The truth about early marriage

Written by Josephine Agbonkhese & Anino Aganbi

~Vanguard - Nigeria,  Friday, March 11, 2016

ALMOST everyone in the neighbourhood admired Mariam Adamu (not real names). Her fair-complexion, height and extremely beautiful figure would pass for an international model anytime. Her seven-year-old child seemed a photocopy of her too.

21-year-old Mariam had just moved in with her husband into the neighboured, from a neighbouring city. Hence, neighbours knew practically nothing about her outside her near-goddess beauty.

It wasn't until a couple of years later when her husband took a second wife with whom he later relocated, that the cynosure of all eyes became the centre of real pity; Mariam had been living in unimaginable emotional trauma but was sensible enough to cover-up.

She was living with Vesico Vagina Fistula, VVF, an abnormal fistulous tract extending between the bladder(vesico) and the vagina that allows the involuntary leakage of urine from the vagina. She developed this at childbirth. Her disappointed husband obviously couldn't bear it anymore than abandon her for at least a healthier woman! Poor Mariam died the following year from lack of care.

Victim of early marriage

What tragic end for another unfortunate victim of early marriage! No fewer than 800,000 women in Nigeria, basically for reasons such as Mariam's, suffer from VVF annually in Nigeria, according to a 2015 report by the United Nations Fund for Population Activities, UNFPA.

Also known as child marriage, early marriage, a common phenomenon in some parts of Nigeria, refers to either a formal or informal union entered into by an individual who is less than 18.

There's been a whole lot of controversy surrounding child marriage in Nigeria, with some endorsing it on the basis of religion even as the 1999 Constitution Section 49 4(b) remains confused about it after stymied attempts at its deletion by the senate. Notwithstanding, statistics and background checks on victims of child marriage identify socio-economic factors as major drivers.

The return of the 'Prodigal Husband!

From Femi Ajasa   Sunday, March 13, 2016

~Vanguard, Nigeria - By Candida

IT was a busy time at the office and I'd left specific instructions with my secretary not to be disturbed – except she thought it was absolutely necessary. So, when she peeked tentatively into my office and 1 scowled in disapproval, she quickly mouthed that Ini's husband was at the reception area.

Ini, my very good friend's husband? What the heck did he want? After frequent visits, to his home-town, the result of his clandestine visits had finally surfaced some few months ago. And who should let the cat out of the bag but some of his "respected" relatives who thought it was about time Ini knew her children had a half-brother. Without any warning of the impending bombshell, Ini was furious after the 'meeting'. But her in-laws pompously warned her to get a grip on herself – her husband wouldn't be the first man to stray from the straight and narrow. What was more, the son had a right to his father's home – the home that was more Ini's than her husband's.

For the next few weeks, Ini made life unbearable for Charles, her husband, that he virtually relocated to his town to savour the joys of new fatherhood. The last time I saw him, he was unrepentant. He said I should have a word with my friend to be realistic. That a child was involved here and if he didn't have any feelings for its mother, he wouldn't sleep with her. That he'd heard Ini refer to her mistress as a village illiterate. For my information, he went on with his lecture, the girl was not an illiterate but a successful trader and a princess. Over the years, I've learnt the wisdom of a still tongue, so I said nothing. Not even to my friend when I next saw her. Now he was in my office. To inform me he was finally leaving my friend to live with Cinderalla?

I found him sitting forlornly at the reception, looking like a stranger. He'd aged too. He sprang to his feet as soon as he saw me and I ushered him to my office. "I know I've no right to pounce on you without an appointment", he said "God knows I wasn't even expecting you to see me. But you've got to speak to Ini. Please you're one of the few people she'd listen to. Please beg her to take me back. I want to come home and I need this second chance badly.

"I know I'd been so stupid. Ini has always turned a blind eye on my affairs. Springing this child on her was a mistake. I was misled by those nossy village people. I'll never embarrass her like this again … "

Avoid quarrels in your relationship

~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, March 13, 2016

Every couple desires a happy relationship. Don't let misunderstandings ruin your bond.Follow these steps and let your relationship thrive

Identify the source

If you always quarrel in your relationship, you need to figure out where it is coming from. If the source is outside the relationship, don't treat it like a relationship problem. Money issues account for more relationship problems than any other source. But in reality, money is a financial problem. It only becomes a relationship problem if you let it.

