Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 14, 2018.
THE major reason married couples divorce is that they couldn't stand each other when they were married. Most marriages could be acrimonious, but there are some couples who got along better now they don't have the responsibilities that committed relationships bring. Mandy, 42 and Frank 39 swore they've forged a close friendship, even though Frank walked out on her when their second daughter was only four.
"I was distraught when Frank left me four years ago," confessed Mandy. "I had recently suffered a miscarriage and was really depressed. On top of which the doctors had really advised 1 shouldn't try for another baby at my age"'. That made me feel really old and emphasised that at 35, Frank would think his child-bearing age was over. We already had two adorable daughters, would he want a son like most men?
"Frank assured me he'd got all the family he ever wanted and 1 relaxed. A couple of years later however, 1 got the news that shattered everything. A friend called she was just from a naming ceremony where the new dad was Frank. And you guessed it, the new tot was a boy! Frank didn't know her, so she was able to give a blow-by-blow account of the ceremony. 1 literally died inside.
How could he? After he'd assured me he was fine the way things were? 1 didn't even suspect he was having a serious affair. This was a man who, even in my darkest moments was there, assuring me 1 could count on him.
"When he eventually showed up and I addressed him by the name of his new son, he was taken aback. Then he became defiant. He told me he didn't ask for what happened, but when one of his mistresses became pregnant and refused an abortion, he resigned himself to his lot. But when he realised he'd had a son, he was really happy. The only problem was how to tell me, but this 'well-meaning' friend had made things easier for him. And he meant to be a responsible father to this son who was born due to no fault of his.
Afrisonet: Universally African and Socially Responsible. We are on the path to the total discovery of the people in today's Africa. Repositioning, to have a way, a say and to make a difference! Be Part.
Why one-night-stands aren't such a big deal these days
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, December 17, 2017.
JIBE waited in her flat with bated breath. She hadn't done a reckless thing like this in her life before. A divorced mother of a nine-year old daughter, she'd run into Tony at a party and they'd got on like a house on fire. Their teasing got to a dare – would Jibe have- a no-strings-attached sex with him that night?
Tony was married of course, so his house was out of bounds. Jibe hadn't had sex for a while and was gaging for it. Her daughter was spending the night at her sister's. Could she let this opportunity slip from her fingers? So she said yes to Tony's proposition.
In spite of the excitement of having sex again, she was scared? She said: "When I heard the bell, I felt a bit panicky. This was suddenly a crazy idea. What if he had dubious intentions? But when I opened the door and saw the lecherous smile on his face, my anxiety was replaced by over-powering lust. Tony pulled me into his arms and started kissing me passionately. My legs actually buckled, but he pressed my body hard against his and I was lost. We started taking each other's clothes off and for a while I felt exposed – and sexy! He gently lowered me onto the sofa, and without saying a word, started making love to me. I'd never experienced anything like it before – so urgent, so uninhibited.
"Almost an hour after, I was exhausted. Tony told me it was one of the best sex he'd had and I felt flattered. It made me feel so desirable and powerful. As he made to leave, he asked for my mobile number but I told him I didn't want to take it any further. He looked really disappointed, but we'd both told ourselves at the party it was to be a one-night stand … "
JIBE waited in her flat with bated breath. She hadn't done a reckless thing like this in her life before. A divorced mother of a nine-year old daughter, she'd run into Tony at a party and they'd got on like a house on fire. Their teasing got to a dare – would Jibe have- a no-strings-attached sex with him that night?
Tony was married of course, so his house was out of bounds. Jibe hadn't had sex for a while and was gaging for it. Her daughter was spending the night at her sister's. Could she let this opportunity slip from her fingers? So she said yes to Tony's proposition.
In spite of the excitement of having sex again, she was scared? She said: "When I heard the bell, I felt a bit panicky. This was suddenly a crazy idea. What if he had dubious intentions? But when I opened the door and saw the lecherous smile on his face, my anxiety was replaced by over-powering lust. Tony pulled me into his arms and started kissing me passionately. My legs actually buckled, but he pressed my body hard against his and I was lost. We started taking each other's clothes off and for a while I felt exposed – and sexy! He gently lowered me onto the sofa, and without saying a word, started making love to me. I'd never experienced anything like it before – so urgent, so uninhibited.
