It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!

Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.

A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.

"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!

This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.

"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?

"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!

"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"

Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.

Mom's blood pressure predicts baby's sex before conception -Scientists

~Punch Nigeria. Thursday, January 19, 2017. 

Some Canadian scientists have said that it is possible to determine the sex of a baby months before it is even conceived.

They say that a woman's blood pressure at around 26 weeks before conception could tell if she will have a boy or a girl.

"Higher systolic blood pressure signals she will deliver a boy while lower suggests a girl," says endocrinologist at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Dr. Ravi Retnakaran.

In a study published in the American Journal of Hypertension, the researchers reached the conclusion as they tried to determine what is responsible for the ratio between girls and boys in a population.

In the new study, the mean systolic blood pressure reading for women who had boys was 106 mm Hg, compared to 103 mm Hg for those who had girls, in the months leading up to conception.

"When a woman becomes pregnant, the sex of a foetus is determined by whether the father's sperm provides an X or Y chromosome and there is no evidence that this probability varies in humans," added Dr. Retnakaran

"What is believed to vary is the proportion of male or female foetuses that is lost during pregnancy

"This study suggests that either lower blood pressure is indicative of a mother's physiology that is less conducive to survival of a male foetus or that higher blood pressure before pregnancy is less conducive to survival of a female foetus.

"This novel insight may hold implications for both reproductive planning and our understanding of the fundamental mechanisms underlying the sex ratio in humans,” he disclosed.

For the study, 1,411 newly-married Chinese women were recruited, all of whom were trying to become pregnant.

Their blood pressure was checked at around 26 weeks before conception and they were followed through pregnancy. Overall, the women gave birth to 739 boys and 672 girls.

Twins from different fathers in one womb

Written by Sola Ogundipe
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 15, 2017. 

Siblings can have different fathers; can twins born of a woman have two fathers? The straight answer is yes. Twins could be "bipaternal." This phenomenon occurs quite rarely (1 in a billion to be exact), but several pairs of non-identical twins have been born, tested and found to be the products of one womb, one pregnancy, but two fathers.

It is often assumed that for twins, both eggs were fertilized during a single act of intercourse. However it is quite possible for one egg to be fertilized during one act of intercourse, and the other during another if the woman has intercourse with two men within hours.

Normally, women ovulate only one healthy egg per cycle. Fraternal twins are born when women ovulate two healthy eggs and both get fertilised. But it is also possible for two eggs to be ovulated during the same cycle and fertilised at different points within the five-day fertility window resulting in twins. This process is known as "superfecundation". What this means is that each egg can be fertilised by different sperms.

If a woman ovulates two or more eggs and she has sex with more than one man while she's fertile, "heteropaternal superfecundation" can occur, if the eggs get fertilised by sperm from the two different fathers within the same ovulation period.

Medical research shows that when a woman has sex with two men within the same ovulation window, it can result in bi-paternal twins, that come when a woman releases two eggs during ovulation instead of one - and both eggs are then fertilized.

Dear Aunty Julie (Relationship, Romance, Healthe and Fitness) -|- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Topics:

Dear Aunty Julie,

• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel guilty about cheating on him
• Help! I had anal s3x and started bleeding
• I'm in love with my husband's best friend
• How do I forgive his sexting
• My husband's friend is destroying our marriage
• My friends want me to sleep with an older woman
• He doesn't like sex during my period
•  Sex with my husband is painful
• I love sex but I don't want anything serious
• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel uncomfortable around my father-in-law
• Aunty Julie, I have a crush on my best friend's brother
• I'm sexually attracted to a man at work, I'm married
• Wetness from my vagina dries into tiny crumbs, smells funny
• Dear Aunty Julie, Help! I am developing feelings for my teacher
• He's scared about sex during my period
• We had sex and I'm itching
• I was raped
• Her parents think we're too young
• My mom is too protective
• Is my lover’s passion strange?

_______________________________________

Dear Julie, My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Written by Aunty Julie
~Vanguard, Nigeria. November 11, 2016.

Aunty Julie,
My husband of two years is very sociable and has many close friends that we meet up with for dinner. But he also has clingy friend who comes to our home every Friday and stays until Sunday afternoon. I am often lying around in very little or feeding our baby. One morning he bumped into me naked in the bathroom.