Don't assign blame

The goal of a relationship is to draw a couple closer, not to alienate your best friend and life partner. Blaming your partner could be very destructive to a relationship and it never contributes to unity. The same goes for being critical of one another, all that will do is divide the relationship.

Acknowledge your partner's concerns

If something goes wrong and you feel responsible, it is easy to turn defensive when your partner expresses their concerns. Rather than turning it into a confrontation by defending yourself, put your ego aside and acknowledge his or her concerns with an understanding heart. You are in the relationship together and that means you probably have similar concerns that you need to work on.

Don't make wrong assumptions

If something happens that you are not sure of, don't make things worse by assuming. Instead of focusing on the negativities, sit down with your mate and discuss possible solutions. If you work together in a creative way you may be able to turn any brewing quarrel around.

How far are you willing to go to get your wife pregnant?

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguardm Nigeria.

Just how desperate are you to have a child? After exploring all avenues available to you medically, are you willing to seek outside help? Like natural insemination? Artificial insemination is when a donor sperm is introduced into the female vagina with the hope that the patient would eventually get pregnant. This method is resorted to when the male partner's sperm counts are too low to father a child – or they are just blanks. All over the world, a lot of women are playing God by sneakily seeking the help of a virile man to help them get the much longed for child. These days however, with infidelity being condoned, some men have come out to support their wives in their quest to get pregnant, to the extent of agreeing to Natural Insemination (NI).

One of such women recently quoted in a foreign press alleged that: "My husband knows what he wants to know. We have conceived through natural insemination and had sex with more than one donor over a few months. There is no doubt that it is emotionally charged and my husband found it difficult. Also, the sex with someone other than my husband is surprisingly enjoyable, sexy and kinky and if we are going to be honest, it's cheating. We accepted all that and it worked for us. I wouldn't have done it any other way. I agreed that my husband is wonderful and I will love him and be grateful to him forever, for giving us this opportunity to have a proper family.

"But natural insemination is how I wanted to make our baby. Bottles, tubes, syringes are just not what I wanted to be involved with when I became pregnant. I don't judge anyone. It is just not what I wanted. We're not swingers. I could never cope with my husband doing what I did, which is what makes him even more wonderful. But our sex life is not the point here. I wanted to get pregnant and I loved doing it. The whole process was fun, sexy and memorable. I am sorry if that makes me a harlot but there are no two ways about it. I did feel more fertile when dressed up, having sex all night and feeling satisfied in the morning. 

We don't have any secrets.

"My husband knows what he wants to know and can ask anything. For what it is worth, he took me shopping for the underwear". And if you are curious about how any man involved in such an emotionally volatile arrangement feels, here is a 32-year-old male's view: "Insemination can be perfectly ok in a relationship, if both agree on it. I am a 32-year-old man. My wife is 27 and we have been married for three years. We are happy parents of a little girl who just celebrated her first birthday. My sperm count is very low and we had to use a donor. Natural insemination was the right method for us. We both think artificial insemination is much too clinical.

Birth control practices

Written by Dr Sylvester Ikhisemojie - The Punch, Nigeria.

Sylvester Ikhisemojie

In much of Africa today, there is a burgeoning population made possible by explosive birth rates and the endurance of a majority youthful population. This has many evident positive advantages, not the least of which is the presence of a virile population of people in the productive age group.

The obverse in the problem here is that feeding this large population and finding adequate jobs for the large population will remain a challenge well into the twenty first century. It therefore means that efforts must now be made from this time forwards, in all countries of the region, to slow the rate of population growth to more manageable, more sustainable levels.

As a result, it is incumbent on health authorities throughout the region to teach women of all socio-economic groups about the immense benefits of birth control and child spacing. It is because of all these interwoven facts that issues of contraception and other efforts at birth control must now be examined and propagated.

While birth control and contraception do not necessarily mean the same thing, both of them are geared towards controlling the appearance of unwanted pregnancies. This is because it is possible to engage in birth control without engaging any means of contraception to achieve this aim. Our focus today must therefore centre on birth control. With this clarification, it can be seen that birth control practices will not always involve the use of means, devices and medications to avoid pregnancy occurring but can in fact be achieved naturally by following the natural rhythm of the body itself.

