Middle-class mother who fell in love with Nigerian she met on web

By Lesley-Ann Jones,
Culled from Thisday Nigeria (Friday November 19, 2010 edition) 

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells is not amused - and in this case it is no mere figure of speech. Sitting at home in the Regency spa town famous for its Jaeger-clad Hyacinths and Daphnes, Caroline Gates-Fleming can only laugh at the irony.
'I am one of them, really,' she says, dabbing gingerly at the tender scars of a recent facelift.
Single and lonely: Caroline Gates-Fleming at her home in Tunbridge Wells. 'Things like this don't happen to women like me.' 'Middle-class, middle-aged, respectable. I was brought up nicely and married well. Our boys went to public school.

'But after what I've been through, I know they'd find me unacceptable around here. Things like this don't happen to women like me.' She has a point. For in Caroline's case, 'things like this' means dabbling in fraud and embracing folly on such an epic scale that even her close family struggles to comprehend.

'Everyone asks how could I have been so stupid,' she sighs. 'I got more than I bargained for.'

How could she fall in love with a foreigner on the internet and then, despite his many and obvious lies, entrust him with £40,000, money she will never see again?

In fairness, Caroline, now 54, has the honesty and intelligence to talk about her motives and the loneliness which is at the root of her current predicament. Similar to many women of her age, with two failed marriages behind her, she badly wanted the comfort of a relationship.

'Madly in love': Caroline with 'Sab' in Nigeria before she realised the whole relationship had been a sham. 'What woman doesn't worry about growing older?' she asks. 'It's not just about looks. Confidence evaporates. Builders no longer wolf-whistle. When you have always attracted men, invisibility hits hard.

'It's in the genes: my late mother Pauline was always glamorous. I won't even pop to the shops without full make-up.' As a young woman, Caroline had worked as a jobbing stage actress and dancer, and all that theatrical attention, she admits, had made her rather vain. Later in life, she turned her hand to property development, buying, renovating and selling cottages with some success.

'Coming to terms with ageing is my problem. I need reassurance from a man,' she says. 'I was unhappy alone, and shattered by having brought up three boys. 'Marcus, my first husband and father of Piers, my eldest [now 24], was long gone. Peter, my second husband, father of Rupert and Theo [19 and 18] had little to do with us.'

Craving a fresh start, in 2002 she moved to Marbella in Spain, where, rather romantically, she thought she might meet a new partner.

'I still craved that special someone to say, "Want a cup of tea? Let's have a cuddle," ' she says. 'It is not about sex, but togetherness.' But she never really settled and returned to Britain after four years, depression having kicked in, and in need of a job.

If glamour has always been a watchword for Caroline, she was still not too proud to take on 'unattractive' jobs and found work as a full-time carer for people with learning disabilities. Her stores of confidence, though, were dwindling. 'I was still alone, still desperately unhappy,' she says.

'I wanted to be flattered and taken out. But it's so much harder to meet men when you are older. My girlfriends were all married. I had to do something. I'm not the kind to wait for things to happen.

'They say you learn from your mistakes, but I've made the same mistakes with the same kind of men my entire life.' So when, in August last year, Caroline came across Match.com, a high-profile dating website, the temptation to sign up was overwhelming. It felt safe and respectable, she says, and, after all, 'you had to pay' to join.

At first she was conservative, making sure her meetings took place in coffee bars during the daytime, but she soon found that her 'dates' were on the cautious side, too. 'There was never that spark,' she explains, flicking at the pink tips of her bleached blonde crop.

'I began to find men my age too old for me. I don't feel like a woman in her 50s. I fight it. I've had a gastric band and a facelift.'

Then she came across a man she calls Sab, who seemed so very different from the run-of-the-mill men she had been meeting. 'Of course, his name is really Steve,' she says, of the man she now understands is a Nigerian called Stephen Ehiamhen.

'I call him Sab because, when he first advertised on the site, he called himself Sabastine Roland.


He used a fake picture and posed as a Greek, claiming to be an entrepreneur in Nigeria.' Caroline accepts that even the earliest signs were dubious.'

'He was vague about his age,' she says. 'First it was 47, then 37. He told me that when he applied for a visa to travel to South Africa, he had been advised to say 27 so that he could make out he was a student going to the World Cup. After two emails, he phoned. I knew the moment I heard him that he wasn't Greek.' In fact, while 'Sab's' English was limited, he most certainly did not speak the language of Sophocles, preferring a version of pidgin laced with dialect and slang that is widely spoken in Nigeria.

'I challenged him about it but he laughed,' says Caroline. For all his obvious lies, she found him attractive. 'We messaged and emailed every day.

'He soon said he was falling in love with me and I began to feel the same. I found it hard to explain to my sons that I was falling for someone I'd never met. 'Strangely, though, you communicate at a very intense level when it's not face-to-face. 'Sab is a direct, articulate person.

'He said he goes to church every Sunday and that his faith is strong. He said we were fated to meet.

'When he first emailed that he loved me, a month after our initial encounter, I wrote, "Don't go there." I was terrified of the intensity of my feelings towards him.' Caroline was well aware that much of 'Sab's' story was invented, yet it was only after two months of passionate conversation that the two of them spoke seriously about his identity.