I feel as though my privacy is being invaded. My husband just expects me to chat to him but I am getting angry and we end up having huge fights. If I blame my husband, his friend jumps in and ticks me off. When we went to his house he put on a pornographic film and both he and my husband started grinning at me.

Even on our first anniversary supper this man turned up at the restaurant and joined us for coffee. My husband promises to talk to him but nothing has changed. He texts and telephones my husband every day. This man is nice and he loves our daughter, but I feel as if I am in competition with him for my husband’s attention. How can I stop him coming around all the time.
Anonymous, Lagos.

Dear Anonymous,
Neither your husband nor his friend are being fair to you. To use Princess Diana’s much quoted phrase, there are three of us in this marriage. No wife would want another man there all weekend, leaving her little time to be with her husband. It is difficult enough to find time to just be a couple when there is a new baby, let alone when there is someone else there all the time.
So talk to your husband once more and ask him to tell his friend that you want more time as a couple. It would be fine if he stayed over once a month or came for supper sometimes, but not nearly so frequently. If your husband does nothing then you should talk to his friend yourself. Explain that you like him but you want more time as a couple.

You could offer to find him a girlfriend to keep him occupied . He should definitely not be joining you on your next wedding anniversary. I assume your husband and this man are not in a relationship.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Julie, I feel guilty about cheating on him

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016.

Aunty Julie,

My guy and I have been together for the past 10 years. We have been living together but we are not married and my family is kicking. I have always felt like we had a pretty good relationship and although I am away for work quite often, I have never felt tempted to stray.

But last year, I met another guy at a conference and we clicked well and ended up talking for hours. However, one thing led to another and things happened that I never intended to happen. I's not really a big deal but I'm actually dying inside over the guilt I have now.

I haven't seen the guy again but I am struggling because on one hand, I want to tell my partner but on the other, I feel like it will hurt him so much.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I also wonder to myself why this happened and if I'm happy in my relationship, what made this so available and easy? Is there something more, is there a reason this happened?

Laila, Kogi

Dear Laila,

You are feeling guilty and confused. You seem to care but wonder how you could do this at the same time. The truth is, when our feelings, thoughts and behaviours don't match, we enter the state of cognitive dissonance, which is usually difficult until we get aligned by either reassessing our values or changing our behaviours, so that things line up again.

You are struggling because you are evolving and growing from the situation inside you. But I'm curious if you are more troubled by telling your partner the truth or feeling the judgments. The biggest judge is the person in the mirror. Just like you can love someone but not everything they do, you can love yourself but not everything you've done. That might be a starting point.

When your man needs 'outside' help'!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 11, 2016.

With many of our men complaining of different types of 'accidents' in the bedroom, it is no surprise that the help of what is now termed a 'sexual surrogate' could come in handy. The average 'sexual surrogate' is not a prostitute but a trained psychotherapist who acts as a surrogate for men suffering from a variety of sexual problems which are hampering their ability to have a normal physical relationship.

Padma Deva is currently a highly successful surrogate based in the UK. She said she's never had a negative experience with a client, and far from feeling in any way degraded by her work, she finds it emotionally fulfilling.

According to her: "It is wonderful to witness the transformation my clients undergo, and knowing I have played a part in that is rewarding. During an initial consultation with a new client, I recommend a client sees their doctor to rule out physical causes for their sexual problems such as diabetes or high blood pressure."

If surrogacy is deemed appropriate, she asks her client to take a sexually transmitted disease test before hand. Only then can the surrogacy work begin. To start with, both client' and surrogate may remain fully clothed, focusing on exercises such as touching each other's hands, arms, shoulders and face. As the therapy advances, the client and the surrogate may build up to removing their clothes, engaging in genital contact and, if necessary and appropriate, full sexual intercourse.

Affairs with married women are not as 'safe' as men think – Reader

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 28, 2016.

FROM time to time, I get letters from you readers that are so interesting that I feel I ought to share them with the rest of you. A few days back, a letter simply signed "Iyabode" popped up on my e-mail and I couldn't help chuckling to myself as I read it. She wrote: "Dear Bunmi, I am one of the regular readers of your articles in The Vanguard every Sunday, and I do not even know how fully I can express my feelings about your articles. If I may tell you, they have really improved my lifestyle and I always make copies available to friends whenever the need arises.

