Would you allow your daughter marry the son of an ex who jilted you?

By Juliet Ebirim - Vanguard, Nigeria.

Anozie and Ifeoma were very much in love. It was love at first sight and they've been together for four years. Ifeoma went on a two-months vacation and when she returned, she got the shock of her life, – the love of her life had replaced her with another woman. She was devastated as she didn't see it coming. Somehow, she went past it and had a daughter for another man. She is a grown woman today and she recently brought her fiance to meet her mother. The introduction date was set and guess who walked in as the future father-in-law? If you were Ifeoma, would you allow your daughter marry Anozie's son? These are the responses of some of our celebrities:

As a mother, it will be a hard decision to make - Yvonne Enakena, Actress

First of all, I will try to talk her out of it, but if she insists, I'll give her my blessings. Before that, I'll carry out an investigation on him to know the kind of person he is, if he deserves and genuinely loves my daughter. Truth is, people lead different lives. One person's character shouldn't affect another person negatively even if they are blood relatives. As a mother, it will be a hard decision to make. I will put up a fight to stop them, but if she insists that they want to be together, I'll let them be.

Religion can affect your psychology

Written by Adeoye Oyewole - Punch, Nigeria

Adeoye Oyewole

Most people think that psychiatry and religion have nothing in common. But the truth is that, historically, they have similar roots. The earliest psychiatrists were priests who stood their ground against inhuman treatment of the mentally challenged.

There were definite intervals in the medieval period when priests were wrongly involved in the care of the mentally ill, especially during the era of witch hunts, and when mental illness was caused by spirits that were exorcised in various ways, such as through burning, bleeding and purging.

These methods derived from the concept of spirit possession as being responsible for mental illness. However the period of renaissance intensified the humane treatment that led to the discovery of the antipsychotic drug, which is till date one of the greatest medical miracles of the early part of the 20th century.

This discovery finally put an end to speculations that the voices heard by the mentally ill belonged to the spirits that the priests were about to exorcise.

Modern psychiatry has advanced with the development of other methods, such as the use of psychological principles in the management of mental illness. Several models exist as underlying principles for psychotherapeutic intervention with enormous clinical value and advantage.

The untold vile of bride price

Written by Ada Chinyere Cummings

Phone:- 08020558188

Ada Chinyere Cummings, an activist and writer. 

The institution of bride price was carefully designed by some affectless tradition to cow the womankind into subjugation-weaving an intricate mat of destiny' pathway.This is often shrouded in intrigues and repression upon which she must tread. As a child, tradition pulled the usualwool of ignorance over us and compelled us to accept without questionwhatever we were told was the norm. 

Tacitly, I saw bride price as the spirit that joins the body-man and the soul-woman together in asolemn wedlock.It was the high point of any traditional wedding ritual.

For me, it was a sacred ritual as I never witnessed. First hand, the often messy divorce case.At a point, it became clearer to me that the female gender to a certain extent, has the same character-traits like Christ: long suffering, full of love and so unassuming. She is the tender and emotive part of man that was made flesh. God left a tiny, little fraction of this tender part in the man just for him to retain a semblance of human and humane feelings, else,he would degenerate into a complete animal, as I saw a man beat his pregnant wife almost to coma and others maltreat their wives and still, they humbly remain loyal in their husband's house.But as time went by, my belief in the solemnity of the ritual began to flag.

DEAR MEN: PLEASE DON'T EVER CONSIDER MARRYING THESE 10 TYPES OF WOMEN

Culled from Vital Extragist

http://www.viralxtragist.com/

1. The Chatterbox
This is the woman who never shuts up, barely stopping to breathe. Seemingly only concerned about what is going on in her life, she always has to make a comment about everything and dominates conversations.

2. The Desperate Chick
This type of woman will seem fantastic at first, until she starts talking about your wedding location, how many kids she wants and the name of your future dog–right after the first date! When a woman advances WAY faster than normal, watch out. She NEEDS a man so bad that she’s willing to put anybody in that slot, even the homeless
guy on the corner.