'He confessed he was not who he'd said he was, that he couldn't do it to me any more, that he "hadn't planned on the emotion", as he put it.' He had to come clean. Hearing that he was really a black Nigerian came as no shock - his pidgin English and African-style dialect had given Caroline a major clue. She says: 'He said he was desperate to do something with his life, that he'd been looking for money to get into oil.' At this point, she explains, her story took a darker turn, one very much at odds with the image of respectability so carefully nurtured by Royal Tunbridge Wells, a town that has not so far made its money through black-market oil deals on the coast of West Africa.

By this stage, the alarm bells should have been head-splittingly loud, yet somehow Caroline managed to ignore them. 'It's big business in Nigeria,' she says, now shocked by the sheer madness of the scheme he was proposing. He explained how easy it is for gangs to tap the vast network of oil pipelines coming ashore from the wells on the Niger Delta. It is known as 'bunkering'.

Armed with basic engineering skills - and guns - they drill into the network, fix their own lines, hidden from view beneath the water, then watch while a waiting barge is filled with stolen crude.

'They get an agent, siphon oil, barrel it, store and then freight it by tanker at an appropriate time,' she says. 'I was under no illusion. It was obviously illegal. I'm not proud that I was tempted. Perhaps his assurance that he could make around £1.25 million overnight was what convinced me.' And, then, as she says: 'Love changes everything. We seemed to have so much in common. We were both risk-takers. More importantly, he seemed so much stronger than me. I'd never had that.

'Both my ex-husbands were weak, which was perhaps why those marriages didn't last.'

Foolishly, as she now admits, Caroline had told Sab that her mother had recently died, and that she was due to inherit a share of the house where her sister, Jennifer, lives in nearby Southborough, with her disabled husband Stephen and their two children. 'He never asked me how much money I was going to get,' she insists. 'But suddenly it was all about doing this oil deal. I had a gut feeling something was wrong. 'He said he'd make his fortune, pay me back, then set up in business importing luxury American cars.

'I was desperate to travel to Nigeria to see him. I knew all the risks. I'd heard about women being captured, held to ransom, even murdered.' They arranged to meet in South Africa, a neutral country from where Sab could organise the 'deal' and where Caroline could organise the facelift she had wanted for some time.

She says: 'After a few hiccups with Sab's visa - I paid for his flight, of course, all the while thinking, "scam, scam scam" but doing it anyway - I got there.

'I got off the plane in Johannesburg, churning, sweating, feeling like a teenager. I went through Arrivals, trying desperately to look cool. 'There he was, beaming and waving. We fell into each other's arms. We kissed, we sobbed. I had never been so happy since giving birth to my first child.

'We had breakfast in the airport, then went to a hotel. I gave him presents. He cried. I showered. We talked. "God, you're so beautiful," he kept saying. "You only look 30."

'It was all I needed to hear. One thing led to another. It was so intimate. I'd never experienced anything like it before. I knew this was true love. I almost wish now that it HAD been just sex, but it wasn't. 'He wasn't the skilled, experienced lover, but quite shy. If that was all just part of an act, he should get an Oscar.'

They spent a month together, staying in small upmarket hotels. 'Sab' never once put his hand in his pocket, but Caroline was happy to pay and happy to be loved. 'We went on to Cape Town, where he planned his deal over the phone in front of me,' she says, 'showing me things on the internet, all proof in my eyes that he was honest.'

Then they visited a consultant about her plastic surgery. 'Sab wasn't happy about me doing it, but it's cheaper there. I was desperate to look younger for him. 'I returned to the UK and went back for the operation six weeks later, having also paid for Sab's visa extension.

'He had found a small apartment for £300 a month. I had the facelift, he looked after me. I could not have looked worse, but he stayed. 'Again I returned home, truly believing in him. I sent another £5,000 for his oil permit, then £2,500 for two trucks and an escort to the tankers. At last, three weeks ago, he set off to get the oil.' At this point, what seems grimly predictable to a neutral observer takes on an air of the inevitable. 'Sab' had already warned her about 'militant factions' who can prevent deals such as his from taking place.

'He'd made the risks very clear, but I believed he could pull it off,' she says. 'Then we lost contact. At about 4pm on the day, his mobile went down. I couldn't reach him for days. 'We went from speaking and texting every day to zero. Eventually he called. He was sobbing and said, "How can I talk to you, how can I face you? I've lost everything."'I was in shock. I'd lost 15 months of my life and everything I owned. I'd handed over close to £40,000.' As well as the upfront money he claimed to need for the oil scam, Caroline had wired regular gifts of cash to her Nigerian lover. An additional £20,000 she admits, sadly, has been spent on travelling and the facelift.

Caroline had borrowed the money from her sister, Jennifer, against her share of the family home. Fortunately, Jennifer was still able to keep the house. That same night, after receiving the phone call, Caroline wrote letters to her sons and sister and swallowed an overdose of painkillers. 'I felt that everyone would be better off without me,' she says. 'I couldn't wait to see Mummy and Daddy again. I reverted to my childhood. It was the easiest way of letting go.

