Dear Aunty Julie (Relationship, Romance, Healthe and Fitness) -|- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Topics:

Dear Aunty Julie,

• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel guilty about cheating on him
• Help! I had anal s3x and started bleeding
• I'm in love with my husband's best friend
• How do I forgive his sexting
• My husband's friend is destroying our marriage
• My friends want me to sleep with an older woman
• He doesn't like sex during my period
•  Sex with my husband is painful
• I love sex but I don't want anything serious
• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel uncomfortable around my father-in-law
• Aunty Julie, I have a crush on my best friend's brother
• I'm sexually attracted to a man at work, I'm married
• Wetness from my vagina dries into tiny crumbs, smells funny
• Dear Aunty Julie, Help! I am developing feelings for my teacher
• He's scared about sex during my period
• We had sex and I'm itching
• I was raped
• Her parents think we're too young
• My mom is too protective
• Is my lover’s passion strange?

_______________________________________

Dear Julie, My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Written by Aunty Julie
~Vanguard, Nigeria. November 11, 2016.

Aunty Julie,
My husband of two years is very sociable and has many close friends that we meet up with for dinner. But he also has clingy friend who comes to our home every Friday and stays until Sunday afternoon. I am often lying around in very little or feeding our baby. One morning he bumped into me naked in the bathroom.

I feel as though my privacy is being invaded. My husband just expects me to chat to him but I am getting angry and we end up having huge fights. If I blame my husband, his friend jumps in and ticks me off. When we went to his house he put on a pornographic film and both he and my husband started grinning at me.

Even on our first anniversary supper this man turned up at the restaurant and joined us for coffee. My husband promises to talk to him but nothing has changed. He texts and telephones my husband every day. This man is nice and he loves our daughter, but I feel as if I am in competition with him for my husband’s attention. How can I stop him coming around all the time.
Anonymous, Lagos.

Dear Anonymous,
Neither your husband nor his friend are being fair to you. To use Princess Diana’s much quoted phrase, there are three of us in this marriage. No wife would want another man there all weekend, leaving her little time to be with her husband. It is difficult enough to find time to just be a couple when there is a new baby, let alone when there is someone else there all the time.
So talk to your husband once more and ask him to tell his friend that you want more time as a couple. It would be fine if he stayed over once a month or came for supper sometimes, but not nearly so frequently. If your husband does nothing then you should talk to his friend yourself. Explain that you like him but you want more time as a couple.

You could offer to find him a girlfriend to keep him occupied . He should definitely not be joining you on your next wedding anniversary. I assume your husband and this man are not in a relationship.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Julie, I feel guilty about cheating on him

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016.

Aunty Julie,

My guy and I have been together for the past 10 years. We have been living together but we are not married and my family is kicking. I have always felt like we had a pretty good relationship and although I am away for work quite often, I have never felt tempted to stray.

But last year, I met another guy at a conference and we clicked well and ended up talking for hours. However, one thing led to another and things happened that I never intended to happen. I's not really a big deal but I'm actually dying inside over the guilt I have now.

I haven't seen the guy again but I am struggling because on one hand, I want to tell my partner but on the other, I feel like it will hurt him so much.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I also wonder to myself why this happened and if I'm happy in my relationship, what made this so available and easy? Is there something more, is there a reason this happened?

Laila, Kogi

Dear Laila,

You are feeling guilty and confused. You seem to care but wonder how you could do this at the same time. The truth is, when our feelings, thoughts and behaviours don't match, we enter the state of cognitive dissonance, which is usually difficult until we get aligned by either reassessing our values or changing our behaviours, so that things line up again.

You are struggling because you are evolving and growing from the situation inside you. But I'm curious if you are more troubled by telling your partner the truth or feeling the judgments. The biggest judge is the person in the mirror. Just like you can love someone but not everything they do, you can love yourself but not everything you've done. That might be a starting point.

Ghana, Zambia to adopt Nigeria's BVN scheme

Written by Jonah Nwokpoku
~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, November 9, 2016.

GHANA's apex bank, the Bank of Ghana and Bank of Zambia are currently understudying Nigeria's bank verification number, BVN initiative in order to introduce it into their banking system.