Bunmi, I shall be grateful if you can please help write something one of these days on: Why men of today prefer married women as girlfriends. Honestly speaking, it is a vogue in town these days. Please help emphasize on the following points:

Class: This set of married women are known for their own class. Most of them are wives of rich and notorious men. These men also go out at all times with extremely younger girls, leaving their wives and kids at home, thinking that money can fix everything, forgetting about love and happiness.

Sex: This category of ladies are preferred by men because they do have wide sexual experiences and they are very safe as they don't pester the men for marriage.

Fashion: These ladies are very fashion conscious. They are seen in designer dresses and at beauty parlours. They do not mind how much they spend on manicures, pedicures and professionally

35 per cent decline in sperm count: Infertile men everywhere!

Written by Chioma Obinna

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 31, 2016

Mention "Infertility" and cold shivers run down peoples' spines. Infertility threatens the love, peace and joy in a home. Many homes are faced with the agony of childlessness and infertility is fast becoming a plague. The desire of every couple is to become parents within the first or second year of marriage. While many couples have this dream fulfilled, quite a number of others do not; no matter how hard they try. When pregnancy is not achieved at a point, mistrust sets in. Most of the time, the woman bears the bulk of the blame.

Such was the case of Obigaeri and her childhood friend, Emeka, who later became her husband. "The moment I noticed my mother in-law's frequent visits, I became suspicious," Emeka said.Emeka and Obigaeri were close enough friends right from childhood that what started like child's play blossomed into real life marriage.

Six years into the marriage, there was no sign of pregnancy not even a miscarriage. Tongues started wagging. Love in the home suddenly grew sour. Like the usual practice in Africa, the woman is blamed. Obiagaeri became a laughing stock before her husband's family.

No one saw any good in her anymore. Obiagaeri's world came crashing down. Month after month, she continued to wallow in self pity, hoping for a miracle. One day she ran into an old school mate, and they got talking. She narrated her story, and her school mate counselled and encouraged her to insist that her husband also go for a medical check up. But like the typical Nigerian woman, Obiageri was afraid to confront her husband.

While praying to God to open her womb, Obiageri had been to two in-vitro fertility, IVF, centres where she was given a clean bill of health. Six months later, when she could no longer bear the harassments by family members, she finally opened up:"I told my husband that it was time for him to also check himself". But the response she received from Emeka shocked her. "Why should you involve me in that?", he queried. His reaction was typical of African men.

A heart touching story by Ugandan mother

My name is Harriet Namayengo, I’m 40 years old and I come from Lugazi, Uganda.

I’m a married lady but with no children.  I've written this letter to fans of this page to share with you my pain that I’ve always lived with. It’s pain of childlessness that was inflicted upon me by my heartless co-wife. It all happened 12 years ago. I had just completed my Nursing course and I was working in one of the missionary hospitals in Uganda.

While still at school, I fell in love with James, a medical officer in Eastern Uganda. James was such a nice man that he always visited me at school and showered me with so many presents. This honestly convinced me that he was single as he had told me. While in my last year at the Nursing school, I got pregnant and so James arranged for our wedding, I had already been assured a job at the hospital, he decided to put me in his house in Kampala.

The shock of my life however came shortly after I gave birth to my baby gal. It was then that James disclosed to me that he was so excited coz I had finally given him a baby gal since he had 5 sons. I was surprised and when I told him to repeat what he had said; he apologized and said it was a mistake. I could see it in his eyes that he was hiding something from me so I probed him further. This is when he told me that he was actually married and had a wife with 5 sons. I was disappointed but confused since I loved James so much.

Infertility and the futility of blame game

Written by ONYINYE ECHENDU
Echendu is a fertility physician with The Bridge Clinic, Lagos.
~The SUN, Nigeria. Monday, June 20, 2016

PRECIOUS and her husband, Michael, have been married for eight years but have no children. Their marital journey, which started on a fairy note while they were in the university culminated in a grandi­ose wedding ceremony that was well attended by members of both families as well as friends and well-wishers from far and wide. The highpoint of the ceremony was the arrival of Michael's mother from the United States, where she was nursing one of her daughters' newly born baby, to attend the wedding in Lagos.

A few years into the marriage, Michael's sisters started murmuring their concerns over the inabil­ity of Precious to have a child. Initially, Precious kept these concerns to herself but after a while, she complained to her husband who reassured her and took it up with his sisters and mother. At the time, Precious mother in-law warned her daughters to let the poor woman be as she was confident Precious would bear many grandchildren for her.