3. The Overly-Critical Woman
Anything you do for this type of woman is simply not good enough. Nothing seems to work unless it is done according to her standards. Anything that is said by anyone will be quickly taken out of context to become some sort of insult or some reason to wage war against the world. This type of woman has plenty of emotional baggage and will make you an angry and bitter person as there will be nothing but misery with her.
4. The Bimbo
This type of woman can’t obtain a GED but has managed to secure a PhD in the science of the bedroom. This is an intellectually challenged woman who looks great but, in all honesty, shouldn’t open her mouth. Her skills are unquestionably only rooted in the physical realm and unless you’re just after one-night stands, you do not want to bring a stupid girl home to meet Mom and Dad. The majority of girls you see on the streets everyday fall into this category,

5. The High Maintenance Chick
If this type of woman breaks a nail, she expects you to drop everything you’re doing to drive her to the salon immediately. Her daddy always told her she was a princess and she expects to be treated like one at all times. She has expensive taste and expects you to shower her with only the best things and take her out to posh places on a regular basis. If you don’t have a lot of money and a penchant for luxury, don’t even bother.

Volcanic eruptions and climate change!

Written by Kayode Adeoye, an oil and gas expert.

A volcanic eruption occurs when hot materials like lava, rocks, dust ash and gas escape from the earth's crust through vents to the lithosphere. Some derisively refer to volcanic eruptions as Mother Nature's way of farting! Due to the seriousness of the matter, the effects of climate change on the environment have been analyzed over the last two DrillBytes' columns. In a report conducted by a team of geophysicists of the University of Geneva and released 31 August, 2015 (Estimates of volcanic-induced cooling in the Northern Hemisphere over the last 1,500 years), the analysis of the impact of volcanic eruptions over the climate was eruditely explained. This impact, which is the focus of the column this week, concludes DrillBytes' trilogy on climate change.

Large volcanic eruptions inject considerable amounts of sulphure in the stratosphere which, once converted into aerosols, block sun rays and tend to cool the surface of the earth down for several years. An international team of researchers has just developed a method, published in Nature Geoscience, to accurately measure and simulate the induced drop in temperature. Considered the most important volcanic event of the 20th century, the eruption of Mount Pinatubo (June 1991) injected 29 million tons of sulphure dioxide in the stratosphere and provoked a global cooling of 0.40C on average.

To quantify the temporary cooling induced by the largest eruptions over the last 1,500 years, whose magnitude exceeded Mount Pinatubo's, scientists usually adopt two approaches: Dendroclimatology which relies on the analysis of tree-ring based proxies and climate model simulations in response to the volcanic particles effect. But until now, these two approaches delivered results that were quite contradictory, and this prevented scientist from accurately assessing the impact of major volcanic eruptions on climate. Simulations showed greater (between two and four times higher) and longer cooling than dendroclimatic reconstructions. This gap even led some geophysicists to doubt the capacity of tree-ring based proxies to measure the impact of past major volcanic events in climate and to question the models' ability in simulating precisely the climate response to strong volcanic impacts.

Reconstruction of observational proxy and model evidence Today, researchers from the University of Geneva (UNIGE), Switzerland, the Institut Pierre Simon Laplace, IRD, the French Alternative Energy Commission (CEA) and the national center for scientific research (CNRS), France have managed to reconcile the two approaches and developed a method to evaluate accurately the consequence of future high-magnitude eruptions on climate to better anticipate their impact on our societies.

Does He Want To Commit?

Written by By Kemi Amushan - The Guardian, Nigeria. 

A FRIEND of mine recently shared her frustrations with her long-distance boyfriend and the fact that he keeps coming up with reasons to put off their relationship and commitment.

There are things he needs to accomplish before he can consider marriage, he tells her. Even though she loves him and wants a life with him, she is uncertain of whether to be patient and hang in there, in the hope he will come around, or give up on the relationship and move on.

