enough to pose a health risk if unchecked.

How fatherhood before 25 raises early death risk

-The Guardian, Nigeria

Paul (who is one half of the Pop Star group Psquare) and his girlfriend
 Anita welcomed their child in the early hours of Thursday, April 11, 2013
 in an Atlanta hospital, United States (US), their publicist Bayo Adetu
disclosed PHOTO CREDIT: google.com

BECOMING a father before the age of 25 raises the risk of dying early in middle age, scientists have discovered.

The stress and financial burden of trying to look after a young family has a long term impact on the health of young fathers, research suggests.

The research was published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

While on average a man has one in 20 chance of death between the ages of 45 and 54, the risk rises by up to 73 per cent for men who had children aged 22 compared with those who fathered their first child at 25 or later.

The major causes of death were heart disease and diseases related to excess alcohol.

"The findings of our study suggest that the association between young fatherhood and mid life mortality is likely to be causal," said Dr Elina Eini, of the Population Research Unit, at the University of Helsinki, Finland.

"The association was not explained by unobserved early life characteristics shared by brothers or by certain adult characteristics known to be associated both with fertility timing and mortality.

"The findings of our study provide evidence of a need to support young fathers struggling with the demands of family life in order to promote good health behaviours and future health."

Researchers studied 30,500 men born between 1940 and 1950 who became fathers by the age of 45. They were then tracked from 45 until 54.

During the 10 year monitoring period around 1 in 20 of the men died.

Men who were fathers by the time they were 22 had a 26 per cent higher risk of death in mid-life than those who had fathered their first child when they were 25 or 26. Similarly, men who had their first child between the ages of 22 and 24 had a 14 per cent higher risk of dying in middle age.

Wish you were somebody else's wife?

YOU take one look at your marriage, shake your head and write-off the whole thing. When a woman is sad and her morale is at an all-time low, self-pity is the first demon that comes calling. It becomes difficult to see anything good in whatever is happening. She can't even remember the good, old times when she felt on top of the world and believed her husband was the best thing that ever happened to her. Those days when she handed down tips on how to make a marriage work so easily... but that was then, she would sigh.

When trouble looms or befalls a marriage or the woman is feeling gloomy, the next practical thing she begins to do is wishing she were somewhere else, somebody else's wife. She wonders how she ended up where she is. Didn't her mother warn her? And she almost didn't marry him o.

Well, a woman has no business envying her friend's marriage. Sounds cute but impracticable, ehn? Not exactly, but it happens all the time.

When things get tough in the home and a marriage seems to be giving way at the seams, the urge to compare your situation unfavourably with another's is quite high. Any wife who wants to be honest with herself will own up, to having fallen into that temptation once or twice.

Such escapist thoughts are the only things that fill her head. It suits her psyche. She adds all unlikely figures together and gets all the odd results. She'd see all the good things in her friend's marriage and not one enviable thing in her own.

If only she knows. If only we all know. Comparing your marriage with another is an unworthy occupation. It is a demeaning venture that does nothing for a woman's sense of self-worth. Why should you think your friend's marriage or husband is better than yours? No two marriages are alike and the recipe that works for one marriage more often than not, won't work for the other. Your friend married one man and you another.

How to revive your partner’s libido

Written by Bunmi Sofola - Nigeria

If your love-life is flagging, you're always advised to change your partner! A bit drastic, but it could be extremely inconvenient socially but one thing you definitely ought to try first in reviving your libido,is changing the background.

Many couples who have made love year after year in the same bed have discovered that their sex lives are mysteriously revitalized when they go on holiday or stay in a hotel. Although they may attribute it to rest and 'change in the air', the novelty of new surroundings is probably more instrumental in this revival of libido. Yet, not all of us could afford the luxury of a good holiday or the price of a decent hotel room.

The alternative is to redecorate your bedroom to create an erotic atmosphere by investing in larger beds, sexy sheets, and strategically placed mirrors. You can also try other rooms in the house that you do not usually think of as venue for sex, such as the bathroom or even the guest room! And the light from the TV set in the living room has been known to be quite romantic, and if you choose the right kind of erotic programme, this can also enhance your love-making!

If you find these methods a bit daunting, then think of a spur-of-the moment atmosphere. Like the great outdoor for instance!

There is something very exciting about going back to nature, making love among trees, long grass or with the sound of waterfalls on the beach in your ears! Unfortunately, there are certain hazards and you have to be wary of insect bites, stinging nettles, poison ivy and trigger-happy bush meat hunters with their dane guns, who sometimes shoot at anything that moves and only afterwards try to identify it. Sand in the works can also be very uncomfortable.

Another possible hazard of outdoor sex is discovery by the authorities-the over-zealous policeman always rapping on car-locked windows or kicking at writhing bodies! Sometimes ago, two British tourists were sentenced to jail for getting carried away by making love publicly on a Greek beach. Apparently, a crowd of several hundred spectators had gathered to watch the performance before the police arrived to spoil everybody's fun. Through all the 'friendly' encounter, argued the couple, no private citizen had deemed it fit to intervene as they might have done if the pair had been fighting, yet the court was totally unsympathetic to them!