On the eve of their sixth wedding anniversary, Precious was invited by her mother in-law. Unsure of the reasons for the invitation, Precious told her husband of the invitation and they both wondered what the invitation was all about. To her greatest surprise, Michael's mother told Precious that her in­ability to bear children for her son has got to a stage that the family wants an explanation. She further informed her that their involvement was necessi­tated by the sheer cowardice of their son, Michael, who could not ask her some critical questions. The woman told her pointedly that they are very fruitful in their family and asked her if barrenness was in their home. Michael's mother asked her how many abortions she carried out before she met her son etc. She was very surprised her husband did not utter a word and cried throughout the meeting.

When they got home that evening, she called her husband to ask why he would let his family humiliate her in that manner, and what made them think their inability to bear children was her fault. Michael got angry and, for the first time in their re­lationship, slapped her for linking him to her inabil­ity to conceive. Ignited by this incident, Precious gathered herself and went to the doctor to ascertain who is to blame for their infertility.

Your friend needs not find out what you did with her man!

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, June 19, 2016

COPING with the breakup of a relationship youthought would last for ever, especially if you're the one dumped, could be a living nightmare.

Linda, a marketing executive in her early 30s suddenly found herself at a loose end after Linus, her boyfriend of 18 months walked out on her. Two months after, what she termed nothing short of a miracle happened. "It started at a musical concert of all places", she told me, a lot of sparkle in her eyes. "I'd gone to drown my sorrow instead of watching TV and feeling sorry for myself. I went to the concert with Babs, my best friend's boyfriend. I'd planned to go with Buky, my friend, but she was busy and had urged Babs to go without her, and take me instead.

"It was a lively but private concert and different types of booze and canape flowed. Babs, wasn't feeling on top of the world either, and I let it slip how being dumped made me feel inadequate and unsexy. I mean, if I'd repulsed my own boyfriend enough for him to dump me that unceremoniously, would any man desire me again? `Well, that's exactly how Buky made me feel,' agreed Babs. I felt a bit sorry for him. Buky had told me a bit about their sex life. She was bored with him. He didn't excite her in bed any more, she said, and she was

getting ready to dump him. She hated how soppy and devoted he was, but could I tell him all that? We continued drinking as we talked about our hurt feelings, our rubbish sex lives. Then a lively number came up and Babs asked me to dance.

"As he held me in his arms, I felt a light jolt. It was like all that sexual frustration had sparked and become something else. Lust! Without speaking, he ran his hands all over my back and was grabbing my bum at one stage. My hand accidentally brushed against his groin and his response was instant! How could Buky be such a fool? She had what I didn't, a sexy man who wanted her. Well, if she didn't want him, I did!

Valentine's Day Celebration - The real thing about Valentine's Day

Topics:

• The real thing about Valentine's Day
• 6 weird things men do before Valentine
• 7 Ways To Make Your Woman Feel Special On Valentine's Day
• Why condoms are 'bad' for you on Valentine's Day

______________________________________________
The real thing about Valentine's Day
Written by Niran Adedokun - Punch, Nigeria.
Twitter:@niranadedokun.

Niran Adedokun

Next Sunday is February 14. That day in which the world celebrates the memory of St Valentine, that day in which Nigerians show the world their bent to accept foreign ideas without reservation and surpass the initiator of such ideas in the execution of same. You have to take your hat off to Nigerians when commemoration allows for frolicking.

That is why on every Valentine's Day, something happens that makes the previous year's celebration insignificant. Things seem a bit drab this year though, apparently because of the downturn in the economy. Corporate entities, hurting from the sting of a near prostrate economy have bigger fish to fry this season than feed the indulgences of youths and delinquent adults who have twisted the import of an otherwise sombre event in the celebration of true affection for humanity.

So, this is an unusual year. At least from what I have witnessed of St Valentines days in the past one decade. By now, the air would have been filled with promotions of programmes targeted at ensuring that men and women have their fill of revelries and are modestly safe at savouring their indulgences.

For instance, a couple of years back, a federal university collaborated with one of the biggest banks in the country to "reduce" the incidence of HIV infections during that year's St Valentine's Day celebration. They planned an event and made condoms available to students of the institution in abundance such that they could sow their wild oats without the fear of any negative harvests.

That was a totally new one. I could not resist taking a quick reverie back to my days in the university; I came back with no memory of any elaborate celebration of St Valentine's Day. But things changed progressively. Youths began to get more daring and adventurous towards St Valentine's Day, they organised activities and gained sponsorships from corporates. To catch the attention of the youth, more and more brands struggle to key in to the Valentine opportunity year in, year out. This is a season that you cannot but notice.

