Birth control practices

Written by Dr Sylvester Ikhisemojie - The Punch, Nigeria.

Sylvester Ikhisemojie

In much of Africa today, there is a burgeoning population made possible by explosive birth rates and the endurance of a majority youthful population. This has many evident positive advantages, not the least of which is the presence of a virile population of people in the productive age group.

The obverse in the problem here is that feeding this large population and finding adequate jobs for the large population will remain a challenge well into the twenty first century. It therefore means that efforts must now be made from this time forwards, in all countries of the region, to slow the rate of population growth to more manageable, more sustainable levels.

As a result, it is incumbent on health authorities throughout the region to teach women of all socio-economic groups about the immense benefits of birth control and child spacing. It is because of all these interwoven facts that issues of contraception and other efforts at birth control must now be examined and propagated.

While birth control and contraception do not necessarily mean the same thing, both of them are geared towards controlling the appearance of unwanted pregnancies. This is because it is possible to engage in birth control without engaging any means of contraception to achieve this aim. Our focus today must therefore centre on birth control. With this clarification, it can be seen that birth control practices will not always involve the use of means, devices and medications to avoid pregnancy occurring but can in fact be achieved naturally by following the natural rhythm of the body itself.

This means that birth control and contraception make up what is known as family planning. As a result, it is important for us to examine some of these methods.

Ovarian cysts

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie - Nigeria

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie 

This is one problem that is not always a disease. Ovarian cysts develop in many women who do not even realise that they have them. The reason for this is that at about the period of menstruation, the ovary which has released a follicle, the very structure that is responsible for fertility occurring, would have developed such a swelling. Many of these cysts would regress on their own causing the woman no harm at all, and no obvious signs.

What often makes a woman become aware of these problems is the fact of having some difficulty with getting pregnant or frank infertility. It is thus an important topic for many women.

In all normal women, the ovary is a part of the reproductive system located in the pelvis. There is also the uterus, fallopian tubes and vagina. None is able to guarantee a pregnancy without the other and all must work in tandem to bring a pregnancy about. As a result, there is a point at which an ovarian cyst passes from a harmless growth into a problem. The usually harmless swellings mentioned above are things which would usually resolve on their own. This is the story all through the child-bearing years during which a follicle is released into the adjacent fallopian tube for onward transportation into the uterus, about once a month.

This describes the normal menstrual cycle. With modern ultrasound machines, this activity can be monitored and timed precisely so that those couples who have challenges with fertility can be advised accurately about when to try for a conception, failing which the timing is seen as equally vital to be successful in assisted reproductive efforts.

If a follicle develops and fails to release its egg into the fallopian tube, it can form a cyst which should disappear within a few weeks at the most. Sometimes, a different kind of cyst forms after a follicle has been released. This is called a corpus luteum cyst. Such cysts bleed a bit into a cavity in the pelvic region and would cause some pain for several days that are not usually serious. The pain and the spilled blood tend to resolve spontaneously.

Why people have bad breath in the morning -Study

Written by Tunde Ajaja- Nigeria. 

When it comes to personal hygiene, apart from body odour, there are a few other things that can be as repulsive as having a bad breath, or simply put, mouth odour. Even the sound of it is distasteful, and not only does the smell nauseates, it goes ahead to present such a person in bad light, giving a vivid impression of a dirty human being. It could sometimes make the individual a lone ranger as people try to avoid such persons.

But as disgusting as bad breath is, it is amazing to find that most people experience it every time they wake up; mostly in the morning. It is also known as halitosis. In fact, it could be as repulsive to the owner of the mouth, not to even talk of others. Noteworthy is the fact that this case is independent of the chronic mouth odour, the product of which could make the listener (victim) puke.

Therefore, it is not uncommon to find that when people wake up in the morning, they tend to avoid close contact discussion, or better still maintain some distance or even cover their mouth while talking to others. The simplest cure would be to have a toothbrush. It could cure it all, only if done properly.

An expert in dental matters and periodontist, Sally Cram, said, "Everyone has morning breath to some degree. Here is the simple reason why: When you sleep, your mouth dries out and your normal flow of saliva decreases. When your mouth dries out, odour-producing bacteria multiply. That is why your breath can be worse in the morning."

However, for those who do not have mouth odour but wake up to find that they have bad breath, studies have shown that the trend is basically traceable to the fact that when a person is asleep, the mouth also goes into rest mode, leading to a drop in the rate of metabolic activities. And this form of bad breath is not limited to aftermath of waking up, it also happens when people close their mouth for too long without opening it.

I’m suspicious of my wife

Written by KEMI ASHEFON - PUNCH, Nigeria

Dear Kemi,

I am in my mid 30s and married to a woman, who is of same age for about five years. I am based abroad while she is in Nigeria. The problem I am having is that I just don’t trust her and I always feel she is sleeping around. Really, I don’t have any concrete proof for my suspicions but it has always been there. This was from the beginning of our courtship before I left the country and returned from my base outside Nigeria to marry her. When I told her about my suspicions, she denied all the allegations and always had ready-made answers to every question. Sometimes, I wonder if I was charmed into marrying her. Is this normal? Please, help, I am really troubled.

