Research: To enjoy long life, stop having sex! - Scientists

~Punch Nigeria. Thursday, February 16, 2017.



Scientists have suggested that they have finally found a recipe for long life:total abstinence from sex!

The University of Sheffield researchers rest their findings on the belief that nuns - who are believed to stay away from sex completely - tend to live longer.

Refraining from having sex will help you live longer than all your peers, the study found.

The scientists discovered that mealworm beetles live for longer if they avoid mating; while those who tried to produce offspring each day passed away at a much younger age.

Mating was found to release a hormone in the insects needed to produce sperm in a male or eggs in a female. But this was also found to have a negative effect on their immune system, the researchers found.

This makes them vulnerable to potentially deadly infections, as their body’s natural ability to fight rogue bacteria is compromised.

Though the mechanism is not necessarily the same in humans, study author, Dr. Michael Siva-Jothey, believes the principle can be applied.

He said: "Nuns tend to have a longer lifespan than women with children; and most people know of someone with a maiden (unmarried) aunt who seems to live forever.

"The question is, why? The beetles which mate die sooner than the beetles which don’t mate."

Humans also have weaker immune systems during sex, which explains how STIs can be easily spread, he added.

Nuns, priests, vicars and monks are known to live longer than others - but not for their religious protection.

It is believed that their low rates of high blood pressure - which increases the risk of heart disease and stroke - are responsible.

It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!

Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.

A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.

"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!

This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.

"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?

"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!

"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"

Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.

8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks

Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.

Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.

Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.

And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.

This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:

If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.

The unforgivable sin: Dating a broke man

~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.

"It is really sad that Yomi will pay me evil for good after all I did for him. I loved Yomi with my whole life and I was faithful to him all through our four years of courtship. I met him when he was a broke ass and literarily had nothing to his name. But I didn't care, because I saw he had all the potentials.

Everyone warned me, but I never listened. I split my salary to two every month end for 3 years. I paid his rent, fed and clothed him. He even used my car freely while I jumped on buses to work. My friends all thought I was crazy doing this, and then I got him a job and our world began to fall apart.

Yomi became a stranger; he started complaining that I was too fat, that I looked older than him and that our sex life was boring.

Believe me, I did all I could; I started dieting, I joined a gym club, I dressed to please him and I read all I could about sex.

But he didn't change and it was obvious he was out to frustrate me.

Three months ago, I saw the shocker on Instagram. He had proposed to another girl. She was younger, slimmer and was everything I wanted to be for Yomi." Nike, an accountant lamented.

I am very certain that in our circle of friends, we all have a Nike. We all have a relative like Nike, who refuses to see what all others are seeing and chooses to ignore all the screaming red flags in her relationship.


Many women like to focus on irrelevancies when it comes to going into a relationship. They prefer to focus more on the fun and sexy parts. They ignore the practical issues because things are exciting and passionate at the moment.

Wait a second please! I am not talking to teenagers here; I am talking to people who fall into "are you the one?" fabulous age bracket. I believe you guys don't have to fall in love based on how cute a guy is or what he promises to do. I am sure you are past the age where you will be fantasizing about his potentials or how cute your kids might look in the future.

Do you honestly believe your wife could do without sex?!

Written by Candida
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.

REASONS people give for committing adultery gets more and more atrocious by the day. Gbemi had been married to Yori for four years after a courtship that lasted almost six years. Only, in the last few years, their relationship had disintegrated and when their son was born two years ago, the love-making stopped. According to Gbemi: "Sometimes I felt more like the nanny for his son than a wife. I did most of the chores helped by an inexperienced house- help, on top of which I had a full-time job. But I got no appreciation or affection in return.

"I'd tried everything I could think of to try to fix things. I'd dressed in sexy lingerie to try and seduce him. I'd even tried blatantly asking to have sex. But Yori was having none of it, always brushing me off with excuses. After which he started coming to bed hours after me. It had been two years since we last made love and I was at my wits' end. Our sex life had always been important to me. In my view it really helps a couple bond. Without it, you're just two people living together. In the end, I sat him down and demanded we talk about it. I told him: 'We need to deal with this because no matter what you think, this is destroying our relationship.'

