~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 18, 2016.
IT was a little incident, but it opened the floodgate of nostalgia, I'd arrived late at a wedding reception and was ushered to what looked like the high table. The groom's mother is a close friend. I sensed rather than saw this look of disapproval burning into my scalp. I turned, and there she was – Dolapo's wife. I held her gaze and gave as much hostility as she emitted. She promptly looked away. How long ago was it? Over 20 years at least. I'd met Dolapo on a flight from abroad when he wangled his way to the empty seat by my side in first class. Those were the good old days!
The goodies I didn't want jostled about in the haul was deliberately perched on the empty seat next to mine. I had to shift for Dolapo to sit down. It later expired that the seat was booked in his assistant's name but he quickly nudged the poor man towards his own seat so he could sit next to me. I wasn't really interested in what he had to say. Someone else had treated me to this holiday and I'd had fun. Then I noticed he was a picky eater. First, he didn't touch the individual pot of caviar that was served with the starter. Then the lobster in his main dish was left untouched. "I'm allergic to sea food," he whined. Deftyly, I scooped the lobster on to my plate and retrieved the pot of caviar.
"That moment you stole my food," Dolapo later boasted, "I knew I would get my pound of flesh!" And he was a very easy person to love. In spite of his position, he conducted our affair as if he were single. Our social outings were very public and once or twice, his private driver had hinted I should ask him to be a bit careful, that whenever he sent him to mine, it was always within ear- short of the poor wife.
What exactly was I supposed to do? From the little he told me, his marriage obviously wasn't up to much. What was more, I was almost divorced, I had no irate husband to worry about. We were together every opportunity we had and the man's appetite for sex was insatiable! It was as if he couldn't have enough of me. Even when we were apart, I had one of these cordless phones with a very wide range as mobiles weren't in vogue then. I took the phone everywhere I went and became a laughing stock with my friends.
Still, Dolapo's wife's ghost was always there. I saw both of them together a few times in the dailies and she fitted my image of a dull, frumpy wife. Even the wig she always had on looked like a badly used mop. I was never a frumpy dresser and for him, I pushed the boat out a bit – wearing really flattering gears any time we were together. And he often spent the night too – his martyr of a wife never questioned him and they had separate bedrooms.
Afrisonet: Universally African and Socially Responsible. We are on the path to the total discovery of the people in today's Africa. Repositioning, to have a way, a say and to make a difference! Be Part.
Showing posts with label Matters Arising. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matters Arising. Show all posts
Challenges facing African males in America
~The SUN Nigeria. Thursday, July 21, 2016
THE axiom, 'when death do us part,' is no longer obtainable in marriages of African immigrants, particularly Nigerians in America. Meanwhile, Nigerian marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate in major cities in the United States with a large concentration of Nigerian. Thus, Dallas seems to be the divorce capital for Nigerians in the United States. Some argue that Houston has recently overtaken Dallas in marriage breakups.
However, based on anecdotal information, one in every five marriages among Nigerians in the Dallas metropolitan area is broken. Many more are cued in various courthouses or are on the verge of exploding. Among Nigerian community, marriage is no longer sacred; it is unfortunately denigrated and defiled and we regrettably watch helplessly as many of them go over the cliff. As a result, some people, both males and females are now in their second or third marriages-no pun intended.
In the process, the African male tempered chauvinistic attitude has been diminished by the American culture and law, a favorable phenomenon to women when it comes to conjugal dissolutions. This phenomenon seems to paralyze the African males, particularly the Nigerian men, to the degree of total submission and hopelessness when it comes to asserting themselves as the head of the household in situations where the wives have taken complete control.
Unlike in Africa where a man could resolve a marital problem by simply marrying another woman without getting a divorce from the current one, the American law prohibits such practice. In the US, bigamy is against the law-well, except in some parts of Utah where some members of religious sects roam with more than one wife.
The bigamy law seems to be a chokehold on African men whose pride and arrogance have been checkmated by the American law and culture. These men feel frustrated and hopeless contending with the aspect of the American culture that deprives them of the opportunity to have more than one wife here.
THE axiom, 'when death do us part,' is no longer obtainable in marriages of African immigrants, particularly Nigerians in America. Meanwhile, Nigerian marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate in major cities in the United States with a large concentration of Nigerian. Thus, Dallas seems to be the divorce capital for Nigerians in the United States. Some argue that Houston has recently overtaken Dallas in marriage breakups.However, based on anecdotal information, one in every five marriages among Nigerians in the Dallas metropolitan area is broken. Many more are cued in various courthouses or are on the verge of exploding. Among Nigerian community, marriage is no longer sacred; it is unfortunately denigrated and defiled and we regrettably watch helplessly as many of them go over the cliff. As a result, some people, both males and females are now in their second or third marriages-no pun intended.
In the process, the African male tempered chauvinistic attitude has been diminished by the American culture and law, a favorable phenomenon to women when it comes to conjugal dissolutions. This phenomenon seems to paralyze the African males, particularly the Nigerian men, to the degree of total submission and hopelessness when it comes to asserting themselves as the head of the household in situations where the wives have taken complete control.
Unlike in Africa where a man could resolve a marital problem by simply marrying another woman without getting a divorce from the current one, the American law prohibits such practice. In the US, bigamy is against the law-well, except in some parts of Utah where some members of religious sects roam with more than one wife.
The bigamy law seems to be a chokehold on African men whose pride and arrogance have been checkmated by the American law and culture. These men feel frustrated and hopeless contending with the aspect of the American culture that deprives them of the opportunity to have more than one wife here.
