Between sexual fantasies and reality

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Monday, November 14, 2016.

Socially deviant sexual acts, date back to Biblical days with detailed records of several sexual acts as captured in the stories of Lot, the brother of Abraham and his wife and Lot's exit from the land of Sodom and Gomorah. Another story of incest was recorded in the story of Noah and his daughters. David's daughter, Tamarah also suffered the trauma of rape and incest in the hands of her brother.

All these were acts of sin before God and man considered them socially deviant. All the same they remained in the fabrics of society, underground acts to be performed under the cloak of darkness, behind tightly shut doors and princely parlours for the rich and powerful. Even as God forbade them, men enacted laws and punishments for those caught in the act of defiling the land and abusing their bodies and destroying the soul of society.

Yet, nothing seem capable of whipping us back into line and curtailing our wild imaginations. If you are one of those who think sex is a simple act performed between a man and a woman and that the missionary position is the most conventional and acceptable, you are in for a big surprise.

Almost on a daily basis, you get to read about all sorts of socially deviant sexual behaviours, some even involving so called men of God. While adultery, rape and incest seem to top the list, there are several other more shocking acts taking place, many shrouded in secrecy. For instance, sometime last year, 2015, stories broke about America's golden black boy, Bill Cosby and his alleged rape accusations.

It was revealed that over a dozen women at various times spanning almost three decades have accused him of luring them into apartments and sexually assaulting them. A peculiar feature in the manner of assault is that they all claim they were drugged. They recounted how they got to the apartments and were served drink meant to make them relax, only to discover that they had been violated on waking up from their forced state of stupor.

What can hurt your sex life

Written by Funmi Akingbade
Phone: +234 8096762941, +234 8029593116

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016.

Funmi Akingbade

Many of our readers have been sending countless questions to us wanting to know if there are other things that can hurt their sex life apart from bad addictive habits and some common illnesses that have been mentioned on this platform.

Do you know that being mere can hurt a couple's sex life? As simple as being over excited may look or appear, when married couples are not very mindful of this act, they are unknowingly destroying their sex bed. I am sure many of our readers may think this is not so. But do you know that sometimes, when men are overexcited about having sex, they totally forget about the needs of their wives. And what happens is that, during sex, the husband clumsily squeezes the wife's breast.


The point is that during intercourse, the wife is not warmed up and therefore does not enjoy sex as much as the husband. This action hurts couple's sex life and before you know it, the unsatisfied partner is either not showing interest any more or looking for sex elsewhere. So, husbands, go down on your wife like you mean it! If you want her to enjoy sex, then you neted to enjoy performing oral sex on her. Just like nothing is sexier to many husbands than wives giving them a blow job, nothing is sexier to many wives than a husband who enjoys giving oral pleasure. Documentation shows that only about 25 to 30 per cent of married women orgasm or reach climax through sex and most of these women need and likely want clitoral stimulation in addition to sex. I tell men that when you are through, still go down on your wife. You will be surprised to see another side of her, try it tonight. When you roll over after sex and tell her, 'sorry dear, it's just too hot, or I am so tired from office work, or don't worry, next time I will make out time, then you keep a foot of distance between you and her.

Maybe you chat with her a bit before falling asleep. She is noticeable annoyed and it will backfire sooner or later. Even if you are not someone who likes to touch after sex, you just must learn how to. You can start off small and make some kind of physical contact a normal part of your after-sex routine. Scratch her back for a little while and lay a little closer than normal. Once you have scratched her back for a while, move to a closer touch. Cuddling after sex will bring the two of you closer together. One of the most successful marriage relationships has been linked to bonds created after sex and cuddling. According to research, the way you approach your partner after sex is really important to how you approach your relationship in general. When you and your wife barely experience spark after sex, it could hurt your sex life.

How to manage abdominal pain in children

Written by Dr Rotimi Adesanya

Web: www.doctoradesanya. blogspot.com.

~Punch Nigeria. Friday, November 11, 2016. 

Dr Rotimi Adesanya

Most children complain of abdominal pain (or stomach ache) at one time or another. While there may be no cause for alarm in most cases, parents should take such children to the hospital if the pain is severe and persistent or if such children seem generally unwell.

Causes of stomach ache

The term 'stomach ache' is casually used for all types of pain experienced in the abdominal area, but anyone who has suffered it knows that one stomach ache can be different from another. Not only can a stomach ache occur high up under the ribs or down low in the guts; its intensity varies.

Stomach pain in children is often caused by excessive gas and indigestion, which might not be a serious issue. A 'sore tummy' may also be a sign of infections like food poisoning, gastroenteritis, pneumonia or urinary tract infections.

Severe stomach pain might be caused by more serious or surgical illnesses like appendicitis or intussusceptions, which is when part of the gut slides into or over itself. Pain in the stomach that keeps coming back might be associated with constipation, food intolerance or inflammation in the gut.

Symptoms

The symptoms that come with stomach pain may include nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, fever, constipation, bloating and loss of appetite. These symptoms vary, depending on the underlying cause of the pain.