"He looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. 'I just don't feel like having sex any more. I'm sorry, but the desire has gone.' He said, a bit sad. It was a blow – but what he said next shocked me to the core. 'If you want it so badly, why don't you try someone else?" I told him I wanted to save our marriage, not leave it. 'That's not what I mean,' he said, 'you could have an affair. I wouldn't mind. People do it all the time.' This was not the way I expected the conversation to go. I wanted him to agree to try harder, not suggest I try with someone else. 'I want you,' I shouted at him. 'I want to have sex with you, not with anyone else. I want my marriage to work! But he's come up with 'his' solution and wasn't budging.


"He repeated the offer over a few months. I guess he knew I wouldn't do it. He was just saying it to shut me up. We were at this impasse, stuck in a sexless marriage when I ran into Francis, an old flame. We had gone out while we were at the university and he told me he was recently divorced. He was still handsome, still his jovial self. Even though I hadn't seen him for over 15 years we got on well and I was still attracted to him. He jokingly said he wouldn't mind taking me to bed for old time's sake and I said 'why not'.

When a man cheats on his wife!

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 15, 2017.

Please, close your eyes for a minute. Now, imagine that something terrible just happened to you, such as an accident or illness, rendering you incapable of being in charge of your life. You have become so incapacitated, you can no longer run your own show. You can no longer bark out orders at your family and loved ones.

You are no longer that fire spitting boss at the office that everyone dreaded to cross path with. No longer are you that loud laughing, back pumping buddy to your friends and colleagues. Your beer guzzling and cigarette puffing addiction which you loved to call enjoyment can no longer be fed. Yes, imagine that you are now totally dependent on some other persons to help you get by.

You need someone to take care of your personal private needs, particularly toilet needs. Simple tasks such as bathing, brushing your teeth, eating, sitting, getting into your own bed, talking, laughing, and even taking your own medication have become the duty of some others. All you can do now is stare at the ceiling and into space as you lay in your bed like a zombie. What do you think would happen to you should you suddenly become a vegetable? Who do you think ought to be responsible for your care?

This was exactly what happened to Steve, a 59 year old business man when he suddenly suffered a severe stroke two years ago. According to Angelica, his wife of about 25 years, it all happened so suddenly late one night." Because we did not share a room, I did not realise that anything had happened to him until I woke up at about 5.30am to use the bathroom and heard a muffled sound coming from his room.

It was a strange sound, so I decided to check on him. Then, I saw him, lay out straight and staring at the ceiling, foaming from his mouth. I rushed out of our apartment and alerted the neighbours to help us get him to the hospital and called his siblings and some close family members too. Informing them of the development.

This was very important so no one would accuse me of keeping his condition a secret from them until something irreversible happened. As you are aware, a woman is usually held responsible for any condition or death of her husband in this part of the world, even if the cause of his death is public knowledge.

At the hospital, we were informed that he had suffered a full stroke which had affected his brain severely. He lost virtually all his senses, movement, coordination, speech, feeling (touch), he just lay there, with his eyes open without seeing anything or acknowledging anything. The family coughed out a fortune to save his life and God granted him favour. He survived but became a vegetable. The man I once knew is gone and may never return to that body".

Why it pays to have hubby's mistress on your side!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 8, 2017.

WHILE some wives hang on to a marriage despite abuse bothering on 'intimate terrorism', quite a few who value their pride draw the line on how much they can take from a marriage before packing their bags – children and all. "One rainy day seven years ago,I recalled Freida, a hugely successful business woman, "an amateur detective mission I'd set myself came to fruition. I had amassed the clues and every- shred of evidence. I was closing in on the slut who was sleeping with my husband.