This means that birth control and contraception make up what is known as family planning. As a result, it is important for us to examine some of these methods.

Make haste while your fertility sun shines

Written by Oladapo Ashiru - Nigeria.

Oladapo Ashiru

This article underscores the recent experiences of Dr. Lateef Akinola, Prof. Oladapo Ashiru and their team, regarding the proportion of women delaying childbirth until they are in their late 30s and early 40s, a trend that is on the increase. Such women often delay childbirth for career development and economic empowerment while searching for the ‘right’ men. 

Though all of these are laudable and worth the sweat, they can lead to age-related infertility which has been coined as “voluntary infertility”.

Infertility is defined as failure to achieve pregnancy after one year of unprotected vaginal sexual intercourse. This affects about 10 to 15 per cent of couples. It is spread equally among the male and female population. Causes of infertility in males can include low sperm count, poor sperm motility, abnormally-shaped sperm, spermatic duct blockage, impotence and ‘undescended’ testes.

Must a wife always say yes to sex?

Written by Bunmi Sofola - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

Forget the old wives' tale that a married woman must be ever ready to satisfy her husband's conjugal rites' (how archaic!) but when push comes to shove, must a wife always be her husband's 'obedient servant' in the bedroom? Some months back, two couples were asked about their mismatched libidos, and how it affected their marriage.

While one partner claimed to be pretty much always in the mood, the other often felt pressured to have sex when they had little desire to do so. The challenge? For one month, the couples agreed they'd make love every time their partner made an advance. Would this highlight cracks in their relationship-or bring them closer together? Both couples kept diaries for four weeks.

COUPLE 1: Nathaniel, 38 an architect, and wife, Motoke, 40, an industrial nurse have been married for 12 years and have three children. While Nathaniel would like sex every night, Motoke says juggling work and family has sapped her libido, meaning she's only in the mood a couple of times a month. Their score: Week 1: twice; Week 2: once, Week 3: once; Week 4: twice. Total: Six times in four weeks.

According to Nathaniel: I'm so excited at the prospect of being able to make love to my wife more often that, on the first night, even though I'm shattered after 12 hours at work, my heart is racing as we climb into bed at 10.30pm; even more thrilling, Motoke actually makes the first move-I cannot remember the last time that happened.

I spend all the next day fantasising about what will happen later, but after a couple of glasses of wine, we both collapsed into bed and fell asleep. I'm too tired to mind. Sex is then off the agenda for a few days as it was Motoke's 'time of the month', but then she actually asks if we can go to bed. You bet!

DEAR MEN: PLEASE DON'T EVER CONSIDER MARRYING THESE 10 TYPES OF WOMEN

Culled from Vital Extragist

http://www.viralxtragist.com/

1. The Chatterbox
This is the woman who never shuts up, barely stopping to breathe. Seemingly only concerned about what is going on in her life, she always has to make a comment about everything and dominates conversations.

2. The Desperate Chick
This type of woman will seem fantastic at first, until she starts talking about your wedding location, how many kids she wants and the name of your future dog–right after the first date! When a woman advances WAY faster than normal, watch out. She NEEDS a man so bad that she’s willing to put anybody in that slot, even the homeless
guy on the corner.

3. The Overly-Critical Woman
Anything you do for this type of woman is simply not good enough. Nothing seems to work unless it is done according to her standards. Anything that is said by anyone will be quickly taken out of context to become some sort of insult or some reason to wage war against the world. This type of woman has plenty of emotional baggage and will make you an angry and bitter person as there will be nothing but misery with her.
4. The Bimbo
This type of woman can’t obtain a GED but has managed to secure a PhD in the science of the bedroom. This is an intellectually challenged woman who looks great but, in all honesty, shouldn’t open her mouth. Her skills are unquestionably only rooted in the physical realm and unless you’re just after one-night stands, you do not want to bring a stupid girl home to meet Mom and Dad. The majority of girls you see on the streets everyday fall into this category,

5. The High Maintenance Chick
If this type of woman breaks a nail, she expects you to drop everything you’re doing to drive her to the salon immediately. Her daddy always told her she was a princess and she expects to be treated like one at all times. She has expensive taste and expects you to shower her with only the best things and take her out to posh places on a regular basis. If you don’t have a lot of money and a penchant for luxury, don’t even bother.