A.K, 

Lagos

Since you have not caught her with any man or got reports from anyone about your wife, I think you have to dismantle the mind-set of infidelity in you. In any relationship, especially where the two partners are not living together in the same place, there are cases of suspicions and rumours. It is now left for those involved to be determined to make the relationship work. Why not learn to trust your wife? Or are there things you have not divulged to me? That you even feel you were charmed into marrying her is wrong and could cause cracks in your home. Give her the benefit of the doubt and stop accusing her. I have discovered in most relationships, infidelity could spring up from unnecessary accusations. A faithful partner could be encouraged to have affairs when accusations abound. Trust is a vital virtue in marriage, do all you can to inculcate it in yours. But this should not stop any form of inquiries when you get suspicious of your partner.

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I was jilted for eight years now…

I was in love with a lady some years back but she left me for another man. Now, eight years after, she is back and begging me to marry her. But I am now married with two kids. I am so confused. What do I do?

P.O

Benue

I don’t see why you should be confused on a matter like this. Are you driving away your wife and children to start life with her? Even if you do, what is the assurance that she will not run away again with another man? I believe you should hold on to your wife and children. Don’t fall prey to a philandering woman’s wits. She is like a serpent, she will always bite. Tell her you are no longer interested in her and that you are happily married with kids. Don’t give her audience again and never entertain her calls.

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Another man took my baby

I am 29 years old and dated a 26-year-old girl for over four years. We planned having a proper wedding by December. Last year, she told me she was pregnant. According to her, she was raped at a party she attended and I accepted the pregnancy due to the love I had for her. I was taken to her parents to be introduced and was even asked to come for a formal ceremony after the baby was born. My girlfriend told me that the man who raped and impregnated her was dead and had not been found.

Care of the teeth

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie - Nigeria

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

Many people in this part of the world do not give a hoot about the routine care that their teeth deserve not to mention the overall care of the mouth. However, what many should recognise is that the appearance of the teeth and the absence of any unpleasant smells from the mouth are important attributes of a healthy personality. That appearance is not any different or less important than any other aspect of health which we have treated on this page over the past two years. It is that realisation that has prompted this essay this week. Here then are some of the most important aspects of that kind of care that should be considered.

The development of plaques is the most common dental problem to afflict the majority of people. Plaques develop within some thirty minutes of eating a meal. The bacteria that inhabit the mouth soon move in to degrade and alter the composition of the food particles that are left behind in the mouth soon after eating, turning them into the early building blocks for the hard tables of substance that are laid over the teeth. As a result of this realisation, no one should eat a meal without rinsing the mouth copiously with water afterwards. This helps a lot to deal with the initial material that is laid down on them. The immediate cleaning of the mouth should be a deliberate process, not to be hurried at all because it is so important. As for those people whose dental arrangement is the sort that leaves them with gaps between the teeth which trap food particles and meat, for example, they should deploy the use of tooth-picks to get rid of the nuisance.

Sometimes, even the use of this instrument is not enough to do this and other means have to be employed. Some people, if they are still at home, would employ their tooth-brushes to deal with this. Occasionally, this also fails thus promoting the usage of some more desperate measures that could even harm the gums. Some people would use pins. Others would use strings of cotton, such as twines, deployed like pulleys that are pulled across the gap to dislodge the offending piece of food. The well-healed in the society would use a dental floss for this nuisance. This should not be their preserve, however, because dental floss is cheap and very available. With immense surprise, I have found that not many people have even heard about them, not to mention use them. The dental floss is a plastic hook with a cotton cord linking its two closest arms in a way that resembles a guitar. The plastic end can always be deployed to into corners to remove food particles, while the string can be placed between teeth in even closely apposed teeth to get rid of those materials. It is a good habit to use the dental floss once a day, and to do so especially before brushing the teeth in the mornings so that the fluoride in the toothpaste is able to reach the deep recesses between the teeth.

The brushing of the teeth is another good habit which should be done twice a day ideally. It is properly done with up and down strokes, rather than across the teeth, and should be done for at least two or three minutes to ensure proper cleaning. The tongue and the roof of the mouth should also be brushed to ensure complete all-round cleaning.