SEX IS GOD'S IDEA: SEXUALITY IN GOD'S KINGDOM ON EARTH
Written by Rev. Dr. Adenike Yesufu
Email: ayesufu@yahoo.ca
World Health Organization says that sex occurs more than 100 million times everyday around the world. For all its frequency, sex remains a private, personal, intensely individual and complex matter in people's lives and in many cultures. God in the Garden of Eden inaugurated heterosexual relationship when He gave Eve to Adam. The Bible introduces sex.
The Bible celebrates sex. Forget the apple narrative; sex is given for procreation and for pleasure. All societies control sexuality. All societies have social norms that grant approval to certain sexual behavior and disapproval of others. No society grants unrestricted sexual liberties. Even as sexuality is God's gift to human beings, God places limitations on sexual practices, not to cause discomfort for His creatures but to ensure that physical relations are the most special and unique expression of love and trust a human being can bestow on one another. God's limitations on sex are positive. Without limitations, sex becomes mere performance and everything is devalued.
However, in the fast-paced world of today, sex seems to be on everybody's mind and lips. Malcolm Muggeridge says Society has sex on its brain; it is a very uncomfortable place to have it. I remember The Thorn Birds, the movie based on the novel by Colleen McCullough. I also remember Richard Chamberlain's excellent performance as Father Ralph. Many people see the Thorn Birds as a love story. However, I see a priest's intense struggle with his Spirituality (his love for God) and his Sexuality (his human passion). There is no doubt that Father Ralph loves his God more than he loves the woman of focus as he claims in the movie. In spite of his unflinching commitment to God and his vocation, Father Ralph succumbed to the lure of the flesh. For me this story represents the sexual struggles of many Christians in today's world. This led me to reflect on Sexuality in God's Kingdom on earth.
Society continues to experience a sexual revolution that has led to changes in many areas of human sexuality. Attitudes towards sexual permissiveness have changed with people having a more tolerant view of it. The Media generally permissive with sexual content continues to portray non-marital sex as exciting, spontaneous sex as romantic, extra marital sex as normal and inevitable. Sexual issues have become so overt with the incessant bombardment and assault by the media that it is definitely always in everybody's face and thereby almost on everybody's mind, even on Christian minds. Who can resist the temptation of thoughtful engagement? Society has become permissive. It is now judgmental within the Church to discuss human sexuality from moral perspectives.
Why men don’t forgive their cheating partners
Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016
In her lone moments, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not real name) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of Daniels, a colleague at work.
Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who never spent a full week in the house without travelling, and one who never bothered to create the romantic atmosphere for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.
Her undoing was sharing her worries about her home with a male colleague who offered his advice, counsel and even gave her a shoulder to lean on. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.
Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate but not sexual) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having sexual relationship. They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her husband, it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.
Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been cheating on him the day he picked his wife's phone to read her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to file for divorce.
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016
In her lone moments, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not real name) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of Daniels, a colleague at work.Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who never spent a full week in the house without travelling, and one who never bothered to create the romantic atmosphere for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.
Her undoing was sharing her worries about her home with a male colleague who offered his advice, counsel and even gave her a shoulder to lean on. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.
Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate but not sexual) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having sexual relationship. They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her husband, it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.
Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been cheating on him the day he picked his wife's phone to read her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to file for divorce.
Love or respect
~The SUN, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016
SHOW me a woman who does not believe in love and I will show you a liar. Every woman wants to be loved. We all long for that indescribable feeling that keeps our heads in the cloud. That feeling that makes you feel that you and your man are the only ones on the surface of the earth and when he touches you, you feel this tingling sensation running down your spine. His voice does things to your system, etcetera etcetera.
It is a feeling that makes a woman see life through rose-tinted glasses. It is a delicious feeling. It leads you into temptation. It makes you do things that you may later in life wonder how you ever contemplated at all. Sometimes it puts a smile on your face in a crowd of serious people doing serious business when your mind wanders to those loving moments. They all look at you like you are losing it but you are glorying in something you hold or once held so dear.
Sometimes a love experience does not end in marriage and till death do you part but it does not take away from the solid fact that for the rest of your life, you will never forget it. Remember that song:
Everybody, think back
To your very first time
Oh, not when you lost your virginity this time. That could be memorable too but we will talk about that sometime soon.
Love. It makes you defy reason, logic, sound advice. Anything that wants to come between you and your Romeo would simply have to step aside or go to blazes, whichever they prefer.
Did you ever defy your parents for the lover boy? Did you steal your mother's jewelry to sell so your Romeo could buy a ticket to Britain? The things we have all done for love... the things women are still doing for love, in the name of love...Ah. They scare me but what is life without love? It is a feeling every man, every woman must experience. And because the cupid's arrow does not strike often, for some people it is a once in a lifetime thing, it must be savoured.
SHOW me a woman who does not believe in love and I will show you a liar. Every woman wants to be loved. We all long for that indescribable feeling that keeps our heads in the cloud. That feeling that makes you feel that you and your man are the only ones on the surface of the earth and when he touches you, you feel this tingling sensation running down your spine. His voice does things to your system, etcetera etcetera.It is a feeling that makes a woman see life through rose-tinted glasses. It is a delicious feeling. It leads you into temptation. It makes you do things that you may later in life wonder how you ever contemplated at all. Sometimes it puts a smile on your face in a crowd of serious people doing serious business when your mind wanders to those loving moments. They all look at you like you are losing it but you are glorying in something you hold or once held so dear.
Sometimes a love experience does not end in marriage and till death do you part but it does not take away from the solid fact that for the rest of your life, you will never forget it. Remember that song:
Everybody, think back
To your very first time
Oh, not when you lost your virginity this time. That could be memorable too but we will talk about that sometime soon.