When last did you 'fine-tune' your wife?!

Written by Bunmi Sofola - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

SHOULD the romance in a marriage stop after the birth of a few kids? Forget slaving to put food on the table, pay the rent and put a substantial sum of money aside for the kids education. The question is: When last did you give your wife a complete 'MOT', just as often as you do that priced car(s) of yours?

What brought on this thought-provoking poser is the recent experience Linda confessed she was elated she had. She just turned 40, but said sadly,she couldn't remember the last time her husband made proper love to her.

"After almost 14 years of marriage" she continued, "I'd put on some weight especially when I had our fourth child. Dare, my husband, had gone bald and the most exciting thing we did was share the occasional take-away treats with the kids. Sex was virtually non-existent, just a quickie every other week.

"I was at a classmate's 40th birthday party when a friend I hadn't seen for years looked shocked to see me. 'Why have you put on so much weight?' She squealed, 'you used to be a stunner. What happened to you?'

I felt a bit embarrassed. I had put on quite a lot of weight alright, what with the huge meals I shared with Dare, and scoffing the kids' often left-overs so food wouldn't be wasted. But did she have to be that blunt? Her criticism stayed with me for days. Friends I saw regularly couldn't be as outspoken as she was for fear of hurting my feelings.

Thanks to her, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I vowed to give myself a health over-haul before my birthday. So, I ditched all the stodgy food and cut down on the portions I eat.

Lessons in love and marriage

Written by Tunde-Fagbenle - Punch, Nigeria. 

Tunde-Fagbenle

There is room to take a break from the tedium of Nigerian politics and delve into some aspect of our lives, this time, one which is fundamental to societal structure and nourishes our mutual co-existence: RELATIONSHIPS, specifically, relationships of sexual partnership, love and marriage. I would like to think there is a correlation between societies that largely uphold values of strong family units and their higher societal development.

What’s turned me sentimental today, you would ask? Marriages and the increasing propensity for their dissolution in our time, is what. And at no other time does the concern become more topical than at marriage functions.

I was in one such function last week in the United Kingdom. It was a marriage that qualifies as ‘society wedding’ in its own right. The bride is Funmilayo (Funmi for short), daughter of my good friend, Chief Segun Odegbami; and the groom, Solomon Damilola, son of Dr. Ebun Sonaiya, the Chief Medical Director of Total Health Trust Ltd., the first and arguably the most successful Health Management organisation in Nigeria and probably in the West Africa sub-region.

Relationship with in-laws can make or break your marriage

Written by Elizabeth Badejo - Nigeria. 

One of the fundamental challenges newly wedded couples are most likely to face in the early stage of their marriage is how to manage their in-laws. The relationship between every couple and their in-laws is very important to the success of their marriage, especially their involvement and emotional support in troubled times. On the other hand, when a good relationship is lacking, it can certainly cause friction between the couple and their in-laws.

There may also appear to be a divided loyalty between your newly consummated marriage and some key members of your spouse's family when certain steps are not taken before you make that life changing commitment. In-laws are very important people in the lives of every couple but they can also create hostility and stress between spouses who have emotional and psychological loyalties to their own certain members of their families.

Gender differences

There are some gender differences between men and women when it comes to managing relationships with in-laws and men find it easier to build a relationship with their in-laws in respective of their age or character. Women on the other hand evaluate relationships differently as they are more likely to get emotionally involved with their in-laws and sometime take up responsibilities for them in order to safeguard their marriage.

Get a life

In-laws play a very significant role in the marriage process and their encouragement and support cannot be underestimated but unfortunately, it is not impossible to witness a reversal of that role just months into the wedding too.

Revealed! How husbands can have better sex with their wives

Witten by Tunde Ajaja - Nigeria

No doubt, many men (and women) are desirous of a happy marriage and an exciting sex life, but it appears there is a better way to achieve these other than the conventional ways of buying gift items, going on vacations and being a caring, good looking partner.

A study has shown that couples tend to have a higher level of satisfaction in their marriage if the husband looks after the kids. Understandably, that is often seen as a woman's natural responsibility, and in fact, in the days of yore, in some settings, women used to be saddled with the responsibility of catering for the children and overseeing the home while the men would go out to fend for the family.