This is a common dilemma lots of us face when dealing with a guy who avoids commitment. Such men are called commitment phobic men. He is not able to or does not want to engage in a long-term, committed relationship. Commitment phobics generally fear a loss of control and autonomy. As long as they remain single, they have no one to answer to and no one to be responsible for, other than themselves. Some commitment phobics even have a fear of intimacy i.e getting too close to someone emotionally.

Some people have said that the source of these fears is often the result of issues they experienced growing up. It could have been a controlling or critical parent or a volatile or broken marriage he witnessed between his parents. The list is endless.

Whatever the source of his issues, he avoids marriage like a vampire avoids the sun – as if the mere mention of it might kill him. A commitment phobic man can fall into one of these categories.

The Distancer

With this type of commitment phobic the relationship may seem perfectly normal at first. But as soon as you start to become too “in to him” or express any kind of expectations of him or the relationship, he begins to pull back and distance himself. The more you try to “pursue” the more he will pull away. Distancers have a fear of someone invading their privacy and/or trying to control them; it is about protecting their emotional and physical space. Many times with a distancer, if you stop pursuing and begin to distance yourself from him, he will sense that the threat level is down and suddenly call and want to go out with you again.

You must not equate excessive jealousy with love!

~Vanguard, Nigeria. 

AT a recent funeral reception this male face tried catching my eye and when he did he would smile. I gave a tentative smile after a while and he sauntered over to my table. "Sunkanmi?", I asked, the penny finally dropping! I'd known him for ages. I got to know him through a very dear friend and we were often going out in a group. His girlfriend, Dora, worked with an airline and was always travelling.

In spite of having a thriving business, Sunkanmi seemed to have all the time for Dora. He was virtually her shadow – you seldom saw one without the other. His attention was so stifling that Dora was getting fed up with his unfounded jealousy.

"His kind of love is turning into something sinister," Dora confessed a few years into their being a couple. We were out to lunch, her treat, as she wanted my opinion

on how to handle this dark side of her man. "I know he loves me", she continued, "and treats me like a princess. The only problem is his jealousy. I daren't keep in touch with male friends and colleagues as it is just not worth the interrogation.

Even in our group, being too friendly with our male friends was a total no-no. As you are well aware I hardly go out without him, yet I'd never cheat on him because I love him. I've tried everything I could to prove that I love him and I'm at the end of my tether. Maybe you have some ideas on how I could handle this?"

Was she asking me how she could prove her trustworthiness as if she were the one at fault here? Well she was! I assured her she wasn't to blame for her man's insecurity and that she was bending over backwards so as not to rock the boat. Her man might be her soul mate, but he was excessively jealous when he had no reason to be. It might have been acceptable for him to be a bit anxious at the start of the relationship, but after two years together, he ought to be feeling secure.

He might love her, but it was the possessive type of love. Because of him, she's cut off most of her friends and given him far too much control over her life, all in an effort to make him happy. I reminded her that I'd walked down that path before and the fact we were sitting down to lunch and discussing it showed she knew her relationship wasn't healthy.

The answer wasn't to carry on tip-toeing round him. It's to make him realize the reasons he gets so edgy were nothing to do with her or her actions. Perhaps in the past, other people had let him down; maybe family friends or previous partners had betrayed him – so he was extra wary in relationships. Or perhaps he didn't feel he was good enough for her, was scared she'll find someone better, so he was overtly anxious all the time.

Why are men abandoning their homes?

Written by Niran Adedokun - Nigeria. 

Niran Adedokun

Penultimate Sunday in church, I heard a story that made my stomach turn. While trying to encourage members of The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, to invite men to Discovery for Men, a quarterly interdenominational gathering of men started by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya in 1997, Mr. Taiwo Akinlami, a Lagos-based lawyer and rights activist, noted that this was an extraordinarily difficult time for men and families.

To explicate this point, Akinlami said that the confusion of this season was making a lot of men abandon their homes, either to live with other women or just dropping off the radar without a care for the wife and children at home.

He told his listeners that he was privy to many of such cases and he graciously shared one mind-blowing instance, in which a man left his wife and children and disappeared without a trace.