"My heart was virtually in my throat as the moment approached when I would finally confront her. The other woman. The mistress. My husband's bit on the side. Whatever name I chose to call her, she amounted to the same thing. She was the woman with whom my husband, Deji, was conducting an affair. The woman for whom he was willing to sacrifice our almost ten years of marriage and a happy home we'd built for our three children. And there she was, walking the length and breath of this fairly posh hotel as a supervisor. A staff member had discreetly pointed her to me and I walked up to her. 'Are you Linda?' I asked this slim tall woman with badly done hair extensions. I was really surprised at what I saw.

She was slim, tall and at least nine years younger than me. Her look of blank perflexing turned to shock when I told her, "I'm Freida, your lover's wife.' She looked really lost for words as she scanned the faces of other hotel guests.

"Until I came face to face with Linda, I'd envisaged Deji's mistress as a younger and more successful version of me. Yet here she was in bend-down jeans, a fake designer handbag and a cheap vest top. I felt relieved but also perplexed, that she wasn't what I call his type. She was several inches taller than him for a start. I simply couldn't picture them together.

She was dumb-struck. She meekly followed me to a cheaper eatery near the hotel after her manager agreed she could come with me for half an hour.

Husbands who bring out the worst in their wives!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 8, 2017.

SOME years back, a close friend invited three of her friends to lunch to mark her husband's birthday. Just the five of us, she warned on the phone – a subtle way of telling us not to even think of bringing any hangers-on to her 'exclusive' do. We all three knew Bose and her no- nonsense attitude. Even Oba, her husband tread on egg-shells whenever she was in her foul mood – which was often. Anyway, we were all looking forward to what we imagined would be a delicious spread of local and foreign dishes – Bose, whatever her fault, was a darn good cook.

We were a bit on guard when Oba was the one who welcomed us as we pressed the bell, screaming 'Bose, Bose, your friends are here o!' Bose appeared, dressed in pants and a very sexy blouse, a defiant look on her face. In the mean-time, no aroma of any kind wafted from the kitchen.

"If my friends are here nko?" Bose sneered. "It is your birthday, you entertain them" . The gist of it was there was no celebratory lunch of any kind. Bose glared at her husband, yelling she hadn't done any shopping and she wasn't up to cooking anything – all of us should go and stuff ourselves!

As she flauced out of the living room, her eldest daughter surfaced, looking extremely embarrassed. But Oba quickly took charge. He gave some money to her daughter to make a quick dash to the nearest fast-food spot and get us some assortment of food. Then with Bose still raving and ranting, he served the food his daughter brought back in the formal dining room as if it was the most delicious feast in the world, all the while regaling us with entertaining stories as if nothing was remotely out of the ordinary.

Now, were we surprised by this turn of event? Not in the least. We were all aware of Bose and Oba's volatile marriage. Bose often attacked her husband, subjecting him to a string of battering. Oba often regaled us with tales of how he was scratched, punched and even hit over the head with a bottle, as well as having the windscreen of a favourite vehicle smashed by his excessively jealous wife. The rows were never-ending and spilled into his official duties. On one occasion, he alleged Bose was waiting for him outside his office after he'd just finished a meeting with his key staff. "When I came out," he said, she confronted me about something and when I didn't give her the type of answer she sought, she sank her teeth into my hand."

What African husbands expect of their wives

~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, December 7, 2016. 

In no particular order, this is what some African men say they expect of their wives…

Slim down. Don't let people take you for my mother when, indeed, you are my wife. I love to see you exercise and eat less.

Don't disrespect me. I want to feel respected even with my imperfections. Correct me with respect.

Don't always claim your right. Be quick to say, “I am sorry.”

Don't delay me when we have to go out together. Start getting ready well ahead of time and don’t ever keep me waiting.

I love good food. If you have to attend catering school to make me eat well, please do.

I hate nagging. When you make your request, believe in me to do it in my own time. No amount of nagging can change me.

Don't belittle or gossip about me to anyone. If there are issues that need be to addressed, find a quiet time when we can talk, just the two of us; not necessarily in the middle of the night when you’re most likely going to disturb my sleep.

Don't prioritise anyone over me. Make me your number one - not your pastor, the children, your friends or your family.