Love. It makes you defy reason, logic, sound advice. Anything that wants to come between you and your Romeo would simply have to step aside or go to blazes, whichever they prefer.
Did you ever defy your parents for the lover boy? Did you steal your mother's jewelry to sell so your Romeo could buy a ticket to Britain? The things we have all done for love... the things women are still doing for love, in the name of love...Ah. They scare me but what is life without love? It is a feeling every man, every woman must experience. And because the cupid's arrow does not strike often, for some people it is a once in a lifetime thing, it must be savoured.
The nanny was a better option than his wife!
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016
Only, it is a heartbreaking reality for some wives. What does it feel like to be betrayed by the man you married with a woman living under your own roof? And what kind of man behaves in such a despicable way? Here, in a startling and brave account Roger, a lawyer in his mid-forties shares his reason for not only going after the maid, but getting married to her …
"Muji is not your run-of-the-mill maid," he says. "I know people will assume that I've had some sort of mid-life crisis in my mid-forties. But my feelings for Muji are anything but frivolous – and I didn't do it lightly. My marriage to Rita, my wife of 18 years was breaking down, and falling in love with Muji just speeded things up. We got married in England and had three young children when Muji was sent to us as a possible help. She already had her OND and the plan was that she would make enough money within say three years to help her further her studies.
"I don't feel guilty about what happened because I didn't go out looking for love. And it certainly hasn't been easy. I've constantly worried about everything and the impact it will have – not just on the children, but also Fikayo my wife, and Muji. The person I was least worried about was me. Everyone tells my wife and me that they are amazed at how calmly we are dealing with the situation. She has been extraordinarily generous in her understanding and I know she could have reacted so I could be punished for what I'd done.
Domestic violence: Why abused men don't talk
Written by Josfyn Uba, Christine Onwuachumba And Bianca Iboma
~The SUN, Nigeria. Thursday, July 7, 2016
There was news about a man whose wife allegedly hacked to death in Ikotun, a suburb of Lagos, for speaking up against her affairs with a younger lover. Mr. Efua Omoghoti, 63, was said to have lost his first wife after 23 years of marriage. She had three boys and a girl for him. He re-married to Maggie, a younger lady. Unfortunately, their union had been saddled with issues of domestic violence and abuse. Residents confirmed that he had been enduring an abusive marriage where he was serially assaulted and emotionally battered by his younger wife until the last quarrel where Maggie hacked him to death in the night. She would insult him publicly at his shop, calling him names and telling him that she only did him a favour by marrying him at an old age. Many times, she had starved him of food and seized his mobile phones, especially when she couldn't get enough money from him. When matters came to a boiling point, the man threatened to divorce her but she vowed not to leave the house. The long arm of the law caught up with Maggie, the embattled mother of two, as the Lagos State Police Command apprehended her.
In another breath, Uwie, a sleepy community in Delta State, once woke up to the shocking news of the death of a 51-year-old lecturer, Mr. Henry Ebenuwa. He was said to have committed suicide because he could not face the public disgrace of his wife's confession to infidelity with his close friends and relatives. The deceased, a father of four, was said to have been subjected to emotional trauma, physical abuse and harassments from his wife, Omiyowa, for the better part of their marriage of a decade and a half years. Fighting and verbal assault were said to have been a trademark of the troubled marriage in their early days. Things got worse when the husband was hit by stroke, which left him incapacitated. From then, he was said to complain about his wife's disloyalty and infidelity. The community was awash with stories of his wife's constant nagging and even starving him of food. When he could not face the shame and humiliation of her public escapades any more, he allegedly ended it all.
These incidents are just some of the many cases of domestic violence that has gradually become regular occurrence in the country. Every week, at least, a domestic abuse case hits the print and electronic media. It is either a husband butchers or chops off his wife's head or wife stabs husband to death, or a 68-year-old man rapes a 12-year-old pupil. It is an endless tale of horrifying news stories and it doesn't seem as if there is an end in sight to some of these bizarre headlines.
~The SUN, Nigeria. Thursday, July 7, 2016
There was news about a man whose wife allegedly hacked to death in Ikotun, a suburb of Lagos, for speaking up against her affairs with a younger lover. Mr. Efua Omoghoti, 63, was said to have lost his first wife after 23 years of marriage. She had three boys and a girl for him. He re-married to Maggie, a younger lady. Unfortunately, their union had been saddled with issues of domestic violence and abuse. Residents confirmed that he had been enduring an abusive marriage where he was serially assaulted and emotionally battered by his younger wife until the last quarrel where Maggie hacked him to death in the night. She would insult him publicly at his shop, calling him names and telling him that she only did him a favour by marrying him at an old age. Many times, she had starved him of food and seized his mobile phones, especially when she couldn't get enough money from him. When matters came to a boiling point, the man threatened to divorce her but she vowed not to leave the house. The long arm of the law caught up with Maggie, the embattled mother of two, as the Lagos State Police Command apprehended her.In another breath, Uwie, a sleepy community in Delta State, once woke up to the shocking news of the death of a 51-year-old lecturer, Mr. Henry Ebenuwa. He was said to have committed suicide because he could not face the public disgrace of his wife's confession to infidelity with his close friends and relatives. The deceased, a father of four, was said to have been subjected to emotional trauma, physical abuse and harassments from his wife, Omiyowa, for the better part of their marriage of a decade and a half years. Fighting and verbal assault were said to have been a trademark of the troubled marriage in their early days. Things got worse when the husband was hit by stroke, which left him incapacitated. From then, he was said to complain about his wife's disloyalty and infidelity. The community was awash with stories of his wife's constant nagging and even starving him of food. When he could not face the shame and humiliation of her public escapades any more, he allegedly ended it all.