But now that women are increasingly becoming an integral part of the workforce in the business and corporate world, the responsibility of doing the house chores and taking care of the kids seem to be falling on the shoulders of both the man and the woman.

Regardless, the study found that when couples share child care equally, both of them would be more satisfied, given that men are oftentimes interested in an exciting sexual experience with their wives and the woman would be willing to make it happen to reciprocate the love.

In the study, the researchers from Georgia State University in the United States examined about 900 heterosexual couples and analysed the data procured from them. They asked pertinent questions from the participants as to how they shared the house chores, who takes care of the kids and how they would rate their sexual satisfaction and their overall happiness in the marriage.

After analysing the data, the researchers found that if men go beyond the conventional way of sharing responsibilities in marriage to share childcare duties with their wives equally, they would both have more satisfaction and enjoy better sex.

In other words, it was found that when women were responsible for most of the childcare activities, both the husband and the wife had the lowest satisfaction in their sexual lives and in the marriage as a whole.

One of the researchers, Daniel Carlson, said, "What we find is that there's generally little to no downside to men being largely responsible for child care. We conclude that being an engaged father is very important to men, if it weren't, we wouldn't see such a high level of satisfaction. And it suggests that father engagement and sharing child care with one's partner is important to both sexes.

They came, they drank, they got engaged: The story of Ekene and Ngozi

~ Vanguard, Nigeria. 

When Ekene asked Ngozi to accompany him to last Sunday’s Pearl Look 2015 beauty pageant, she did not suspect that anything was amiss. After dating the broad chested Foschini outfit manager for more than five years, it was nothing unusual for him to invite her to spend a Sunday afternoon together at an event.

This was to be the Sunday afternoon of a lifetime though, as Ekene had an almighty surprise in store for her. As they sat sipping Star Radler, comedian EmmaOhMaGod performing at the event decided unexpectedly to take Ngozi onstage during a stand-up routine about proposing marriage.

To her shock, Ekene suddenly appeared onstage and knelt down with a ring. She could not hold back the tears as she said yes, and the crowd at Havilah Centre erupted into wild cheers.

Who says Nigerian men are not romantic?

I’m suspicious of my wife

Written by KEMI ASHEFON - PUNCH, Nigeria

Dear Kemi,

I am in my mid 30s and married to a woman, who is of same age for about five years. I am based abroad while she is in Nigeria. The problem I am having is that I just don’t trust her and I always feel she is sleeping around. Really, I don’t have any concrete proof for my suspicions but it has always been there. This was from the beginning of our courtship before I left the country and returned from my base outside Nigeria to marry her. When I told her about my suspicions, she denied all the allegations and always had ready-made answers to every question. Sometimes, I wonder if I was charmed into marrying her. Is this normal? Please, help, I am really troubled.

A.K, 

Lagos

Since you have not caught her with any man or got reports from anyone about your wife, I think you have to dismantle the mind-set of infidelity in you. In any relationship, especially where the two partners are not living together in the same place, there are cases of suspicions and rumours. It is now left for those involved to be determined to make the relationship work. Why not learn to trust your wife? Or are there things you have not divulged to me? That you even feel you were charmed into marrying her is wrong and could cause cracks in your home. Give her the benefit of the doubt and stop accusing her. I have discovered in most relationships, infidelity could spring up from unnecessary accusations. A faithful partner could be encouraged to have affairs when accusations abound. Trust is a vital virtue in marriage, do all you can to inculcate it in yours. But this should not stop any form of inquiries when you get suspicious of your partner.

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I was jilted for eight years now…

I was in love with a lady some years back but she left me for another man. Now, eight years after, she is back and begging me to marry her. But I am now married with two kids. I am so confused. What do I do?

P.O

Benue

I don’t see why you should be confused on a matter like this. Are you driving away your wife and children to start life with her? Even if you do, what is the assurance that she will not run away again with another man? I believe you should hold on to your wife and children. Don’t fall prey to a philandering woman’s wits. She is like a serpent, she will always bite. Tell her you are no longer interested in her and that you are happily married with kids. Don’t give her audience again and never entertain her calls.