Birth control practices

Written by Dr Sylvester Ikhisemojie - The Punch, Nigeria.

Sylvester Ikhisemojie

In much of Africa today, there is a burgeoning population made possible by explosive birth rates and the endurance of a majority youthful population. This has many evident positive advantages, not the least of which is the presence of a virile population of people in the productive age group.

The obverse in the problem here is that feeding this large population and finding adequate jobs for the large population will remain a challenge well into the twenty first century. It therefore means that efforts must now be made from this time forwards, in all countries of the region, to slow the rate of population growth to more manageable, more sustainable levels.

As a result, it is incumbent on health authorities throughout the region to teach women of all socio-economic groups about the immense benefits of birth control and child spacing. It is because of all these interwoven facts that issues of contraception and other efforts at birth control must now be examined and propagated.

While birth control and contraception do not necessarily mean the same thing, both of them are geared towards controlling the appearance of unwanted pregnancies. This is because it is possible to engage in birth control without engaging any means of contraception to achieve this aim. Our focus today must therefore centre on birth control. With this clarification, it can be seen that birth control practices will not always involve the use of means, devices and medications to avoid pregnancy occurring but can in fact be achieved naturally by following the natural rhythm of the body itself.

This means that birth control and contraception make up what is known as family planning. As a result, it is important for us to examine some of these methods.

Why men will continue to be babies in the hands of women!

Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria.

In the battle of the sexes one advantage women will always have over the men is their boobs! Simple as it is. it is very comical how seemingly intelligent men turn into whimpering teenage boys at the sight of a well-stacked women. I thought I'd heard and seen everything for and against the mammary gland until recently when I was in the midst of 'matured' men who amused themselves by analysing the aqnatomy of fremale gtuests at a wedding.

"What's so special about a pair of boobs?"I asked Supo, one of these men. He had bragged he was strictly a boobs man. Actually, most men do.I agreed with him, swearing that a woman without `more bounce to the once', has virtually lost her femininity! "Are you serious?" he wanted to know. "Do you know of any other aphrodisiac that's been around since God created man that generates as much excitement as a pair of boobs? It is not as if they've suddenly arrived out of nowhere you know? All warm. All soft. And pleasing to touch! New toys for the beautiful generations to play with! To make it more interesting, you get them in various

shapes and sizes.

"My fIrst fascination with boobs started in my second year in secondary school. I was only 14 then and our housemaid allowed me to do it to her. She must have noticed me lusting after her and decided to take me out of my misery! There I was. a pubescent boy confronted with a pair of knockers. She was huge. Just huge! I had never seen a pair of boobs like hers in all my life. And I'd seen my mother's and my elder sister's. Her own (the maid's) just bulged from everywhere. Over. Under, Between. Great trembling folds of flesh like a set jelly that you shake around. Terrific! You could put your head between them and blot out the world!

Make haste while your fertility sun shines

Written by Oladapo Ashiru - Nigeria.

Oladapo Ashiru

This article underscores the recent experiences of Dr. Lateef Akinola, Prof. Oladapo Ashiru and their team, regarding the proportion of women delaying childbirth until they are in their late 30s and early 40s, a trend that is on the increase. Such women often delay childbirth for career development and economic empowerment while searching for the ‘right’ men. 

Though all of these are laudable and worth the sweat, they can lead to age-related infertility which has been coined as “voluntary infertility”.

Infertility is defined as failure to achieve pregnancy after one year of unprotected vaginal sexual intercourse. This affects about 10 to 15 per cent of couples. It is spread equally among the male and female population. Causes of infertility in males can include low sperm count, poor sperm motility, abnormally-shaped sperm, spermatic duct blockage, impotence and ‘undescended’ testes.

Every woman owes it to herself to have...

Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

WHAT happens to 'meaningful' relationships in your middle-age? Is sex different now you're older? According to Richard, now 50 and a divorcee; "I no longer believe I can sweep a woman up with the sheer physical power of sex and temporarily wash away our failures in a rain of sweat.

As a new relationship moves towards the physical, I find myself thinking: 'I have been through this before, 1 thought I would survive it and I suppose I did, but only barely. I don't want to do it again. I want to be in the water, very much, but I can't bear to dive off that high cliff another time. No more swinging from the chandeliers!