These incidents are just some of the many cases of domestic violence that has gradually become regular occurrence in the country. Every week, at least, a domestic abuse case hits the print and electronic media. It is either a husband butchers or chops off his wife's head or wife stabs husband to death, or a 68-year-old man rapes a 12-year-old pupil. It is an endless tale of horrifying news stories and it doesn't seem as if there is an end in sight to some of these bizarre headlines.
‘We are seeing more men with bad, weak or abnormal sperms’ - World Health Organisation (WHO)
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, June 26, 2016
Sperm counts have dropped over the years. What is regarded as normal sperm count is going down, even the World Health Organisation, WHO is aware of this. We are seeing more men who are having bad sperms, weak sperms and abnormal sperms, and there is a real need to explore a suitable intervention to meet the growing proportion of men that need help in this direction.
Initially normal sperm count was 40 million per ml. Then it reduced to 20 million per ml, now it is 10 million per ml and still going down. Over the last 10 years, we have seen a 30 percent decline in the sperm parameters of men who presented at Nordica Fertility Clinic, Lagos. That's an average of 3.3 percent every year and it is as severe all over the world.
A man can father a child up till age of 70 and for those who are fertile they remain fertile but everybody's sperm count reduces eventually and there are other reasons especially environmental factors.
The cells of men divide more than cells of women. That is why we reproduce into older age and people are saying that may actually be where the problem is from because with the division can come mistakes and probably that is why sperm count is getting worse by the day.
But as bad as things appear, there is hope. The first step of any successful treatment is the proper diagnosis of the male infertility cause.
Sperm counts have dropped over the years. What is regarded as normal sperm count is going down, even the World Health Organisation, WHO is aware of this. We are seeing more men who are having bad sperms, weak sperms and abnormal sperms, and there is a real need to explore a suitable intervention to meet the growing proportion of men that need help in this direction.Initially normal sperm count was 40 million per ml. Then it reduced to 20 million per ml, now it is 10 million per ml and still going down. Over the last 10 years, we have seen a 30 percent decline in the sperm parameters of men who presented at Nordica Fertility Clinic, Lagos. That's an average of 3.3 percent every year and it is as severe all over the world.
A man can father a child up till age of 70 and for those who are fertile they remain fertile but everybody's sperm count reduces eventually and there are other reasons especially environmental factors.
The cells of men divide more than cells of women. That is why we reproduce into older age and people are saying that may actually be where the problem is from because with the division can come mistakes and probably that is why sperm count is getting worse by the day.
But as bad as things appear, there is hope. The first step of any successful treatment is the proper diagnosis of the male infertility cause.
Common tenants' complaints against landlords
Written by Abiodun Doherty
~Punch, Nigeria. Tuesday, June 14, 2016.
Landlord and tenant problems are among the most contentious after issues of land ownership and the reasons are obvious. The interests and concerns of both categories are usually divergent or opposed to one another. One tends to wonder why this is often so and what can be done to reduce or eliminate it. In my opinion, the journey to solution in this instance should start with a careful understanding of the key issues that generate these conflicts. A discussion with most tenants reveals the following issues are the common areas of complaints against their landlords.
Most landlord and tenant relationships usually start on a semi-formal level and it is only as these issues build up and are not addressed amicably that they degenerate into a level where the landlord is more comfortable with ejecting the tenant or the tenant is more interested in renting another property than renewing his or her tenancy. When issues arise, it is better to discuss them and find amicable solutions to them where possible.
The primary complaint of tenants is that many landlords do not mind their own business. They tend to interfere in the personal space of their tenants and seek to control everything happening in the property. The obvious reason for this is the fact that many landlords have personal attachment to their properties. They are concerned with the look and feel of the properties. They cannot stand to see anyone inhabiting the property without taking care of it as his or her personal property.
~Punch, Nigeria. Tuesday, June 14, 2016.
 |
| Abiodun Doherty |
Landlord and tenant problems are among the most contentious after issues of land ownership and the reasons are obvious. The interests and concerns of both categories are usually divergent or opposed to one another. One tends to wonder why this is often so and what can be done to reduce or eliminate it. In my opinion, the journey to solution in this instance should start with a careful understanding of the key issues that generate these conflicts. A discussion with most tenants reveals the following issues are the common areas of complaints against their landlords.
Most landlord and tenant relationships usually start on a semi-formal level and it is only as these issues build up and are not addressed amicably that they degenerate into a level where the landlord is more comfortable with ejecting the tenant or the tenant is more interested in renting another property than renewing his or her tenancy. When issues arise, it is better to discuss them and find amicable solutions to them where possible.
The primary complaint of tenants is that many landlords do not mind their own business. They tend to interfere in the personal space of their tenants and seek to control everything happening in the property. The obvious reason for this is the fact that many landlords have personal attachment to their properties. They are concerned with the look and feel of the properties. They cannot stand to see anyone inhabiting the property without taking care of it as his or her personal property.
Marriage is not for everybody…
Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
Considering the rate at which marriages are falling like a pack of badly stacked cards…would it not be appropriate for us to ditch our 'holier than thou' slogan of 'divorce is a sin' and pick up a more realistic one like 'marriage is not for everybody?'
The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.
The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!
Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016
 |
| Chukwuneta Oby |
The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.
The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!
Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.
I made N3,000 hawking water in 20 minutes - White Naija Girl
~PUNCH, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016
Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos
Can you give a brief background of yourself?
My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.
In 2012, I decided to start a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.
Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?
Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.
What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?
It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.
That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.
Were you scared at any point?
Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos
Can you give a brief background of yourself?
My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.
In 2012, I decided to start a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.
Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?
Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.
What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?
It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.
That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.
Were you scared at any point?
The humiliation of dating a much younger man
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016
COPING with the death of a beloved spouse, especially after years of marriage could be a nightmare. When Lola's husband of over 25 years died suddenly, she was almost suicidal. He had a stomach ache and was dead three days later. Nobody suspected he had a tumour on his liver. "Grief hit me like a boxer's fist," she'd said when a group of friends tried to console her. "He was only 58 and I'd thought we had years left together. I thank God for our three lovely children – but they're all grown now and can hardly be expected to stay at home and hold my hands .. ."
Thanks to the determination of friends, she started picking up the pieces of her life. They dragged her to parties and outings. It was at her late husband's club she ran into David. He'd been a younger friend with whom he played table tennis. "He was a quiet man, just like my husband," said Lala, "and he listened sympathetically as I poured out my heart to him. After all, he too had lost a friend. A few weeks later, I was at the club again when I met David amongst friends, celebrating his 40th birthday. We all joined in and I had a wonderful time. When he learnt I'd come in a friend's car, he insisted on taking me home. 'Your life need not be over now your husband's dead,' he told me
solemnly. 'If you like, I could look after you.'
"My jaw dropped. I was 14 years older. What sort of relationship would we have? But he urged me to think about it. I should have been more cautions and told him off.
"My husband had just died and I was lonely – and flattered I could still be attractive to a man. I loved my husband but he was gone. He was never coming back. I was still here and I had to keep on living. So, when next he invited himself in for a drink, I didn't discourage him. He came with a bottle of wine and some chicken and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company. In no time at all, we became lovers.
COPING with the death of a beloved spouse, especially after years of marriage could be a nightmare. When Lola's husband of over 25 years died suddenly, she was almost suicidal. He had a stomach ache and was dead three days later. Nobody suspected he had a tumour on his liver. "Grief hit me like a boxer's fist," she'd said when a group of friends tried to console her. "He was only 58 and I'd thought we had years left together. I thank God for our three lovely children – but they're all grown now and can hardly be expected to stay at home and hold my hands .. ."
Thanks to the determination of friends, she started picking up the pieces of her life. They dragged her to parties and outings. It was at her late husband's club she ran into David. He'd been a younger friend with whom he played table tennis. "He was a quiet man, just like my husband," said Lala, "and he listened sympathetically as I poured out my heart to him. After all, he too had lost a friend. A few weeks later, I was at the club again when I met David amongst friends, celebrating his 40th birthday. We all joined in and I had a wonderful time. When he learnt I'd come in a friend's car, he insisted on taking me home. 'Your life need not be over now your husband's dead,' he told me
solemnly. 'If you like, I could look after you.'
"My jaw dropped. I was 14 years older. What sort of relationship would we have? But he urged me to think about it. I should have been more cautions and told him off.
"My husband had just died and I was lonely – and flattered I could still be attractive to a man. I loved my husband but he was gone. He was never coming back. I was still here and I had to keep on living. So, when next he invited himself in for a drink, I didn't discourage him. He came with a bottle of wine and some chicken and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company. In no time at all, we became lovers.
Spanking can harm your child's mental health
Written by Bukola Adebayo
~Punch, Nigeria. Friday, May 6, 2016
Agreed that a verse of the Bible says, "Spare the rod and spoil the child". And it will be wrong to disobey instructions from above. However, the Holy Book does not say you should use the rod to harm the child.
Many parents, caregivers and guardians use the rod to harm children in an attempt to 'discipline' them. Such incidents bring up the moral and logical question on the role of the rod in parenting.
Science may have provided some insights and answers to the puzzle. After collecting and evaluating the results of a 50-year-old study, researchers announced the troubling and yet enlightening result of spanking in kids, either for correctional or punitive purposes.
The study, published in this month's Journal of Family Psychology, reveals that the more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents; experience anti-social behaviour; express aggression, suffer mental health problems and cognitive difficulties.
The scientists evaluated the research which involved over 160,000 children across the globe.
The lead researcher and associate professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin, Elizabeth Gershoff, described the result as the most accurate and evidence-based analysis that has showed the effects of spanking alone in many years.
Gershoff says, "Our analysis found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents' intended outcomes when they discipline their children."
Scholar and co-author Andrew Grogan-Kaylor links spanking with 13 of the17 negative outcomes in children and adults.
"The upshot of the study is that spanking increases the likelihood of a wide variety of undesired outcomes in children. Spanking thus does the opposite of what parents usually want it to do," Grogan-Kaylor says.
~Punch, Nigeria. Friday, May 6, 2016
Agreed that a verse of the Bible says, "Spare the rod and spoil the child". And it will be wrong to disobey instructions from above. However, the Holy Book does not say you should use the rod to harm the child.Many parents, caregivers and guardians use the rod to harm children in an attempt to 'discipline' them. Such incidents bring up the moral and logical question on the role of the rod in parenting.
Science may have provided some insights and answers to the puzzle. After collecting and evaluating the results of a 50-year-old study, researchers announced the troubling and yet enlightening result of spanking in kids, either for correctional or punitive purposes.
The study, published in this month's Journal of Family Psychology, reveals that the more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents; experience anti-social behaviour; express aggression, suffer mental health problems and cognitive difficulties.
The scientists evaluated the research which involved over 160,000 children across the globe.
The lead researcher and associate professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin, Elizabeth Gershoff, described the result as the most accurate and evidence-based analysis that has showed the effects of spanking alone in many years.