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Another man took my baby

I am 29 years old and dated a 26-year-old girl for over four years. We planned having a proper wedding by December. Last year, she told me she was pregnant. According to her, she was raped at a party she attended and I accepted the pregnancy due to the love I had for her. I was taken to her parents to be introduced and was even asked to come for a formal ceremony after the baby was born. My girlfriend told me that the man who raped and impregnated her was dead and had not been found.

What do men and women want from each other?

Written by GLORIA OGUNBADEJO  - Punch, Nigeria

GLORIA OGUNBADEJO 

People tend to ask couples who have been married for a long period what their secrets are. I always find it an odd question because by virtue of the word secret, it suggests it is not something one wants to share. Besides, one couple’s successful ingredients may not work for another.

The two most important questions asked relating to the dynamics between the genders are what do men want from women and what do women want from men? It is one thing to know the answer and make a decision on how to respond to it.

However, it is a whole different ball game as it is mostly the case not to have a clue. When we strip away all the confusion and complexities of the 21st Century living where gender roles are not so defined, sometimes tipping the balance to the point of non-recognition, there have been and will continue to be some basic primordial impulses and needs between the sexes.

Women primarily want a strong man to protect them, to provide strong genes to father their offspring. Men want a woman with child bearing hips to produce their babies and they want their women to be a mother to the children and to them.

Below is a vignette of a discussion between a group of men and women about the topic

Fast forward to modern day living where we would all agree the story and attitudes are somewhat different.

Although some argue that the intentions and needs are really still the same and that is why relations are in so much chaos because couples are trying to go against the grain and are fighting their basic nature.

How to detect sexuality challenge early

Written by  FUNMI AKINGBADE - Nigeria
Email: CAFI.PUNCH@YAHOO.COM

 FUNMI AKINGBADE

One of the many challenges of a sincere loving and faithful couple is the inadequate exposure to knowledge at the appropriate time. Before their marriage, many couples are clueless about one or two sexual abnormalities in their bodies and because they were not practising premarital sex, they just assume that all is well. Inasmuch as premarital sex is not being encouraged or aided, it is wise for individuals to carry out some screenings at the very early stage of their existence.

Parents should take their children for prenatal examinations so as to detect early any sex and sexuality abnormalities in them. Many communicable diseases that may lead to impotency, erectile dysfunction and frigidity in women and some ill-reproductive conditions could be detected at this stage. Even parents should count taking their children to the hospital for sexual organs examination and screening as part of healthy growing up plans. It is paramount for young adults to frequently screen or examine themselves against sexually-transmitted diseases, undescended testes, HIV/AIDS infection, absence of testes, obstruction of the sperm pipe, abnormal penis growths, abnormal colouration of the penis, abnormal function of the penis, abnormal libido presentation and so on for the men. While for the young lady, it is very important for her to screen against cervical cancer, cervical incompetency, all abnormalities of the womb, all abnormalities of the ovary, fallopian tubes, all hormonal imbalance or malfunctions, all libidoral abnormalities and also frigidity levels.

The breast is a vital sex organ; it should be examined frequently. Ladies should watch out for discolouration, growth, lump, dimple, discharges of any kind such as fluid, pus, oil even as early as age 12 or even lesser. According to researches, it has been discovered that men and women who have the privilege of early exposure to good screening and medical examination always have better, easier and treatable case invariably making them fulfilled married partners in later years than those who do not.

Catholics can now remarry after divorce, but they must not have sex, say Cardinals

Pope Francis

~ The Tribune, Nigeria.

Divorced Roman Catholics should be able to remarry, but only if they abstain from having sex, a prominent group of cardinals said on Thursday. The 'no sex' rule would ensure that divorcees who get married again are properly contrite before they are allowed back into the fold of the Church, they said. The proposal was put forward by a group of 11 senior Catholic leaders in a backlash against Pope Francis' attempt to give divorcees a fast-track route to forgiveness by the Church. It is likely to add to the confusion and pain felt by many divorced Catholics, who are excommunicated if they remarry without first having their original marriage annulled by the Church. 

Pope Francis' reforms, announced this week, are designed to make it simpler, cheaper and much quicker to get a marriage annulment. But conservative Catholics believe that easing the way to annulments will undermine the teaching that marriage is for life and encourage more divorce. The 11 cardinals are to put their arguments in a book to be released next week by a San Francisco publishing house run by the same Jesuit tradition to which Francis himself belongs. Eleven Cardinals Speak on Marriage and the Family will call for stern laws on marriage and annulment to remain, and for Catholic teaching on lifelong marriage to be strengthened. 