One day, months after he left home, his wife and children while driving on the Lekki-Epe Expressway, saw a man who looked like their erstwhile champion in the company of another woman. They were said to have caught up with him at the tollgate where the wife deliberately ran into the car he was driving, just to get his attention.

When he came out of the car and his family accosted him, he was said to have flatly denied knowing the people accusing him of abandonment. But his accusers did not let off until they were all dragged to a nearby police station!

These are indeed very unusual times in our world, the beginning of a very awkward moment in Nigeria as this trend is not new, especially to countries in the western world.

An article entitled, “The extent of fatherlessness”, recently published by The National Centre for Fathering, a United States-based nonprofit, suggests that over 20 million children currently live in homes without a father in the US. The article further indicates that there are millions of other homes where fathers are physically present without any emotional commitments.

Another article with the title, “The 9 devastating effects of the absent father”, published last June on www.thefathercode.com, suggests that about 40 per cent of children in the western world go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. It adds: “Before they reach the age of 18, more than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers…”

Medical treatment abroad

culled from http://www.hmcisrael.com/

The popularity of Medical treatment abroad is expanding globally mainly due to its greater capacity to provide safe, high quality treatments to those who cannot receive comparable care in their country of origin; many turning to India and Israel.

Medical Tourism once broadly focused on provision of health care and emergency treatment provided by higher-income countries to less developed nations, has since expanded to include patients from many parts of the world to countries with the full range of health care system infrastructure and modernity. Medical Tourism (MT) has become particularly popular in the United States, mainly due to high living costs and costly health services and care. In the United States, a staggering 50 million people are uninsured and over twice as many are uninsured for dental care. Nevertheless, insurance may not cover specific treatments and many are unable to meet the financial requirements specified for medical procedures that they require.

Therefore, Americans have many reasons for seeking treatment elsewhere - since it has also become easier over time to receive the treatment they need that is on average 30% cheaper than in the United States. They can also receive the quality and safety that equals national standards for the very same procedure. Furthermore, patients reap the benefits of getting medical care and treatment while they travel and vacation.

In the modern MT industry, international patients can be rest-assured that in nearly all countries, patients receive quality treatment in the same hospitals that also serve the local population. Services are provided by licensed professionals who maintain international accreditations that adherence to strict medical protocols.

MT is forecasted to expand even further, becoming an increasingly global phenomenon. Along with its growth, affordable and highly sophisticated diagnostic tools that guide the development of innovative treatments. Renowned specialists work with international patients; contributing to the growth of the industry and its success through expertise in specific branches of medicine. Today, an astounding 7 million people have travelled the globe for medical services for procedures like heart transplants to cosmetic surgery and dental care.

How low can you sink just because you're in love?

~Vanguard

From time to time,readers of this column have texted to find out if some stories are 'really true'. Riyike's story is a stranger-than-fiction type which sent me, a self-confessed seen-it-all, reeling with indignation at how stupid some people would stoop to keep a love they are obsessed with. According to Riyike, when she met Ben five years ago, he was on the rebound.

His girlfriend of three years suddenly threw him over for a man she confessed she was in love with. "It was obvious that Ben was still hurting from the humiliation of rejection," said Riyike.

"I had gone to the accounting firm 'he worked with for my one-year attachment programme from the polytechnic I attended and he was more or less my direct boss. He was happy to show me the ropes and we went to the office canteen together often.

"He talked a lot about his ex, how much he loved her, how much time and money he'd lavished on her; and how she had no guts to tell him about her new find until someone sent him a text anonymously, that she was virtually sleeping in his 'house! Armed with an address from the text, be laid siege at the man's house and it didn't take time for both of them to walk in together.

She didn't come out all the four hours he waited for her to do so. When she visited the next day and he confronted her, she was really angry that 'he'd been 'spying' on her. Now that 'he'd found out, what did he intend to do? Beat her up? Have her arrested? She then flounced off in a huff. He tried to win her back, 'but she said she was happy with her new love.