Gershoff says, "Our analysis found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents' intended outcomes when they discipline their children."
Scholar and co-author Andrew Grogan-Kaylor links spanking with 13 of the17 negative outcomes in children and adults.
"The upshot of the study is that spanking increases the likelihood of a wide variety of undesired outcomes in children. Spanking thus does the opposite of what parents usually want it to do," Grogan-Kaylor says.
Sex: Ancient versus modern
Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 1, 2016
At birth, no one knows what sex means. But with age, exposure and maturity, we all get to know about sex.Our knowledge, ideas and beliefs about sex often times will depend largely on what our society stipulates it to be. Therefore, not all of us will have the same ideas and attitude about sex. What is right and proper differs from individual to individual and society to society. However, what we know and have come to accept as the norm about sex, sexuality and sexual orientation today, was not what it used to be many, many years ago in many cultures.
Interestingly though, some societies have yet to still evolve from the old rituals. For instance, virginity many years ago ceased to considered a virtue as young ladies seeking suitors were allowed to shop for Mr. Right by sampling potential young men in bed till they find one that could satisfy them the most! Shocking?
From puberty to reproduction to recreation, sex has a place in every custom and society and many of them have unique peculiarities of their own. And though most have long been taken over by cultural evolution and health reasons, many are still well entrenched in some societies to date. Let’s take a glimpse into some of the sex rituals performed by cultures across the world, so many of us will see that we have not done so badly at all, even with all our wild preferences and orientations.
*New Guinea, Australia: For many tribes here, puberty starts from about age six when the little boys are weaned of their mothers’ aprons. They are taken to a camp in the forest where they begin their training into manhood. For the Sambian and Trobriander tribes, this period spans about age 6-12 and the children are taught to start engaging in sexual activities, albeit as homosexual or gay men.
They are kept away from women and are encouraged to fellate and swallow the semen of older young men with the belief that it is the way they will grow into strong men. The stronger the men, mostly warriors, the better for the young boys. This is because the Sambia believes that at birth, everyone is born with something called a ‘tingu’. A woman’s tingu becomes mature once she begins menstruation, but not so easily for the boys. His tingu has to be developed and the only way to achieve this is by drinking the ‘man milk’ of older men till he reaches puberty at about 13 years.
Once he goes through a ritual involving nose-bleeding, he becomes qualified to provide mentoring with his man milk for other young men too. By age 20, he is ready to marry and the older men take him through another round of training; how to protect himself from the impurities of women. For example, when having intercourse, he must stuff mint leaves in his nostrils and chew on the bark in order to mask the smell of his wife’s genitals. He must learn to use only short strokes as deep penetration is not allowed to prevent being polluted by women.
After intercourse, a man must go to bathe in the mud in order to wash away female impurities he may have contracted from his wife. Even after marriage, he is not permitted to spend too long a period with his wife and must stick close to the men.Instructively, women are allowed as much sexual freedom as the men as there are no special stigmas accorded to sex. Intriguing here however, is that while everybody is allowed to engage in as much sex as they want, pre-marital meal sharing, more like dates, are not allowed publicly! (Today, most men, I’m sure will gladly embrace this!)
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 1, 2016
At birth, no one knows what sex means. But with age, exposure and maturity, we all get to know about sex.Our knowledge, ideas and beliefs about sex often times will depend largely on what our society stipulates it to be. Therefore, not all of us will have the same ideas and attitude about sex. What is right and proper differs from individual to individual and society to society. However, what we know and have come to accept as the norm about sex, sexuality and sexual orientation today, was not what it used to be many, many years ago in many cultures.Interestingly though, some societies have yet to still evolve from the old rituals. For instance, virginity many years ago ceased to considered a virtue as young ladies seeking suitors were allowed to shop for Mr. Right by sampling potential young men in bed till they find one that could satisfy them the most! Shocking?
From puberty to reproduction to recreation, sex has a place in every custom and society and many of them have unique peculiarities of their own. And though most have long been taken over by cultural evolution and health reasons, many are still well entrenched in some societies to date. Let’s take a glimpse into some of the sex rituals performed by cultures across the world, so many of us will see that we have not done so badly at all, even with all our wild preferences and orientations.
*New Guinea, Australia: For many tribes here, puberty starts from about age six when the little boys are weaned of their mothers’ aprons. They are taken to a camp in the forest where they begin their training into manhood. For the Sambian and Trobriander tribes, this period spans about age 6-12 and the children are taught to start engaging in sexual activities, albeit as homosexual or gay men.
They are kept away from women and are encouraged to fellate and swallow the semen of older young men with the belief that it is the way they will grow into strong men. The stronger the men, mostly warriors, the better for the young boys. This is because the Sambia believes that at birth, everyone is born with something called a ‘tingu’. A woman’s tingu becomes mature once she begins menstruation, but not so easily for the boys. His tingu has to be developed and the only way to achieve this is by drinking the ‘man milk’ of older men till he reaches puberty at about 13 years.
Once he goes through a ritual involving nose-bleeding, he becomes qualified to provide mentoring with his man milk for other young men too. By age 20, he is ready to marry and the older men take him through another round of training; how to protect himself from the impurities of women. For example, when having intercourse, he must stuff mint leaves in his nostrils and chew on the bark in order to mask the smell of his wife’s genitals. He must learn to use only short strokes as deep penetration is not allowed to prevent being polluted by women.