This was disclosed by Director, Banking and Payment System, CBN, Mr. Dipo Fatokun while speaking about the several initiatives the CBN has undertaken to strengthen Nigeria's financial system, at the Swift Business Forum held in Lagos yesterday.

He said: "Under the payment vision 2020, we have actually implemented some reforms. First to be mentioned is the RTGS system. This is one of the systemically important payment infrastructure that we have. And it has assisted in conducting bank transfers and settlements, real time. Another thing that we have done is the bank verification number, which was concluded last year. This has helped a great deal to properly identify bank customers and we are also witnessing drastic reduction of incidence of fraud as a result. And I am glad to say that my colleagues from the Bank of Ghana have visited us, about two weeks ago, to see how this has been done. Our colleagues from the Bank of Zambia are also currently in Nigeria seeing how this was done, with the aim of replicating such in their own country."

Fatokun who was also speaking as a member of a panel discussing, 'Regionalisation and Trade Corridor Evolution in West Africa' pointed out that besides African countries' focus on commodities that offer them comparative advantage and creating incentives to encourage investments, there is need for strong and reliable payment infrastructure to enhance intra-African trade.

Comparative advantage

According to him, "There is need for structural reforms for us to be able to trade successfully within the West African sub region. Each country will specialise on areas where they have comparative advantage. One of the things that has hindered trade between African countries is because most African countries are commodity producers. So, there is need for countries to restructure their economies so that they can also get involved in activities outside the commodity market.

"Another thing that can be done is to create incentives among countries. For example, tax holidays, market instruments, waivers, etc. And there is no doubting the fact that the central bank of these countries and the ministry of finance, the fiscal authorities, will play critical role in the process.

"More so, we must have infrastructure that will connect all the countries so that people can pay seamlessly across different regions of the continent.

If all these are taken care of, then enhanced intra-African trade is doable. And in pursuing this, the government has the responsibility to create awareness because you can only trade in articles that you need.

If citizens are still consumers of foreign products from Europe, America and Asia, then you need to create the necessary market for the African trade. So on our own, we need to begin to educate our people so that we can encourage trade among ourselves."

Happiness is key to good health

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016.

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

When people set out in life, they have dreams of living in fantastic houses and driving around town in fast cars and around the world on epic journeys to romantic corners of the earth. Such dreams meet a spectacular shipwreck during the reality of adult life. For the few people who realise such dreams, they soon find out that the associated material possessions do not bring them either happiness or good health.

The key things which have been found to guarantee good health are relationships garnered from community associations, family connections and marital harmony. People who are unhappy and are denied good community bonds tend to be isolated individuals with steadily declining brain function and memory problems. They have a harder time trying to properly control their cholesterol levels during middle age and generally have a more difficult emotional status to control than people who are in happy relations with their neighbours and their communities. In the same way, people who are in toxic marital relationships tend to develop deep personality problems and an instinctive distrust of people around them. Family feuds belong in this category with premature aging, heart disease and chronic sadness completing the toxic combination. Add alcoholism to all these factors and you will have put together a dangerous brew that will guarantee premature death.

The clear message from the foregoing is that good social connections to family, friends and community make happier people and more satisfied individuals than those who are not as well connected. The brains of the poorly socially connected folks deteriorate earlier and faster than among people in the other group. 

Properly integrated individuals live longer and have a healthier muscle bulk and cardiovascular status than those who tend to be unhappy most of the time. This is true even if they are stupendously wealthy. The people with toxic family relationships have a poorer control of their cholesterol levels than those who do not have similar entanglements. Loneliness kills, as we discussed on this page about a year ago. People who are more disconnected from others are more likely to die prematurely than are those who engage well with people around them. You can be lonely in a crowd or in a marriage and thus be unable to mentally engage with the people around you. Close personal relationships that are warm and happy provide emotional stability to those who engage in such relationships. This helps reduce the level of anxiety and conflict than in those individuals who are aloof and distant.

Who is a husband?

Written by Lady Helen Noyo Owie

Lady Helen Noyo Owie, LSJI, JP is daughter of Mary USA.

~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, October 27, 2016.