"When you see someone long enough, they sort of grow on you and it didn't take time for both of us to become an item. We went to parties together and visited each other once in a while. Inevitably, we started a relationship and he confessed it was over with Kadijat, his ex. I eventually moved in with him against my mother's wish.

Pope Francis and the tug of values

Written by Minabere Ibelema - Nigeria. 

Minabere Ibelema 

During his visit to the United States last week, Pope Francis addressed a joint session of the United States Congress. It is an honour that is extended to just a few people who are distinguished in some way. That is, people such as Popes. Yet, Pope Francis is the first pope to be accorded that honour, and that is not an accident.

Sure, the United States is one of the most religious countries in the Western world. Virtually every member of the U.S. Congress has a religious affiliation - mostly Christian - and about 69.4 million Americans are Catholic. Still, in a sense, the Pope is the antithesis of what the United States formally stands for. The political revolution that became the United States is in essence the culmination of the revolt against papal authority that began with Martin Luther's 95 theses in 1517.

Now, however, the US Congress-the formal representation of the American people-now share considerable bond with the pope. Perhaps, more than any other institutions in the world, they embody the tug between tradition and a moral order on the one hand and modernity and freewheeling values on the other. It is a tug that is at the heart of modern history, and it shows no signs of easing up.

For share convenience, let's begin with the Protestant Revolution, otherwise known as the Reformation. When Luther posted his 95 theses on the door of a theological seminary in Wittenberg, Germany, where he was a priest and professor, he was doing the unthinkable: taking on the most powerful authority in the world at the time.

During the periods of the inquisitions - lasting from the mid-13th century to the early 19th- the death penalty or long-term imprisonment was the fate of heretics, people whose beliefs deviated from church doctrines. Meanwhile, the church raked in much money from the sale of "indulgences" as the means of forgiveness of sins.

That, more than anything else, was what infuriated Luther and led to his courageous call for reform and an improbable standoff with the Pope. The resulting schism engendered the Protestant movement, the breakaway of congregations from Catholicism and papal authority.The Church of England did so on and off between 1534 and 1555, when it permanently established its own separate identity, incorporating the ethos of the Reformation while retaining much of Catholicism.

You can have male friends without sleeping with them!

~ Vanguard Nigeria. 

Women are often their worst enemies.Throw a bunch of them together and you find intrigues, envy and hatred fouling the relationship. That is why a lot of women today find it less stressful to have one or two male friends to relate with. They've simply discovered that a feisty friendship with an heterosexual man is stimulating to the brain, soul and it does their social life a world of good. Moire so when such women are single parents, divorced or just 'senior' girls.

Some ten years ago, Nike finally drew the curtains on a marriage that was most bewildering to her most of the time. "What had brought back my self-esteem to a semblance of normalcy are my male friends", she said. "I'm all for the championship of platonic friendship.

Throughout my marriage, my ex constantly sneered at my divorced friends and why they would forever be on the shelf. The unmarried ones, according to him, were wayward and had dated so many men they'd missed husband materials amongst such men. So, after my divorce, I was happy to reconnect with my male friends and was surprised their partners see me as no threat to the stability of their marriage.

"Thanks to one or two close ones, I was able to pick up the pieces of my life. They introduced me to reputable clients and my law firm is doing really well.

We recently dabbled into estate management. My husband has remarried and I wish him well, my kids are doing well, but in spite of all this, he seems to be wearing his disapproving look whenever I see him. It's true what they say after all that success is the best form of revenge…

"It's a fact that you get an understanding of men from being friends with them. You can discuss things with male friends that could be very charged inside a romantic relationship. 

Relationship with in-laws can make or break your marriage

Written by Elizabeth Badejo - Nigeria. 

One of the fundamental challenges newly wedded couples are most likely to face in the early stage of their marriage is how to manage their in-laws. The relationship between every couple and their in-laws is very important to the success of their marriage, especially their involvement and emotional support in troubled times. On the other hand, when a good relationship is lacking, it can certainly cause friction between the couple and their in-laws.