After intercourse, a man must go to bathe in the mud in order to wash away female impurities he may have contracted from his wife. Even after marriage, he is not permitted to spend too long a period with his wife and must stick close to the men.Instructively, women are allowed as much sexual freedom as the men as there are no special stigmas accorded to sex. Intriguing here however, is that while everybody is allowed to engage in as much sex as they want, pre-marital meal sharing, more like dates, are not allowed publicly! (Today, most men, I’m sure will gladly embrace this!)
Getting married even when you are broke
Written by Ugodre Obi-Chukwu
Twitter: @nairamterics or @ugodre.
Website: www.nairametrics.com
~Punch: Thursday, April 7, 2016
Nnamdi has been dating Amaka for about three years now and pressure is mounting on for them to take the relationship to the next level. Nnamdi is approaching his mid-thirties and Amaka is also not getting any younger making time not exactly their friend. Their respective parents are also mounting pressure and do not understand why their children would not just get married soon enough.
Unknown to either parents, Nnamdi and Amaka have a major stumbling block. Apart from being career focused individuals they also believe more importantly that their combined salary is not enough for them to build a home and at the same time pursue their career objectives.
Many of us fall into this trap at some point in our life and if not handled carefully can lead to serious emotional and financial distress. How does one get married without enough money? I will attempt to respond by addressing some of the common excuses we give.
I can't afford wedding "ceremoney" - The thought of preparing for a wedding ceremony is one that scares many off early marriages. Most people consider it a very special event and believe the only way to live a lasting memory is to splurge on it. Having a memorable wedding is important for everyone however, not everyone can afford an expensive and memorable wedding. With proper planning you can have a cheap and memorable wedding as well.
Wedding ceremony shouldn't be seen as a do or die affair as all you have to do is spend what you can afford. What you should realise is that at the end of the day it's about you and your spouse being happily married thereafter and not about the drinks, food and the pageantry that comes with the ceremony. There will be many, many more opportunities to be merry with friends and family.
Where will we live after we get married? -My friend, Victor once told me he got married to his wife when he was still living in a one bedroom flat. After the wedding, they came back home to their one room apartment happier than they could ever imagine. I asked him why and he said the thought of them spending the night together forever was all they wished for and could as well have lived in the car if that's what it will take. The point here is that you need not live in a three bedroom or four bedroom apartment to get married. You could even have just married and still living in your parent's apartment provided you are both focused on the goal.
The truth about early marriage
Written by Josephine Agbonkhese & Anino Aganbi
~Vanguard - Nigeria, Friday, March 11, 2016
ALMOST everyone in the neighbourhood admired Mariam Adamu (not real names). Her fair-complexion, height and extremely beautiful figure would pass for an international model anytime. Her seven-year-old child seemed a photocopy of her too.
21-year-old Mariam had just moved in with her husband into the neighboured, from a neighbouring city. Hence, neighbours knew practically nothing about her outside her near-goddess beauty.
It wasn't until a couple of years later when her husband took a second wife with whom he later relocated, that the cynosure of all eyes became the centre of real pity; Mariam had been living in unimaginable emotional trauma but was sensible enough to cover-up.
She was living with Vesico Vagina Fistula, VVF, an abnormal fistulous tract extending between the bladder(vesico) and the vagina that allows the involuntary leakage of urine from the vagina. She developed this at childbirth. Her disappointed husband obviously couldn't bear it anymore than abandon her for at least a healthier woman! Poor Mariam died the following year from lack of care.
Victim of early marriage
What tragic end for another unfortunate victim of early marriage! No fewer than 800,000 women in Nigeria, basically for reasons such as Mariam's, suffer from VVF annually in Nigeria, according to a 2015 report by the United Nations Fund for Population Activities, UNFPA.
Also known as child marriage, early marriage, a common phenomenon in some parts of Nigeria, refers to either a formal or informal union entered into by an individual who is less than 18.
There's been a whole lot of controversy surrounding child marriage in Nigeria, with some endorsing it on the basis of religion even as the 1999 Constitution Section 49 4(b) remains confused about it after stymied attempts at its deletion by the senate. Notwithstanding, statistics and background checks on victims of child marriage identify socio-economic factors as major drivers.
Avoid quarrels in your relationship
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, March 13, 2016
Every couple desires a happy relationship. Don't let misunderstandings ruin your bond.Follow these steps and let your relationship thrive
Identify the source
If you always quarrel in your relationship, you need to figure out where it is coming from. If the source is outside the relationship, don't treat it like a relationship problem. Money issues account for more relationship problems than any other source. But in reality, money is a financial problem. It only becomes a relationship problem if you let it.
Don't assign blame
The goal of a relationship is to draw a couple closer, not to alienate your best friend and life partner. Blaming your partner could be very destructive to a relationship and it never contributes to unity. The same goes for being critical of one another, all that will do is divide the relationship.
Acknowledge your partner's concerns
If something goes wrong and you feel responsible, it is easy to turn defensive when your partner expresses their concerns. Rather than turning it into a confrontation by defending yourself, put your ego aside and acknowledge his or her concerns with an understanding heart. You are in the relationship together and that means you probably have similar concerns that you need to work on.
Don't make wrong assumptions
If something happens that you are not sure of, don't make things worse by assuming. Instead of focusing on the negativities, sit down with your mate and discuss possible solutions. If you work together in a creative way you may be able to turn any brewing quarrel around.
Knowing when Enough is Enough
Written by Edith Ohaja
~Vanguard, Nigeria. February 29, 2016
Kukah's wife, Ojoma, has done it again! She just keeps pushing till he loses his patience and blows a fuse. She's always going on about his English - how a graduate should not speak the way he does, how a teacher should be a model to the students, blah, blah, blah. Kukah feels the attacks are unjustified. He admits his English is less than perfect, but he often reminds her, "I am a Chemistry teacher for crying out loud and I know a bunch of guys with higher degrees who speak more atrocious English than I do." He learned the term, "atrocious English", from her on one of the occasions she was berating him.