It may be time to accept Marijuana

Written by Sylvester Ikhisemojie - Nigeria

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

The spectre of decriminalising various things that we have become used to viewing as abnormal may finally be upon us. In many Western nations, there is a raging debate over the pros and cons of uplifting such a ban on this particular substance. For one, there is no objective evidence that its use contributes significantly to an upswing in crime. There is no evidence either that it is always subject to abuse. In many local farming and mining communities in Latin America, the plants are grown as normally as we grow the bitter-leaf plant here at home, and leaves are abundant in the countryside. As a result, the product is consumed openly in its raw form in those places. The same happens for coca leaves from which cocaine is derived. But let us limit the arguments to Marijuana and agree about its effects on our social relationships. In many places, marijuana is called different names. Some call it 'weed.' Others call it 'gbana.' Yet others call it 'grass' and some still call it 'hashish.' Among the youths, 'igbo' is the preferred name while in urbane circles; the name is properly called cannabis or Indian hemp.

The botanical name is Cannabis sativa and its active agent is Tetrahydrocannabinol, an extract that is in use as a psychoactive substance and is also believed to expand the mind. It is not for nothing that this particular substance has, therefore, not met with the necessary approval in many circles. It is believed that its consumption would lead to an increase in various criminal acts and so is by its nature, an antisocial object. The evidence does not bear this out. In the Netherlands, where there has long being a programme like this where there are recreational bars in which marijuana is a part of the menu, there has been no spike in crime from 1978, when the experiment began, till date. In fact, there was an increase in tourism as a result of this liberalisation with many young people seeking to experience the opportunity to legally smoke hashish.

Now of course, there is talk of recreational marijuana, not any different from the drinking of beer and stout. Not to mention the routine consumption of brandy, vodka and other spirits with far more profound effects on the society.

The main producers of marijuana come from several different continents. It is a flowering plant produced in Afghanistan, Pakistan, China, India, Thailand, Lebanon, Turkey, the Netherlands, Spain, Jamaica, Colombia, Mexico, the US, Canada, and Morocco. It is likely also, that Nigeria would be a significant producer of this commodity.

Decriminalising it ensures a transparent trade in it thus positioning it to become yet a significant foreign exchange earner for the nation. Different variants of the plant are also processed to make ropes and hashish oil which are used in various industries. Ropes are often processed from an abundance of fibre known to be produced by other variants of the cannabis plant. Its fibre was one of the first recorded natural suture materials used in surgery. Without the knowledge gained from that early use, much of modern surgery would not have been the way it is today.

Cleft lip and cleft palate

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

This is a developmental anomaly involving the face and nose which occurs very early during a pregnancy. It is one of the most common birth defects seen in new-borns and it refers to a deep defect occurring in a ridge between the nose and the mouth such that it is often deep enough to involve the floor of the nostril. This is known as a cleft lip. It may occur on one side of the face or the two sides. When the two sides are involved, it gives a baby the appearance of a big cat often referred in the past to as a "hare lip". That suggests a closer resemblance to a rabbit but it is a term that has now been discarded because it is considered offensive. 

Sometimes, this defect involves the palate in which the deep groove may also involve the floor of the nose. This is thus known as a cleft palate. Either of these problems may occur alone or together. Sometimes, it affects the centre of the face extending from one nose to the middle of the upper lip. It is a range of defects that a baby may be born with as a result of certain factors which make it impossible for the various plates of tissue that form the face to meet perfectly in their designated places. The result of that failure to integrate properly is what we are talking about this week. The cause is not known.

Cleft lip is described when the split in the lip does not affect the palate in the roof of the mouth. It may be complete or incomplete but the approach to its repair either way is the same. It can occur separately from a cleft palate because they develop separately. When the palate is cleft, the uvula in the centre of the throat may also be split in two. It assures a direct connection between the mouth and the nose.

Loneliness as a new disease

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

Old age is one fraught with a lot of challenges in every society. Many people are plagued by chronic ailments such as obesity, hypertension and diabetes. Others suffer from other ailments like arthritis, dementia, tuberculosis and cancer. Many of such people are frequently brought from the village to stay with their younger relatives in the towns and cities where they are also able to assess better medical care.

In the western world, such people are taken to stay in hospices, homes for the elderly and sanatoriums. Here in Nigeria, they are taken in by their extended family so as to feel the warmth of close family relationships.

However, as the wheel of human progress finally turns decisively towards the African continent, there is an increase in the cases of elderly people who are abandoned to their fate. They are left alone in the villages or even now in the cities as their sons and daughters become too busy, too career-conscious and too ambitious to have any time for them. In some cases, an entire brood has emigrated abroad, leaving the elderly man or woman at the mercy of more distant relatives.

Their children abroad send money to them at home,but without a live-in helper, they are often at the mercy of unscrupulous people and, in some cases, neighbours. Increasingly, there are reports of occasional wrong-doing and even murder being perpetrated by usually unknown persons in such circumstances with grief for all the relatives ensuing.

Effects of alcohol usage

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie - Nigeria

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

This is a matter of increasing concern to many governments, non-governmental organisations and physicians around the world, not to mention people in the law enforcement community. In many of such nations, the sale and use of alcohol is strictly enforced. In many pubs in the United Kingdom, there are usually clear warnings that the sale of even the mildest kinds of alcohol must not be to those who are less than 18 years of age. It is somewhat more liberal in Scandinavia but such regulations are more or less the same in the United States and Canada.