There may also appear to be a divided loyalty between your newly consummated marriage and some key members of your spouse's family when certain steps are not taken before you make that life changing commitment. In-laws are very important people in the lives of every couple but they can also create hostility and stress between spouses who have emotional and psychological loyalties to their own certain members of their families.

Gender differences

There are some gender differences between men and women when it comes to managing relationships with in-laws and men find it easier to build a relationship with their in-laws in respective of their age or character. Women on the other hand evaluate relationships differently as they are more likely to get emotionally involved with their in-laws and sometime take up responsibilities for them in order to safeguard their marriage.

Get a life

In-laws play a very significant role in the marriage process and their encouragement and support cannot be underestimated but unfortunately, it is not impossible to witness a reversal of that role just months into the wedding too.

How to protect your information online

IFE ADEDAPO writes on ways to strengthen cybersecurity

The Central Bank of Nigeria estimates that about N40bn has been lost by Nigerian banks to cybercrimes in recent times.

Organisations and prominent individuals are also victims of the tactics of fraudsters online while these activities cost businesses huge sums of money and affect their overall performance.

According to experts, the fight against cybercrime globally can only be made possible if a robust information security policy framework exists.

But as the frequency and costs of security incidents continue to rise, a survey by PricewaterhouseCoopers found that many organisations have not updated critical information security processes, technologies, and employee training needed to combat cybercrimes.

The report titled, 'The global state of information security,' states that in some cases, it appears that information security programmes have weakened due to inadequate investments in it.

It adds that the financial costs of investigating and mitigating online financial crime incidents grow year over year.

The report notes that the total number of security incidents detected by respondents rose to 42.8 million in 2014, an increase of 48 per cent from 2013.

Taking a longer view, the survey data shows the compound annual growth rate of detected security incidents has increased 66 per cent year over year since 2009.

According to the survey, these numbers are by no means definitive, however; they represent only the total incidents detected and reported.

"It is important to note that many organisations are unaware of attacks, while others do not report detected incidents for strategic reasons or because the attack is being investigated as a matter of national security," it says.

Employees, third parties are insider threats

The report notes that former and existing employees in organisations play active role in the breach of information security.

It adds, "Compromises by insiders - current and former employees, as well as third parties with trusted network access - continue to rise, but many organisations have not implemented processes and technologies to address internal incidents.

Catholics can now remarry after divorce, but they must not have sex, say Cardinals

Pope Francis

~ The Tribune, Nigeria.

Divorced Roman Catholics should be able to remarry, but only if they abstain from having sex, a prominent group of cardinals said on Thursday. The 'no sex' rule would ensure that divorcees who get married again are properly contrite before they are allowed back into the fold of the Church, they said. The proposal was put forward by a group of 11 senior Catholic leaders in a backlash against Pope Francis' attempt to give divorcees a fast-track route to forgiveness by the Church. It is likely to add to the confusion and pain felt by many divorced Catholics, who are excommunicated if they remarry without first having their original marriage annulled by the Church. 

Pope Francis' reforms, announced this week, are designed to make it simpler, cheaper and much quicker to get a marriage annulment. But conservative Catholics believe that easing the way to annulments will undermine the teaching that marriage is for life and encourage more divorce. The 11 cardinals are to put their arguments in a book to be released next week by a San Francisco publishing house run by the same Jesuit tradition to which Francis himself belongs. Eleven Cardinals Speak on Marriage and the Family will call for stern laws on marriage and annulment to remain, and for Catholic teaching on lifelong marriage to be strengthened. 

It urges caution before the rules on annulments are eased. One of the 11, Cardinal Carlo Caffarra of Bologna, said that easing the rules for couples who are divorced and remarried "is the mistaken pity of an incompetent or weak physician who contents himself with bandaging wounds without treating them." 

Are you depending on your children?

Written by Usiere Uko

Email: atusiere@gmail.com 

Website: www.financialfreedominspiration.com. 