Yes, I love sex! Don't withhold it. And don't ever use it as a bargaining chip.

Stop acting like my mother.

Between sexual fantasies and reality

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Monday, November 14, 2016.

Socially deviant sexual acts, date back to Biblical days with detailed records of several sexual acts as captured in the stories of Lot, the brother of Abraham and his wife and Lot's exit from the land of Sodom and Gomorah. Another story of incest was recorded in the story of Noah and his daughters. David's daughter, Tamarah also suffered the trauma of rape and incest in the hands of her brother.

All these were acts of sin before God and man considered them socially deviant. All the same they remained in the fabrics of society, underground acts to be performed under the cloak of darkness, behind tightly shut doors and princely parlours for the rich and powerful. Even as God forbade them, men enacted laws and punishments for those caught in the act of defiling the land and abusing their bodies and destroying the soul of society.

Yet, nothing seem capable of whipping us back into line and curtailing our wild imaginations. If you are one of those who think sex is a simple act performed between a man and a woman and that the missionary position is the most conventional and acceptable, you are in for a big surprise.

Almost on a daily basis, you get to read about all sorts of socially deviant sexual behaviours, some even involving so called men of God. While adultery, rape and incest seem to top the list, there are several other more shocking acts taking place, many shrouded in secrecy. For instance, sometime last year, 2015, stories broke about America's golden black boy, Bill Cosby and his alleged rape accusations.

It was revealed that over a dozen women at various times spanning almost three decades have accused him of luring them into apartments and sexually assaulting them. A peculiar feature in the manner of assault is that they all claim they were drugged. They recounted how they got to the apartments and were served drink meant to make them relax, only to discover that they had been violated on waking up from their forced state of stupor.

Dear Aunty Julie (Relationship, Romance, Healthe and Fitness) -|- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Topics:

Dear Aunty Julie,

• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel guilty about cheating on him
• Help! I had anal s3x and started bleeding
• I'm in love with my husband's best friend
• How do I forgive his sexting
• My husband's friend is destroying our marriage
• My friends want me to sleep with an older woman
• He doesn't like sex during my period
•  Sex with my husband is painful
• I love sex but I don't want anything serious
• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel uncomfortable around my father-in-law
• Aunty Julie, I have a crush on my best friend's brother
• I'm sexually attracted to a man at work, I'm married
• Wetness from my vagina dries into tiny crumbs, smells funny
• Dear Aunty Julie, Help! I am developing feelings for my teacher
• He's scared about sex during my period
• We had sex and I'm itching
• I was raped
• Her parents think we're too young
• My mom is too protective
• Is my lover’s passion strange?

_______________________________________

Dear Julie, My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Written by Aunty Julie
~Vanguard, Nigeria. November 11, 2016.

Aunty Julie,
My husband of two years is very sociable and has many close friends that we meet up with for dinner. But he also has clingy friend who comes to our home every Friday and stays until Sunday afternoon. I am often lying around in very little or feeding our baby. One morning he bumped into me naked in the bathroom.

I feel as though my privacy is being invaded. My husband just expects me to chat to him but I am getting angry and we end up having huge fights. If I blame my husband, his friend jumps in and ticks me off. When we went to his house he put on a pornographic film and both he and my husband started grinning at me.

Even on our first anniversary supper this man turned up at the restaurant and joined us for coffee. My husband promises to talk to him but nothing has changed. He texts and telephones my husband every day. This man is nice and he loves our daughter, but I feel as if I am in competition with him for my husband’s attention. How can I stop him coming around all the time.
Anonymous, Lagos.

Dear Anonymous,
Neither your husband nor his friend are being fair to you. To use Princess Diana’s much quoted phrase, there are three of us in this marriage. No wife would want another man there all weekend, leaving her little time to be with her husband. It is difficult enough to find time to just be a couple when there is a new baby, let alone when there is someone else there all the time.
So talk to your husband once more and ask him to tell his friend that you want more time as a couple. It would be fine if he stayed over once a month or came for supper sometimes, but not nearly so frequently. If your husband does nothing then you should talk to his friend yourself. Explain that you like him but you want more time as a couple.