Signs that a marriage is over

Written by Gloria Ogunbadejo  - Nigeria

 Gloria Ogunbadejo

I will be writing about psychological effects of relationship issues. I have chosen to do this at this time for a combination of reasons. I have recently received several letters from readers about very difficult and painful emotional experiences within their relationships.

Similarly, I also recently had a number of discussions with colleagues and friends about the same topic. Hence, I see this as a sign for me to explore it with you. I hope you find the information helpful or at the very least entertaining.

It goes without saying that relationships in the 21st Century are under tremendous strain, attack and are always at risk if the participants are not vigilant. Any relationship requires nurturing and attention. How much you put in and the application depends on the type of relationship. A reader sent me a very moving letter that pretty much touched on almost all the topics I will be covering in the near future. I have altered a few details to protect the reader's identity but her the story is every bit her own.

Dear Sister Gloria,

I certainly hope you will be able to help me because I am at my wits end and I actually think I am going crazy. Please do not use my real name or contact details, but I don't mind if you publish it as I am sure other people must be able to identify with it.

I have been married for close to twenty years and I have three children. I am a professional and so is my husband. We are not rich but we have managed to have a good life. When I first met my husband, I fell madly in love with him and I think I was more in love than he was. It didn't matter to me because I believed I had enough love for both of us and I thought I would not be able to live without him.

10 reasons Nigerian men run from marriage

Written by Olufemi Ajasa

Follow @OlufemiAjasa. 

When it comes to romance, Nigerian men are known to be actively engaging. Apart from their culture of carrying the financial burden of relationship with women, they harness every opportunity to appeal to their lovers, be it on social-network sites, in their respective offices, religious organizations, gym centers, parks, clubs among others. 

Despite the many romantic attributes that could be said of men in Nigeria, women still hold a contrary account about them. Predominant among the contrary views women hold against men here is that no matter how romantic they are, getting them to the altar for marriage could be very challenging.

So, what are those factors that scare Nigerian men away from marriage? We have tried to compile some reasons that make most men feel jittery to converse on 'Marriage' as topic, feel free to add yours if not in our list.

1. No wife materials

Common among some men is the reservation that there is scarcity of ‘wife-materials’ in Nigeria. In this case, they are not referring to ladies not being in quantifiable distribution among men, what they are complaining about is that most ladies of this generation lack the necessary attributes that will qualify them for the lifetime commitment called marriage. If this is the case, time of quality search can help heal the wound of such man.

2. They get sex freely without marriage than in time past

Realizing now that they can get sex more easily than in times past, when 'virginity' for women was a pass value to marriage, some men now feel lot of women today have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole. But, this might not be the fault of women as promiscuity is not an exclusive act than can be carried out without the consent of either gender.

3. Nigeria weddings are expensive

In a country where a man is expected to marry a woman in three different kinds of wedding- Religious, Traditional and Court, the cost of marriage no doubt is something men find very intimidating. As of last year, the average Nigeria wedding cost something like N500,000 and the it goes upward from that to more unimaginable cost. For most people, especially in this economy, that’s a lot of money. But all we advise is that men should try and cut their coat according to their material.

4. In search of a ‘working class’

Today, most Nigerian men are in search of a wife capable of sharingfinancial responsibilities with them. Gone are the days when menmarry ‘full-house-wives’, the increasing cost of living has tilted most men in favor of ladies who have a means of livelihood and willing to share with their man, the burden of building a home.

'Never Knew Such Men Existed Till I Had A Personal Experience With My Husband'

~The Guardian

I was 21 years of age when I gained admission into the university in the Western region of Nigeria. Before then was when I met this man I am married to now. He has, if not all, the best quality any good man would have: God- fearing, intelligent, handsome to mention but a few. Even with the little he had he made sure he shared them with me. After he graduated and served, he got a job and further trained me in the university. He proposed to me in my second year and we finally got married in my final year in school.

The devil played his part during this period. There was this guy I was seeing. At first, I only took him as a friend. Along the line, he said he wouldn't mind being a fling and the result was that I got pregnant for this guy even though I just got married. I was so confused that I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't tell anybody, even my friend, because I could not just trust anybody. And terminating it would not be an option. I had to tell my husband I was pregnant for him even though I knew I was committing a very big sin.

Yes, he beats me; yet, I love him

Written by Fola Ojo

Fola Ojo

She got out of her 1994 Nissan Sentra, hobbling. Some visible, though vanishing bruises around her left eye couldn't be concealed even with the heavy make-up she had on. She moaned and grimaced a bit as she shook my hands.

"What happened, girl?" I asked her curiously. "Nothing, Fola, nothing", she said, forcing a smile.

"What do you mean 'nothing'? You are shuffling and hobbling, and you want me to believe that there is nothing?"

She continued to force a dying smile that revealed a dying spirit and esteem inside of her. She was in pain; more of emotional discomfort than physical. What happened to my friend, I kept asking myself? Was she involved in an automobile accident or in a skiing mishap?

I quit trying to probe her; I felt she needed the privacy.

Four hours went by on that evening shift before she mustered the courage to open up to me.