That is not to say that breaches do not occur, but these occur more in default than being the norm. In major Muslim nations, there are sometimes specific elements of law enforcement that are charged with the regulation of this requirement. In our country, unfortunately, regulations often exist on paper. Beer and other alcoholic beverages are sold freely to all those who have the ability to pay for such drinks. No questions are asked and no answers are given. It is a largely silent market between the buyer and the shop owner; the buyer offers money after stating what he wants and the request is fulfilled with no fuss.

We do ourselves enormous harm though. Alcohol is, without question, not altogether bad. It is even beneficial when it is taken moderately on a regular basis. Just one wine-glass full of the fluid is regarded as a safe amount. It is harmful in a wide variety of ways when taken in large amounts over time. Our business today is to explore what these injuries entail and how they come about. It is important to note that the use of and the abuse of alcohol has been with mankind for ages. Alcohol has also undergone progressive refinement over the ages and there are now many distinct types of this beverage.

Where legal limits have been imposed on the strength and availability of various forms of alcohol, ingenious people have formulated their own local brew. As a result, many have often died from alcohol poisoning. Incidents such as this have happened around the world, including India, Pakistan, Nigeria, Kenya and South Africa. In Nigeria, there are strong local brews known as Burukutu, Pinto, Sapele Water, Akpeteshi and Ogogoro. None of these enjoys any form of regulated production so that in addition to their toxic nature, the unhygienic mode of production confers on them some inherent dangers. These strong drinks, rich in ethanol concentration, often lead to tragedy. They cause breathing problems, when taken in large amounts, unconsciousness and death. Very often, death results especially when young men decide to compete with the aim of determining who would be the last person standing. Some end up in the hospital but those are the lucky ones. Many others die from ethanol poisoning.

Falling for a man outside my wedlock…

With Auntie Agatha:
Email: gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com
Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I’m 29 years old, married to a wonderful man. Ever since I met my husband I never cheated on him till we got married. I got married three months after getting a job in a corporate organization, and I’m still there.

I don’t know how it happened but one day I discovered I have fallen in love with one of my colleagues whom I have always been very close to.

Since discovering my feelings for him, I have kept the knowledge to myself, refusing to tell anybody. Yet I am always jealous of any woman I see close to him. So far I have been able to control my jealousy.

We exchange phone calls even though I do most of the callings. One Saturday I called him to inquire about his health. Later that day, I saw his missed call on my phone and tried returning his call but he didn’t pick my call immediately. When he eventually did, he said there was something he wanted to ask me but that he will do that on Monday when we see in the office. He eventually didn’t. So I made up my mind to call him after work to ask what he wanted to discuss with me.

I was very angry and made up my mind never to talk to him when he refused to pick my call. He eventually came back to talk to me. And when I got home I called to ask if I was in any way disturbing him. He said I wasn’t and demanded that we chat on our blackberry phones.

While we were chatting, he told me he desired a woman like me for a wife. I told him I didn’t have any friend I can recommend to him, I also added that I didn’t want any woman hurting him. He insisted I come clean with the truth; that he knows I can’t tolerate the thoughts of another woman in his life. Agatha, that is the truth. I love him and if there is another word stronger than love, it is what I feel for this man.

I was surprised he felt something for me; this made me to admit my feelings for him. He told me how much he loved and wanted me in his life. He invited me to his house I went and we played together but didn’t make love that night.

I felt like going back. I saw him twice after that because he is on his annual leave. But now he wants us to stop seeing each other. It is making me go crazy.

Agatha the whole world might want to stone me to death but I want to be sincere here what I feel for him. You cannot imagine it. I know he feels the same way but he doesn’t want to see me anymore, and he avoids me. I don’t want to have sex with him but just to be close to him like a soul mate. I respect the fact that I’m married and seeing another man is not good before man and God. But please all I want is to be close to him.

I’m in pain right now and I’m going crazy and feel like ending it all.

What should I do? I love him so much and nobody can change that, but this is killing me. I need help before I go crazy. Please all I want is to be close to him, the love has been there for long and I never felt that way for anyone before now. I know people will call me names but please I don’t want to lose him. I want him as friend, someone I can confide in. I want people to understand the way I feel. I am in love with my husband but not this way. Please I need your sincere help and very urgent too.

Worried Woman. 

Agatha Admonishes

Dear Worried Woman,

Infatuation is a very strong emotion, more compelling than love because it is blind to reason and logic. And like Tsunami it ends up leaving so much destruction in its wake.

You must fight this feeling, because if you were not careful, it would make you lose everything that matters to you in life: your husband, self-respect, the love of your family and your essence as a human being. It is not just what the world thinks of you but what you would do to yourself at the end of the day.