Dear Aunty Julie (Relationship, Romance, Healthe and Fitness) -|- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Topics:

Dear Aunty Julie,

• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel guilty about cheating on him
• Help! I had anal s3x and started bleeding
• I'm in love with my husband's best friend
• How do I forgive his sexting
• My husband's friend is destroying our marriage
• My friends want me to sleep with an older woman
• He doesn't like sex during my period
•  Sex with my husband is painful
• I love sex but I don't want anything serious
• My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
• I feel uncomfortable around my father-in-law
• Aunty Julie, I have a crush on my best friend's brother
• I'm sexually attracted to a man at work, I'm married
• Wetness from my vagina dries into tiny crumbs, smells funny
• Dear Aunty Julie, Help! I am developing feelings for my teacher
• He's scared about sex during my period
• We had sex and I'm itching
• I was raped
• Her parents think we're too young
• My mom is too protective
• Is my lover’s passion strange?

_______________________________________

Dear Julie, My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage

Written by Aunty Julie
~Vanguard, Nigeria. November 11, 2016.

Aunty Julie,
My husband of two years is very sociable and has many close friends that we meet up with for dinner. But he also has clingy friend who comes to our home every Friday and stays until Sunday afternoon. I am often lying around in very little or feeding our baby. One morning he bumped into me naked in the bathroom.

I feel as though my privacy is being invaded. My husband just expects me to chat to him but I am getting angry and we end up having huge fights. If I blame my husband, his friend jumps in and ticks me off. When we went to his house he put on a pornographic film and both he and my husband started grinning at me.

Even on our first anniversary supper this man turned up at the restaurant and joined us for coffee. My husband promises to talk to him but nothing has changed. He texts and telephones my husband every day. This man is nice and he loves our daughter, but I feel as if I am in competition with him for my husband’s attention. How can I stop him coming around all the time.
Anonymous, Lagos.

Dear Anonymous,
Neither your husband nor his friend are being fair to you. To use Princess Diana’s much quoted phrase, there are three of us in this marriage. No wife would want another man there all weekend, leaving her little time to be with her husband. It is difficult enough to find time to just be a couple when there is a new baby, let alone when there is someone else there all the time.
So talk to your husband once more and ask him to tell his friend that you want more time as a couple. It would be fine if he stayed over once a month or came for supper sometimes, but not nearly so frequently. If your husband does nothing then you should talk to his friend yourself. Explain that you like him but you want more time as a couple.

You could offer to find him a girlfriend to keep him occupied . He should definitely not be joining you on your next wedding anniversary. I assume your husband and this man are not in a relationship.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Julie, I feel guilty about cheating on him

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016.

Aunty Julie,

My guy and I have been together for the past 10 years. We have been living together but we are not married and my family is kicking. I have always felt like we had a pretty good relationship and although I am away for work quite often, I have never felt tempted to stray.

But last year, I met another guy at a conference and we clicked well and ended up talking for hours. However, one thing led to another and things happened that I never intended to happen. I's not really a big deal but I'm actually dying inside over the guilt I have now.

I haven't seen the guy again but I am struggling because on one hand, I want to tell my partner but on the other, I feel like it will hurt him so much.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I also wonder to myself why this happened and if I'm happy in my relationship, what made this so available and easy? Is there something more, is there a reason this happened?

Laila, Kogi

Dear Laila,

You are feeling guilty and confused. You seem to care but wonder how you could do this at the same time. The truth is, when our feelings, thoughts and behaviours don't match, we enter the state of cognitive dissonance, which is usually difficult until we get aligned by either reassessing our values or changing our behaviours, so that things line up again.

You are struggling because you are evolving and growing from the situation inside you. But I'm curious if you are more troubled by telling your partner the truth or feeling the judgments. The biggest judge is the person in the mirror. Just like you can love someone but not everything they do, you can love yourself but not everything you've done. That might be a starting point.

Ghana, Zambia to adopt Nigeria's BVN scheme

Written by Jonah Nwokpoku
~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, November 9, 2016.

GHANA's apex bank, the Bank of Ghana and Bank of Zambia are currently understudying Nigeria's bank verification number, BVN initiative in order to introduce it into their banking system.

This was disclosed by Director, Banking and Payment System, CBN, Mr. Dipo Fatokun while speaking about the several initiatives the CBN has undertaken to strengthen Nigeria's financial system, at the Swift Business Forum held in Lagos yesterday.

He said: "Under the payment vision 2020, we have actually implemented some reforms. First to be mentioned is the RTGS system. This is one of the systemically important payment infrastructure that we have. And it has assisted in conducting bank transfers and settlements, real time. Another thing that we have done is the bank verification number, which was concluded last year. This has helped a great deal to properly identify bank customers and we are also witnessing drastic reduction of incidence of fraud as a result. And I am glad to say that my colleagues from the Bank of Ghana have visited us, about two weeks ago, to see how this has been done. Our colleagues from the Bank of Zambia are also currently in Nigeria seeing how this was done, with the aim of replicating such in their own country."