"Almost an hour after, I was exhausted. Tony told me it was one of the best sex he'd had and I felt flattered. It made me feel so desirable and powerful. As he made to leave, he asked for my mobile number but I told him I didn't want to take it any further. He looked really disappointed, but we'd both told ourselves at the party it was to be a one-night stand … "
Why some women find it difficult to conceive
Written by Dr Oladapo Ashiru
~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, November 15, 2017.
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| Dr Oladapo Ashiru |
Recently, a consortium of fertility experts from various international organisations both in Europe and Africa met under the auspices of the World Health Organisation and came up with a new definition of "Infertility" which was published in the Fertility and Sterility Journal, September, 2017.
In the new definition, infertility is the failure to establish a clinical pregnancy after 12 months of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse due to impairment of a person's capacity to reproduce either as an individual or with his/ her partner.
Furthermore, they opine that fertility interventions may be less than one- year based on medical, sexual and reproductive history, age, physical findings and diagnostic test.
The most common cause of infertility in female is the inability to produce eggs that are normal. Disorders of egg production accounts for more than 30 per cent of infertility in women. Fortunately, 70 per cent of these cases can be successfully treated with the use of drugs that support ovulation.
Drugs like clomid, gonadotropins; menogon, follitrope, folligraft, gonal F and several other FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) help to stimulate the growth of follicles. Anovulation (inability to ovulate) can be due to four major factors:
Hormonal factors:
These are the most common causes of anovulation. The ovulatory mechanism is controlled by the complex balance of hormones and I liken it to an orchestra in the symphony, any disruption in this process can hinder ovulation. Three main factors causing this are:
Failure to produce mature eggs
In about 50 per cent cases of anovulation, the ovaries do not produce normal follicles in which the eggs can mature. Ovulation is rare if the eggs are immature and the chance of fertilisation becomes almost non-existent. Even when a substantial amount of ovulatory support hormones like FSH are given, and we obtain like 12 eggs, seven of the eggs would be fully matured while five eggs are immature and cannot be fertilised even using "brute force" with Intra cytoplasmic sperm injection.
Problems you shouldn't have in new relationships?
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, November 5, 2017.
The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be easy. You both have these hormones surging through you that make everything feel so light, easy, radiant, and exciting.
You are walking on cloud nine. Life somehow feels better than usual and you are always smiling. You brush off little things that would normally bother you in the beginning of a relationship.
You really shouldn't be fighting much in a new relationship. If you are, then you are just in the wrong relationship. If you are fighting in the beginning of a relationship, you should be concerned. How are you going to be when the high of the new relationship wears off?
You shouldn't be having the problems mentioned below in your new relationship.
Making time for each other
If a new relationship is healthy and on the right track, you make time for each other, even if there isn't any. You lose a couple of hours of sleep if those hours are the only time you can be together. Being together a lot, in the beginning, is how you build the foundation of your relationship.
Calling/texting
You can't build a relationship with somebody who takes days to respond to a text, doesn't answer calls, and just generally doesn't communicate with you. If you are bickering in a new relationship about phone etiquette, the thing you have may not stand a chance.
Scheduling
Cancelling at the last minute, failing to schedule things in advance, double booking-things like this should not happen in the beginning of a relationship. If somebody cannot just work you into their calendar or give you a simple yes or no answer about dinner now, then he or she will be a ghost of a partner down the line.
How to have fun when all the kids have left home – Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 5, 2017.
Do you feel lost and lonely now that your children have flown the nest? Are you strangely missing the piles of dirty washing and the blaring of music or are you too busy turning a grotty bedroom into a cozy study, where you can relax in the afternoon with refreshments and a magazine? Or, are you thinking of letting part of the house for some easy cash?
New research has revealed that in order to cope with empty-nest syndrome, many parents are giving their homes a make over soon after their youngsters move out. Almost 30 per cent start renovating within two months of their children leaving, according to a survey carried out by Zurich Insurance, a third redecorate their child's old room, while the same number go further and transform it into a study or holiday room. Some even revamp the whole house.