"The women are older too, they open up more readily, they waste less time, they show their needs. Most of all, they read a man's reluctance like a soothsayer looking through her crystal ball. We strain for the pleasures of new romance, but our ability to pretend is short-lived.

'Let's end this before it becomes toxic,' suggested one smart lady after about five dates! What amazes me after a long decade away from the sexual market place is how different our public discourse of sexuality is from our actual experiences. Casual sex, 'friends with benefits' (where you bunk a close friend from time to time with no strings attached) all the arrangements meant to satisfy the libido without entangling the heart, are, for the most part, dull and awkward forms of sexuality. The small miracle for older people is that most of us still believe in love, and live for it, and sometimes, after a long wait, find it."

Rachel, a sports enthusiast in her late 50s runs a thriving company and lives comfortably in her own home with her two sons. "I took several years off romance and sex after having had a moment of spiritual insight, born of intense pain – when 1 was in an unhealthy relationship with a man, my mind and sports, mainly golf, fell apart.

I happen to be a good golf player and most of the men I played with naturally flirted with me. They loved that I could help them with their game – and maybe provide them with a bit of loving too.

'Professional lies'

WHEN a man's mind is made up to go hunting, it is almost always a done deal. He simply picks his dane gun and hunting bag, full of hunting tricks, and head out. And men are natural hunters. For them, it does not matter the contents of the pot of soup in their houses, they must still go after the game in the forest. That a man has an elegant zebra at home will not stop him from going after a squirrel in the bush. 

It is the way he is wired. He loves variety and like I have been told more than once, the excitement of hunting can only be described by a man. And I heard too that that is the reason why men are not excited when women go after them. Men are not wired to be hunted, pursued. They love being the predator. You must also agree with me that if a man is a hunter, he does not really need a reason to go into the bush. So, all that talk about a man going hunting because his wife does not know how to apply make-up does not hold water. Or haven't we seen men married to beauty queens straying? But why men stray is a book I intend to write someday soon.

Today, I just want to talk about how men hide behind their professions when they need to go hunting, check their traps and so on.

Imagine the medical doctor on the day he needs to 'take permission' from his wife to go on call.

'Honey, that was the hospital again. The way this CMD (Chief Medical Director) is going, I just may quit this job. How can I be on call-duty this weekend? I was there from Friday till Monday last week. It is Dr Owutu's turn this weekend. Why is the man behaving like this, treating me like this? It's either he is trying to frustrate me or he just wants to kill me. Haba, does he not know that I have a life, a wife who needs me? I think I should just hand in my letter of resignation. I'm done…'

At this point, the unsuspecting wife tries to pacify him, calm him down, that it's just one weekend and she understands the demand of his job. She will be there when he returns and will support him to reach the peak of his career. She kisses him and sees him off to the car. And off he goes to his call duty. Oh yeah. 

You can have male friends without sleeping with them!

~ Vanguard Nigeria. 

Women are often their worst enemies.Throw a bunch of them together and you find intrigues, envy and hatred fouling the relationship. That is why a lot of women today find it less stressful to have one or two male friends to relate with. They've simply discovered that a feisty friendship with an heterosexual man is stimulating to the brain, soul and it does their social life a world of good. Moire so when such women are single parents, divorced or just 'senior' girls.

Some ten years ago, Nike finally drew the curtains on a marriage that was most bewildering to her most of the time. "What had brought back my self-esteem to a semblance of normalcy are my male friends", she said. "I'm all for the championship of platonic friendship.

Throughout my marriage, my ex constantly sneered at my divorced friends and why they would forever be on the shelf. The unmarried ones, according to him, were wayward and had dated so many men they'd missed husband materials amongst such men. So, after my divorce, I was happy to reconnect with my male friends and was surprised their partners see me as no threat to the stability of their marriage.

"Thanks to one or two close ones, I was able to pick up the pieces of my life. They introduced me to reputable clients and my law firm is doing really well.

We recently dabbled into estate management. My husband has remarried and I wish him well, my kids are doing well, but in spite of all this, he seems to be wearing his disapproving look whenever I see him. It's true what they say after all that success is the best form of revenge…

"It's a fact that you get an understanding of men from being friends with them. You can discuss things with male friends that could be very charged inside a romantic relationship. 