It isn’t just about saving your marriage but everything your parents have worked to make you as well as the little you contributed to your person. The fact that you are so confused and acting out of character portends danger to your sanity as a person. If you don’t develop the will power to put an end to this emotion, you might end up with a mental problem or very severe psychological situation that would make people keep their distance from you.

For your own sake, more than your marriage, resist whatever it is that you feel for this man. You have to let go of him, he isn’t yours, and will never be. What you feel isn’t real; it is strong quite all right but it is an illusion, an addiction you have allowed to develop uncontrollably. Like every case of addiction, the beginning looks promising, tempting and soothing but like cancer, it leaves the body hollow and yearning for escape from the pains of reality.

This guy has done the right thing by asking to end a relationship that should not have started in the first place. He is aware of the spiritual danger of sleeping with another man’s wife, hence his desire to stop whatever he has started with you.

It is in your interest to help yourself stop this feeling. There is nothing wrong in admiring a member of the opposite sex but what is wrong is to be irresponsible about it. How would you feel if your husband develops this strong feeling for another woman, to the extent of spending intimate moments with her even at night?

How would you sincerely feel if your husband is refusing to let go of the woman? No matter how much you love this man, think of your home and husband. You married him because you feel something very special for him. Don’t you think it is so unfair to him, the vows you publicly took to honour, love and cherish him till death separates you both?

Have you considered the possibility of your husband finding out about your relationship with this man and you getting pregnant at about the same time? Do you think your husband would ever accept responsibility of the child or believe you haven’t slept with this man? What do you think would become of the child born into such a controversy? Do you think your own child would ever forgive or respect you if told about what you did?

The best way out of this is to take a break. Go on your annual leave to detoxify your emotional system. You need to put a distance between you and this man. If you and your husband can manage it, it is advisable for both of you to take your vacation together. His presence would help you overcome your addiction to this other man.

Furthermore, you need his warmth, love and assurance to heal you. The vacation would help you catch up with reality; point you at the things that are of utmost importance to you as well as give you confidence in the choice you have made.

By learning to fall in love with your husband again, you open the way for healing in your marriage.

Another thing is to delete his number from your phone. It is also imperative you do to avoid your husband chancing on text messages you have both exchanged as well as stop that urge of calling him.

Replace his memories with ones of your husband, your early meeting, the day you both agreed to marry, your wedding day and other special moments you have had. Think of the plans, your plans together, his trust and confidence in you. Importantly, recall the reason you agreed to marry him among all the men that came your way. He must have something extra special for you to have agreed to his proposal out of the several that came your way.

If you know it is impossible for you to completely forget, consider changing employers. It may take a while for you to find somewhere else but life is about sacrifices, and your marriage is the most vital to you now.

There is no way you can be friends now with this man, there is too much at stake. Perhaps in later years, when you are matured enough to handle yourself better, definitely not now. You lack the discipline to have him for a friend now. Make your husband your best friend.

Do ask God for strength to resist the temptation this other man represents.

Good luck.

My yellowish teeth call for dentist now…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

My problem started when I was young when my white teeth started changing to yellow. I thought it was a joke but I got it wrong.

Now I can’t look at it in the mirror because of the state of my dentition. I am really confused.

I am very handsome and have a very lovely girlfriend. I have gone to see a dentist and he told me the only solution is bleaching of my teeth and he doesn’t have the products. I live and work in Delta State and dying gradually of depression. I need your help Agatha. Help me with contacts and solution. I shall forever be grateful to you.

CY

From Agatha:

Dear CY,

If your challenge is that of just yellow teeth and not that you have mouth odour, I am told it isn’t a serious medical condition. Although not too pleasant a sight, but you will require some level of personal confidence to manage this problem without allowing it to affect you psychologically. The moment you give people around you a reason to make you feel inferior, they will do everything and anything to ensure you never recover your dignity again; so be careful the kind of reaction you put up. Irrespective of what the colour of your teeth is, learn to build your confidence. This is important.

I am told that though nature sometime is the cause of yellow teeth but we are mostly to blame for the problem. Dentin is the layer just below the tooth’s enamel, and it has a natural yellow hue. When a person’s tooth enamel isn’t well mineralised, that is lacks the essential nutrients; the enamel becomes translucent and the yellow of the dentin shows through. This condition can often be corrected by advanced whitening techniques, which your dentist alluded to.

If your problem started when you were young, according to the dentist I spoke with on your behalf, it could be you were given large amounts of anti-biotic known as tetracycline during the period your enamel was still forming. This anti-biotic commonly used by parents to treat stomach upsets and other irritations, can cause the teeth to become yellowish brownish or grayish. It can become permanent like yours.

She continues that as people get older, teeth can become yellow from years and years of stains piercing the enamel which overtime gets thinner, allowing more of the dentin to show through and creating a yellow appearance.