'My sister found me, and called the ambulance. She hadn't known much of what had been going on, but now they had my mobile phone and trawled through everything.' Her family are still trying to persuade Caroline to make a complaint to the Serious Organised Crime Agency (SOCA), and co-operate with them to have her lover arrested. According to SOCA, 'romance scamming', as it is known, is more common than ever, with British women at greater risk than those of any other nationality. One scammer in Ghana, Maurice Fadola, has defrauded 16 women, taking £700,000 from five of them.

Caroline was well aware of the risks. Yet still she believed in 'Sab' - and still, to some extent, believes in him now. 'He had an explanation for everything,' she says. 'I believed him because I was madly in love with him. I still am.

'After all that I've lost, half of me trusts him. The other half - if the authorities can give me proof - wants them to bang him up and lose the key.

'All I know is that I've never felt so much emo on as with this man. We all have our Achilles heel. I was so desperate to be loved that I'd believe almost anything.'

419 Scam: Exploits of the Nigerian Con Man. (Reviews).(Book Review) (book review): An article from: Security Management

Historical Studies on Global Scam and Nigeria's 419: How To Overcome Fraudsters And Con Artists

Nigerian 419 scams worth pursuing.: An article from: The Forensic Examiner


 Starquill International proudly presents-- Brian Wizard's Nigerian 419 scam "game over"



Read more about 419 scam: Search Amazon.com for 419 scam

Kate abandons Dorgu for younger lover after two children

By Esteri(inmyheart@punchng.com)

Dorgu is in a dilemma. In spite of making his wife comfortable, the young lady suddenly abandoned him for a younger lover, sharing the two sons according to their paternity. How can Dorgu handle this turn of event?

Mr. Theophilus Dorgu has been my very wonderful neighbour for about seven years. He is a perfect gentleman, but he could not get married early for sundry reasons. Apart from having to see his younger siblings through school and helping them to find their feet, he says a lot about his desire to give the best to his wife and children.

So he intensified efforts at building his income earning capability to a level, where he could conveniently realise his dream home; a place where cash will be easy to get hold of in the family.

When he believed he was to settle down into matrimony, he took interest in a young lady, though some of his relations argued that she was too young for him as a wife. The young lady, Kate, during her visits to Theo's house, hardly struck me as a good wife-to-be. Before long, she was said to have become pregnant and my neighbour decided to take her in as his wife.

By virtue of my closeness to Dorgu, I knew that some of his relatives queried his plan to marry the girl. They insinuated that the pregnancy might not be his, pleading with him not to take responsibility (for the pregnancy) except he was certain that it was his.

But he usually told them in a mild, but firm way that his heart was with Kate. On that ground, he was given the moral and social support to properly marry the girl according to tradition. As he envisaged, he had all that was required to spoil his wife and he stopped at nothing to satisfy her, especially because of her status as an expectant mother.

One year after the first child, the lady had a second one - both boys. On a certain day, she did something very strange. When we had all left the compound to our places of work, Kate packed all her belongings and took some huge amount of money with the two children and left. She went to the residence of one of Dorgu's sisters in Abeokuta, Ogun State, and left the younger boy with her. She told her that she had to travel urgently, although she did not state when she would be back.

On his return from work, Dorgu did not meet his wife at home. So, he thought she might have gone out to get some items for the home. But as day wore on and she did not return, he decided to check his sister's place. There, he met one of his sons. He wondered why his wife would have left without his notice and became apprehensive.

But the import of her action did not dawn on him until the following day when Kate did not return home. He got in touch with her family members, and his own family members waded in the case. Just as they were looking round the house for any clue about what might be happening to her, a note written by Kate was discovered.

The content showed that only the younger son belonged to Dorgu; that the other child belonged to someone else - Kate's former lover. She said that she had returned to the young man with her first his son; meaning that the first pregnancy was not Dorgu's.

My neighbour was bewildered as he wondered what he had done to deserve this kind of treatment from Kate. What should he do? Should he follow Kate to the young man's place and make both of them pay for messing up his life, or should he just lie low?

Help! Pastor takes over my friend's wife, home before his return from Spain

By Esteri, inmyheart@punchng.com

My friend Chijoke is in a mess. He just received the rudest shock of his life. Somehow, he is taking it with a lot of maturity, though one will not wish that one's enemy will go through what my friend is going through.

I used to see Chijoke and his wife as a religious couple, although I must admit that sometimes, I feel their zeal lacks knowledge. This is exactly why I am not absolving him of blame over the way things have turned out in their home.

He has been married to Celestina for five years. They have been living apart for as long as they have been married because my friend works in Spain but his wife visited him once in a while. He had travelled out of the country about eight months after their wedding.

They courted for two years before the wedding, a period during which the then fiancée proved to be fervent spiritually, or so my friend thought. It happened that anytime she prayed with him or for him on any business contract, things turned out with positive results.

This became a great treasure for my friend, who would stop at nothing to make her happy and he vowed to do that all the days of his life.

After they got married, Chijoke kept counting on his wife's prayers and spiritual resourcefulness in his endeavours. They got along well in the marriage until the devil showed up in their matrimonial home.

My friend could not come home often because of the nature of his business, but he made it up by inviting his wife twice a year to Spain.

The woman was very religious; she was always attending one service or the other. If a church convention fell within the period she would visit, the husband willingly called off the visit. The fact that her husband was away and none of his relations stayed with her, however, gave room for destructive tendencies. I was also not in town as work had taken me to another part of Nigeria. So the whole episode came to me as a shock, just as it did to him.