So what makes people quick to reach for their paintbrushes once their kids go off to university or set up home with friends or a partner? More than half of those who took part in the survey said they wanted to reflect the change in family life. Experts agree that after years of children drawing on the walls and leaving dirty plates under beds, many parents are happy to have the chance to make their homes their own again.
"Children may well bully their parents into letting them redecorate their own rooms and even other parts of the house," says Philliop Hodson, a counselling psychotherapist. Some parents lose part of their identities. They have to wait a long time to get their house back. Then they can make it smarter. Renovating can help parents rediscover their identities.
Once a child's bedroom is yours again, it's natural to want to mark your territory. There's an itch to get in there and sort it all out. It's like moving into a new house. Even if it's been beautifully decorated, you still want to change things to make it yours. However, in some cases, there may be another reason why parents get the urge to decorate. You may be trying to fill time because you're missing the children. But what if your son or daughter wants to move back in? Will they be happy to sleep in the couch because their room is now for worship?
"Children are likely to feel disappointed when the house is not their childhood home any more." Says Hodson: "They might feel a bit hurt and pushed out and think that you couldn't wait to be rid of them. Does that mean you should restrain yourself from covering the black walls in your son's bedroom with brighter paint? Not really. As parents, you have to get on with your own lives, so you shouldn't be sentimental. When your child moves out, explain that there will always be a room for them-but it will be the guest room."
Do you feel lost and lonely now that your children have flown the nest? Are you strangely missing the piles of dirty washing and the blaring of music or are you too busy turning a grotty bedroom into a cozy study, where you can relax in the afternoon with refreshments and a magazine? Or, are you thinking of letting part of the house for some easy cash?
New research has revealed that in order to cope with empty-nest syndrome, many parents are giving their homes a make over soon after their youngsters move out. Almost 30 per cent start renovating within two months of their children leaving, according to a survey carried out by Zurich Insurance, a third redecorate their child's old room, while the same number go further and transform it into a study or holiday room. Some even revamp the whole house.
So what makes people quick to reach for their paintbrushes once their kids go off to university or set up home with friends or a partner? More than half of those who took part in the survey said they wanted to reflect the change in family life. Experts agree that after years of children drawing on the walls and leaving dirty plates under beds, many parents are happy to have the chance to make their homes their own again.
"Children may well bully their parents into letting them redecorate their own rooms and even other parts of the house," says Philliop Hodson, a counselling psychotherapist. Some parents lose part of their identities. They have to wait a long time to get their house back. Then they can make it smarter. Renovating can help parents rediscover their identities.
Once a child's bedroom is yours again, it's natural to want to mark your territory. There's an itch to get in there and sort it all out. It's like moving into a new house. Even if it's been beautifully decorated, you still want to change things to make it yours. However, in some cases, there may be another reason why parents get the urge to decorate. You may be trying to fill time because you're missing the children. But what if your son or daughter wants to move back in? Will they be happy to sleep in the couch because their room is now for worship?
"Children are likely to feel disappointed when the house is not their childhood home any more." Says Hodson: "They might feel a bit hurt and pushed out and think that you couldn't wait to be rid of them. Does that mean you should restrain yourself from covering the black walls in your son's bedroom with brighter paint? Not really. As parents, you have to get on with your own lives, so you shouldn't be sentimental. When your child moves out, explain that there will always be a room for them-but it will be the guest room."
Was she sex mad – or was it the drugs?
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 17, 2017.
SEX is supposed to be demystified so youths don't feel guilty for taking part in something that follows naturally when you're in love – and you're sure you're loved back. These days, you hear and see clips of sexual encounters that make your toes curl! Mahmud, 32 and his current girlfriend Julie were to join another couple for a weekend drinking spree when he wished he never agreed to an evening that turned out to be a disaster. "The couple were Anna and Thomas.
Thomas is a cousin and Anna an ex-girlfriend he was now dating,"explained Mahmud.
"Anna had always been sex mad and didn't mind who she hurt as long as she had regular sex. After a string of infidelity,1 decided to cut my loses. But it didn't take her long to hitch on to Thomas who was six years her junior. And she had no qualms dating him. She loved to flaunt her toyboy and they'd been together nine months. As soon as we got to Anna's flat, she was locked in red-hot kisses with Thomas. 'I can't keep my hands off him, ' she bragged whilst he looked embarrassed.