You could offer to find him a girlfriend to keep him occupied . He should definitely not be joining you on your next wedding anniversary. I assume your husband and this man are not in a relationship.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Julie, I feel guilty about cheating on him

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016.

Aunty Julie,

My guy and I have been together for the past 10 years. We have been living together but we are not married and my family is kicking. I have always felt like we had a pretty good relationship and although I am away for work quite often, I have never felt tempted to stray.

But last year, I met another guy at a conference and we clicked well and ended up talking for hours. However, one thing led to another and things happened that I never intended to happen. I's not really a big deal but I'm actually dying inside over the guilt I have now.

I haven't seen the guy again but I am struggling because on one hand, I want to tell my partner but on the other, I feel like it will hurt him so much.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I also wonder to myself why this happened and if I'm happy in my relationship, what made this so available and easy? Is there something more, is there a reason this happened?

Laila, Kogi

Dear Laila,

You are feeling guilty and confused. You seem to care but wonder how you could do this at the same time. The truth is, when our feelings, thoughts and behaviours don't match, we enter the state of cognitive dissonance, which is usually difficult until we get aligned by either reassessing our values or changing our behaviours, so that things line up again.

You are struggling because you are evolving and growing from the situation inside you. But I'm curious if you are more troubled by telling your partner the truth or feeling the judgments. The biggest judge is the person in the mirror. Just like you can love someone but not everything they do, you can love yourself but not everything you've done. That might be a starting point.

I would love to marry a man who likes sex -Linda Ikeji

Written by Rotimi Agbana
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016. 

Linda Ikeji

Famous Nigerian blogger, Linda Ikeji, needs no introduction because she has already made a name for herself in her chosen choice of trade. The ace blogger who has diligently put in a decade of her lifetime into the now proliferated trade of blogging, recently decided to discuss the things she requires in a man she would love to marry.

According to Linda, any man who would finally claim her heart and eventually take her to the altar must be dexterous and highly skillful at the things of the inner room. When asked if she has been getting proposals from suitors as well as what she requires in a man she would love to marry, she dropped some interesting points. "I'm getting quite a lot of proposals.

You know people say when a woman is successful, men run away, it's a lie, that is when they chase you the more. But unfortunately, I haven't seen what I'm looking for. To be honest, I keep telling people, it's not like men are scarce, it's the type of man some of us are looking for that is scarce, if I want to marry next year I can, but he would not be the kind of man I want.

I want a man that I can look up to, someone that inspires me, someone that would push me, someone that would motivate me, somebody that has had some success in his own career path, then I can look up to him and be like "wow", a man that teaches me and I can learn from. I'm inspired by successful people, someone like Tyler Perry, I can't wait to meet him. I can't marry a poor guy, I'm being honest about it, no I can't, he doesn't have to be very rich but let him be successful in his own way. You may come across some successful men but there is something wrong there, so the whole package is what I'm looking for.

When I was like 30-years old, my standards were very high, extremely high, but I wasn't looking at marrying, I was just focused on work because I've always been so ambitious that I wasn't focusing on marriage or kids. I felt like I should just do what I wanted to do. It was just recently that I began to think about marriage, and to be honest, my requirements are only three now. He must be successful, he must be a good man, in the sense that he must be supportive of me, if he tries to stifle me then I'm out. Lastly, he has to be a man that likes sex and must be very good at it", she stated.

Who is a husband?

Written by Lady Helen Noyo Owie

Lady Helen Noyo Owie, LSJI, JP is daughter of Mary USA.

~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, October 27, 2016.

I HAVE chosen to speak on the topic "WHO IS A HUSBAND". The scripture tells us in Ephesians 5 vs 28,33 that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. A husband is a male in a marital relationship, the rights and obligation of a husband regarding his spouse, others and his status in the community and in-laws vary between cultures and have varied overtime. Husband is the head of a legally married union to a woman, be it in the church, that is holy matrimony, or in the Registry – Court marriage or just the native law and custom.