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It's not like Kukah dozed through his English classes as a student. It's just that the teachers weren't much better than the pupils and it was felt on both sides that what matters most is to be understood. But he admired those who spoke well, which is why he went after his wife. He did ask her to teach him at some point but after she tried explaining about mood in grammar - indicative, subjunctive and so on - he gave up. The whole thing was too confusing.
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"English is more technical and more illogical than any subject I know: the rules just keep changing, what applies in one case doesn't necessarily apply in all similar cases. Thank God, I scraped through the subject at O'Levels," he had declared then.
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But his wife was not prepared to write him off as a lost cause. She was not bothered about the garble others spoke, but she was determined to refine her husband's usage of the English language. Which would have been fine and good, except she didn't know the time and place for it.
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So this morning when her husband, the vice principal, was chatting with colleagues in the staffroom, she tut tutted his observation that Class 5 "beat" Class 6 every year in inter-house football. Ignoring the glare he gave her, she explained that class is a singular noun and thus should go with the singular verb, "beats" and followed that up with a lecture on how important concord is in English. However, Kukah cut her off midway, basically telling her that she and the English should take their unreasonable language with its erratic rules and shove it up you know where.
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Kukah knew it was a bad idea to teach in the same school with his wife but jobs are hard to find, so he used his influence to secure a place for her. But he was wondering with their constant run-ins on English if that move was really worth the cost. When he got to his office, he began to rearrange the stuff on his table. That was his calm-down mechanism. If he was still boiling by the time he finished with the table, he would work on the entire room.
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As he was packing books and papers, Mrs. Bulama, a fellow teacher, poked her head through the door. She held his gaze with a sympathetic and indulgent smile and initiated a rather strange conversation. First, she offered to help him reorganize his desk but he told her the desk was fine, that he was just ....
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"I know how you feel. I am so sorry for that episode out there."
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How far are you willing to go to get your wife pregnant?
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguardm Nigeria.
Just how desperate are you to have a child? After exploring all avenues available to you medically, are you willing to seek outside help? Like natural insemination? Artificial insemination is when a donor sperm is introduced into the female vagina with the hope that the patient would eventually get pregnant. This method is resorted to when the male partner's sperm counts are too low to father a child – or they are just blanks. All over the world, a lot of women are playing God by sneakily seeking the help of a virile man to help them get the much longed for child. These days however, with infidelity being condoned, some men have come out to support their wives in their quest to get pregnant, to the extent of agreeing to Natural Insemination (NI).
One of such women recently quoted in a foreign press alleged that: "My husband knows what he wants to know. We have conceived through natural insemination and had sex with more than one donor over a few months. There is no doubt that it is emotionally charged and my husband found it difficult. Also, the sex with someone other than my husband is surprisingly enjoyable, sexy and kinky and if we are going to be honest, it's cheating. We accepted all that and it worked for us. I wouldn't have done it any other way. I agreed that my husband is wonderful and I will love him and be grateful to him forever, for giving us this opportunity to have a proper family.
"But natural insemination is how I wanted to make our baby. Bottles, tubes, syringes are just not what I wanted to be involved with when I became pregnant. I don't judge anyone. It is just not what I wanted. We're not swingers. I could never cope with my husband doing what I did, which is what makes him even more wonderful. But our sex life is not the point here. I wanted to get pregnant and I loved doing it. The whole process was fun, sexy and memorable. I am sorry if that makes me a harlot but there are no two ways about it. I did feel more fertile when dressed up, having sex all night and feeling satisfied in the morning.
We don't have any secrets.
"My husband knows what he wants to know and can ask anything. For what it is worth, he took me shopping for the underwear". And if you are curious about how any man involved in such an emotionally volatile arrangement feels, here is a 32-year-old male's view: "Insemination can be perfectly ok in a relationship, if both agree on it. I am a 32-year-old man. My wife is 27 and we have been married for three years. We are happy parents of a little girl who just celebrated her first birthday. My sperm count is very low and we had to use a donor. Natural insemination was the right method for us. We both think artificial insemination is much too clinical.
Why Hot Women Are Single
~TheGuardian, Nigeria
One of this world's most interesting phenomenons is when hot women are single. If you're reading this, chances are you are you are hot and constantly wondering why you're single. Or you know someone who is.
There are countless women in the world who are gorgeous, smart, witty, and down to earth. But in as much as these women are thriving in their careers, extremely loyal to friends and family, and have glorious senses of self-worth, they still find themselves being asked one question over and again - How are you single?
Why are women who meet even the most standard definition of beauty, and seem to be perfect, struggling so much to find dates today? Like, no one is calling up these women to hang out, or sending them drinks or food. And they definitely don't have anyone to call up to come spend time with them on lonely nights.
HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY HOT WOMEN ARE SINGLE:
1. She's no longer interested in dating just for the sake of it
As fun as casual dates can be, there are some people who no longer get any satisfaction from them. Maybe she would rather have one solid date than go on a thousand mediocre ones. It may not make a lot of sense to some people, but most women who feel this way just don't want to go out with a person they can't see themselves with in a long-term situation. While it may come across as being unnecessarily picky, but it's really just that she wouldn't want to waste her time or that of anyone else's.
2. She's done with her "hoe phase"
No, I don't think having casual, meaningless, no-strings-attached sex makes you a hoe. The "hoe phase" is simply a phase of liberated sexual exploration, as far as I'm concerned.
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