Exactly one year after my friend left, his wife gave birth to a boy and another boy almost a year-and-a-half after. The calculation of my friend was that the wife must have taken in during the one of her visits to Spain; and of course the logic would have been correct.

As earlier mentioned, my friend was almost worshipping this woman; he adored her and made it known to everyone who cared to know.

Things kept working really great for him that he had started thinking of re-uniting with his family after he would have made enough money. Back home, however, and only heavens can tell for how long that had started, the woman was already deep in an affair with another man. The man lives with her in the house that my friend bought for his wife as part of his effort to make her comfortable.

This, my friend found out when he had an opportunity to visit home and chose to make it a surprise homecoming for his darling wife and two sons. The first embarrassment that greeted him as he stepped into the living room was that a man, spotting a loose boxer's shorts, questioned his mission to the house.

He answered that he was the husband of the woman who owned the house, but that turned out an abominable thing to say, speaking from the 'resident' husband's point of view. He snapped and a hot argument ensued. Chijoke soon realised the futility of his effort when the bone of contention, his supposed spiritually fervent wife, surfaced from the inner room.

It turned out that the man was the woman's pastor! My friend's wife made matters worse for him as she broke a heart-rending news. She told my panting friend that the man at home was her husband and that the two children were his, matter of factly!

A big fight, however, followed this revelation. My friend thoroughly beat up the pastor and called in the police to arrest him. The matter is still being investigated.

Poor boy Chijoke had hoped to return to the loving hands of his wife, alas, power had changed hands. What should he do, where does he start from? Please help!

PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY!!

There was a woman standing by the mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women. The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat.

A nice man dressed in a business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said,  "I noticed you're changing a flat tire. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"

The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off. The woman thanked  him profusely, and as she was about to get in her  car, the man told her that he left his car around on  the other side of the mall, and asked if she would  mind giving him a lift to his car.

She was a little surprised and she asked him why his car was on other side. He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he hadn’t seen for some time and they had a bite to eat, visited for a while, and he got turned around in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late. The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. (Trust that gut feeling!)Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.

She told him that she’d be happy to drive him around to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. Smart woman!! She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be. She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard!  What had happened, the guard came out to her car with her, but the man had left. They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station. The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man).  What they found was rope, duct tape, and knives. 

When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious what the man's intention was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance.  The woman was blessed to have escaped harm.  (Amen thank you, God!) How much worse it would have been if she had children with her and had them wait in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she had a baby strapped into a car seat or if she'd gone against her judgment and given him a lift?

PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY!!

If I had surrendered my virginity to Michael, I'd have regretted it for the rest of my life

By  Bosede Olusola-Obasa

 

A female reader, who once indicated her need for a life partner in Saturday PUNCH of Nigeria, narrates her encounter with one of those who responded to her request In January 2010,  here is the story!

I indicated through Saturday PUNCH that I was seeking a marriageable man with certain qualities for a serious relationship. I wanted a man who was God-fearing, comfortable, a Christian, and single.

Later, I received several calls from different men. After a month of interviewing some of the men (I couldn't meet them all because they were quite many), I decided to give one of them a chance.

What struck me most about this particular man, (let me call him Michael), was that he appeared to be God-fearing, hardworking and ambitious. There were times when he phoned me at midnight, just for us to pray together. And being a Christian, I obliged him.

As time went on, I always looked forward to receiving his midnight calls and I was very happy that I had found a good Christian future partner.

We started a relationship in March. In May, he requested to meet my parents and I took him to them.  As a young woman, I grew up believing that when a man requested to meet a lady's parents, it meant that he was serious-minded and that he really desired to settle down with her.

My parents were impressed with his behaviour. Before then, I had accompanied him to his house and I noticed there were no signs that a woman lived there. Subsequently, I made unannounced visits to his house, just to be sure of what I was getting into. The results were the same. I never met any woman there.

Convinced that he was honest, I decided to commit my heart and finances into the relationship. But I had to make him understand that there wasn't going to be sex, since we were committed Christians. He agreed with me and even said that he abhorred premarital sex.

In July, he introduced me to his parents in Ondo State and I was given a befitting welcome as a daughter-in-law to be. I was very happy and grateful to God and also to Saturday PUNCH for making my dream come true.

We started making plans for our wedding, which we scheduled to take place in October, my month of birth. We fixed the introduction ceremony for September. My friends and colleagues envied me and in fact, a friend who is also single, vowed to copy my example by placing a notice in a newspaper for a life partner. Things were moving very fast and I began to thank God for smiling on me. After meeting his parents, however, I noticed that he started touching me in sensitive places. Apart from that, he was always kissing me and trying to get me into his bed. When I questioned his motives, he told me that since we would be getting married in October, there was no reason for me to be worried. I refused and we began to have disagreements.

He became irritable and always complained of one thing or the other; imaginary and real. He became distant and always claimed he was sick and couldn't see me. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't tell what.

On July 20, 2010, I called him on the telephone. He said he was very sick and couldn't see me. He told me that some members of the church where he worshipped had decided to organise a special prayer for him since the sickness couldn't be diagnosed. As a result of this, he was asked to remain within the church premises and not receive any visitor. His purported sickness continued for over two weeks and we only spoke on the telephone.