Twitter @usiere

Phone: 0810678808106788187 text only

BBM C002B2697

Author and personal finance coach, Usiere Uko, writes about the need to plan for your old age so that you do not depend solely on your children to take care of you

There is this belief that we came into the world as helpless as children, became adults and at attaining old age become helpless like children again. This implies that one will become frail and helpless, depending on others for survival. While this is true for many who simply go with the flow and let nature take its course, there are also some who live life intentionally, taking care of their health, fitness level and finances such that they go through life on their own terms, depending on nobody. I have come across many 80 year olds who are fit as a fiddle, walking with agility without a walking stick. I watched a 97 year old lady Tao Porchon-Lynch wow the crowd in America's Got Talent 2015.

I also read the story of an Indian-born British citizen Fauja Singh who at age 101 ran the 2012 London Olympics marathon (received a letter of congratulations from the Queen), and finally retired in 2013 after completing the Hong Kong marathon. Many never retire. They don't work because they have to. They work because they love to, and still have more to give. The oldest employee of IDEO, a Silicon Valley IT firm Barbara Beskind is 90. Closer home, examples include Rotimi Williams (first Senior Advocate of Nigeria), Tai Solarin and living examples like Wole Soyinka etc. These folks love what they do and keep working until the day before they bid the planet goodbye. This proves to me that we have a choice in this matter, if we choose to exercise it.

I have often wondered why parents send their children to schools they cannot afford. A couple of days ago, my wife shared a cartoon with me. In the cartoon, a man lay dazed on the floor after his wife delivered devastating news - the holidays are almost over and school fees are due. I have run into many lamentations by many parents over school fees, coupled with the fact that it comes in waves of three to four months apart, as you manage to survive one, another one is upon you. Many are in a constant state of financial pressure occasioned by choices they made by their own free will. Nobody put a gun to their head, but they still don't seem to figure a way out.

Why do parents send their children to schools they cannot afford?

Many hide under the umbrella of 'God will provide'. It is very convenient to hide under God, making a decision based on hope. God will always provide, by paying for things he ordered for. If he did not send you, you are on your own. By the way, why put pressure on other people for things God ordered for? The logical person to put pressure on should be God. We need to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. By taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions, we also take responsibility for making it right. If you cannot afford all the schools in your neighborhood, it means you cannot afford to live in that neighborhood. Eat the humble pie and find your level.

A woman's territorial integrity

WHY would a woman leave her matrimonial home just because her husband is taking a second wife? Is that a stupid question, an unfeeling, insensitive one? Because from where I'm standing, I think it is dumb and defeatist for a wife who has laboured in her husband's vineyard for years to abandon the fruits of her labour just because 'Chairman' has decided to bring his sweet 16 home. And I hear women do it these days. Very annoying too.

This is one of the repercussions of going into marriage without shock absorbers. If a woman is not prepared for the thorns that come with the bed of roses, every storm will throw her. Now, I am the first to admit that the sight and or sound of a second wife is perhaps one of the biggest storm difficult to weather in marriage. It is like your husband telling you that you are no longer enough woman or good enough for him. A new wife feels like your replacement, like your nemesis. You begin to wonder what you didn't do and where you went wrong. If you had not met her, you send friends, siblings to check her out. Is she more beautiful?

Is she richer? Is your husband tired of a school teacher wife and prefers this new corporate executive? All the answers most likely will leave you feeling less than a woman. And all of them are lies of the devil. You are still a great woman, a wonderful wife. Your husband is the one who has changed. He's the one who is not as great or wonderful as he used to be to you. He needs revalidation that he is still attractive and a long-distance runner in bed. He has issues with his libido, self esteem and inborn greed for variety. Tell yourself it is not you because most of the time a man needs no excuse to stray or take second wife.

He just wants what he wants. An incoming second wife is not just a headache but a blinding migraine. The first wife has every right to hurt and she should not bottle it up either. Cry in your closet. Never in the open. Don't curse your husband because he will always be your husband. What is the use of a cursed husband anyway? You need to consider all the bills he still has to pay and his conjugal duties. Hmmm, don't revoke his license to your bed. You can suspend the license. You can amend his rights but what the heck, you don't want to try another third leg at this age, do you? When your anger and aggro are over and dealt with, it is better to return to familiar terrain with twists and turns you know how to navigate.