Fatokun who was also speaking as a member of a panel discussing, 'Regionalisation and Trade Corridor Evolution in West Africa' pointed out that besides African countries' focus on commodities that offer them comparative advantage and creating incentives to encourage investments, there is need for strong and reliable payment infrastructure to enhance intra-African trade.

Comparative advantage

According to him, "There is need for structural reforms for us to be able to trade successfully within the West African sub region. Each country will specialise on areas where they have comparative advantage. One of the things that has hindered trade between African countries is because most African countries are commodity producers. So, there is need for countries to restructure their economies so that they can also get involved in activities outside the commodity market.

"Another thing that can be done is to create incentives among countries. For example, tax holidays, market instruments, waivers, etc. And there is no doubting the fact that the central bank of these countries and the ministry of finance, the fiscal authorities, will play critical role in the process.

"More so, we must have infrastructure that will connect all the countries so that people can pay seamlessly across different regions of the continent.

If all these are taken care of, then enhanced intra-African trade is doable. And in pursuing this, the government has the responsibility to create awareness because you can only trade in articles that you need.

If citizens are still consumers of foreign products from Europe, America and Asia, then you need to create the necessary market for the African trade. So on our own, we need to begin to educate our people so that we can encourage trade among ourselves."

I would love to marry a man who likes sex -Linda Ikeji

Written by Rotimi Agbana
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016. 

Linda Ikeji

Famous Nigerian blogger, Linda Ikeji, needs no introduction because she has already made a name for herself in her chosen choice of trade. The ace blogger who has diligently put in a decade of her lifetime into the now proliferated trade of blogging, recently decided to discuss the things she requires in a man she would love to marry.

According to Linda, any man who would finally claim her heart and eventually take her to the altar must be dexterous and highly skillful at the things of the inner room. When asked if she has been getting proposals from suitors as well as what she requires in a man she would love to marry, she dropped some interesting points. "I'm getting quite a lot of proposals.

You know people say when a woman is successful, men run away, it's a lie, that is when they chase you the more. But unfortunately, I haven't seen what I'm looking for. To be honest, I keep telling people, it's not like men are scarce, it's the type of man some of us are looking for that is scarce, if I want to marry next year I can, but he would not be the kind of man I want.

I want a man that I can look up to, someone that inspires me, someone that would push me, someone that would motivate me, somebody that has had some success in his own career path, then I can look up to him and be like "wow", a man that teaches me and I can learn from. I'm inspired by successful people, someone like Tyler Perry, I can't wait to meet him. I can't marry a poor guy, I'm being honest about it, no I can't, he doesn't have to be very rich but let him be successful in his own way. You may come across some successful men but there is something wrong there, so the whole package is what I'm looking for.

When I was like 30-years old, my standards were very high, extremely high, but I wasn't looking at marrying, I was just focused on work because I've always been so ambitious that I wasn't focusing on marriage or kids. I felt like I should just do what I wanted to do. It was just recently that I began to think about marriage, and to be honest, my requirements are only three now. He must be successful, he must be a good man, in the sense that he must be supportive of me, if he tries to stifle me then I'm out. Lastly, he has to be a man that likes sex and must be very good at it", she stated.

Happiness is key to good health

Written by Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016.

Dr. Sylvester Ikhisemojie

When people set out in life, they have dreams of living in fantastic houses and driving around town in fast cars and around the world on epic journeys to romantic corners of the earth. Such dreams meet a spectacular shipwreck during the reality of adult life. For the few people who realise such dreams, they soon find out that the associated material possessions do not bring them either happiness or good health.

The key things which have been found to guarantee good health are relationships garnered from community associations, family connections and marital harmony. People who are unhappy and are denied good community bonds tend to be isolated individuals with steadily declining brain function and memory problems. They have a harder time trying to properly control their cholesterol levels during middle age and generally have a more difficult emotional status to control than people who are in happy relations with their neighbours and their communities. In the same way, people who are in toxic marital relationships tend to develop deep personality problems and an instinctive distrust of people around them. Family feuds belong in this category with premature aging, heart disease and chronic sadness completing the toxic combination. Add alcoholism to all these factors and you will have put together a dangerous brew that will guarantee premature death.

The clear message from the foregoing is that good social connections to family, friends and community make happier people and more satisfied individuals than those who are not as well connected. The brains of the poorly socially connected folks deteriorate earlier and faster than among people in the other group. 

Properly integrated individuals live longer and have a healthier muscle bulk and cardiovascular status than those who tend to be unhappy most of the time. This is true even if they are stupendously wealthy. The people with toxic family relationships have a poorer control of their cholesterol levels than those who do not have similar entanglements. Loneliness kills, as we discussed on this page about a year ago. People who are more disconnected from others are more likely to die prematurely than are those who engage well with people around them. You can be lonely in a crowd or in a marriage and thus be unable to mentally engage with the people around you. Close personal relationships that are warm and happy provide emotional stability to those who engage in such relationships. This helps reduce the level of anxiety and conflict than in those individuals who are aloof and distant.