What made things even more uncomfortable for me was that Anna was my ex. We'd dated as teenagers for over two years until I realised she'd gone through most of my friends. But I wasn't jealous, I was glad she was out of my life.
"She continued with groping the poor boy. 'I can't wait to get you naked,' she whispered, loud enough for us to hear. 'Then looking directly at me, she licked her lips. I could see Julie was annoyed. 'Why don't you take things upstairs?' she said coldly. Anna took that as a cue to pull Thomas toward the bedroom. Then all went really quiet. 'Do you still fancy her'?' Julie wanted to know after they'd disappeared. 1 assured her Anna was the least of my problems. All of a sudden, the bed began to creak. Then the creaks became bangs – the headboard crashing against the wall. Muffled groans and squeals drifted from the bedroom.
It was so funny we burst out laughing. Did they have no shame? Then an almighty crash rang out, followed by Anna's shout. 'The bed's broken.' she yelled.
Thomas came through the bedroom door, shamed-faced before crashing on the couch. He promptly fell asleep in a drunken state. It wasn't long before Anna rust into the room. We both stared at her, horrified – she was stark-naked! She was waving her arms, her fleshy boobs and buttocks jiggling. We broke the bed!' she repeated proudly. Thomas, poor boy, got up to leave but Anna blocked him, grinning lasciviously.
'You're going nowhere,' she ordered, things are just warming up: Thomas ran for the door but Anna raced after him. But he was already out on the street.
SEX is supposed to be demystified so youths don't feel guilty for taking part in something that follows naturally when you're in love – and you're sure you're loved back. These days, you hear and see clips of sexual encounters that make your toes curl! Mahmud, 32 and his current girlfriend Julie were to join another couple for a weekend drinking spree when he wished he never agreed to an evening that turned out to be a disaster. "The couple were Anna and Thomas.
Thomas is a cousin and Anna an ex-girlfriend he was now dating,"explained Mahmud.
"Anna had always been sex mad and didn't mind who she hurt as long as she had regular sex. After a string of infidelity,1 decided to cut my loses. But it didn't take her long to hitch on to Thomas who was six years her junior. And she had no qualms dating him. She loved to flaunt her toyboy and they'd been together nine months. As soon as we got to Anna's flat, she was locked in red-hot kisses with Thomas. 'I can't keep my hands off him, ' she bragged whilst he looked embarrassed.
What made things even more uncomfortable for me was that Anna was my ex. We'd dated as teenagers for over two years until I realised she'd gone through most of my friends. But I wasn't jealous, I was glad she was out of my life.
"She continued with groping the poor boy. 'I can't wait to get you naked,' she whispered, loud enough for us to hear. 'Then looking directly at me, she licked her lips. I could see Julie was annoyed. 'Why don't you take things upstairs?' she said coldly. Anna took that as a cue to pull Thomas toward the bedroom. Then all went really quiet. 'Do you still fancy her'?' Julie wanted to know after they'd disappeared. 1 assured her Anna was the least of my problems. All of a sudden, the bed began to creak. Then the creaks became bangs – the headboard crashing against the wall. Muffled groans and squeals drifted from the bedroom.
It was so funny we burst out laughing. Did they have no shame? Then an almighty crash rang out, followed by Anna's shout. 'The bed's broken.' she yelled.
Thomas came through the bedroom door, shamed-faced before crashing on the couch. He promptly fell asleep in a drunken state. It wasn't long before Anna rust into the room. We both stared at her, horrified – she was stark-naked! She was waving her arms, her fleshy boobs and buttocks jiggling. We broke the bed!' she repeated proudly. Thomas, poor boy, got up to leave but Anna blocked him, grinning lasciviously.
'You're going nowhere,' she ordered, things are just warming up: Thomas ran for the door but Anna raced after him. But he was already out on the street.
56 countries, 9 states indicate interest in FESTAC"77@40 - CBAAC DG
~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, October 25, 2017.