Real reasons women gain weight after wedding

Written by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

Real reasons women gain weight after wedding

She used to be very slim, and her friends used to call her lepa (a slim person). In fact, the maximum weight she recorded before she got married was 35kg, even at 32 years, and by hereditary, she didn't look like someone who would likely grow fat because her parents and siblings had similar stature and outlook. But, soon after she got married, the story changed.

To the amazement of many, Blessing Michaels, who used to be compared to a broomstick by her friends and colleagues, became fat. Not only did she add weight, it became so obvious that some people thought she might have taken some pills, and anyone who never knew her would easily assume that she has always been fat.

But then, Blessing's story is similar to what many newlyweds experience, especially women. Apart from the attendant weight addition that comes with pregnancy, studies have shown that women, more than men, are likely to experience weight gain after wedding.

The question then is why do women add more weight after wedding? There have been many explanations for this, ranging from change in lifestyle, feeding habits and other factors, while some people also argue that semen deposit, occasioned by increased sexual intercourse, could make the woman add weight. The proponents of the latter theory argue that there are certain ingredients in the sperm that could make a woman add weight.

But, in a study by the Ohio State University in the United States, the researchers, who sought to know whether marital change (marriage and divorce) have any effect on weight gain, examined about 10,000 men and women aged between 14 and 22 between 1986 and 2008, to measure their weight gain in the two years after their marriage or divorce.

The participants were asked to comment about their health and noticeable weight changes yearly between the time they got married and about two years after marriage.

After examining the responses of the participants, it was found that women are more likely to put on weight after marriage, while men are more likely to add weight after a divorce. The researchers explain that there is an established relationship between weight and life events.

In giving reasons for the women's change in weight, the researchers add that apart from lifestyle, habits, diet and physical activity, women tend to have less time to exercise and stay fit, whilst eating well. They also found that women tend to focus on taking care of their husbands than focussing on themselves, noting that men who are divorcees tend to add more weight largely because of their lifestyle and feeding habit.

It notes that both married men and women are likely to gain weight compared to those who are unmarried, but that women are likely to add more weight than the men.

The researchers, sociology professor, Zhenchao Qian, and his doctoral student, Dmitry Tumin, said, "Clearly, the effect of marital transitions on weight changes differs by gender. Divorces for men and, to some extent, marriages for women promote weight gains that may be large enough to pose a health risk if unchecked.

10 reasons Nigerian men run from marriage

Written by Olufemi Ajasa

Follow @OlufemiAjasa. 

When it comes to romance, Nigerian men are known to be actively engaging. Apart from their culture of carrying the financial burden of relationship with women, they harness every opportunity to appeal to their lovers, be it on social-network sites, in their respective offices, religious organizations, gym centers, parks, clubs among others. 

Despite the many romantic attributes that could be said of men in Nigeria, women still hold a contrary account about them. Predominant among the contrary views women hold against men here is that no matter how romantic they are, getting them to the altar for marriage could be very challenging.

So, what are those factors that scare Nigerian men away from marriage? We have tried to compile some reasons that make most men feel jittery to converse on 'Marriage' as topic, feel free to add yours if not in our list.

1. No wife materials

Common among some men is the reservation that there is scarcity of ‘wife-materials’ in Nigeria. In this case, they are not referring to ladies not being in quantifiable distribution among men, what they are complaining about is that most ladies of this generation lack the necessary attributes that will qualify them for the lifetime commitment called marriage. If this is the case, time of quality search can help heal the wound of such man.

2. They get sex freely without marriage than in time past

Realizing now that they can get sex more easily than in times past, when 'virginity' for women was a pass value to marriage, some men now feel lot of women today have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole. But, this might not be the fault of women as promiscuity is not an exclusive act than can be carried out without the consent of either gender.

3. Nigeria weddings are expensive

In a country where a man is expected to marry a woman in three different kinds of wedding- Religious, Traditional and Court, the cost of marriage no doubt is something men find very intimidating. As of last year, the average Nigeria wedding cost something like N500,000 and the it goes upward from that to more unimaginable cost. For most people, especially in this economy, that’s a lot of money. But all we advise is that men should try and cut their coat according to their material.

4. In search of a ‘working class’

Today, most Nigerian men are in search of a wife capable of sharingfinancial responsibilities with them. Gone are the days when menmarry ‘full-house-wives’, the increasing cost of living has tilted most men in favor of ladies who have a means of livelihood and willing to share with their man, the burden of building a home.