In August, I couldn't stand it any longer and I decided to pay an unscheduled visit to his house. I got to his house and met the shocker of my life.

The security men at his residence (whom I had always known) told me that my man was a fraudster. They told me that the house did not belong to him, but his cousin who lived abroad. According to them, the owner of the house handed the keys to Michael, who then turned it into a mini-hotel, where he regularly hosted women of different sizes and shapes.

I was so shocked that I could not move for a while. I felt as if I was in a dream.

When I asked the guards where Michael lived, they told me that they did not know. But after leaving the house, one of the security men ran after me and gave me the address I requested. He said he did this because he always liked my amiable personality. He confessed that he had been looking for a way to reveal Michael's true identity to me.

Also, I learnt from him that Michael was not the owner of the cars that he often drove to my house. Emotionally shattered, I asked the man to let me leave my car in the estate with a promise to send my sister to pick it as soon as I got home. I was too devastated to drive.

Immediately, I boarded a cab and headed for the address. The house turned out to be squalid. I wondered if the guards didn't make a mistake. I knocked on the door of the house and a pregnant woman opened the door. When I enquired if the house was where Michael lived, she told me that she didn't know any Michael.

As I was about to leave, I saw a boy of about 10 years carrying a pail of water on his head. He looked so much like Michael and so I knew that I was at the right place. The way the woman welcomed the boy made me realise the boy was her son. To be doubly sure, I asked if the boy was her son and she answered in the affirmative. I asked if his dad was at home and she replied yes. Then I told her that I wanted to see him.

The woman obliged me, but at the same time, she appeared to be apprehensive. I assured her that I had come to make their lives better. I think the way I dressed convinced her because she took me into their room and I was shocked to see my beloved Michael lying on a tattered mattress placed on the floor in their single-room apartment. I coughed and he looked at me. He reeked of local alcohol (aka paraga); and he was also smoking a stick of cigarette.

When Michael saw me, he acted unperturbed and went on smoking his cigarette.

Convinced that I had seen enough, I gave the woman (his wife) the sum of N5,000 and took my leave. She knelt down and thanked me. Before leaving, I asked the woman where her parents-in-law were because I wanted to see them. The money I gave her must have surprised her and she told me her parents-in-law were dead. She told me that they had been dead for over 10 years. Asked what her husband did for a living, she answered that he was a commercial bus driver (Danfo driver.) All through my journey home, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was a rude shock that the man I thought was God-sent was none other than the devil.

I asked a lot of questions and things began to fall into place. I realised he was only out to sleep with me and swindle me of my hard-earned money because he was always asking me to finance his numerous contracts. He definitely must have hired that couple who posed as his parents, just to convince me he was for real.

I am really grateful to God I didn't sleep with Michael because my heart would have been filled with greater pains and regrets enough to last a lifetime.

This is my story and I would implore single ladies not to be carried away by glitz and glamour. They should double check a man's word; don't believe everything you are told. Don't trust any human being but God only.

The blind girl who hated herself...

By   Jacqueline Ofori-Akua​moah/Ernest Osei-Bonsu - Ghana

A STORY TO LIVE BY

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always
there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see
the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages
came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.

The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.

She hadn't expected that.

The thought of looking at them the rest of her life
led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her
saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'

Note:

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. 
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.

LIFE IS A GIFT

Today before you say an unkind word

Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food

Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife

Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life

Think of someone who died too early.

Before you complain about your children

Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep

Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive

Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job

Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another

Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down

Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around. 