The man, therefore, should see his wife as a help-mate- Gen. 2 vs 18. And the Lord said it is not good for a man to be alone. God made for man a suitable companion to help him. Gen. 2 vs 21 – man therefore should love his wife just as he loves his body- Malachi 2 vs 14, Gen. 2 vs 24. Husbands should be faithful to their wives. Marriage is an institution ordained by God. Gen. 2 vs 24.

For this reason the man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and they shall become one. Therefore, husbands should see their wives as help mates, sister and dependable ally, as the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh- Gen. 2 vs 23-25. Husbands, therefore, should realise that the wife is created by God for him- Gen. 2 vs 21. The husband should therefore be conscious of the fact that his destiny is tied to that of his wife. As a husband you are the head of the home.

You must try to build a good home in the face of the moral and societal ills of our society. And give a good leadership role to your family. You will agree with me that not all husbands are husbands, some are fathers, some big boys, some adults, some men. The real husband the Bible tells us in Gen. 2 vs 24. Ephesian 5 vs 25-28, 33 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Let me delve briefly into the role of a father. John 10 vs 11

1. a. Father is a shepherd:

A good shepherd is ready at all times to protect, provide, defend, give shelter and care for his family and give good education and moral standards for the children and of course good leadership roles for his family. A father, who is the shepherd, must smell like the sheep. He must make unconditional sacrifices to make his wife and children comfortable. He should be ready to love his wife in an unconditional manner. John 10 vs 11.

”FOR THE MARRIED WOMEN AND THOSE INTENDING TO GET MARRIED, LISTEN AND TAKE HEED!!

Excerpts from Pastor Chris’ Teaching! 
~Christ Embassy.Org Online Missions

Pastor Chris Oyakhilome

Husband does not mean the male partner in a marriage, husband means master. The reason for most problems in Christian marriages is the fact that women refute God’s definition of marriage and form theirs. 

They believe they are equal partners. If most women had their fathers bold enough to talk to them, they will be very successful in their marriage and they will be very happy people. Most women have never been taught by their parents, their fathers particularly and that’s their biggest problem because they don’t know who a man is, they think he is another woman. 

In marriage, you have the man who is the head of that union and because he’s the head of that union, its important to understand him. You think he’s the one that needs to understand his wife and that is where you are wrong. 
He will eventually but you have to know the type of man you are married to and his needs.When you say you are marrying a man, you are coming under his authority. 
The Bible says, the man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) so when you marry him you come under his authority, you are not authority sharers even though you are both heirs to the kingdom of God.When you decide not to subject yourself to that authority, you are a rebel and God is not going to accept what you are doing because you are not functioning correctly. 

Why did God make the woman? Making woman was not God’s original plan because after God created Adam and before He made Eve, He said in Genesis 1:31 “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good”. 
God made woman because of man so woman was not His original idea. This is reality.Genesis 2:18a “And the Lord God said “for it is not good for a man to be alone..” The Bible didn’t say “lonely” but “alone”. 


There is a big difference. Man wasn’t lonely but alone. Genesis 2:18b “…I will make him an help meet”. He didn’t say a partner or a supervisor or a special advisor or someone to tell him what to do.
I will make him someone to help him. God gave man a responsibility so woman was made to help man achieve that responsibility. If this is understood in every home then you won’t have problems.

The Patient Wife Gets Her Man At What Cost!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 18, 2016. 

IT was a little incident, but it opened the floodgate of nostalgia, I'd arrived late at a wedding reception and was ushered to what looked like the high table. The groom's mother is a close friend. I sensed rather than saw this look of disapproval burning into my scalp. I turned, and there she was – Dolapo's wife. I held her gaze and gave as much hostility as she emitted. She promptly looked away. How long ago was it? Over 20 years at least. I'd met Dolapo on a flight from abroad when he wangled his way to the empty seat by my side in first class. Those were the good old days!