Also if as a child or an adult one failed to pay the right attention to your oral hygiene, brushing regularly to rid the teeth of strains on the surface of the teeth, yellow teeth could result. And unfortunately once the enamel has been strained, it becomes a permanent condition.

Certain foods we eat can permanently stain the teeth overtime. Coffee is one of the main culprits of yellow, stained teeth. Smokers too are liable to having yellow teeth. Cigarettes contain chemicals that leave large amount of residue on smoker’s teeth. Nicotine and tar cause the worst staining. Cigarettes that have high amounts of tar and nicotine will leave teeth yellow. Some of the herbal local brews, a lot of people are taking these days, also cause the teeth to change colour because of the roots they are made from. The dyes of some of these roots can be very stubborn and almost impossible to remove from the teeth.

It is a matter of you knowing what kinds of food or drink to avoid because even if you chemically clean your teeth, you continue in your old way, overtime the teeth would still change colour.

In addition to improving your personal hygiene by brushing your teeth at least twice daily, go back to your dentist. He is in the best position to make the right recommendations for you. Let him tell you the kind of chemicals he uses to bleach the teeth back to white. If you are not satisfied you can get a second opinion from any government hospital or qualified dentist in the area you stay.

If you are not sure how to proceed, go to the general hospital nearest to you. The medical team you meet there will direct you on whom to meet.

On your own, I am told, chewing sugarless gum between brushings can also help ward off yellow teeth. Using whitening strips several times a year is a good preventive measure. Since I don’t stay in Delta State, I don’t know if there is any highbrow hospital that has a modern dentistry. If there is, and the state of your dentition too embarrassing for you to handle, you may want to consider laser bleaching. I am told it is still very expensive here.

There are also less expensive but effective chemical preparations you could try. Befriend your dentist and listen to whatever he tells you. What you need is the patience to follow through with whatever professional advice he gives you.

Good luck.

My mum frowns at my plan to marry widower

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I have been in a relationship for the past three years. Recently, my boyfriend came to our house for introduction. He was welcomed by my father but my mother refused to give her blessing because he is a widower.

My mother doesn’t want me to marry a widower. Agatha, I love this man so much and he loves me too. He is so caring and considerate, remains ever attentive to my needs. What should I do since my mother hates the man I love so much?

Worried lady.

From Agatha:

Dear Worried Lady,

What do you want to do? Ditch him because your mother doesn’t agree with your choice of a widower for a husband?

Unless there is another reason other than the one your mother is advertising as her reason, please go ahead with this man. The dream of everywoman including your mother is to have a man who is caring, considerate and attentive to her needs. If she suspects him of killing his wife, she should say so rather than denying both of you the opportunity of a lifetime of happiness together.

Your life is the issue not your mother’s, who is already happy in her husband’s life. Although she is your mother but when it comes to the issue of being happy too in a man’s house, you should be more assertive unless of course you are not convinced about the choice of man you have beside you.

What your mother is trying to do here is to stigmatise this man because he is a widower. It couldn’t have been his desire to have his wife die at the time she did.

At any rate, if the wife didn’t die, you won’t have been free to love him the way you do. He has every right to be happy all over again. Death of a spouse can come at anytime. The fact that a spouse died doesn’t mean the living spouse should not attempt happiness again.

Rather than worrying about what your mother thinks of his status, why not concentrate on finding out more about the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with? You are the one wearing this shoe hence must be very comfortable with its fitting. If you truly love this man, whatever your mother is saying won’t bother you especially as your father, the head of your family unit, has accepted him.

This is the angle of worry. How much do you love this man? Are you sure your love for him is enough to withstand your mother’s position? The worry here is, if your love isn’t tough enough, you may find yourself doing your mother’s bidding and end up hurting this man again who has summoned the courage to be happy again. If you leave or hurt him, you will be doing more harm to him than the death of his first wife did.

It will bring back all the memories of that past he wants to move away from by offering to share his life with you. It couldn’t have been easy for him to want to try again, not knowing what the future holds for him with you. The heart of this man is tender, hence the need to treat him with care, respect and love.

You cannot afford to treat him the way you would hurt a man who hasn’t suffered the pains of bereavement of a spouse or a cherished girlfriend before. A lot of considerations went into his choice of you; the reason you should also be very definite about him. However, you still have to keep trying to market him to your mother. You know your mother more than anybody. As her child, you know what key to turn to bring out the endless love of that mother in her. You know the expression that always got you off her hook, what to do to soften her. Use all the tools you used as a child; trust me they still work wonders because no matter how old you are, you still remain her child.

Chances are she is simply paranoid; worried that something in his life could be the reason his first wife died.

Get her to see into your heart that this is one man you are very comfortable with, one you know would give you everlasting happiness.

Assure her your life is in the hands of God and that this is the one event in your life that you have the power to decide. Don’t be rude to her; it will only complicate her acceptance of your man. Endure her opposition with dignity and understanding of her position.