I nearly committed blunder in my bid to hurt my girl - Timi, 29

Written by Chioma Gabriel

I was doing a weekend post-graduate programme in one of the universities in Lagos. I work in a bank and have a girlfriend who also work in the same bank.We always try as much as possible not to allow the relationship affect our job because this office romance thing can turn out either way.
I was always careful in chosing girl friends so that any girl I befriend could be my wife if need be. So, I always look for the wife material so that if the girl gets pregnant, we could get married.My choice of Laide was centred on that. But with my weekend MBA programme, I was not paying enough attention to the relationship as I ought to.
And of course it affected us because other people used the opportunity of my being in school to sell lies to my girl. At the end of the day, Laide believed I was having something with somebody else at the university and every attempt to convince her there was no such thing didn’t seem to be succeeding.
And then, there was a guy in the bank who took it upon himself to be picking Laide every morning and dropping her at the close of work since they live in the same environment. I did not feel comfortable with that and I told my girl so but she hissed at me. This trend continued until I was almost convinced Laide and the guy had become an item. I always had this feeling that my colleagues were laughing at me because of that. I could not confront the guy because he was a senior staff and married. So, the only person I kept talking to was Laide who always had a funny look on her face whenever I voiced out my feeling.Then, the worst happened when I was transferred to another branch of the bank.
That mearnt I was not seeing Laide during the week or at weekends because of the MBA programme I was pursuing. I had the opportunity to visit the former branch on a Wednesday and was shocked to see my girl glowing in the company of this assistant manager as they ate roasted plantain and groundnuts together. I thought she would jump up when I came in but she gave me a cool welcome; invited me to eat with them and didn’t even get up to greet me. You would think I was just an ordinary person who had nothing to do with her. I was furious and didn’t know how to tell her so there and then.
Fortunately for me that day, I had cause to work in the former branch till the end of the day and the rest of that week. I made frantic efforts to find out from my friends what was going on behind me but they laughed at my face. A newly employed secretary told me she had always seen Laide and the guy together and expressed dismay that she would go for a guy who belonged to another woman already.
On the few days that I worked in the former office, I tried all I could to talk to Laide but she was distant in a way that troubled me. I knew I wanted to do something terrible just to hurt her. I tried to start dating another lady who showed sympathy over my plight at the same bank but that one turned out to be the real trash. I didn’t realise I was trying to date a lady who had had affairs with three different managers at the bank. I was even shocked at Laide’s indifference to what I was doing and I hated the other guy more and more.
Then, came one Sunday morning. The whole thing was just so ridiculous and I couldn’t go to school. I decided to pay Laide a surprise visit in her parents house but learnt on getting to her house that she was spending the weekend in the guy’s house. I almost went mad. I drove to school straight from her house and had missed three courses. I decided to go back to her house later in the day to find out what she was up to really and nail the matter.
I was lucky but Laide was in the company of some girlfriends including a lady she later introduced to me as the wife of the guy I thought she was dating. I was made to understand that Mr. Williams was even a relation from her mother’s side and a pastor in her church. I felt so stupid, wondering why she did not bother to explain the relationship but I realised the hard way that she only used the guy to make me jealous because of her fear that I was dating somebody else.
Yes, I can interpret it to mean that Laide used her uncle to spite me and get me worried and also to establish my stand in our relationship. And I foolishly fell for it and nearly committed blunder by attempting to date the girl that worked in the same bank. I would have been the fourth man to have dated her and would have ridiculed myself if I had not taken it upon myself to carry out my investigations. I also realised that my colleagues who I thought were laughing at me behind my back were really laughing at how love-struck I had become over Laide but I thank God that today we have been able to work out our differences and are back together.

She smashes things; Eddie, 25

My girlfriend Patricia is always into smashing things whenever she suspects anything especially when it has to do with another girl.
With her by your side, all you need to do is to give her a 100% attention or you will be in trouble. We had cause to severe our relationship on many occasions but she always came back pleading guilty and begging for reconciliation.On three different occasions, Patricia had fought and wounded the other ladies she met in my house. I didn’t know she was that kind of person until this particular day that a schoolmate of my younger sister came to visit her in the house. My parents were out and I was home alone when this girl came. I kept her company while she waited for my sister and Patricia visited during the period.
She didn’t stay long because of the visitor but later in the day, I was hearing a loud noise in the street and I went out to see what was going on. I was too ashamed on realising that Patricia had engaged my sister’s schoolmate in a street fight accusing her of attempting to snatch me from her under the guise of coming to visit my sister.
At another time, she smashed my phone because a lady, my cousin called my line and Patricia picked it instead. On hearing a female voice, she smashed the phone on the wall scattering it. I was so shocked after putting it together that it was my cousin’s call that made her to behave in such a nasty manner.
At that point, I decided to call it quits with her but she came begging, sending people to me and eventually I had no choice but to accept her back.I was seeing off my friend Theo who visited me with his girlfriend and her sister on a Saturday evening. That was yet another time. We were standing by their car; you know, two guys and two females and Patricia sent somebody to come and confirm that I was the person standing there. I didn’t realise when a friend of hers greeted us that she was actually checking out on me until Patricia landed at the scene in a few minutes.
She knew my friend and his girlfriend and so, decided that the other girl was brought to me to ‘toast’. Patricia just pulled her by her blouse and tore it to shreds. Then she landed me a hot slap on the face and I saw stars. Everybody was in shock but the girl-friend of my friend would not just stand there and watch her sister assaulted. She reacted by tearing Patricia’s clothes too. I was so shocked because I didn’t know how Patricia picked a bottle and smashed it on a stone there, ignoring the fact that her breasts have spilled out of her bra as she pursued my friend’s girlfriend and her sister who ran for their lives.
This last experience took place August last year and I swore I would never have anything to do with her again but strangely, during the new year eve, she landed on our door-step with tears in her eyes swearing she would never do anything again to spite me or embarrass me but I don’t believe her because the Patricia I know would do it over and over again. She said she did it to protect our love but smashing things to spite me is madness, not love. All the same, I have forgiven her this last time and I hope she would never misbehave again as this is her last chance.

At 28, only one man has ever proposed to me, yet I cannot marry him.

Written by Bosede Obasa


No one ever told me or my siblings about any existing marital spell. Even our parents never saw any cause for alarm as far as their children's marital prospects were concerned. My mum got married to my Dad when she was 23 and her husband was 26. They have lived together for almost 30 years in what can be described as a blissful marriage, at least in the honest assessment of their three children-two beautiful ladies and a good looking young man.


My parents are blessed financially. They hail from Ogun State. But things appear not to be working for us as easily as it did for our parents, especially marriage. I am the second child of the family, fondly called Sisi by members of our household. My elder sister and I are very fond of each other, although she is three years older than me.
But she is indeed a likeable person and I always see myself through the mirror of her life. It was therefore instructive for me that she could not get married many years after graduating with a Second Class Upper grade in Geology. From nursery to university, we were always together, except that she usually graduated before me, since she was two years ahead educationally.
Two years after she left the university, I graduated with a First Class degree in Mathematics. I later travelled abroad for my master's. By the time I came back, I became very worried for myself and my elder sister. I was worried because I felt that something was amiss. We did not have any suitor, much less making choices. It was natural for our mum and dad to get directly involved. They frequently asked, 'how far?' and encouraged us to be strong.


