Men are wired to give, women wired to receive

The SUN Nigeria. Monday, February 20, 2017.

It had started like any other conversation to kill time. Why do women like to take and take? And why do men give women even when it is obvious that the women have more than enough? I bring you excerpts from the banter between a friend and me.

My Friend: Men are foolish, very foolish.

Me: Ah ah, what's biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration?

My Friend: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don't even know what I'm talking about.

Me: I'm itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I'm a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted and pampered but they are no fools. No, I totally disagree with you.

My Friend: By the time I'm done, you will agree with me.

Me: Hmn, until then.

My Friend: Okay, start by explaining this. NYSC pays all corp members the same salaries and allowances, right? But when they get to mammy market, the male corper dips his hands into his pockets and like a fool buys drinks and pepper soup for the female corper. The female corper saves her money after having a good time.

Me: So, the Bobo corper is a fool because of that? That is so totally unfair. He's just being a man. You don't expect the babe to pay for suya when her boo is able and capable?

My Friend: So, the babe is disable and incapable?

Me: Nooo, it's just the way of the world.

HERPES: The infection called herpes

Topics:
- The infection called herpes
- Seek treatment for herpes

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The infection called herpes
Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

Herpes is an infection caused by a very resourceful kind of microbe known as a virus. It is a clever virus too which finds it easy or convenient to adapt to their respective hosts. The virus causing herpes is of two types which are named the Herpes simplex Type 1 and Type 2 (HSV-1 and HSV-2). The former is mostly involved in causing lesions around the face or more broadly, around the head and neck. In some cases, it causes a severe kind of gum inflammation called gingivostomatitis. This is often seen in children. The Type 2 is mainly found in association with disease in the genital region. This broad categorisation is sometimes wrong especially among certain population groups in whom the Type 1 is found more in association with genital diseases than the Type 2.

Herpes is not a new disease although it was not properly understood until the last two decades of the twentieth century. It dates back to more than 2000 years when the ancient Greeks in response to the creepy nature of the disease named it a creeping or crawling disease. In the Type 1 disease in which the face and lips are primarily involved, the skin problem it causes often resembles a bleeding gum. Most of these infections are not associated with any notable condition or illness. In the majority of cases, there is in fact, no disease status. However, when there is such a disease condition developing in association with this infection, significant illness, incapacitation and even death can occur.

This disease condition has increased in importance and spread in the last quarter of a century. It has therefore become a major public health concern and even though there is no immediate association with this virus of dramatic images of suffering and disease and death, the conditions exist without doubt. There is much ignorance about this virus and what it causes and there is so much else in terms of what damage it can cause especially among those people who already have a compromised immune status as a result of another condition like cancer treatment or long-standing kidney or liver disease. It is also more likely to occur in people with AIDS. In the United States, herpes is the most common cause of genital ulcers.


Both strains of the virus can cause disease in man as has been mentioned above. In addition, they are able to penetrate the unique kind of tissue prevalent in nerves and induce those cells to allow them to reproduce and multiply. It tends therefore, to follow the various nerve routes prevalent in the areas of the body where it mounts its attacks. It can complicate the wounds associated with burns and certain other skin conditions that would result in an inflammation of the skin known as dermatitis. The virus is found everywhere in the world and no age group is exempt from its effects. It is endemic in the human population and human beings are its only known reservoir. The virus also has no known natural vectors but it is liable to perform periodic reactivation which is the reason why so many sufferers of the infection become depressed and poorly motivated when they are exposed to repeated infection. The virus is speedily inactivated by drying and at room temperature so that it quickly loses its potency once it is outside the body. As a result of that weakness, it is not common to get the infection by droplets or in the form of aerosol.

She blames her mum's alcoholism for their dad's death!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

ALCOHOLICS have always been accused of making the lives of their loved ones miserable whenever the dreaded alcohol takes over their personality. And this happens as often as they get drunk. When Tomi's father died a couple of years ago, she was heartbroken and bitter that their mother's hostility towards him, especially when he was ill, coupled with her unreasonable grumpiness to the children hastened their father's departure to the grave.

"Our dad was diagnosed with cancer over three years ago. He needed extra care at home and I rescheduled my work at the school I ran so, I could be with him more often. Dad welcomed the change, but mum didn't," Tomi, a 42-year -old mother of three said. "Even before our dad became ill, I had a difficult relationship with our mum. In our teens, my sisters and I would cringe as we listened to her pick fights with dad. She was clingy, jealous and self-absorbed. I had to endure hours of her complaining about him when I got home from school – details too intimate for a daughter to hear about her parents' relationship. My sisters used to disappear but as the eldest, I had to endure it. At some point, I felt brave enough to tell her she wasn't being fair, that he was my dad and I loved him. Her focus has always been inwards, which means she barely asks about my life. Dad, on the other hand, was immensely proud of me and we could talk for hours – this made her more resentful.