"It's my husband, he hit me; he said he was going to kill me. I fought back, but you know him. He is stronger. I am tired, Fola. I am tired of this constant beating...but...."; she shook her head.

"But what"? I asked

"I love him, Fola. I love Andy. Yes, she beats me; but I love him."

WEDDING RING: African Clerics On Its Myth And Significance

'I Prefer To Use The Word Of God To Join Couples Rather Than A Ring'

Clerics

(Pastor (Dr.) Jacob E. Umoru, President, Lagos Atlantic Conference, Seventh-day Adventist Church in Nigeria)
ACTUALLY, from my understanding of God's word, wedding ring is not the true test of love. The foundation of marriage is still in the word of God. So, I prefer to use God's word to join couples rather than a ring. Ring is just outward, but once the word of God is accepted and practised, that will help the marriage to stand rather than ring. Sometimes, we use the ring and sometimes we don't. The reason is that if it is in a country where wearing wedding ring is a law, and you don't follow the rule, you may

be accused of not obeying the law. But ordinarily, we don't use the ring, which is not biblical. Wedding ring does not stop one from infidelity. It doesn't bestow the true sense of faithfulness, which is in the heart. This is why I believe that if people believe God's word and fear Him, ring or no ring, they will still honour God. They will be faithful to their marriage.
I am not going to condemn anybody, as those who practise it do so in accordance with their faith. We have a lot of problems in the world today because we dwell more on the outward. But God looks at the inward and if we accept God's word as well as obey Jesus Christ, we will be more faithful and not focus so much on the outward. Even with their wedding rings on, some people still go ahead to do whatever they like. I think the best thing is to be faithful to God's word and our hearts. Sometimes, people don't want to wear it because of the inconsistency. Some drop their wedding rings because they feel they are being caged. So, personally, I prefer that people hold fast to the word of God, which is the foundation of marriage.
--------------------------------------------
'It Reminds Couples That They Are Committed And Responsible As Well'
(Rev. (Dr.) Kayode Opadeji, Snr Pastor, First Baptist Church, Ikeja, Lagos)

AS you are talking with me right now, I am wearing my own. It is important and is a sign that has no beginning and ending. Here, we tell our members that their love has no beginning and no ending. In other words, it is expected that there shouldn't be any condition attached to it. Once you marry that woman or man, the two of you have to live together till death do you part. So, that understanding is from the Bible, which expects that a couple should live together forever even though some people may opt for divorce. This is not right because the Bible says in Malachi 1:16 that God hates divorce. So, we expect that the love that exists between couples should not give room for outsiders or third party to interfere. Aside this, since rings are made of gold that cannot rust, as it remains the same forever, a marriage should also be like that. Love should not disintegrate or diminish, but should remain the same. I have been wearing my wedding ring close to 19 years now.

How is your marriage doing?

Written by Gloria Ogunbadejo - Nigeria

Gloria Ogunbadejo

I spoke recently to several friends and clients who are either contemplating having an affair, are having affairs or simply feel indifferent to their spouses. In particular, I recently met an old friend who told me that her marriage of 15 years had come to an end, and she appeared to be in a complete fog as to how it had happened. As we went through the post-mortem of the marriage, it became clear that there were many signs along the way that should have been red flags for both of them.

Up to five years ago after their second child was born, my friend Jadesola (not her real name) had noticed not wanting to or enjoying having sex with her husband anymore. In addition, she said she found being in his company oppressive and increasingly felt unhappy with him.

While it is quite possible Jade might have been suffering from some form of post-partum depression since she noticed her problems started after her second child, it seemed many things happened over the years which they did not pay attention to.

Widowhood and re-marriage

The recent marriage of Edo State Governor, Comrade Adams Oshiomhole, to Lara Fortes five years after he lost his first wife, Clara, to cancer generated a lot discourse in the mass, social and online media. The discussions ranged from the sensible to the absurd. Some questioned his decision to remarry; others why he married a foreigner and some why he married a much younger woman. Some others had issues with Oshiomhole's complexion vis-a-vis the wife's. And did I read the "beauty and the beast" comparism? Some alleged that Oshiomhole's children were unhappy about his remarrying, even though some of the children attended the wedding, while one source quoted one of Oshiomhole's sons as calling the father's new wife a gold digger.

The burden of limelight is enormous. Widowers remarry everyday without raising dust; older men marry much younger women and they are commended for taking steps to recharge their old dying batteries. Nigerian men have been marrying foreign women since we came in contact with the outside world and it has become acceptable. When I got to Igbo land for the first time in the 80s, one of the cultural shocks I got was the large number of men married to taller women. Taller wives and shorter husbands were not many in Urhobo land where I grew up. Oshiomhole does all these and he is called unprintable names. Well, those knocking their heads on the wall can continue to do so while Oshiomhole savours his new found love.

My concern today is widowhood and remarriage. The last thing any happily married person wants is the loss of a spouse. This is not because the spouse or marriage is perfect (which spouse or marriage is) but because they have found some consistency and pattern and they are settled. They just want to get on with life. Death of a spouse becomes a major setback. Where both lives were intertwined, it leaves a massive void and life can easily become empty and meaningless.