We resorted to prayers, assured that we had all it took to be married. Fortunately, my sister got married at age 29, four years after she started working in an oil company. She had been transferred from Lagos, where our parents were based, to Port Harcourt, and that worked some miracles for her. It was there she eventually met the man she got married to.
Now, back to my humble self, the struggle to clinch a suitor continued. It happened that in the same year that my sister moved to her husband's house, I met a guy from the east by the name Chidi. He expressed interest in me but it was very difficult for me to say yes in spite of my desperation to settle down.
The first reason is that Chidi is not educated. He is a trader in foodstuff like rice, beans, and so on. However, what one could not deny about him was the fact that he had carved a niche for himself in the trade. At the last count, he was managing four stores with assistance from some people he employed to man them.
Even when I decided to consider his proposal because I had waited for too long for a suitor, the fact that he was not educated became the stumbling block when I told my parents about him. And I had anticipated that because our parents had always expressed the desire that we should settle down with people who were educated like us. I still don't have my parents' consent. This, however, turned out the least impediment to my decision to marry him, as I later found other stumbling blocks and they were too crucial to be ignored.



After I had thoroughly worked on myself, I stopped struggling with the challenge of marrying an uneducated man as a Master's degree holder, and started to accept and love him. I still had to face the hurdle of getting my parents to accept him too. Indeed, it is a running battle, but one that I can eventually win with a lot of persuasion; since what was key to my parents was my happiness. But I had a bigger challenge when I discovered that Chidi was seeing another lady. Our relationship was about two years old at that point. She happened to have been his girlfriend before I agreed to go out with him. Acting on a source's information, I had found them a few times in postures that made it appear as if they were still very much in love and that I was only being taken for a fool. Without further delay, I confronted Chidi with the facts available to me. He apologised heartily and explained that he had told the girl that he could not marry her, but that she was only forcing herself on him.


For one month, I made it seem as if I was no longer interested in him. I rarely spoke with him, but he kept pleading with me and tried earnestly to prove his innocence. I did not allow any member of my family to know about my discovery concerning the other lady. I knew that would greatly reduce, if not erase Chidi's chance, because my parents passionately hate polygamy or double dealing and they always told us about its demerits.


After much meditation and reflection on the short time we had shared, I decided to follow my mind. Of course, I always had it in mind that I was running late on my schedule for marriage. My mother's early marriage set the pace for my desire to get married early, especially when I had every other thing going for me-education, wealth, good home training and what have you. I embraced Chidi again and we continued with our relationship.
Actually, we were billed to get married in the last quarter of that year, and I thought it would be great to ask for my pastor's view about it, because he had played a supportive role in my struggle. I have a lot of respect for my pastor because there is nothing he says that does not come to pass. So, I hold him in high esteem.
On that fateful Sunday afternoon, just after the Sunday service, I walked up to my pastor in company with Chidi, whom I had invited to meet him. He greeted us cheerfully and asked some personal questions from Chidi. After 20 minutes, we were set to leave when my pastor told me he had a message for my ears only. So, he asked me to see him while Chidi stayed away. He told me plainly that Chidi was not the man for me. He said I had no future with him and advised me not to defy the caution as it could spell doom for my prospects in life.
I met Chidi at 28, but I am now 29. I had heaved a sigh of relief that I could settle down before getting to age 30. But my pastor's counsel is like a dagger in my soul. I am confused and confounded. If my parents hear this, it will be the end of the road for the relationship I have been nurturing. How do I tell Chidi? He would think this still has to do with the offence for which I said I had forgiven him. What exactly should I do now?

Help! My wife is killing me by the day!

- Written by Monica Taiwo, Nigeria

She was born with the proverbial silver spoon , she smokes and clubs. All these she kept from her husband and when he eventually found out, it was too late.

My name is Tayo, Please, help me before my wife takes life out of me. Since I got married eight years ago, my life has never been the same again; it has been from one problem to the other. My wife has trauamtised my life and that of our only son. She has made our life a misery. I want you and your readers to, please, advise me before I take a drastic action.

My story started when I met my wife, Kemi, back in our university days. I had lived with my parents all my life even as a bachelor, I lived with them because I went to the university in the state where my parents reside, so I was always with them. Don't think I am a spoilt child because of this, no. My parents did not spare the rod or exempt me from duties; they made sure they shared the house chores equally between us. I had two elder sisters and a younger brother. 

When I met Kemi in the university, I introduced her to my parents immediately and she was quickly absorbed into our family because naturally, Kemi was an amiable person.

After introducing Kemi to my family, we became so intimate and our expectation was to get married very soon.

However, it wasn't long before I started noticing some strange behaviour in Kemi. The first thing I noticed was that she was always chewing gum and eating sweets.

I admonished her on this because I couldn't stand a woman who does those things. I thought it was her orientation,  the way she was brought up. I was bent on helping her to put an end to it. Kemi herself promised to stop this, saying it was a bad habit she grew up with and that she was ready to stop it at all costs.