"When I spent those last few months with him, I tried hard to talk about anything but his illness. Meanwhile, mum became a martyr to his care, complaining how exhausted she was, while pushing away offers of help. I tried to anticipate what I could do to relieve her burden, yet knew this irritated her. It came to a head one evening when she asked me directly if I got homesick. I replied that my husband was fully in charge of the kids and understood why I had to be with my father in his dying moments. She kept on at me until dad asked her to shut up. Next morning, she told me point blank she wanted time alone with him and that I was welcome to visit at the weekends.

"After dad's death, my sisters and I (and dad's siblings and friends) were relegated to small parts in a play that put our mum's grief at centre stage. This all with the embarrassment of her drinking to excess. She has no sense of self-awareness, so never thinks to curtail her drinking to save her children from public embarrassment. My recent birthday was dominated by keeping her from harm and putting her to bed, stark drunk. I tend not to hold grudges, but with mum I can't slake off something close to hate – since I spent more time crying over the way she treated me than I did for my dying father.


"She offers comments that our (me and my sisters') loss isn't as crippling as hers and this makes me angry. How do I get to be a good daughter when I have to brace myself to call her and don't want to visit her on my own? Our dad's death has proved he was the glue between mum and the children, and now there's nothing."

How to successfully tame your hostile mother-in-law!

By Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

DUNNI has been a sort of little brother for years now, and he freely comes to me any time he wants any advice. Not that much was happening in his life, not for a long time at least. An only child, he schooled in Britain and only came home when his mum had a mild stroke and could no longer run the family furniture business. His dad had passed on long before then and he confessed he couldn’t cope. “I’m not the businessman type”, he moaned "the first time he discussed the family business with me. ”I’ve noticed how firmly mum deals with the workers but I don’t really have the bottle. For a start, I know little or nothing about the staff, and for another I can’t really shout when things go wrong. I’m not the aggressive type".

I told him to keep his ears to the ground, look for one or two allies amongst the staff and tap their brain. It seemed to work for a while until one of the ‘allies’ started giving him the eye. Handsome is hardly a word to described Dunni, but he is intelligent and kind. In his early thirties, he could count the number of girlfriends he’s had on the finger. His idea of a wild night was having a good meal at a decent restaurant and topping that up with choice wine. So when he started going out with Fareedah, his mum’s personal assistant, I was happy for him.

When he brought her to the house however, my enthusiasm dipped. The girl was very pretty and extremely extroverted. She was considerably younger. What would she want with drab Dunni when she could have her pick of men? But then, I chided myself, she could have had her heart broken by a few Casanovas and wanted to give Mr. Nice Man a chance.

Dunni admitted he was a bit wary of falling in love with her when we next met. “But she is very "caring, Auntie,” he said. “You know I didn’t have that much experience with dating women, but she’d since taken care of that. The shyness I usually felt when I was near women disappeared when I went out with her the first time and she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. As a result, our first experience at lovemaking was almost disastrous; I had no confidence because it had been such a long time I was with a woman that it was over almost before it started. But she was patient with me and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I’d only ever dreamt of … ”

When I asked if he’d met any of her friends and family he told me her parents were dead. “I’ve met her friends and they are really nice,” he assured me. “If they thought it was odd her going out with me when she was so pretty and younger, they didn’t show it. Anyway, I’ve changed so much since I met her. She’s overhauled my wardrobe and made me buy a sexier car.

How do you know your man or woman loves you?

~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

Love is a popular word. People crave to be loved. People love and accept love in return. Men and women create love stories. Others want to be identified with beautiful love stories.

When you look around you, you see couples beaming with smiles and savouring the euphoria that comes with falling in love and building relationships.

Love is sweet for those who know what it means to love and be loved. Love is beautiful for those who know that loving someone means commitment, faithfulness, affection and loyalty.

Love makes your heart skip a beat. Love makes your head swoon. Love propels lovers to seek for new ways to please their partners. Love makes you content with whatever you have.

Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do. It is exciting because you are happy to share your life with someone else. It is rewarding because you know you are loved back in return and it is scary because many people get hurt loving others, but you decide to take the plunge all the same.

Once you are in love with someone, it's hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn't start living until the two of you met.

Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love cannot be explained, because it means different things to different people. Anyone who's experienced it knows it's the best feeling ever.

But how can you tell that someone loves you? How can you be sure that your man or woman feels the same about you? What are some of the pointers to being loved? How can you differentiate between true love and the feeling of convenience many mistake for love?

One of the things that will show you that you are loved is when your man or woman never gets tired of being with you. If she cooks up excuses about spending time with you, it's not only because you have mouth odour, it's also because she doesn't want to be with you. Stop trying so hard to be in someone's life if they clearly don't want to be with you.

Ladies, stop running after men who don't want to be with you. If he always gives you excuses about meeting up with you, give him space. Love should not be one sided. You are too precious to be toyed with by one small boy all in the name of seeking companionship.

It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!

Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.

A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.

"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!

This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.

"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?

"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!

"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"

Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.

8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks

Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.

Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.

Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.

And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.

This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:

If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.