The goodies I didn't want jostled about in the haul was deliberately perched on the empty seat next to mine. I had to shift for Dolapo to sit down. It later expired that the seat was booked in his assistant's name but he quickly nudged the poor man towards his own seat so he could sit next to me. I wasn't really interested in what he had to say. Someone else had treated me to this holiday and I'd had fun. Then I noticed he was a picky eater. First, he didn't touch the individual pot of caviar that was served with the starter. Then the lobster in his main dish was left untouched. "I'm allergic to sea food," he whined. Deftyly, I scooped the lobster on to my plate and retrieved the pot of caviar.

"That moment you stole my food," Dolapo later boasted, "I knew I would get my pound of flesh!" And he was a very easy person to love. In spite of his position, he conducted our affair as if he were single. Our social outings were very public and once or twice, his private driver had hinted I should ask him to be a bit careful, that whenever he sent him to mine, it was always within ear- short of the poor wife.


What exactly was I supposed to do? From the little he told me, his marriage obviously wasn't up to much. What was more, I was almost divorced, I had no irate husband to worry about. We were together every opportunity we had and the man's appetite for sex was insatiable! It was as if he couldn't have enough of me. Even when we were apart, I had one of these cordless phones with a very wide range as mobiles weren't in vogue then. I took the phone everywhere I went and became a laughing stock with my friends.

Still, Dolapo's wife's ghost was always there. I saw both of them together a few times in the dailies and she fitted my image of a dull, frumpy wife. Even the wig she always had on looked like a badly used mop. I was never a frumpy dresser and for him, I pushed the boat out a bit – wearing really flattering gears any time we were together. And he often spent the night too – his martyr of a wife never questioned him and they had separate bedrooms.

Marriage: Marriage is not for Everyone

Topics:
Marriage is not for Everyone
Five steps to save your marriage
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Marriage is not for Everyone
Written by Ogaga Otaotu

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 18, 2016.

The Mature Single Woman(MSW) is an unmarried single lady who is of the age 30 and above. Today's Woman spoke to some beautiful ladies during the week and they shared their day to day experiences in the office, public places, at home and at events. Some said they had to deal with all sorts challenges from: neighbors, male colleagues and relatives. The question is "Is it a crime to be a mature single lady?"

Forty-year-old Abike, a banker, said just recently, there arose the issue of attendance in her office. Her male colleague claimed he arrived the office before her but was trying to tidy up some things in the car before she signed in.

An argument ensued and before you could say hey! the young man blurted "Oh ...you think you can talk to me like that? I don't blame you... that is why you can never be married".

As far as Abike is concerned, you get to hear that line regularly as a mature single lady. It can either be told to your face or behind you. She has however learnt to laugh it off.

Nnena, 36year old business woman, recounted a bitter experience she had some months ago. She got to her business place in high spirit and was busy tending to her goods when her neighbor came in to remind her of the outstanding electricity bill.

She had not paid because she was away the previous week. What started as a mild disagreement led to a heated argument and the neighbor dropped the usual line "that's why you are not married, because of your bad attitude". Nnenna wept sore, locked up her store and went home.

When your man needs 'outside' help'!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 11, 2016.

With many of our men complaining of different types of 'accidents' in the bedroom, it is no surprise that the help of what is now termed a 'sexual surrogate' could come in handy. The average 'sexual surrogate' is not a prostitute but a trained psychotherapist who acts as a surrogate for men suffering from a variety of sexual problems which are hampering their ability to have a normal physical relationship.

Padma Deva is currently a highly successful surrogate based in the UK. She said she's never had a negative experience with a client, and far from feeling in any way degraded by her work, she finds it emotionally fulfilling.

According to her: "It is wonderful to witness the transformation my clients undergo, and knowing I have played a part in that is rewarding. During an initial consultation with a new client, I recommend a client sees their doctor to rule out physical causes for their sexual problems such as diabetes or high blood pressure."