I HAVE chosen to speak on the topic "WHO IS A HUSBAND". The scripture tells us in Ephesians 5 vs 28,33 that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. A husband is a male in a marital relationship, the rights and obligation of a husband regarding his spouse, others and his status in the community and in-laws vary between cultures and have varied overtime. Husband is the head of a legally married union to a woman, be it in the church, that is holy matrimony, or in the Registry – Court marriage or just the native law and custom.

The man, therefore, should see his wife as a help-mate- Gen. 2 vs 18. And the Lord said it is not good for a man to be alone. God made for man a suitable companion to help him. Gen. 2 vs 21 – man therefore should love his wife just as he loves his body- Malachi 2 vs 14, Gen. 2 vs 24. Husbands should be faithful to their wives. Marriage is an institution ordained by God. Gen. 2 vs 24.

For this reason the man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and they shall become one. Therefore, husbands should see their wives as help mates, sister and dependable ally, as the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh- Gen. 2 vs 23-25. Husbands, therefore, should realise that the wife is created by God for him- Gen. 2 vs 21. The husband should therefore be conscious of the fact that his destiny is tied to that of his wife. As a husband you are the head of the home.

You must try to build a good home in the face of the moral and societal ills of our society. And give a good leadership role to your family. You will agree with me that not all husbands are husbands, some are fathers, some big boys, some adults, some men. The real husband the Bible tells us in Gen. 2 vs 24. Ephesian 5 vs 25-28, 33 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Let me delve briefly into the role of a father. John 10 vs 11

1. a. Father is a shepherd:

A good shepherd is ready at all times to protect, provide, defend, give shelter and care for his family and give good education and moral standards for the children and of course good leadership roles for his family. A father, who is the shepherd, must smell like the sheep. He must make unconditional sacrifices to make his wife and children comfortable. He should be ready to love his wife in an unconditional manner. John 10 vs 11.

How laughter boosts your mental health

Written by Oge Okafor
Email: adelineokonkwo@yahoo.com
~The SUN Nigeria. 30th October 2016.

Laughter is the best medicine, so goes a popular quote, which might be the reason why comedians like Alibaba, Bovi, Basket mouth and others have not only carved a niche for themselves in entertainment but   are also smiling to the bank.

When it comes to relieving stress, particularly in times like this in Nigeria where economic recession and political strife seem to be stifling our happiness and existence, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor recommends. In order to regain your sanity, have a good laugh. Scientists say it takes about 43 muscles around the face to frown and just 17 to smile. Laughter does you good. Laughter is a great form of stress relief.

Mental health is simply a level of psychological wellbeing or the absence of mental illness. According to World Health organization, WHO, mental health is defined as a state of wellbeing in which every individual realizes his or her potential, copes with the normal stresses of life, works productively and fruitfully and able to make a contribution to the community.
The positive dimension of mental health is stressed in WHO’s definition of health thus: “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”

Meanwhile, Mental Health Commission defines good mental health as a sense of wellbeing, confidence and self-esteem. It enables us to fully enjoy and appreciate other people, day-to-day life and our environment. When we are mentally healthy we can form positive relationships, use our abilities to reach our potential and deal with life’s challenges.

Also, the author of  Shadows in the mirror – the many faces of depression, Dr Vivian Ikem during the recently commemorated World Mental Health Day stressed the need for public intervention in depression and mental health issues. She stated why it is important to educate people on the need to speak up as well as stop stigmatization of mental patients.

According to her “Nigerians hardly talk about mental health and many think of depression simply as sadness, weakness, weak faith, something that is demon-inflicted or influenced by black magic, something to be ashamed of or as an issue specific to western communities.

Signs your feet might be giving you

~The Sun Nigeria. Thursday, October 27, 2016.

When your feet ache after a long day, you might just put the blame on your shoes. After all, many people say their shoes hurt. But sometimes, the pain may not come from our shoes, not even from the sky-high heels some women put on, all in the name of fashion.Pain or any other condition of our feet that's is not due to our type of foot wear may arise from different health issues.

Do not ignore your feet, take time to note every new detail.What you observe can give you a clue to your state of health. Here's signs your feet might be giving you:

Swollen Feet: This is common and usually not cause for a major concern particularly if one has been standing/sitting too long, embarked on a long journey or is pregnant. On the contrary, feet that stay swollen can be a sign of a serious medical condition. The cause may be poor circulation, high blood pressure, toxic overload, hormonal issues, water retention, a problem with the lymphatic system, or a blood clot. Heart, liver, kidney disorder or under active thyroid can also cause swelling.