If your spouse bed-wets on your wedding night, what will you do?

Written by Jesusegun Alagbe - Punch, Nigeria

Adediwura, Adeleke and John

One might think bedwetting is only a preserve for children, but recent researches have shown that bedwetting among adults is a top secret that is discussed in hushed tones or better still, never revealed. Urologists at the Bladder and Bowel Foundation recently stated that one in 100 adults will be affected by bedwetting at some point during their lifetime and that it often runs in families. It is against this backdrop that some Nigerians were asked what they would do if their spouses bed-wetted on their wedding night:

I'd feel highly embarrassed

Adeleke Adeoluwa

It depends on what made her to bed-wet, because I know that too much of alcohol can make someone to bed-wet. Also, if one is on anti-inflammatory drugs, one can bed-wet. If it's beyond the ordinary, then I will know what to do. But I'll definitely look at the antecedent - at least we must have been together for some time before we went into wedding. If it happened before the wedding night, I wouldn't have married her. But if I discovered on our wedding night, then I would feel highly embarrassed and ask her reasons why she did that. All the same, it's her problem which I think we can find solution to. I wouldn't chase her out.

I'll make him stop taking water at night

Rosemary Willie

That kind of man will turn one into a dry-cleaner almost every day. It is not a funny matter because it is happening, not to me, though. I cannot imagine this happening because it will be like a dream to me. But what will I do? Maybe I will ask him to stop drinking water and other drinks at night. I hope this helps him.

I wouldn't know what to do

Olawale Folarin

That is a serious one. I remember that as a child, our parents would always do all they could to ensure that we stopped that habit. It is a very bad one and to see that my spouse, who is an adult, bed-wets on our wedding night, it is going to make me to be speechless. I don't want to even imagine it. Will I scold her or just let her be? Seriously, I don't even know.

Can you afford to educate your children abroad?

Written by 'Nimi Akinkugbe - Nigeria

Email: info@moneymatterswithnimi

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Nimi Akinkugbe has extensive experience in private wealth management. She seeks to empower people regarding their finances and offers frank, practical insights to create a greater awareness and understanding of personal finance.

For thousands of Africans studying abroad as well as the thousands aspiring to join them, the devaluation of the currencies is a major setback and will inevitably force parents to reconsider their children's overseas education plans. Here are a few ideas to consider as you navigate the challenges of the increased education costs.

The key to successfully educating children is preparation and planning from their earliest years. Many parents do not plan for this huge expense until the bills are almost due. Putting in place an educational savings plan with direct debits from your current account to an appropriate investment vehicle will help keep plans on track.

By some estimates, annual increases in education costs can be as high as 10% to 15%. An education-planning calculator helps you to visualise various scenarios assuming savings over a period of time. It will help you to determine how much to put into the education fund on a regular basis in order to meet a particular goal. You can create different scenarios by entering different data as appropriate. Remember to factor in exchange rate changes if your children are to be educated abroad.

Are all your savings and investments in local currency? Exposure to a diversified currency portfolio typically reduces exchange rate risk. It is important, particularly if you have obligations in foreign exchange to hold some foreign currency in your domiciliary account, or in a diversified portfolio consisting of bank deposits, bonds, mutual funds and real estate.

Remittances for school fees, student maintenance allowances, Business Travel Allowance (BTA), and Personal Travel Allowance (PTA), are among the eligible requests for foreign exchange that shall be fully met by The Central Bank at the official/interbank exchange rate.

Scholarships and grants are often overlooked by parents. From your children's earliest years you may have identified a unique skill or talent, sporting, artistic or academic, making them eligible to compete for scholarships. Scholarships may be tied to a particular field of study or may require that a certain standard of performance be maintained throughout the student's enrollment. They may not cover the entire school fees bill but will certainly offset some of the expenses.