If surrogacy is deemed appropriate, she asks her client to take a sexually transmitted disease test before hand. Only then can the surrogacy work begin. To start with, both client' and surrogate may remain fully clothed, focusing on exercises such as touching each other's hands, arms, shoulders and face. As the therapy advances, the client and the surrogate may build up to removing their clothes, engaging in genital contact and, if necessary and appropriate, full sexual intercourse.

Affairs with married women are not as 'safe' as men think – Reader

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 28, 2016.

FROM time to time, I get letters from you readers that are so interesting that I feel I ought to share them with the rest of you. A few days back, a letter simply signed "Iyabode" popped up on my e-mail and I couldn't help chuckling to myself as I read it. She wrote: "Dear Bunmi, I am one of the regular readers of your articles in The Vanguard every Sunday, and I do not even know how fully I can express my feelings about your articles. If I may tell you, they have really improved my lifestyle and I always make copies available to friends whenever the need arises.

Bunmi, I shall be grateful if you can please help write something one of these days on: Why men of today prefer married women as girlfriends. Honestly speaking, it is a vogue in town these days. Please help emphasize on the following points:

Class: This set of married women are known for their own class. Most of them are wives of rich and notorious men. These men also go out at all times with extremely younger girls, leaving their wives and kids at home, thinking that money can fix everything, forgetting about love and happiness.

Sex: This category of ladies are preferred by men because they do have wide sexual experiences and they are very safe as they don't pester the men for marriage.

Fashion: These ladies are very fashion conscious. They are seen in designer dresses and at beauty parlours. They do not mind how much they spend on manicures, pedicures and professionally

Caught red-handed by her mother!

Written by Candida
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 14, 2016.


Some few months back, at one of these private A-list parties, Dora was having the time of her life. So were a few of us that shared a table.


We were all social friends and the banter was smutty but harmless, until Greg walked in. An obvious hunk, he was way beyond our reach because of his young age – barely 35. He obviously knew Dora as he stopped for a chat, his after-shave almost fouling the air. You know these seemingly cock-sure men, just before making an entrance at any function, they top up on their aftershave, ignoring the less-is-more doctrine.

As he exchanged banter with Dora, his eyes were firmly fixed on her cleavage. In fairness to the poor bloke, the top Dora had on left very little to the imagination. They exchanged phone numbers. What for; I thought fleetingly? Later Dora let it slip that Greg was the older sibling of her daughter's boyfriend. Safe enough, I thought. But how safe sort of burst into the open some four months later. Greg had apparently found his way into Dora's pants. None of their escapades would have been noticed if Tade, Dora's husband, hadn't chucked her out.

"It's Gloria's fault", she fumed as I let her in when she begged to be put up for the night. "And she's going to pay, mark my word," then she burst into heart wrenching tears. What happened?

"Tade found out about Greg and I from Gloria," she spat.

It took a few seconds for me to figure out who Greg was. "You slept with Greg?"

I asked, appalled.

"I couldn't resist him", she confessed. "He pursued me endlessly, said flattering things to me. You know Fade's libido had been down for a while and it was quite flattering when Greg sent me steamy texts of all the things he would love to do to me if he had half a chance. I texted him back. What started as harmless bantering took a wild turn the day I agreed to see him at his flat. I'd hardly touched my drink when he pounced. He was also muscular – a far cry from Tade's sinewy, middle-aged body. I wanted him – all that young, hard rippled sexiness. And he was well worth the risk of my marriage as we made wild passionate love.

My advice to married couples after divorcing my wife of 16 years

~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, August 7, 2016.

It is not every day you get to hear a man, especially in these parts, admitting that making a marriage work is not just the wife's job. When a marriage breaks up here, the woman gets all the blame or at best, the bulk of it. It is either she has gone fat or can no longer satisfy her husband in bed or her career has taken over her family life. Maybe she now dresses shabbily or suddenly her educational qualification is below her husband's new status but today, a man, black though not Nigerian, offers a candid insight into all those things men take for granted in marriage, and perhaps why marriages are collapsing faster than they are being contracted. Here we go…

Obviously, I'm not a relationship expert. But there's something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me a perspective of things I wish I would have done different... After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here's the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.