Overtime, the nature of the man shall erase whatever misgiving she has about him but until then, allow her be.

Good luck.

Can marriage turn my finance around?

With Auntie Agatha: gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I am the first in our family and would be 36 in June. I am seriously bothered by my single status. Most of my friends, age mates and even younger brothers and cousins are all married. It’s so embarrassing as my younger brother will soon be a father.
Can marriage turn my finance around? 
My father has tried all he could to get me a wife but I always remain uncooperative. My attitude is due to finance. Business has not been good for sometime and I know I need a steady flow of income for me to start contemplating marriage. Many of my friends are saying that I am too averse to risk. They said that marriage is a risk worth taking and that God would provide since he ordained the first marriage in the Bible.
Agatha, is it true that some ladies bring good luck to some men after marriage? I need your reply urgently.
Worried Bachelor. 

Agatha responds:
Dear Worried Bachelor,
And what if the business doesn’t pick up immediately, would you wait indefinitely?
There is nothing that is risk free in life. We are daily forced by the dynamics of life to make choices at every turn in life. Life itself is risky. The choice a baby makes from the labour room to stay alive is one of the greatest risks we make. Those babies who die at birth are those who just refuse to take a chance on this world; who didn’t want to take any risk at all.
The more we stay, the higher the 'demurrage' we pay for the risks we took at birth. Therefore, there is no risk we take in life that doesn’t have a compensation tied to it at the end of the day.
If we refuse to take a risk because we are afraid of the consequences of doing so, we pay the price of stagnation because we have given in to the command of fear.
There is nothing to marriage. It is as simple as breathing. Its complications come from the choice of a partner we make and not from the process of marriage itself.
Once a man or woman gets to the adult age of marriage, if not married, it becomes a real challenge to him or her.
Money isn’t all for a man to have a good marriage. Granted, it is a necessity but it doesn’t guarantee the success of a marriage. More than money, you need a woman who is full of understanding, caring, and patience, who is equally industrious, selfless, respectful, and appreciative to make a marriage work.
Rather than wait until you have the money, begin from the basic, look for the woman first. Marriages, these days, are the responsibilities of the couple, not just the man alone. A lot of wedding ceremonies are, these days, funded by both the man and the woman, sometimes more by the woman if her man isn’t in the best financial position to do anything. Let the woman decide that you don’t have enough money to keep her in your house, let the woman decide how much money she would need before she can make you a good wife and provide the support base you need from her.
Let the woman define what financial comfort means to her. It is not your place as the man to defeat yourself by pointing at your financial inability. If you are unable to boost your confidence how will a woman do that for you?
If you keep giving the excuse of finance, it means you are not really ready to venture into matrimony at all because from what I know of a lot of couples, only few ever have enough money in the bank when they decided to marry.
A lot of them today have more than they started out with because through the decision to marry, they unlock the key of success attached to matrimony by God.
Every marriage has its key of success. The moment a man or woman goes into matrimony, the God of sustenance steps in to offer sustainability to the couple. There may not be enough money for everything but the money needed to go from one day to the other never ceases to come in for those who know and have faith in God. This is the spiritual aspect of marriage. Because two people are now praying together, marriage attracts the presence of God to make it work at all cost. By the act of marriage a couple is reminding God of His reason and covenant for creating that institution, hence His provision when called upon.
In practical terms, two are better than one. When a man and woman combine their resources, wisdom, dreams and commitment, things are bound to work faster and better than coming from one person.
Once a man is married to his soul mate, the one ordained for him by God, things are bound to work well for the man. The problem is usually that of not waiting to hear from God before deciding on the choice of a woman for wife.
Remember a man who finds a good wife has found everything good. Look for that good woman first and every thing would follow.
Good luck.

Before her poor sense of grammar knocks me off…

With Auntie Agatha: gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I have been dating since 2009 a National Certificate of Education (NCE) final year student of Alvan Ikoku College of Education, Owerri, whom I met near my residence. She is an epitome of feminine charms and values.
My spirit is for her. There is commitment, intimacy and passion in our relationship. We love each other. She is the kind of person I would want as a wife.
However, the only snag is the academic gap between us. I am a Lawyer and a Law Officer in the Ministry of Justice, State Counsel and just obtained my Masters degree in Law (LL.M). She lacks confidence in expressing herself in the English Language.
She isn’t fluent and often makes grammatical errors on the few occasions that she spoke in English. On several occasions while we are alone, I gently and politely attempt to gradually instill confidence in her as well as teach her how to speak English but she always protests and objects owing to assumed embarrassment. I had to stop.
Recently, she told me that a prospective suitor, a Lagos-based medical practitioner, has brought drinks for introduction in accordance with tradition for her hand in marriage. This happened in January.
He intends to pay the bride price this Easter. He calls her but she doesn’t take his calls in my presence. At times, she requests me to take the calls, but I have always declined as I consider it unethical. The fact is, she met this doctor last October. Actually, the man’s mother arranged the meeting. According to my girl, the man didn’t disclose or discuss anything with her and that she didn’t even have any inkling that he was going to bring drinks to ask for her hand in marriage. She was taken unawares and cried on that day.
In order not to embarrass the man and her own family, she consented, but she barely knows this man. She lives and schools in Owerri while the man works in Lagos but they are from the same local government area. I have told her to secure admission into a university in the next academic session for better and quality education. I will engage and marry her next year. She is about 22 years of age and utterly confused and disoriented. It is clear to me that she loves me. We are afraid that we can’t let go of each other. Her trust and loyalty is torn between the doctor and I.
For now, I don’t intend to date the lady I met last January until this lady and I sought out our differences. We cry each time we are together because we are about to lose each other. We live close to each other.
Please, Agatha, what do we do? We urgently need your advice.
Jude. 