Fifty-six countries and nine states have indicated interest to participate in the one weeklong commemoration of FESTAC"77@40 beginning on Nov.6 in Lagos.
Dr Ferdinand Anikwe, the Director-General, Centre for Black Arts and African Civilisation (CBAAC), told newsmen in Lagos that the seven-day programme would end on Nov.11.
Newsmen report that Nigeria hosted the first World Blacks and African Festival of Arts and Culture (FESTAC) in 1977 at the National Theatre Complex, Iganmu, Lagos.
Newsmen report that Nigeria's hosting of the FESTAC led to the building of FESTAC Town by the Federal Government then for guests and participants from different parts of the world.
Anikwe said: "We have finally decided to kick start the commemoration of FESTAC"77@40.
"We will be using the University of Lagos Sports Complex, National Theatre Complex, the Federal Housing Authority Field, Festac Town and Golden Tulip Hotel.
"The objective of the festival is to seek and re-establish the culture and confidence of the black and African races.
"It will also offer platform and intensify campaign for continue cultural exchange, understanding and unity amongst black and African countries and communities."
The director-general said that the centre was collaborating with UNESCO, Bank of Industry, Festac Town residents, Coca-cola among others, for the celebration.
According to him, activities lined up include: International Symposium, Colloquium, documentary on internalising the spirit of FESTAC "77, traditional wrestling competition and beauty pageant.
Others are: visit to tourist sites, cultural performances, exhibitions and African Food Fair by participating countries, states and organisations in Nigeria and Gala Night.
He said that Dr Ahmadu Ali, who was also the chairman of the festival in 1977, would also chairman the opening ceremony.
Anikwe said that former President Olusegun Obasanjo would be crowned "Ruby King of FESTAC" and "Patron of African Culture" for his contributions to the promotion and development of African culture and heritage.
"He will be crowned by the Ooni of Ife, His Royal Majesty, Oba Adeyeye Ogunwusi, the Ojaja1," the CBAAC director-general said...
Anikwe said that Prof. Union Edebiri from the University of Benin in Edo, would present the keynote address at the event.
NAN
Fifty-six countries and nine states have indicated interest to participate in the one weeklong commemoration of FESTAC"77@40 beginning on Nov.6 in Lagos.
Dr Ferdinand Anikwe, the Director-General, Centre for Black Arts and African Civilisation (CBAAC), told newsmen in Lagos that the seven-day programme would end on Nov.11.
Newsmen report that Nigeria hosted the first World Blacks and African Festival of Arts and Culture (FESTAC) in 1977 at the National Theatre Complex, Iganmu, Lagos.
Newsmen report that Nigeria's hosting of the FESTAC led to the building of FESTAC Town by the Federal Government then for guests and participants from different parts of the world.
Anikwe said: "We have finally decided to kick start the commemoration of FESTAC"77@40.
"We will be using the University of Lagos Sports Complex, National Theatre Complex, the Federal Housing Authority Field, Festac Town and Golden Tulip Hotel.
"The objective of the festival is to seek and re-establish the culture and confidence of the black and African races.
"It will also offer platform and intensify campaign for continue cultural exchange, understanding and unity amongst black and African countries and communities."
The director-general said that the centre was collaborating with UNESCO, Bank of Industry, Festac Town residents, Coca-cola among others, for the celebration.
According to him, activities lined up include: International Symposium, Colloquium, documentary on internalising the spirit of FESTAC "77, traditional wrestling competition and beauty pageant.
Others are: visit to tourist sites, cultural performances, exhibitions and African Food Fair by participating countries, states and organisations in Nigeria and Gala Night.
He said that Dr Ahmadu Ali, who was also the chairman of the festival in 1977, would also chairman the opening ceremony.
Anikwe said that former President Olusegun Obasanjo would be crowned "Ruby King of FESTAC" and "Patron of African Culture" for his contributions to the promotion and development of African culture and heritage.
"He will be crowned by the Ooni of Ife, His Royal Majesty, Oba Adeyeye Ogunwusi, the Ojaja1," the CBAAC director-general said...
Anikwe said that Prof. Union Edebiri from the University of Benin in Edo, would present the keynote address at the event.
NAN
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