Cold feet:The most obvious cause of cold feet is the surrounding environment. When the temperature gets colder, people routinely experience problems with cold extremities. However, there are several different medical problems that can cause cold feet as well.Many cardiovascular concerns, diabetes, poor blood flow, circulatory problem, high blood pressure, heart disease, hypothyroidism, anemia maycause cold feet.No matter the underlying cause, cold feet can be uncomfortable, not just to you but also your partner. For instance, it can make your partner shriek when your toes touch his or her so-warm legs.

Burning Feet:Unlike cold feet, this is the sensation that your feet are painfully hot. Often times, I hear people say, they feel pins and needles in their feet. That's the sensation with burning feet. The sensation may be described as similar to an electric shock which could make walking uncomfortable for the sufferers. Burning of the feet may also be accompanied by numbness. And just like the needle and pin sensation, numbness in the feet can cause problem in walking. In this case, there may be a balance problem, as the sufferer may not really feel the feet moving or touching the floor. Often, burning sensations in the feet is due to some kind of damage or dysfunction in the nervous system. The problem is sometimes associated with diabetes, HIV/AIDS, chronic alcohol abuse and exposure to certain toxins.It can also be caused by a vitamin B deficiency, athlete's foot, chronic kidney disease, poor circulation in the legs and feet or hypothyroidism.

Foot sores:That will not heal are a major warning sign for diabetes. Diabetes can impair sensation in the feet, circulation, and normal wound healing, so even aninsect bite could become a troublesome wound. Those sores also are prone to infection. Slow-healing of sores also can be caused by poor circulation from conditions such as peripheral artery disease.

Foot cramps:Are contractions of the muscles of the feet. Cramps are usually brief, but they can be severe and painful.During an episode, one will definitely feel the muscle contracting rapidly and violently. The person may even be able to see it.Overwork and muscle fatigue are common causes. Other causes include poor circulation, dehydration, imbalances of minerals – potassium, magnesium, calcium, or vitamin D levels in the body. The changing hormone levels of pregnancy, thyroid disorders and the use of certain medications may all play a role.

Scientists find HIV-AIDs full cure

~Vanguard Nigeria. Monday, October 3, 2016

A British man with HIV undergoing a pioneering treatment to cure him of the disease has shown "remarkable" progress, doctors have told a newspaper.

Scientists treating the 44-year-old patient are now hopeful of a breakthrough in what has been described as "one of the first serious attempts at a full cure for HIV".

Results showed the man's most recent blood test showed no detectable HIV was present.

Results showed the man's most recent blood test showed no detectable HIV was present.

The man, who has remained anonymous, is the first of 50 people to complete a trial using the two-stage attack on the deadly virus.

The research is being carried out by a collaboration of five of Britain's top universities organised by the National Health Service.

Mark Samuels, managing director of the National Institute for Health Research Office for Clinical Research Infrastructure, told the Sunday Times: "This is one of the first serious attempts at a full cure for HIV. We are exploring the real possibility of curing HIV.

"This is a huge challenge and it's still early days but the progress has been remarkable."

The trial patient told the newspaper that recent blood tests showed no detectable HIV virus was present, although it was too early to confirm that the treatment had worked.

The new therapy aims to overcome a major barrier to clearing the virus from a sufferer's body that has challenged researchers for decades.

Current methods using antiretroviral therapies (Art) fall short of ridding patients of HIV, as the virus can hide out of the drugs' reach in the immune system's T-cells.

By sheltering in dormant T-cells the virus can later take over its host and use it to produce thousands of copies of itself, should Art no longer work.

The research by Oxford and Cambridge universities, Imperial College London, University College London, and King's College London, is testing a "kick and kill" technique to first expose, then destroy the virus.

First a vaccine helps the body find infected T-cells. This is then followed by a course of the drug Vorinostat that awakens the dormant T-cells, which then begin producing HIV proteins that act as a homing beacon to the immune system.

Imperial College London consultant physician Professor Sarah Fidler said the treatment worked in the laboratory and there was "good evidence" it will work in patients.

However she added: "We must stress we are still a long way from any actual therapy."