Agatha counsels:
Dear Jude,
If your relationship with this lady is facing threat from another man, it is because you failed to appreciate what you have. In addition, you got arrogant by your so-called qualification to have the time to consider the uniqueness of this girl.
What you failed to see in her another woman, who appreciates the qualities of this lady, saw in her and promptly recommended her to her son. While you were busy getting embarrassed by her inability to speak the kind of English you want in your woman, another man agreed to pay her bride price despite this flaw, which you have magnified as a major problem for you.
Deep down, you are not in love with her as you claim to be. If you have been dating her since 2009 and haven’t found any compelling reason to make it official, what makes you think she now has all the qualities you want in a woman? What gives you the impression that you can now cope with her academic limitations when you never seem to? This is more about this lady than you. Doubtless she loves you and from her reactions desire to spend the rest of her life with you. But it is doubtful if you have the same kind of feelings for her. If you won’t dump her when she needs you the most for someone you consider better qualified academically for you.
While the doctor suitor knows that paper qualification isn’t what makes a good wife, you on the other hand must come up with your own definition of what makes a good wife to you. Until you realize what is important in a wife, you will always face this challenge.
You must be able to draw a fine line between what is practicable and what is not. That a woman is a stark illiterate doesn’t make her short on the qualities that make a good wife. 

The qualification a woman needs to execute and discharge her responsibilities as a mother, wife, as well as efficient home keeper, is very different from the one she would need in her place of work. The two are not related at all. If you want to have a happy home, you must learn to make a clear distinction between these two qualifications.


A lot of time, what we think we want may not be what we need to be happy. Only the wise knows that often than not, our needs end up being better than what we think we want.
You must do the reconciliation between what you think you want in this lady or any other lady for that matter and the kind of woman you need in your life to be a very happy and contented man in life.
Sincerely, you have to go to God for help in making you come to this realization. With what you have said so far, you need to do this urgently before another man takes away from you the one woman that may be the one who turns out to matter to you the most in your life. 

Life doesn’t wait for anybody. It simply moves on to other things. Only the fortunate ever get a second chance to be happy and from experience once a man or woman loses that special person, it takes the extraordinary grace of God to get that kind of connection again in life.
Before it is too late, ask yourself this important question: would you ever get in one package the completeness of what you want in life? 
This is why manufacturers of goods are always coming up with new improved packages. As human beings, we are constantly going through metamorphosis through the help and patience of others. Our manual comes with warning about our imperfection. Hers is her inability to speak the kind of English that befits your status as state counsel even if she scores very high in the area of the raw materials you need as a man in a woman you want as your wife.
What she has is not a defect but the limit her brain can take for now. With time, if you really love her, she would improve sufficiently not to get you embarrassed.
Honestly, I would advise the girl to opt for the man whose love for her is unconditional; who is proud of her irrespective of her flaw; who appreciates her uniqueness as a woman and knows her worth as a woman. I would tell her to opt for certainty, which the other man offers her, as opposed to the uncertainty you represent.
Like I said, it is not about her but about what you want. You have it within your powers to stop the other man from getting the heart of the woman you love by doing the right thing. Nobody can help you develop the kind of pride that makes a man turn his back to any flaw in his woman. If you are not proud of whom she is, there is nothing any counsellor or I can do for you.
You must appreciate that the qualification a woman needs to be a wife is the qualification the school of life offers her. No matter how impressive a woman’s formal educational qualification may be, if the school of life scores her a failure on the important things of life, she would never have the intelligence, patience, wisdom, tolerance, respect, humility, fear of God and maturity to run her home successfully. When a woman is humble and patience, she has the best of everything to make her man happy.
These are qualifications a wise man looks out for in a woman he wants to marry which the doctor must have found in this girl to beat you to making formal his interest in her.
Ask for the grace of God to urgently help open your mind to what is important in life, to what you really need and not want.
Good luck.