It urges caution before the rules on annulments are eased. One of the 11, Cardinal Carlo Caffarra of Bologna, said that easing the rules for couples who are divorced and remarried "is the mistaken pity of an incompetent or weak physician who contents himself with bandaging wounds without treating them." 

If your spouse bed-wets on your wedding night, what will you do?

Written by Jesusegun Alagbe - Punch, Nigeria

Adediwura, Adeleke and John

One might think bedwetting is only a preserve for children, but recent researches have shown that bedwetting among adults is a top secret that is discussed in hushed tones or better still, never revealed. Urologists at the Bladder and Bowel Foundation recently stated that one in 100 adults will be affected by bedwetting at some point during their lifetime and that it often runs in families. It is against this backdrop that some Nigerians were asked what they would do if their spouses bed-wetted on their wedding night:

I'd feel highly embarrassed

Adeleke Adeoluwa

It depends on what made her to bed-wet, because I know that too much of alcohol can make someone to bed-wet. Also, if one is on anti-inflammatory drugs, one can bed-wet. If it's beyond the ordinary, then I will know what to do. But I'll definitely look at the antecedent - at least we must have been together for some time before we went into wedding. If it happened before the wedding night, I wouldn't have married her. But if I discovered on our wedding night, then I would feel highly embarrassed and ask her reasons why she did that. All the same, it's her problem which I think we can find solution to. I wouldn't chase her out.

I'll make him stop taking water at night

Rosemary Willie

That kind of man will turn one into a dry-cleaner almost every day. It is not a funny matter because it is happening, not to me, though. I cannot imagine this happening because it will be like a dream to me. But what will I do? Maybe I will ask him to stop drinking water and other drinks at night. I hope this helps him.

I wouldn't know what to do

Olawale Folarin

That is a serious one. I remember that as a child, our parents would always do all they could to ensure that we stopped that habit. It is a very bad one and to see that my spouse, who is an adult, bed-wets on our wedding night, it is going to make me to be speechless. I don't want to even imagine it. Will I scold her or just let her be? Seriously, I don't even know.

The difference between men and women sexual needs

Written by Gloria Ogunbadejo

Gloria Ogunbadejo

When women are not interested in sex or struggle to be physically intimate with their partners, my experience in talking to them is that they generally tend to blame themselves (I've never understood that). Many women actually say they 'fake' it (I used to think that was only in magazines).

Many women believe it's their duty, and it doesn't really matter if they don't want to as long as they take care of their partners (another rationale that I find curious). Don't get me wrong, it goes without saying that there will be days when both couples may not particularly be in the mood and you find ways to attend to your partner in the way loving couples do. I am more concerned about women who are not paying attention to those ongoing uncomfortable emotional or psychological feelings they have in relationship to sex and intimacy with their partners.

The truth of the matter is that just as men may have psychological or physiological reasons for experiencing sexual difficulties, the same applies to women.

The psychological causes for women not being interested in sex include certain thoughts, feelings or emotions that reduce the interest in sex. Fear, and suppressed anger may cause sexual desire to disappear in certain situations. Fear could be related to fear of actual performance, fear of intimacy, fear of excitement, dissatisfaction with one's own body (this is quite prevalent), or fear relating back to a childhood experience.

Past traumatic experiences can have a profound effect or influence on low sexual desire. There could be sad experiences that haven't been dealt with, such as the loss of a partner or other losses in a relationship. Sometimes it's just a case of basic differences in libido or sexual needs.

Something that a lot of couples, especially women, seem to ignore, in ways that men do not, is, that men are much more visual, and whether a woman still finds her partner physically and personally attractive to her.

When last did you look at your partner lustfully and think, 'Waoh! Oh yeah, I fancy him or her big time.' Or how often do you actually passionately tell your husband or wife how great they look as you both go out to a function?

A reduced interest in sex can also be a frequent symptom of various psychiatric syndromes, the most common being depression. Men and women experience sexual desire in different ways. Women see love, emotional intimacy and involvement as a goal, while men see sexual activity as the goal, a means to the end. It has been said that the brain is the most powerful sexual organ and this is probably even more the case for women than men.