Little did I know that my Kemi was a chain smoker and that those things were to freshen her breadth after smoking.

On a fateful day, she took me to visit her parents after so much persuasion. In fact, I didn't know Kemi's parents were so rich. The house was extravagant and excessively furnished.

To tell you the truth, I felt jittery  and all I could do was pretend as if I was okay. Taiwo, it is not as if my parents are common church rats who lived in penury, but Kemi's affluence told a different story about her. I started seeing her in a new light. It was after she saw my disbelief that she revealed to me that her dad was a top government officials and her mother, a renowed business woman.

That day, I developed cold feet because of what I saw, but to my surprise, Kemi's parents and siblings received me warmly and said they would not stand on the way of their daughter's choice, whenever we were ready, they were ready to bless us. I was excited, but scared about such generosity and hospitality. All my fears vanished and my dashed hope of marrying the girl of my dream was revived.

Kemi and I continued our relationship and I made sure I monitored her to stop her  habits. But an amazing thing happened when I visited Kemi's family the second time.

Her parents were absent, but I met her younger sister in their sitting room smoking heavily. I was so shocked and confused. Immediately she saw me, she withdrew into her room laughing hysterically.

I was so shocked and I raised so many questions. I wondered what other things they do in their family and it suddenly dawned on me that that was the same reason Kemi was always chewing gums and eating sweets.

When we left their house, I confronted her with this fact and she didn't deny it. She said she had tried to stop smoking for a long time without much success. She had grown up smoking. This was hard to believe and there and then, I decided to put an end to the relatioship.

For a long period of time, I stopped seeing Kemi and when my parents, asked after her  - because she has become a regular visitor in our home. I would ignore them and sometimes lied that she travelled. I had, however, warned her to steer clear of my family. I didn't want anything to do with an undisciplined family who could soil my family's name.

I did this for sometime, but I couldn't cope, I became restless because even as much as I tried to avoid Kemi in school, she was coming to plead  and beg me; she even sent her friends to plead on her behalf; but I disregarded them, I said I didn't want to have anything to do with her any longer but deep down me, I knew I loved her.

One fateful Saturday, I was at home with my family when Kemi bustled in. When I saw her, I charged at her and confronted her with questions. She ignored me and went straight to my parents telling them to plead on her behalf. She promised to turn a new leaf. On hearing this, my mother could not resist it, you know women and their emotions, she started pleading on her behalf that I should forgive her no matter what she had done, even my siblings joined in the pleadings.

Taiwo, this was the end of this charade. I accepted Kemi  back on the promise that she would stop smoking which she did.

Our marriage was a big one and was the talk of the town. Kemi's parents were supportive and all embracing. Two years into our marriage, Kemi gave birth to our son, Jide. After, Kemi regained her strength after childbirth, she started misbehaving.

I can't really place the reason for this, but at first, I thought it was the stress she went through during labour that had made her unnecessarily harsh and unfriendly, but I was wrong. Kemi neglected her baby and I and started misbehaving. She left the house chores to the housemaid and sometimes, she would stay away all night.

Later, I started noticing she had started smoking again. This time coupled with heavy  drinking When I tried to raise the issue with her, she was agitated, she said I was the one who stopped her from being her real self all these while and that she was back and better. No one could stop her now. I was perplexed and asked her why she tricked me into marrying her in the first place. How would I cope with all these vices? Who will train our  children and inculcate true values into them? Kemi made me believe that she was not ready to have another child. When I informed her parents about her sudden change in attitude, they were not surprised. Obviously, they knew what their daughter was capable of doing. No wonder, they were ready to let her marry any riff raff. I couldn't help but blame my parents and siblings for not seeing beyond their emotional attachments. They pleaded for her the other time, but now, I am suffering . I love my wife no matter what, but how will I cope with this?

I had waited for  six years now, thinking she would change. Kemi had kept her promise not to have another child and I keep on living in misery. Taiwo, please, advise me on what to do.

-Tayo

My brother-in-law’s hard moves to see my pants…

With Auntie Agatha: gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: +234 8054500626

Dear Agatha,

I am 17, waiting for admission into a university of my choice. Last year, my sister invited me over to stay with her because of her baby. I was glad to be of help, because she and I had always been very close. I missed her so much when she relocated to Asaba with her husband. Besides, it also afforded me the opportunity of living life outside my parents’ home and away from their monitoring.

What I thought was going to be fun turned into a living nightmare some months after my arrival in Asaba. Initially I enjoyed the experience of tending to the little baby, looking after my sister and caring for her home. Being the last child of the family, I didn’t have any baby to look after at home neither did I have much housework to do since my elder siblings all dotted on me, tagging me baby and never allowing me to do any serious work at home.
It was against this background that I welcomed and looked forward to going to stay with my sister. Exactly three months after I arrival, my brother-in-law started behaving very funny. He would come home when my sister is not at home, call me into their bedroom either to make the bed or help him remove his shoes.

Although my sister didn’t allow me wash her under-wears and those of her husband, her husband would insist I wash them when she is not around. I didn’t mind, but began to wonder what his agenda was when he would insist I should not tell my sister. I didn’t know how he explains the clean under-wears to my sister and I didn’t ask.